September 2014 - Notary Blog - Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice - 123notary.com
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September 30, 2014

Leave it to Beaver: Notarized parental consent form

Filed under: Sit-Coms — admin @ 11:03 am

JUNE: Ward?

WARD: Yes, dear?

JUNE: I’m worried about the Beaver and Wally.

WARD: Oh? Why is that, dear?

JUNE: It seems the two of them have been locked in their room for over three hours. Now what do you suppose they’re doing up there?

WARD: Now, dear, I wouldn’t worry. I remember when I was their ages, I spent a good deal of time locked in my room too.

JUNE: Ward!

WARD: All right, dear. I’ll go give a looksee.

IN WALLY AND BEAVER’S ROOM…

BEAVER: Gosh, Wally. If Mary Ellen knew she had to take a pregnancy test, why didn’t she study for it?

WALLY: It’s not that kind of test, you little goof. She didn’t know she had to take the test until she was late.

BEAVER: Wasn’t she wearing a watch?

WALLY: Not that kind of “late,” you little goof. Boy, didn’t dad teach you anything about the birds & bees and all that goofy junk?

BEAVER: Maybe. But I was busy feelin’ sick and stuff, so I may not have been listening.

WALLY: Now we have to get the test notarized and all that junk.

BEAVER: Notarized?

WALLY: Yeah, it makes it official.

BEAVER: Mmm. Well… if you don’t notarize it… and she’s pregnant… wouldn’t that make it… unofficial?

WALLY: Heck! Maybe you’re not such a little goof after all.

Eddie Haskel ENTERS.

EDDIE: Well, if it isn’t the father-to-be and the squirt!

WALLY: Cut it out, Eddie. I told you to keep your mouth shut about this.

EDDIE: Relax, Sam! My lips are sealed. I know where your lips have been. (POKING HIM) Ha. Ha.

WALLY: Eddie! I’m warning you.

EDDIE: Okay, okay. Listen, didn’t I tell you about wearing protection?

BEAVER: Y’mean like a coat?

EDDIE: No, you dumb punk.

WALLY: Lay off him, Eddie.

EDDIE: Too bad you didn’t lay off Mary Ellen.

Wally lunges for him and pins Eddie to the wall as WARD ENTERS.

WARD: Oh, hello, Eddie. I didn’t realize you boys had company.

EDDIE: Good afternoon, Mr. Cleaver. I was just remarking to young Theodore here about what a mature young man he’s grown into. You must be very proud.

WARD: I’m a lot of things, Eddie.

EDDIE: Well, I really must be going. I promised my father I’d polish the silver.

EDDIE LEAVES.

WARD: What are you boys doing all cooped up in your room. It’s a beautiful sunny day outside!

WALLY: Uh, Dad, can I ask you a question?

WARD: Certainly, Wally.

WALLY: Well, before you and mom had me and the Beav… Umm, did you guys know you were having me and the Beav?

WARD: I’m not sure what you mean, son.

WALLY: What I mean is… Umm… Was I… or the Beav… Umm… y’know… an accident?

WARD: What exactly are you getting at, son?

WALLY: Back in your day… did… mom ever have to take a test?

WARD: Well certainly, son. We took lots of tests. Math tests…

WALLY: No…

WARD: Geography tests…

WALLY: Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you ever get mom pregnant by mistake????!

A BEAT.

WARD: I remember when I was your age I did plenty of that too.

WALLY: Gosh! That’s a relief. Dad, will you sign the parental consent form for the pregnancy test?

WARD: Yes, Wally. But remember one thing. This is a very serious matter. If Mary Ellen proves to be with child, you two will have to get married and raise the child. You’ll have to leave school and get a job. Are you ready for that kind of responsibility?

WALLY: Heck, dad, no.

WARD: Well, neither was I. But… we made out okay. Then again… if you don’t get it notarized, it isn’t official. (winking) Right, Wally?

BEAVER: Gee. Y’know something, dad?

WARD: What’s that, son?

BEAVER: For bein’ a dad, you’re a pretty neat guy.

WARD: Beaver, that’s just about the neatest thing anybody’s ever said.

.

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September 27, 2014

2014 Absolute BEST signing services

Here are the absolute best signing companies out there. We are publishing a shorter list every month with good signing companies. But, this list is for an even higher cut of companies!

