December 2015 - Notary Blog - Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice - 123notary.com
123Notary

Notary Blog – Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice – 123notary.com Control Panel

December 30, 2015

Notarize JUST the Name

Notarize JUST the Name
We are all familiar with the two most common notary actions. The Jurat: “Sworn to and Subscribed…….”, and the Acknowledgement: “This instrument was Acknowledged before me…..”. I’m not going to cover the not so subtle differences between the two of them. What will be discussed is the expansion of the notary statement to include virtually anything.

I just shipped off an Edoc. I had to redact (no changes were made, no replacement text, just a thin line thru with my initials at the end of the line) some superfluous verbiage. Before I get into the details let me credit the source of “my” opinions. The office of the New York County Clerk has told me, quite strongly: “You notarize just the name as proven on the ID, nothing more”. What they are referring to are what I call “name attributes” and there are many. Not to be confused with name components (Jr. Sr. III, etc.) which were on the birth certificate. Name attributes, and there are many include: MD, PhD, DDS, etc.

Those name attributes are rarely a problem and they are usually not added to the name in the notary section. What is a problem are what I will call “name descriptors”, and they are becoming a growing problem. A Jurat in the edoc included “a resident of ”. How would I know where the person signing resides? It’s not for me to say (I know, that’s a song title too). This was in the (usually) simple Sample Signature document. Why? I can’t figure out any rationale for inclusion of residency information on that document.

The same package included, after the name, the phrase “a capable person”. Capable of what? Such a phrase could keep lawyers in discussion forever. This particular bit of foolishness was on the AKA statement. Of course no discussion of name descriptors would be complete with mention of the classic and most common one: the marital status. Before me appeared Suzy Snowflake, a single woman. Says who? Suzy of course. So why is it in MY statement? If Ms Snowflake wishes to make a statement that she is not married, I would be happy to notarize it. But, I certainly will not include her marital status in my statement.

Even if I were to be absolutely sure of her marital status it is improper for me to include it in my statement. But, one cannot prove their marital status – it’s impossible; think about it. The problem stems from some shoddy computer programming taking the “vesting name” from the mortgage (where marital status makes sense) and propagating it into other areas.

I have discussed the issue of name descriptors many times with foggy headed drones who feel that because it is preprinted I must live with it. Not so. The notary section IS the statement of the Notary Public and IS subject to change and or deletion. My licensing officials don’t allow it, and I am certainly not able to state someone is capable, married or where they reside. Sometimes it’s a tough judgment call. If the descriptor is “of legal age” I would have to know exactly where that phrase is applied. If they are under 21, it “might” matter in some states; and could also be document specific.

We want to process the document with little conflict, as raising “issues” often sours the client. To me it’s better to lose a client than receive a summons; and become a party to litigation. As a public official my words have, “authority”; and with that comes responsibility for accuracy.

.

You might also like:

Notarizing John W Smith
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16048

If the lender has the Notary change a date on the Acknowledgment
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16045

Share
>

December 22, 2015

A Newbie at a Title Company

Filed under: Ken Edelstein,Popular on Facebook (A little) — Tags: , — admin @ 12:00 pm

A Newbie at Title Co.
Most of our jobs are quite routine. Once in a while, thankfully not often; something crosses our path that is extraordinary. It could be very nice, or a mess; as you might have expected – I write about a mess. The docs are the docs, we are expected to make them work. However, there are limits to what, as notaries, we can process. Title has an agenda. It’s their objective to get the papers processed as quickly as possible. It has to be a mess of galactic proportions for them to either dump it, or redraw the docs. Notaries also have an agenda, and one item usually at the top of the list is to do the assignment legally. It’s not our job to enforce the law; merely to abide by it.

After accepting the “piggyback”, for a fair, but modest fee; I learn it’s to be via POA. OK, kinda, they take longer but that is our lot in life. I am told that some “special signing instructions” will be sent to me. I assume it’s their preferred POA phraseology. Some want “Mickey Mouse by Minnie Mouse, his attorney in fact”. Others reverse it: “Minnie Mouse as attorney in fact for Mickey Mouse”. I prefer the latter because the name to be sworn comes first. Both are not at all a factor in the notary section where *only* Minnie would be named. But, this assignment tried to, IMHO, not bend, but break the rules.

The instructions directed me to name the affiant and POA issuer, as sworn. Thus, before me appeared: “Minnie Mouse & Mickey Mouse via POA”. To me that was a new twist. It would appear that Minnie would be, based on the POA; taking my oath issued to Mickey! Just as we cannot delegate our notary status to someone else; oath taking cannot be via proxy. Sayeth title: “there are two signature lines on the notarized document, thus there needs to be two persons named in the notary section”. Admirable logic, a bit of arithmetic; 2=2; that’s hard to argue.

But, that would be an improper notarization. Only the person(s) who actually “appeared before me…” can be named. This set of docs had it both ways. Some had both names filled in the notary section; some had “via Power of Attorney”; and a few were for me to write in. When I called title, informing of the need for me to redact all entries other than “Minnie Mouse”; I received more bad news.

