Our last Black vs. White was really more about Asian parents vs. White parents and how white parents don’t make their kids study enough. That made white people very upset. Don’t be upset — just have your kids study harder. But, all the offensive comments… are they really necessary? The reason I write this type of blogs is that they get a lot of clicks. This is what people want to read about. It excites them. You know what they say — get your clicks on route 66. If you don’t want me writing about this type of subject matter, then click on something educational like our Notary Public 101 course or other tutorials.
WEEZY: George, I really think that Florence should become a Notary.
GEORGE JEFFERSON: Flo? She doesn’t know nothing about paperwork, or any kind of work for that matter.
WEEZY: I think it would be good if she knew some other types of ways to expand her horizons. But, I’m worried. What if she makes a mistake and costs a business owner thousands?
GEORGE JEFFERSON: Mistake? That ain’t nothing to worry about. How can you make a mistake if you don’t do anything?
TERRENCE: Personally, I think the Notary industry is racist.
WEEZY: How’s that?
TERRENCE: Have you ever noticed that you always sign a white document with black ink? There’s a whole lot more white than there is black.
SEINFELD: I never thought of that before. Why not have a black document signed with white ink?
KRAMER: Why not invisible ink, that you can only see with a special light! (rubbing his hands together)
FLO: I think that Notaries should have their own special Notarial dance.
SEINFELD: I like the idea, but how would I make a joke about that… let me think…
GEORGE JEFFERSON: Most Notaries that I’ve seen are white. The idea of a white person doing any type of a dance is a joke in itself.
SEINFELD: (nodding head) yeah, that’s right. Unless it is some sort of a Jewish dance. Our people excel at dancing, but only if it is in a circle. The minute we have to dance standing still or in a line, the whole thing just falls apart.
GEORGE JEFFERSON: The only reason your people know how to dance, is that they got plenty of practice while living in Africa and even more practice while running away from the Pharoah.
SEINFELD: I disagree. Running away from Pharoah was running in a particular direction — East. Our people just like to go in circles. Circular dances, circular reasoning, circuitous logic, etc. It gets you absolutely nowhere, but it’s so much fun if you don’t get dizzy.
FLO: I get dizzy just looking at reruns of my big fat Jewish Wedding. The whole thing where they lift the guy up in a chair into the air singing Le Chaim. I can get Le Chaim on sale downt he street every Thursday. I don’t see what the big deal is.
SITTING CROW: I like Jewish Pow Wow plenty good. But, they need better drum.
(The next day, Tom the white guy on the Jeffersons married to a black lady talks about his dream)
TOM WILLIS: I had this terrible dream last night.
FLO: What was it about?
TOM WILLIS: It was about Notaries.
GEORGE JEFFERSON: Was it about white men and black women doing a whole lot more than just holding hands and singing cumbaya?
TOM WILLIS: No, that came BEFORE the dream before I went to sleep. I’ll spare you the details.
FLO: I bet it was about white Notaries TRYING to dance.
TOM WILLIS: Actually, that was exactly what it was about. How did you know?
FLO: Oh, just a hunch.
TOM WILLIS: It all started out with a lot of suspense, just like the suspense that Helen and I had not knowing what gender our baby would be…
GEORGE JEFFERSON: And not knowing what color he would be!
TOM WILLIS: Well what happened was that 123notary created a video about a Notary dance that went viral on youtube… well that’s something that hasn’t been invented yet, but will be soon according to my psychic that Helen doesn’t know about and who’s rates are very reasonable by the way… please don’t tell Helen. In any case after the video came out, Notaries throughout the USA started doing the Notary dance. The dance was created to make Notaries feel happier, but it divided Notaries along racial lines because the black Notaries thought that the white Notaries weren’t doing the dance well enough. In fact, People started hiring Notaries based on their dancing skills and white Notaries got mad because they were disporportionally left out. They started an online riot and burned down half of Linked In. I’m not sure how this works because it all happens in the distant future.
SEINFELD: Why would anyone want to hire a Notary who danced? It doesn’t make sense. I can see the pen doing a dance, but the Notary? Most Notaries are crotchety people in their fifties and sixties. This whole dancing thing just doesn’t gel with me.