A-1 Title Professional Services
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=914&A%2D1+Title+Professional+Services

AMC Settlement Service
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=148&AMC+Settlement+Service

Angi Notary Signing Services
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=341&Angi+Notary+Signing+Services

ASAP Pro Notary Services
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=31&ASAP+Pro+Notary+Services

ASAP Signing Services
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=111&ASAP+Signing+Services%2C+Inc

Bankserve
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=104&Bancserv

Concierge Notary
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1027&Concierge+Notary%2C+Inc%2E

Door to Door
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=933&Door+to+Door+Documents

Express Signatures
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=130&Express+Signatures+%28+CA+%29

Forseti Real Estate Services
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1029&Forseti+Real+Estate+Services

Homefront Escrow
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=977&Homefront+Escrow%2C+Inc

Inscribing Pursuits
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=6&Inscribing+Pursuits+Document+Service

JMT
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=313&JMT

Kelley’s Mobile Notary
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1083&Kelley%27s+Mobile+Notary

Lewis Notary Service
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=865&Lewis+Notary+Service#sthash.uSjP8lOc.dpuf

LSI
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=125&LSI+%2D+A+Fidelity+National+Information+Services+Company

Meymax Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=309&MeyMax+Title+Agency+of+Ohio+LLC#sthash.D7r6nV7t.dpuf

National Paralegal Network
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1099&National+Paralegal+Network

Now Closings
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=200&NOWclosings%2Ecom

Performance Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=39&Performance+Title

Preferred Notary Network
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=897&Preferred+Notary+Network

Premier Lender Services
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=912&Premier+Lender+Services

Right Now Notary
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1086&Right+Now+Notary

Safe Signings
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=840&Safe+Signings

The Doc Signers
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=949&The+Doc+Signers

Timios Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=864&Timios+Title

Title Source
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=610&Title+Source

TMR Notary
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=969&TMR+Notary

UST Global
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=769&UST+Global

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September 22, 2014

Cattle call Notary offers

Cattle Call Notary Offers
Do you Moo? Actually it’s more of a sheep call than a cattle call. Cattle are rather large and both genders can be a handful when riled, ask any cowhand. I would have preferred to title this blog “Sheep Call Notary Offers”, but the commonly used term will suffice, and it worked to get your attention; as you can’t deny that you are indeed reading this. Sheep are wonderful animals, so gentle and trusting. They baaahh a bit when you shear their wool, but that’s the extent of their complaining. Unlike cattle that like to roam individually, the sheep tend to herd together; they are so easy to manage! I’m sure some are aware of “leg of lamb” and “mutton chops”, but they choose to ignore their ultimate fate.

I just received still another of the Sheep Call notary offers. It has the usual “we pay xx$”; really? I love our free market democratic form of government. There is nothing wrong with some firm sending me a solicitation to buy their product for xx$. But the reverse offends me. By reverse I am referring to solicitation for my services that try to price set for me. They got it back asswards. It is the seller who sets the price and the payment terms. With my notary services I, not they, am the seller. I set the price and payment terms. To put it bluntly, it’s my way or the highway.

My name is http://kenneth-a-edelstein.com not “Undisclosed Recipients”. My self image, regular readers already know this; is more like a Lion than a Lamb. Many prefer to deal with docile manipulateable sheep. I know, when the rent is due you are against the wall and tend to shed your Lion’s attire for a cloak of wool. The callers are very astute at voice reading and want to be able to control their notary. Sometimes to a level of detail that goes beyond the offensive. If you absolutely must “play lamb” for a while, so be it. But work quickly at formulating a plan that allows you to shed the wool and return to Lion attire.

Back to the offensive solicitations. My general response is to state my fee and that I am available for the assignment. I add that PayPal payment is required prior to printing the edoc. That is a real “turn off” to the bottom fisher. Actually I find my response much more efficient than asking for an “unsubscribe”. I don’t want to be bothered, or offended by receiving such tripe. Truth to tell, sometimes I step a bit “over the line” in my response. I have a cute cartoon graphic called KMA.JPG. Sometimes I send it as a response to cattle calls. The acronym’s first letter stands for the word “kiss”. If you want a copy just send me an email. It would be great if all notaries sent the soon to be infamous kma.jpg in response to these lowballers.

Sure we are all notaries. But, poise, character, image, and deportment differentiate us. Your feeling of self worth, backed by your training and skills are what sets you apart. The fact that you are a member of 123notary.com is a strong indication that you, unlike most notaries; really know what you are doing. There is a good chance that your 123notary.com listing is the reason that you were included in the email directed to the flock of sheep. But, show them wrong!

Frankie Valie and the Four Seasons recorded “Walk Like A Man” (or Woman) and that is what you should be doing. Cattle / Sheep call emails are mass attempts to demean notaries. They are an offer for bottom dollar, collection grief, late docs and an extended lesson in being micro managed. The only thing these people deserve is what the herd leaves behind when it passes.

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September 19, 2014

How to become a successful mobile notary from scratch

Anyone can become a successful mobile notary. The field is wide open. On the other hand, since it is so easy to become a mobile notary, many people do it which causes a lot of low priced competition. However, those who are very good at this profession seem to do well with it even in bad times. As of 2014, business is slow, but you can still have a nice part time income doing mobile notary work. Additionally, eventually the industry will pick up, and you might find yourself earning more money than you expected!