“Her legal first name is not “Minnie”, it’s “Min”. However she took title as Minnie, and an AKA form is not allowed – you just have to notarize her as Minnie””. Strike Two – this job was going downhill faster than the Cyclone at Coney Island. I call Ms. Mouse, to my surprise and delight her driver license had “Minnie”. She told me she used that name all her life; though Min was on her birth certificate. Words, Words; to me it’s what is on the driver license that counts.

During my chat with Ms. Mouse she also mentions that the papers need to be processed quickly. It seems that Mr. Mouse is deceased! Whoa, hold on partner – in every state when the agent knows of the principal’s demise – their authority ceases to exist. Title and Ms. Mouse want to proceed with a voided Power of Attorney! What is my position? My notarizations would make no mention to a Power of Attorney. In my Jurat “before me appeared Minnie Mouse” would be the only entry, and she does have valid ID in that name. I never did find out if title knew of the demise of Mr. Mouse.

I bail out. There had been too many heated exchanges with Title; my insistence on proper format soured them. She told me her legal name was Min, so some doubt. Worst of all would be to facilitate the use of a no longer valid Power of Attorney. Best to not be a party to the eventual litigation!

.

You might also like:

If you contact Title companies directly, what do they want?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16110

11 best Title & Escrow Companies
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15861

Share
>

December 21, 2015

I just got 2 jobs from 123notary, what do I do now?

Congratulations. Give yourself a pat on the back. Some people are lucky on 123notary and get a few jobs within hours or days of signing up. Others have to wait. A few don’t even track their calls, so they’ll know they got work, but won’t know where it is from. Metaphysically speaking, since you invested thought and action into creating a 123notary listing, you are much more likely to get business from it within a short time period after signing up. Additionally, those that pay for listings get more business because of the metaphysical commitment they made by paying. Those that edit their notes and information more often also get more business since they are paying attention and devoting their thought to it. Thought is the most powerful force in the universe, and it applies to 123notary as well.

So, what do you do now?
Add more to your notes section. Your notes section should evolve with you. As you learn new skills or get new certifications, enter that into your notes section. As your number of signings goes up, add that to your notes ase well. Get a few reviews from your satisfied clients as well. Reviews speak louder than words. Consider upgrading too. For advanced Notaries we have the Elite Certification program as well where you can learn the most sophisticated notary, signing agent and marketing techniques in the business. That’s all for now!

.

You might also like:

How much more does a 123notary certified signer make?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15392

Here’s another way to make an extra $4000 per year
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14162

5 or 6 reviews doubles your business
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8484

Long term Notary marketing plans
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15793

$40 for a signing 72 miles away?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14959

Share
>

December 20, 2015

Go to jail, but DO collect $100

Filed under: Ken Edelstein — Tags: , , — admin @ 1:19 am

Go to Jail, but DO collect $100
As a notary on official business, not to become a “resident”. I’ve been to several jails. They, so far, have shared a virtually identical routine. Oops, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. First, you need the assignment. In your profile on 123notary.com did you check the box for Jail Signings. You can access that part of your profile by selecting “Edit Additional Info”. While there glance at your commission expiration date – often overlooked, it needs to be kept current. OK, now you do qualify to show in a search for Jail.

Once the call comes in, obtain the basic information; stressing the need for ID. Not just asking that it will be available; verify that your state mandated ID will be available. The jails I have visited issued a “must carry” photo ID to each inmate. I do not accept that ID. Often, you will be meeting an attorney who needs the inmate signature notarized. Once in a while an attorney will present their interpretation of what is proper ID. They tend to be good talkers. True, it’s a different environment; but you know notary law; they don’t. Have the ID issue fully handled prior to any making any commitment.

You might not be admitted. Accept that as a fact. The facility might have a rule that only the attorney and family can visit. Make it absolutely clear to your client that your fee is earned by meeting them at the facility and putting forth “best efforts” to complete the job. My visits have always been with attorneys. They say the right things to the admitting guard. But there are no guarantees; they are not (IMHO) obligated to let you in. With ID and getting in being issues, all jail Notary assignments are prepaid. Make sure to have your driver license and current proof of your notary commission.

You should prepare for your visit. What works for me is having two zip lock plastic bags. One is for what I wish to bring in, the other for what I cannot bring in. After checking in, the two bags are surrendered at the window. They are very choosey about what goes in. Your embosser will probably be forbidden, stamping device usually accepted. However, a better strategy is to go in with absolutely nothing. Do the notarizations in the lobby, after you leave the secure area. On those days I wear my Velcro closing belt, without a bit of metal. When I tell the metal detector operator it’s Velcro and has no metal; I’m usually allowed to wear it.

It’s a Jail. You will be told what to do. Avoid asking any questions and comply immediately with what you are told to do. Doors slide open and clang shut. Your photograph may be taken. Your hand might receive a visitor stamp, similar to the “paid for admission” at many events. You will be told to sit someplace and wait. They are not in a hurry. Time is what they serve, often in great quantities. Eventually, the prisoner will arrive; sometimes you will be directed to a conference room. The cardinal rule is to give nothing whatsoever to the inmate. Nothing. If you had to bring in a pen, make sure you leave with it.

