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September 6, 2017

A Notary finds a document notarized by Jeremy in 2001

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 10:11 am

How bizarre. I got an email from a Notary on our database who lives in the Los Angeles area. She claims that she came across a document that I notarized back in 2001. It was a Deed of Trust for 4811 South Alamada (Alameda?) Partnership. That was a long time ago. I don’t remember the signer who’s name was Hannah Kelly. I filled up about 50 Notary journals during my career mostly with loan signings.

The signings I do remember were for a guy in jail who blew up his apartment experimenting with explosives. I also Notarized his jurors as a matter of coincidence. I remember doing 40 sets of fingerprints in Pico Rivera for a room of people mostly from Puebla Mexico. I remember an Attorney in Arcadia who had really long Health Directives for middle aged Chinese families who were thinking ahead. I remember a signing in South Central at a hospital where they made me wait forever while they slowly filled out their power of attorney forms and then the lady asked, “Do you like your job?” I told her that she was supposed to have her documents ready BEFORE she called me. I really enjoy scolding people who disrespect other people’s time.

I remember driving to Hemet, Victorville, and Santa Clarita for a Settlement Agent named Emily who gave me steady work. I remember a Real Estate agent who had endless Grant Deeds to sign. That’s about it from my eight year career. Most of my signers were boring as hell, but I had a handful of memorable ones. Jail signings were the most interesting.

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August 17, 2017

I was forced to forge my own signature in India.

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:35 am

As a Notary, forgery is illegal. But, what if you are forging your own signature? Why would you need to do that? I was in Mumbai or Bombay in 2005. I was cashing traveler’s cheques and the clerk was really antsy. I had signed slightly differently on one cheque than the others because I was signing a lot and fast. Signatures change over time, and that is fine in America — but, not with this guy.

India is a country where everyone does their work their own way. There is no standardization of anything other than unsanitary air & water. Subsequently I never had any trouble cashing Amex traveler’s cheques. It was a one time thing. And after that I brought lots of C notes with me just in case. It’s easier to convert cash to rupees than traveler’s cheques. Less can go wrong.

So, I was sitting in this office with the fan going, cars honking outside. In India there is always lots of honking sounds. You get used to it. I practiced signing exactly how I had signed. Finally when I knew I had it right, I signed it for real on the cheque and got my money with a 1% commission. Boy, what a headache. It’s one of those experiences that make you not want to go back to India. Dysentery is another one of those special experiences. Thank God that medicine in India is holistic and costs about two bucks with a nice doctor aunty to help you.

So, after this crazy experience, I went to the railway station and hopped on a local train up to Mulund in Northern Mumbai.

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July 6, 2017

Monsanto Genetically modified Notaries

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:14 am

I go shopping at Whole Foods, so products are sold as Non-GMO. But, can you request a non-GMO Notary as well? Or would the alternative be a GMO-tary? These new genetically modified Notaries have a newly designed gene that helps them show up on time, and gets them to study a little more so they will know the technical terms on the TRID.

Perhaps a new gene needs to be created to help signing companies pay people on time.

But, based on my experience, a gene that would help borrowers sign.

Speaking of genes. I learned that the indigenous European hunters and gatherers lived in Europe 7000-20000 years ago and all had dark skin and blue eyes. Then waves of people from Russia and Greece populated all of Europe. But the new waves of migrants from 4000-7000 years ago from Russia white skin and brown eyes — until they mixed blood with the hunter folks and the Mediterranean folks. So, I guess I am related to the hunters since I have blue eyes — AND, I like to eat meat right off the bone with my hands and say MEAT!!! really loudly!

But, back to signing companies. I also learned on youtube, that signing companies that pay three months late have a recessive gene that makes them so sluggish — so, there is hope.

The fax-back gene is still being worked on. People are studying this gene which is found in some populations from Croatia. The main gene marker dates back to 3000 years ago when a messenger was shot for bringing bad news. I guess messengers are sort of like archaic fax machines.

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June 30, 2017

I have a dream — Notary version

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 10:52 pm

I have a dream that this industry will rise up and live out the true meaning of its purpose: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Notaries are created equal”… except for military Notaries who can only notarize at military bases and Louisiana Notaries who only have jurisdiction in their home parish and reciprocal parishes.

I have a dream that one day in the lobbies of Escrow offices in California, that the sons of former Notaries and the sons of former Loan Officers and Signing Companies will be able to sit down at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that Notaries will live in a nation where they are not judged by the color of their ink, but by the content of the documents they notarize… and whether or not they did well on the 123notary certification exam.

In a sense, we’ve come to our nation’s Secretary of State to cash a check from a signing company (that arrived sixty days late with lots of promises that the check was in the mail.) The check from the signing company was to buy our unalienable rights of a commission with a life of four years, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that the signing company’s check has bounced. America has given American Notaries a bad check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.”

We cannot notarize alone
And as we notarize, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead
We cannot turn to backdate either

Those who ask the devotees of civil Notary rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Notary is victim to the unspeakable horrors of low-balling, micromanaging, fax-backs, or no pay. We can never be satisfied as our intellectual integrity as Notaries is questioned every year by Notary organizations who wish to subject us to the indignity of retesting us. We cannot be satisfied as we have to continually be background screened and treated like potential criminals. We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like rolled fingerprints, and righteousness like a mighty stream of ink.

And when this happens, freedom will ring. We will speed up the day when every Notary that uses black ink or blue ink, every Loan Officer, Escrow Officers and Loan Originators, signing company clerks, and agnostics who refuse to use the word God in their Oath wording will be able to join hands and sing the words of the old Negro spiritual — wait a minute, don’t you mean… “African-American?”

$15 per signature at last! $15 per Acknowledgment at last!
Thank God Almighty, we Notaries are free at last!