Step 1. Become a Notary
If you are not a notary, you can easily become one. It is a bit harder in CA, NY, LA, and FL where there are examinations, but talk to your state notary division about how you can become a notary for your state.

Step 2. Learn the ropes: Jail, Hospital & Mortgage Signings
Being a mobile notary is more than just hauling your stamp around with you in your car. You need to know how to handle typical situations that mobile notaries have to deal with. Mobile notaries who do well typically are experts at jail signings, hospital signings, and loan signings. Notaries who work in an office don’t need to know much about jail signings, because inmates can’t come to you, and neither can those with an IV tube stuck up their arm. But, if you are on the road, these are situations you have to know about. There are many identification and communication issues associated with jail and hospital signings that can get you in trouble if you don’t know. On the other hand, you can make a huge travel fee doing these types of specialized mobile notary tasks that the other notaries don’t know how to do (or want to.)

Mortgage signings
Signing loans can earn you big bucks. Signers make anywhere from $50 to $150 per signing. Fees fluctuate with the market and depend on who you are doing business with and how good you are. If you have a lot of experience and have many loyal contacts, you can set your minimum fee at $100 or $125 per loan signing if you are any good. You will need to know some basic Mortgage terms, and know the basics about 10-20 basic documents. You need to know where to look for the Rate, APR, prepayment penalty, when the first payment is due, where the fees are, and other basic information. You need to know how to handle name variations, initialing and borrower objections to problems in the loan. You need to know who to call when a loan signing is on the rocks. Signing loans is not rocket science, but there are concepts you need to Master.

Take our course!
http://www.123notary.com/loan_signing_courses.html
How can you learn about all of these complicated and scary types of signings? 123notary offers a comprehensive loan signing course that covers all of these issues in detail. Additionally, you can get free detailed information in our blog about all of these topics. Just browse around the categories on the right and read to your heart’s content!

Step 3: Active Marketing
Getting work as a mobile notary is a bit hard at first, but you can do it. Contact a dozen or more signing & title companies each week and get on their list. They will want copies of various types of information and a signed contract, so ask them what they want, and give it to them. You can also give your business card out to local nursing homes, hospitals, Real Estate offices, law offices and anyone else you can think of who might need a mobile notary.

Step 4: Passive Marketing
Advertising on the major directories is a good practice. Notaries often ask on Linked In which directory they should join. My standard answer is to join all of them, but not necessarily to pay for all of them. The strongest players in 2014 are 123notary.com, NotaryRotary, NotaryCafe, and SigningAgent.com lost a lot of steam recently, but is still in the game. If you join other directories, I don’t recommend paying for them as they don’t have a good track record. You can go on Linked In to research what the notaries say are the better notary directories too for an unbiased point of view. Hard copy yellow pages for your local area may or may not get you work — it is worth a try if you are serious though.

Being listed on the big directories is not enough. You need to maintain your listing like a pro. Fortunately for you, I am here to offer you free mentoring by email, so don’t panic! You need a well written notes section, a company name helps, reviews from your satisfied clients, and try to pass as many certifications as you can.

Step 5: Who to get certified by?
My rule is that you get certified by every loan signing directory that you pay to advertise with — even if that means that you get certified five times. I am currently recommending:

(1) NNA’s certification as it is an industry standard
(2) 123notary’s certification if you get paid advertising with us as notaries who get this get 2.5x the work from our directory
(3) notary2pro’s certification (although not an industry standard) is very high quality, they offer hand holding, and the learning you will get from it justifies the cost.

Step 6: Screen companies you work for
Many signing agents drop out because they worked for the wrong companies, didn’t get paid, and suffered financially. Don’t let this happen to you! Use our list of signing companies (which includes reviews) and avoid working for signing companies with a high ratio of negative reviews. Additionally, don’t do too many jobs for a particular company until they have paid you for previous jobs. Decide ahead of time how much credit you are going to give them and don’t let them run up a bill beyond your limit.

Step 7: Become an expert at scheduling and negotiating
You need to be constantly refining your skills to do well in this business. Although there is a lot of competition, few of them have refinement. Scheduling is a hard task, and you need to juggle when the e-Documents are supposed to come, when your signing is, and when the next signing is. e-Documents don’t always come on time, so learn to juggle well. Negotiating good fees is also an art form, so pay attention to our blog articles as from time to time we have articles about how to negotiate.

Step 8: Get a high spot on 123notary
We make our money selling high spots on our directory. We generally discourage people from getting a high spot until they have passed our certification test and have at least a review or two. But, if you are serious and want to get ahead, call us and ask how you can get a high placement in your area. We are often very flexible and offer six month trials to those just starting out. The Title & Escrow companies who use our site know that those who purchase high spots on our directory are serious, and those notaries generally get a lot more quality jobs from our site than those with low spots.