SITTING CROW: Our people have a Notary dance. But, we only do it wearing a wolf outfit which is made out of a wolf head and skin that we killed many years ago.
TOM WILLIS: It’s such a shame that people become divided so easily over race. It just divides society in half.
GEORGE JEFFERSON: And it might divide certain marriages in half as well!
WEEZY: I just can’t figure out why Notaries start an online riot, whatever that means, when somebody says something that bothers them. Can’t they just talk things over in a civil way like George and I… okay, bad example.
SEINFELD: And last time Jeremy posted his Black vs. White article on facebook about the Notary manual, people had an online riot and posted hundreds of angry and hateful comments about it when the article was not disrespectful at all. What gives? They could have a polite way of voicing their opinions instead of having a riot all throughout Facebook, Linked In, and whatever online networks will be created in a decade or two.
FLO: Or three. It’s the seventees where we are — at least for now. We’ll have to work our way into the 2000’s.
GEORGE JEFFERSON: Yeah, that’s the key word…. work! If it requires work, you’ll never get there!
.
You might also like:
Black Notaries vs. White Notaries – Comedy Edition
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17455
Notary Psychic Tarot Card Reading
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19126
Notary Jail
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19666
I’d rather stop being a Notary than carry a gun
Notaries have very conflicting attitudes about carrying guns. Some are violently against it, while others just see guns as a fact of life. For people growing up in Haiti or Israel, there are people with machine guns everywhere. It is just a fact of life. But for Americans, guns are not so common unless you are a gangster, or drive a pick up truck in a red state. So, how can Notaries defend themselves?
(1) Some Notaries let their husband know where they will be and to call the police if they don’t hear back from them by a particular time.
(2) Other Notaries carry pepper spray. Pepper spray is nice because you don’t do any real harm to the victim. It is not expensive, and not difficult to use. Additionally, you can use it on dogs. In my experience, dogs are more of a realistic threat to Notaries (and mailmen) than humans
(3) Some Notaries always place themselves between the signer and the door so they can run if the going gets rough. You would be surprised how much anger the APR can cause!
(4) At 123notary, we recommend getting advanced training in Okinawan Japanese style Notary-jitsu. Notary-jitsu teaches you how to defend yourselves from the tactics of violent borrowers. You learn to protect yourself from knife attacks, beatings, and small dogs that say “yap.” Yes, this all-inclusive training could save not only your life, but your dignity.
(5) Having a gun. Guns are dangerous. If you use a gun, you will end up in court, and possibly in jail. I am not convinced that having a gun is a good idea, however, in dangerous areas, you might not have a choice. Even in “safe” areas, you could encounter trouble at any time. There are many psycho people out there. They don’t come out all at once — only when you are not expecting it. For some reason, our local taco place has the nicest employees, but the freakiest customers. I have had to call the police once, and on another occassion a woman was beaten so that the thief could steal her mobile phone and then casually walk away — not run, but walk away.
A gun could save your life in an emergency, but pulling a gun could also get you shot. If you can’t pull your gun in time, the gun won’t save you either. Or if someone has you at gunpoint, it is too late to draw. It is up to you to figure out what to do.
(6) Bringing a large flashlight
I used to have a huge flashlight with me when I was doing pizza delivery back in the day. Military flashlights are the only method for being able to read the numbers on someone’s house. They can also be used as a weapon. I used such a weapon to kill once. Don’t get your hopes up, the victim was a rat, not a human. The rat had invaded my bedroom and jumped into bed with me and then ran away. I cornered it and herioically bludgeoned it with a bash to its head. It was all over in a second. He/she felt no pain.
(7) If you were Crocodile Dundee you would bring a huge knife to the signing table. If the signer offered you an apple and was cutting it with a knife, you could say, “That’s not a knife — THIS is a knife!”
It is up to you what types of weapons you use. In my opinion, all women should know some type of self defence. If someone has you from behind, you should know how to stamp on their food and elbow them. You never know when trouble will come, but you should be ready.
.
You might also like:
Some folks feel more comfortable having a strange female at their house than a man.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22243
Compilation of mafia related notary posts
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20352
Psych: busting the Russian Mafia with help of a Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19963