Disclaimer: (Conditions and terms my vary by state. Notaries who are not licensed Attorneys may not give legal advice. For more information, please call your state’s Notary division)

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June 29, 2017

The Notary Model

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:08 am

Once, there was a Notary model named Stacy. She was a signing agent just like the rest of us, but much better looking. Stacy’s motto was, “Don’t park in the run-way — or driveway.” She would show up at signings wearing the latest fashions and very high heels.

Stacy loves America, and became a Notary Republic to make the world a better place. She also loves puppies and does volunteer work for the “Help children spell” organization. Unfortunately, Stacy can’t spell herself and doesn’t realize she is a Notary Public, not a Notary Republic. But, her designer heart is in the right place. But, the bottom line is that it isn’t how you spell, it’s how you look.

Last week Stacy was walking down the runway with a designer Notary carry-all bag with a shiny pink material and room for all her Notary seals on the inside. She has a pink journal too with a matching pink stamp.

Then along came Ken, a successful Mortgage Broker who wanted to rescue Stacy from her misery, marry her, and take her to his mansion in the hills. So, Stacy is no longer doing Notary work. She has gone back to doing modeling — but, on a part time basis.

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June 15, 2017

The Notary who sold his soul to the devil

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:59 am

There once was a Notary who was going to sell his soul to the devil. But, he had a hearing problem. He thought the devil wanted his seal, not his soul. This Notary named Abe was asked to do a signing that involved backdating for a particular Loan Officer. The Loan Officer promised that if he did a good job backdating there would be many more to come. But, this is immoral.

Unfortunately, life often offers lots of opportunities for people to make money doing something illegal. Illegal activities often pay more since there are fewer people willing to take the risk of getting caught. But, even if you don’t get caught, God is always watching.

So, Abe, sold his spiritual future out for a few bucks doing backdating. He undermined the integrity of the Notary profession and of Western civilization.

Scratch that. What actually happened is that this guy with horns coming out of his head and a pitchfork claiming to be the devil wanted to borrow the Notary’s seal to do some bad deeds. So, that Notary was late on his alimony payments and let the devil borrow it. The devil paid him, but never brought the seal back. The Notary reported it stolen to the Secretary of State who replaced it. All was well until complaints came in of the other seal being used fraudulently.

Meanwhile, Kim Jong Un wants to sell Seoul to the devil.

The moral of the story is that weird blog writers come up with crazy ideas, that Korean food is good for you except for the sam-gyup-sal which is high in fat, and that you shouldn’t get involved with any type of illegal conduct.

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June 7, 2017

Lifetime memberships? Not in this lifetime…

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:37 am

Once in a while a Notary will ask us if we will have lifetime memberships. Long time ago we thought of that. But, since our rates change almost daily, it makes no sense to charge for a lifetime. On top of that, very few Notaries would want to pay for more than two years.

But, you don’t know how long you’ll live, or for that matter how long our site will live. With Snapdocs moving in, I’m beginning to worry. I better start hustling. But, I think I will run my business until my retirement. I might simplify things a bit, but it is my baby and I want to keep running it just as long as I don’t run out of baby formula.

On the other hand, we do have Notaries who have been with us for fifteen years which is a huge achievement. Let’s hope we’ll have many more who will be with us for a huge chunk of their lives. We also have Notaries die on us from time to time. But, we only get about three deaths per year which is not bad considering we have roughly 7000 Notaries on board total.

So, we will not be offering lifetime memberships, at least not in this lifetime. But, if you believe in reincarnation, you can get reborn and wait until you are eighteen and then sign up again (assuming you didn’t commit a felony!)

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June 1, 2017

No Sciliciting

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:28 am

Troy had a Notary office downtown. Business was brisk sometimes, but not others. His customers were very inquisitive. They wanted to know about all of the Notary jargon on the forms. He had to explain what venue meant, the difference between Acknowledgment and Jurat, and more. But, one day some bums were hanging out in front of Troy’s Notary office. Troy had to deal with customer when he felt he should kick those bums out.

So, his intellectual client showed his ID, signed the journal, signed the document, watched the Notary fill in the venue, and then asked, “What is scilicit?”

Troy said, “I’ll show you.” Troy then went outside with the client and yelled at the bums outside and said, “First of all, no public drinking allowed, and second —- NO SCILICITING.”

Then Troy and the client went back inside and asked the client if he had any more questions? The client said he did not. Then Troy said, “Scilicit actually means — namely or in particular, and is a term used in the venue of a Notary Acknowledgment and abbreviated to the form S.S. Then the client said, “Oh good, for a moment, I thought the Nazis had taken over the Notary business.” Then Troy informed him that they had not, but down the street there is a guy who wanted to be on Seinfeld who is called, “The Notary Nazi — No Notarization for You!”

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May 25, 2017

A dream about the Notary industry

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 10:51 pm

I had a dream. I was at the market and walked down the soda aisle. There were mostly 123 Cola and Nrootary Beer. It was like that for years. Then all of a sudden Snapple appeared. It was much more convenient than the other sodas. Even though 123 Cola was a better quality drink, you could get a six pack of Snapple and press a button and six different people in remote locations could drink a bottle (each of) that Snapple. So, each time I went to the market, there was less 123 Cola and less Nrootary Beer and more Snapple. So, I got afraid and wondered how much longer this would go on.

But, then 123 Cola added some new features to its cola and became more popular. One sip and automatic health for the next week. Wow! Some cola!

Then, I was flying in my old neighborhood in Massachusetts that I haven’t been to in over twenty-five years. I saw a cat and grabbed it and said, “Hello cat!” Suddenly I was at home, naked, and drinking 123 Cola. What does this dream mean? I’ll have to ask my psychic.

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May 24, 2017

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