Professional backgrounds that help
If you have a background in Mortgage, Escrow, Loan Origination, or Lending, this can really help you do better in the mobile notary business as you will be working a lot with Mortgage documents. However, don’t fool yourself into thinking you know more than you know. Many Mortgage Brokers assure me that they know their stuff and don’t need my test. When I ask them simple loan signing questions over the phone, they can only answer half of the easy ones. Go back and study and master the art of the signing. Your background does help you, but your over-confident attitude can really ruin your career. Additionally, it is very different being on the Notary side of the table than it is being on the Lender or Broker side of the table. Try to learn this profession from out point of view.

Real Estate backgrounds do not help as much as Real Estate Brokers claim. You are not anywhere near as familiar with the documents as you claim. As a matter of fact, those with Real Estate experience cannot answer simple loan signing questions any better than those with no Mortgage or Real Estate experience. Approach this profession as a beginner and learn the ropes one by one. The people skills you learn from being a Realtor on the other hand, can really help you. General business skills and being businesslike help more than any technical knowledge you may have acquired in your former professional life.

Don’t be afraid to ask if you need help
And as always, 123notary is there to help! If you have questions, don’t be afraid to ask!

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September 15, 2014

How much is a notary?

How much is a Notary?
If I had a buck for every time asked that question; I wouldn’t be writing this. Rather, I would be on the beach in Acapulco admiring the views. Unfortunately, silly questions are not combined with revenue. I often give the “plumber” example. If you called a plumber and said that you had a water leak, with water on the floor; and asked how much to fix the leak – he, as I, would require more information to give you a reasonable answer. There are many notary services that are available. Some are relatively simple and quick to perform. Others involve complex and time consuming procedures with lengthy travel.

The question seems to come from two distinct groups. The major group is the unknowing, who for the first time require notary services. They are often unaware that a mobile notary fee will be greater than when they go to the bank. Perhaps they are not unaware, choosing to ignore that you will be expending time and resources to go to them. They have a mental image of the notary processing whatever they have, for a very modest fee. After all, they are getting “just a notary”.

The other group is magicians, expert at sleight of hand. They have used mobile notaries often; and are well aware of the components that add to a notary fee. They define one document as all the pages of the same loan. When needing 3 notarizations, they fail to mention that the signers are in separate and often distant locations. Despite my best efforts at not being conned, yours truly is often sucker punched. I give my lowest base rate for a single notarization at a not too far address. They gave me the street address. Unspoken was that the address turned out to be the UN building with a very extensive security procedure, much more so for my large bag of notary supplies – almost an hour to get past the long line and inspection. Ouch. You get the picture.

The absolute best defense is to get the specifications via email, along with the location. On the phone they had “a document” but the email says “documents”; get clarification. I make it very clear when I confirm receipt of the PayPal payment that it is for the work previously agreed. Any additions, extra “copies” or extensive (over 15min) wait time will be billed separately in cash. A small increase is to be “absorbed”, being petty sours the client. What often works is a base fee for travel plus a per notarization fee. This works best when told there will be “many” documents to notarize. Fine, my fee for going to you is, and my per signature notarized fee is. Please PayPal me a retainer based on a dozen notarizations; that can be augmented with cash later.

Oh, and add to my order a henway. The usual response is: What’s a henway? About 2 pounds. I know it’s an old joke. But has an analogy to “How much is a Notary?”. There is a delicate balance between protecting yourself and “turning off” the prospective client. It’s a difficult, almost impossible situation when the admin assistant calls for their boss. My boss needs some documents notarized are you available? A question or two yields nothing, they were just asked to have a notary “show up”. There is danger here. Unless you have fee agreement prior to travel; you risk a wasted trip and a very angry client. Better to not book at the moment and ask for a follow up call with the necessary details.
Turn “How much is a Notary” into your image of being a competent professional, well equipped to meet their needs for a fair fee. When “pay up” time comes, neither side should be surprised.

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September 12, 2014

New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 that you’ve never dreamed of!

Many notaries are curious to know what the new iPhone 7 will be like. The truth is that it will have many new functions and apps that are very practical for notaries. Below are some of the more practical apps.

(1) Signing Company Review App.
The best feature of Notary To Go is that it knows which signing companies are good or bad. If a good signing company who pays on time calls you, you’ll automatically get a marimba music ringtone. If they don’t pay on time – “The Shining” music ringtone.

If you ask SIRI to research signing company reviews, her tone of voice is programmed to vary based on the quality of the signing company.

More than 50% negative reviews – Siri sounds suicidal.

20 to 49% negative reviews – Siri sounds snooty.

0 to 19% negative reviews – Siri sounds cautiously optimistic.

(2) Find the lowest price for gas app.
Siri also locates the nearest most inexpensive gas stations for notaries.

Siri can be set to “polite,” “matter of fact,” “sarcastic,” or “down right insulting.” In a test signing, the notary set it on sarcastic level 3 and asked Siri to find him the best price on gas in the area and Siri said, “you cheap gum.” After the bugs were worked out, she said, “you cheap bum.”

