First up into the tank: A way to keep records on how long companies take to send electronic documents.
NOTARY: Hi, Sharks. I’m Jeremy. And I’m asking for $200,000 for twenty percent of my company, Shazamdocs. Sharks, there’s one thing that matters in life more than looking as dapper as Mr. Wonderful here.
MR. WONDERFUL: He knows of what he speaks.
LAURIE: He’s kissing up and I’m throwing up.
MR. WONDERFUL: Hush. Grab a breath mint.
NOTARY: What matters in life, whether you’re sharks or whether you’re a notary, is knowing when you’ll be paid!
MR. WONDERFUL: You’re speaking my language, son. The language of luv… of money.
NOTARY: The database on Shazamdocs monitors how long companies take to send electronic documents, and… by virtue of our exclusive algorithms… computes the average amount of time it takes to get paid. No longer will you have to waste your precious time and resources hitching yourself to companies that drag their feet when it comes to upholding their end of the transactions.
DAYMOND: Feet dragging is a drag.
NOTARY: We’re like Yelp for notaries. With your help, sharks, we’ll get this in the homes of notaries throughout the country, and after that, the world! Who wants to show this notary their own seal… of approval?
ROBERT: You, yourself, said you’re like Yelp for notaries. There’s nothing proprietary about that.
NOTARY: I’ve applied for a utility patent.
CUBAN: You’ll never get it.
CUBAN: What? He’s living a pipe dream. What’s to stop anybody from charting the records of companies to see how quickly they pay their bills?
NOTARY: Nobody does it like we do.
CUBAN: I’m out.
MR. WONDERUL: Ouch.
CUBAN: What about you, Kevin? You said the guy knows of what he speaks.
MR. WONDERFUL: That’s when he was complimenting my impossibly dapper qualities.
LAURIE: You got the impossibly part right.
ROBERT: What do you sell the program for and what are your sales?
NOTARY: I sell it with an annual subscription rate of 19.95. And we’re in pre-launch.
DAYMOND: Uh-oh. So you’ve made bupkis.
ROBERT: Daymond, I didn’t even know you were Jewish!
MR. WONDERFUL: I’ll make you an offer. I don’t know what you’re worth, I’m taking a heck of a risk, but I’ll go on the ride with you. There are plenty of notaries who need greater assurances they’ll get paid faster. But $200,000 at twenty percent assumes a value of a million dollars. You’re not there yet. I’ll give you the $200,000. But I want forty percent of the business.
LAURIE: You’re all Jewish now.
MR. WONDERFUL: I hear the other sharks flapping their gums, but I don’t hear anyone putting their money where their yappers are. I made you an offer, Jeremy. What do you say?
NOTARY: I appreciate the offer, Mr. Wonderful.
ROBERT: If I brought a notary in, would you swear to that?
NOTARY: But with all due respect, that’s giving up too much equity. I’d like to hear what the remaining sharks have to say.
LAURIE: As you know, Jeremy, as I’ve said many times on Shark Tank. I can tell when something’s a zero. And I can tell when something’s a hero. And this… is most definitely… a thirty. Better than zero, but nowhere near a hero. I’m out.
ROBERT: Laurie, you were toying with the man.
LAURIE: No, I wasn’t. I’m just being honest.
ROBERT: Well, Jeremy, I see nothing proprietary here. And I’m not a big notary guy. If I ever need you to witness something, I’ll be a customer. But I don’t see it as an investment. I’m out.
CUBAN: So that leaves Mr. Wonderful’s less than wonderful offer. And Mr.Daymond.
DAYMOND: I hate it when companies drag their feet before paying somebody what they’re owed, so I’m with you there.
JEREMY: Would you consider joining up with Mr. Wonderful?
DAYMOND: As much as it pains me to say it, I might do the deal with Kevin, if he’s up for it.
MR. WONDERFUL: I’d do that deal. But, Jeremy, you’d be getting two sharks.
JEREMY: Would the both of you consider the deal for… thirty percent equity?
DAYMOND: 100 K each at fifteen percent each? What do you think, Kevin?
MR. WONDERFUL: I’ll do it with one contingency. That we test the accuracy of your program on us. If your program can tell us how long it’ll be before we pay you the 200 K, I’m in.
DAYMOND: Me too.
JEREMY: Right away?
MR. WONDERFUL: Sorry. I would’ve paid you after hell freezes over.
DAYMOND: Me too.
MR. WONDERFUL/DAYMOND: I’m out!
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