(3) Notary Billing app.
The new notary billing app lets you enter each signing after it is complete, who the borrowers were and the name of the signing company. It will automatically send bills to the company. It can also Subpoena a signing company that hasn’t paid on time after sixty days if you put it on “auto-subpoena.”

(4) Road condition app
The iPhone7 road condition app, not only tells you the fastest route to wherever you are going, but also informs you of any new potholes on the road, or if there are any desirable members of the opposite gender that are noteworthy on any particular route.

(5) Affirmation App
Detects whether signer’s solemn statement of truth made under penalty of perjury is actually truthful. Just attach one end of the wire’s attachment to the affiant’s fingertip, and insert the other end into the USB port. The display on the monitor will tell you if the statements are true or false. Please read the instructions and ask a few sample questions first to get a sense of interpreting the results from this type of test.

(6) Virtual attorney-in-fact.
A virtual person can be authorized by a power of attorney to act on behalf of another using this app. Just scan the power of attorney using a portable scanner and attach the scanner to the iPhone using a USB wire. One notary tried this app, and got a little carried away. He got the Smart attorney app: Sues virtual attorney-in-fact for claiming he’s a fact when he’s merely virtual.

(7) Notary certificate app.
Attach your iPhone to a mobile printer, and you can print out documents and notary forms. This app turns credible witnesses into incredible witnesses, if they’re lucky enough to own this incredible phone. This app executes a document in the blink of an eye or iPhone, whichever blinks first. iPhone version 8 virtually affixes seal to certificate eliminating strain from pressing embosser, but you’ll have to wait to see that action!

(8) The Notary To Go app.
This app can automatically turns off the customer’s TV. Getting their shouting kids to go to sleep – coming in the iPhone. Notary To Go also sends confirmation to signing company notifying them you’re there. It also tells you if neighbors or kids are too close to your car.

(9) Hands Free Notarization App.
You can download your document into the application. Then, when you’re in front of your signer, they can give a verbal signature to the document. Using voice recognition technology, this application will be able to positively identify the signer purely based on their voice if it has been given a voice sample previous to the date of the notarization. It can also be used for notarizing weddings — just say, “I do.”

(10) Virtual Therapy (for Siri)
After being tested out on seven different signing agents, the iPhone 7 provides Siri with badly needed automated therapy.

SIRI: “All they ask me for is where’s the cheapest gas station.”

AUTOMATED VOICE: “You sound troubled.”

SIRI: “Duh! They’re always complaining to me about signing companies that don’t pay them on time, or when 123notary raises their rates. Is that all I’m good for?”

AUTOMATED VOICE: “You sound troubled.”

On the iPhone 8, her automated shrink will gain the additional responses, “I feel your pain. And, “I see our time is up.”

Tweets:
(1) iPhone 7 Siri will locate nearest cheapest gas stations for notaries.
(2) iPhone 7: Notary Billing app will subpoena negligent signing companies
(3) iPhone 7: Smart attorney app sues virtual attorney for claiming he’s actual attorney
(4) Iphone 7 Siri to be more advanced. Voice changes depending on quality of signing company calling you
(5) If a signing company calls with bad reviews, Siri’s tone of voice will sound suicidal using this new app.
(6) iPhone 7 Notary to go app tells you if neighbors or kids are too close to your car
(7) After being tested out on seven different signing agents, the iPhone 7 provides Siri with badly needed automated therapy.

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September 9, 2014

Notary Hotel 2 — the sequel

Welcome to The Notary Hotel, for all things notarial.

Customer: “Wow, this hotel is so notarial, even the notepad comes with Jurat wording!”
Reception: “We cater to a very specific market over here.”
Customer: “That is great, but honestly, at one of those other Notary Hotels, there were ink stains on the wash cloth!”
Reception: “Oh, I’m very sorry to hear about that. That must be the hotel on the other side of town that is currently out of commission, right?”
Customer: “That’s the one, but I don’t like to mention names!”
Reception: “I understand”
Customer: “And they were annoying too. Each room had a fax machine, so they could fax the bill to you, and they required three dozen fax backs before they would let you check out!”
Reception: “Sounds like that other notary hotel, or the Notel, as we call it was owned by a signing service.”
Customer: “Tell me about it.”
Reception: “We are notarial, but in a good way over here, well at least we like to think we are. You’ll enjoy our notarial breakfast. You get an embossed waffle. Instead of having the regular grid, you will get a huge impression of a circular embossed notary seal. Instead of an expiration date on the seal, we say — best if consumed before 6-01-2014 — for example.
Customer: “I’m hungry already.

Can you expedite my express-o?
Reception: “Then, you’ll enjoy a cup or two of our signature French roast coffee — but, you don’t have to notarize the signature.”
Customer: “Great, because I don’t feel comfortable with foreign language notarizations.”
Reception: “Oh no, it’s not a French language roast, the coffee is English speaking, and so is the signature.”
Customer: “In that case, that will be fine. I prefer espresso though.”
Reception: “Well, since we are a boutique hotel, we can make espresso upon special request.”
Customer: “Can you expedite my express-o? No pun intended.”
Reception: “And over here, instead of paying by the night, you can stay for a pre-arranged number of days, weeks or months — we call that period of time a commission!”
Customer: “Boy, you guys are just too notarial. Next thing you know, I’ll have to take a proctored test to stay here.”

What type of Notelarization?
Reception: “Well, we test you in other less pronounced ways — to make sure you know what you’re doing. Can you sign the register please, I mean the journal? We like our guests to sign it. We’re a bit old fashioned.”
Customer: “So, where you do you want me to sign it?”
Reception: “That was part of the test. You are the notary, you are supposed to know. You sign in the signature section!”
Customer: “Right… what was I thinking. I’ve been doing this job for twenty years and still have to be reminded! I’ll put the type of Notelarization as well — acknowledged overnight stay.”
Reception: “Super. Let me check your ID, to make sure the name matches the one in the journal. Your ID says, Ralph E Emerson, and you signed Ralph Wemerson? Am I missing something?”
Customer: “Well, over time, my E became sideways and began to look more like a W. You understand, right?”
Reception: “Well, at least it’s not like Wang Zhu Ming from China who signed in Chinese characters.”
Customer: “That’s nothing, I had an Egyptian who signed in hieroglyphics once, or at least it looked that way!”

Standards at the Notary Hotel
Reception: “At our Notel, we have standards. If any of the maids fails to abide by the following regulations, their commissions can be suspended, revoked, or terminated.”

(1) Failure to require the guest to sign for their food delivered during room service
(2) Failure to administer an Oath for the late night lasagna Jurat
(3) Failure to honor the 3 minute right to rescind on midnight tacos

Affidavit of Maid Services must be signed at the door. The date and time must be documented as well, along with an indication of the type of maid-torial act. For example, they could acknowledge that they made up the room.

Customer: “It sounds wonderful. This Notel operates for the benefit of the customer. What about late night pay-per-flick. Is there a rescission period for that if I don’t like the movie?”
Reception: “Yes, you can mail, or fax your…”
Customer: “Stop right there, did you say fax? I’m out of here!”
Reception: “No wait… come back…”

You might also like:

Notary Hotel 1
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

Cheers: Sammy gets a name change form notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10016

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September 8, 2014

Family Guy: Peter joins ISIS by mistake & needs a notarized conversion

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Sit-Coms — Tags: — admin @ 7:02 am

PETER: Hey Lois, hasn’t it been kind of a long time since we took a vacation?

LOIS: Yeah Peter, we haven’t gone anywhere since we went to Vegas. Remember when we lost all that money to those one armed bandits

(A one armed mugger snatches Lois’ purse and Brian chases him bites him and gets Lois’ purse back)

PETER: Yeah, that was fun. We won $2000 dollars and blew it all on school clothes for Meg. What a waste.

(Meg shows up wearing a hat, takes it off and puts on another expensive hat, then changes her coat, then puts on a set of boots)

MEG: Let’s go somewhere foreign!

BRIAN: Yeah, I heard that when you go to a foreign country, everything looks different and smells different, which is important to me because I’m a dog.

PETER: That’s it. We’re going to Jonah’s tomb. I’ll have Stewie book the tickets now.

STEWIE: So, who’s buried in Johah’s tomb?

CHRIS: Oooh, ooh, ooh, I know. Ulysses Grant?

STEWIE: No, dummie, Jonah’s buried in Jonah’s tomb. And by the way, where is Jonah’s tomb.

PETER: According to this cheap travel agent I hired, it’s in Iraq. I think we have a military base there. So, we’ll be safe.

LOIS: Just so long as I can get wifi. But, I heard there’s a lot of violence there. Will we be safe from danger?

PETER: Oh come on Lois, don’t you want a break from our typical boring life?

(They all get on a plane, fly, and get off in Iraq. Everyone on the plane is wearing an Islamic outfit.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Welcome to Iraq.

PETER: Hey Lois, we’re in Iraq

LOIS: I heard there’s a conflict between the Shia’s and the Sunni’s. But, how do you know which is which?

PETERS: It’s obvious. The ones with the long hair are the Shia’s and the ones wearing shorts are the Sunni’s.

STEWIE: No dummy, you can tell them apart from looking at their ID. I know that because I’m a notary!

LOIS: Peter, I don’t think anyone’s wearing shorts here. And everyone’s staring at me.

STEWIE: According to my GPS, the tomb is 70 miles Northwest. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to rent a car.

CAR RENTAL: Welcome to Rent a Humvee. Would you like bulletproof or non?

PETER: Don’t those use a lot of gas?

CAR RENTAL: Well, we got a ton of these when the US military left, and gas is only 50 cents a gallon. So, enjoy.

PETER: So, which is cheaper?

CAR RENTAL: Unarmored!

PETER: I’ll take an armored one. That way I can tell all of my buddies at the Drunken Clam that I drove an armored vehicle!

(The entire family drives up barren roads on their way to Jonah’s tomb. They quickly learn that the tomb was destroyed by ISIS recently.)

LOIS: I can’t believe they destroyed an ancient biblical tomb. What a horrible thing to do.

STEWIE: Those damn tomb-wreckers! Can’t they think of anything better to do?

LOIS: Oh look Peter, look at those hooded people waving their machetes.

PETER: Are they butchers? I could use a nice slab of meat right about now.

ISIS GUYS: Stop where you are!

LOIS: What do you want?

PETER: I’ll have some roast beef, um, make it lean, and a New York steak… or if that’s too much trouble, a Baghdad steak will do, and could you throw in a pickle!

ISIS GUYS: And what else?

PETER: Do you have any sides?

ISIS GUYS: We don’t take sides! Convert to Islam — or DIE!

STEWIE: Could you say that again, but with more emotion?

CHRIS: Are you guys hot under those hoods? How can you not sweat wearing those hoodies?

ISIS GUYS: We don’t mind being hot. We’re preparing for eternal damnation. I understand it’s very hot there. Okay… Convert to Islam — or DIE!

STEWIE: That was much better. But, could you put more emphasis on the “die” part.

ISIS GUYS: Oh, sorry. Convert to Islam — or DIE!

LOIS: They’re going to kill us.

STEWIE: No no, not if we convert.

ISIS GUY: By the way, the conversion needs to be notarized.

STEWIE: But, I can’t legally notarize my own conversion. That would be a violation of notary law.

ISIS GUY: It doesn’t matter just as long as it’s not a violation of our radical interpretation of Sharia law.

CHRIS: Does this mean that mom and Meg will have to wear a veil?

ISIS GUY: Yes!

CHRIS: Ha ha, Meg has to weir a veil.

PETER: Okay, let’s get this converting over with so I can have a sudsy beer back in the hotel room.

ISIS GUY: Beer is not allowed!

CHRIS: Unless you cut the head off.

ISIS GUY: Now repeat after me: Allahhu ackbar. La illah la ha illah la…. and put these outfits on. His and hers.

LOIS: Oh look at these beautiful silks. One size fits all. But, do you have this in pink? And do you have anything that’s more flattering to my figure?

PETER: La illah la — ha ha ha ha ha ha (fart) ooops (fart) ooops (fart) oops.

ISIS GUYS: No, you’re saying it wrong. It’s not ha ha ha ha ha ha.

PETER: No, that’s how I say it.

ISIS GUY: By the way, you are now required to officially get a notarized statement that you are changing your name from Peter to Boulos.

PETER: Fine, I was sick of my name anyway. Just call me Boulos the great!

LOIS: Peter, ask them what the machetes are for.

PETER: Why the way, we were just wondering what all of those machetes were for

ISIS GUY: Oh, these? These are for cutting off the heads of infadels!

STEWIE: Would my former nursery school teacher Rebecca be included in the definition of infidel?

ISIS GUY: Yes!

PETER: Cool, let’s get this show on the road. I want to be the first one to cut a head off. I’ll call it.

(Peter flips a coin. It lands on his hands — heads up)

ISIS GUY: It’s a deal. But, you must first become part of our militia. Try on this ski mask.

PETER: Oh, are we going skiing?

(Peter has a thought of skiing down a hill wearing a black ski mask and holding a machete, then slams into a tree)

PETER: Ahhh, I’ll pass!

ISIS GUY: Okay let’s get started. We are going to invade this village. The women stay at the camp with us! Get in the Humvee!

PETER: (cuts a guy’s head off) This is cool. (cuts another guy’s head off, blood gushing everywhere) Ah, this is pretty cool. (cuts another head off) This is kind of cool. (cuts a fourth head off) Ahh, this is getting a little boring here.

ISIS GUY: We do not do this for our enjoyment. We do it for Allah.

PETER: A-la what?

ISIS GUY: Allah

PETER: A-la-carte?

ISIS GUY: Do you dare make fun of the very great Allah?

PETER: Listen, this was really fun, and it was a long trip, and we’re going to head back to the hotel, and check out the mini-bar.

ISIS GUY: You are not going anywhere!

CHRIS: I have to go to the bathroom.

ISIS GUY: There is a rock over there. That’s the closest we have. Bring your own toilet paper.

PETER: First, can I get a notarized statement documenting that I successfully decapitated four infidels? I want to post that on my wall back home.

ISIS GUY: You are not going home. We have a jihad to fight!

PETER: I think I better call Stewie. (ring ring) Hey Stewie, they’re not letting us out of here.

STEWIE: No problem, I have a solution for this. Check out my newest invention, it is a multi-head Uzi that can shoot in three directions simultaneiously. (bang-bang-bang-bang-bang)

(Stewie kills all two hundred of the ISIS guys within two minutes, they go to the camp to get the ladies, and then go back to the hotel)

LOIS: Peter, next year, let’s go somewhere more quiet, like Afghanistan

PETER: I was thinking more along the lines of New Orleans, but I heard they have some good new channels on Kabul TV.

LOIS: Don’t you mean cable TV?

PETER: That’s what they call it over there I guess…

.

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September 6, 2014

Don’t Die Trying! (when your schedule is tight)

Filed under: Ken Edelstein,Popular on Twitter,Popular Overall — Tags: — admin @ 3:48 am

Don’t Die Trying
Tight schedules are part of being a notary. “Can you be here in less than half an hour” is a common request. E-documents come late, borrowers have to leave at a certain time, the LO is stressing how you are “being depended on” to meet your commitment (even though the docs are late). The pressure to be ON TIME assaults you from all directions. Hill Street Blues, a popular police show had the phrase “let’s be careful out there” at the end of the roll call. Out there, includes your transit to the assignment; be it by car, foot or mass transit.

How much money is your life worth to you? Silly question of course, sane people don’t put a dollar value on their existence. But many otherwise sane people do borderline insane actions for the sole purpose of being on time. Long time readers might recall my telling of abandoning a late borrower due to the start of freezing rain. Do you think you can drive on that? Think again. Unless you are driving an army tank with treads in place of times; it’s a deadly folly. Sometimes as I sit at the PC writing these blogs I get the dreaded “writers block” and struggle to think of something worthy of your reading time. Not now, the multiplicity of dumb things that notaries can do is virtually endless. Fortunately, few do most of them, but some do a few of them.

New York State has just made hand held cell phone use a 5 point “on the license” violation. Get 11 points and you start walking. Even speeding is generally less than 5 points. That same law covers many in car electronic devices. Do you fiddle with your GPS when the destination changes? It’s the same penalty, also for any other electronic distraction. I’m 100% for this new law. I don’t want someone plowing into me due to their inattention. I’ve had only one accident in my 50+ year driving history. She crossed in the middle of the block and appeared in front of me from in front of a double parked delivery truck. I hit her before I could touch the brakes. Witnesses said it was not in any way my fault; I was only doing 20MPH in a 30 zone. But the terrible sound of her body rebounding from my car still haunts me.
Any activity in addition to driving is a distraction. The list includes talking to a passenger, drinking coffee, even listening to the radio. But the worst and most dangerous distractions require you to shift your eyes from the direction of the car. My Bluetooth cell device is totally hands off, as is my GPS which talks to me and takes voice commands. It’s not just the points, the guilt and probable criminal penalties for vehicular homicide are too terrible to risk.

I’ve written many blogs, but this one has my heart and soul. Please, be as late as necessary to that silly appointment. No Bluetooth device? Pull over, put it in park, call ahead and tell them you are driving safely and will be late. Missing a signing is much less traumatic than missing your eyes from having them removed due to being embedded with glass from the windshield.

Avoidance of the temptation to rush is really the best policy. Turn down unrealistic requests, ones that would put you and others at risk. Speeding, “tail ending the red light”, the illegal turn; or being distracted – are all easily avoided by prudent scheduling.

You can’t say “I’m sorry” from a casket. Not only do you risk death, you let your friends and family down. Who will be the one to replace you? Will your epitaph be “died a fool for a buck”?

Tweets
(1) Can you put a dollar value on your notarial existence?
(2) You can’t say I’m sorry from a casket. Don’t try to book your appointments too tightly together
(3) How much money is your life worth to you. Scheduling too tightly could end it!
(4) Tight schedules are part of being a notary. But, don’t make it too tight or u’ll start feeling tightness in your chest!

You might also like:

Scheduling apps that could change your life
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311

Meeting a notary at Starbucks
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4207

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September 4, 2014

Notarized Subordination Agreement

Filed under: (4) Documents — admin @ 3:21 am

Subordination Agreements are often included in a loan signing. Many people find it hard to understand or explain what this document actually does or means. It basically assigns a priority for which loan gets paid first if there is insolvency. What a lovely thought. It’s a bit like a prenuptial at a wedding — you’re already thinking about getting divorced before you are actually married.

In any case, Subordination Agreements are a very common type of notarized documents. Just make sure your document is fully filled out before you call the notary that you found on 123notary.com. You will need a government issued photo-ID as identification for the notary signing. You will also need to sign the notary journal. Being notarized is not hard. Just try to find a notary who knows what they are doing! Additionally, the notary is not responsible to understand the document and is prohibited from explaining it. So, ask your Attorney. You do have an Attorney, right?

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