ID checked, signatures given oath; take possession of the pages with the signatures witnessed. You don’t want your client accidently adding or changing documents for different ones that were also signed. Making certain to enter the correct county in the Venue; complete the process after your “release”. You should do at least one Jail “visit”; strict adherence to notary law will follow.

.

You might also like:

Meeting clients at a jail
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=274

Share
>

December 19, 2015

2015 List of Title & Escrow Companies

Capital Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=998&Capital+Title

Chicago Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=304&Chicago+Title

Client First Settlement Funding
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=870&Client+First+Settlement+Funding

Convenient Settlement Services
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=877&Convenient+Settlement+Services

Crystal Settlement Services
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1125&Crystal+Settlement+Services

DB Title, LLC
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1175&DB+Title%2C+LLC

DRI Title & Escrow
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=986&DRI+Title+%26+Escrow

Finiti Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=829&Finiti+Title%2C+LLC

First Service Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=867&First+Service+Title

Homefront Escrow, Inc.
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=977&Homefront+Escrow%2C+Inc

LandSel Title Agency, Inc.
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=344&LandSel+Title+Agency%2C+Inc

Landmark Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1171&Landmark+Title

Lender Title Solutions
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1200&Lender+Title+Solutions

Meymax Title Agency of Ohio, LLC
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=309&MeyMax+Title+Agency+of+Ohio+LLC

Monroe Title Insurance Corp.
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=49&Monroe+Title+Insurance+Corp%2E

Moritz Title Company, LLC
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=883&Moritz+Title+Company%2C+LLC

National Title Solutions
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1012&National+Title+Solutions

National TitleNet, LLC
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=8&National+TitleNet%2C+LLC

New House Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1167&New+House+Title

Northpoint Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=810&Northpoint+Title

Old Republic National Title Insurance Company
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=906&Old+Republic+National+Title+Insurance+Company

Peachtree Settlements
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=103&Peachtree+Settlements

Performance Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=39&Performance+Title

Preferred Choice Escrow
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=816&Preferred+Choice+Escrow

Professional Settlement Services
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=960&Professional+Settlement+Services

Providence Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=820&Providence+Title

Quality Title Agency
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=712&Quality+Title+Agency

Ravenswood Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1065&Ravenswood+Title

Residential Title & Escrow
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1009&Residential+Title+%26+Escrow

Reunion Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1033&Reunion+Title

Silk Abstract
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=702&Silk+Abstract

So Cal Escrow Center, Inc.
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=348&So+Cal+Escrow+Center%2C+Inc%2E

Stewart Title — Tumwater, WA
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1138&Stewart+Title+%2D+Tumwater%2C+WA

Superior Abstract & Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=1135&Superior+Abstract+%26+Title

TranStar National Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=903&TranStar+National+Title

US Title Agency
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=678&US+Title+Agency

Vantage Point Title
http://www.123notary.com/signco-idv.asp?sid=918&Vantage+Point+Title

.

Share
>

December 17, 2015

Unilateral Commitments

Filed under: Ken Edelstein — Tags: , — admin @ 12:20 pm

Unilateral Commitments
Hello, Roundy Round Tires, do you have a Never Flat for my Go Go Mobile? Great, I might be stopping by later this afternoon, say 2PM. Can you assure me of instant service if I decide to show up? No, I don’t wish to make an appointment at this time; I just want your assurance that if I decide to honor you with my august presence; I will be instantly accommodated.

Farfetched? Consider the notary version: Is this the notary savant? I am thinking about having some legal papers notarized, will you be available at 2PM. Well, I have not really gathered my thoughts yet. I just want to be sure you will be available if the mood to be notarized strikes me.

Is this string along notary? Good, I want to know if you will be available for a signing today at 2PM. Cutting to the essence of a real assignment, I ask for the borrower name and phone number. Well ….. we don’t have that information yet, but I just want to be sure that you can process the assignment (IF, not said), when it comes. So, you’re not sure about details, only that you want my commitment of availability, is that what this call is about?

I have had this same conversation, with slight variations; many times. In short; you promise availability, and there is a possibility that they might call back. If you discuss your fee, the chances of them calling back decrease. But, fee is not the issue here. What’s in play is your reputation for truthfulness and willingness to grab at straws. I choose my words carefully.

If my schedule permits, assignments are accepted. Well known (by me) firms, those with whom I have a trust relationship go on the calendar based on a phone call. Others, especially the ones that “talk” the “good buddy” BS; are required to prepay. Many are the signing service schedulers who sound like they could not beat a squirrel at chess. They are trolling for dopey notaries. It is there intent to obtain commitments and exactly how little you will (hope to) receive.

Well, http://kenneth-a-edelstein.com does not consider trollers as worthy of much conversation. They are honestly (sometimes I feel that is more than they deserve) told that I value my time and will only allocate a portion of it if there is a mutual commitment. Some persist; we just want to know if you will be available. They are told: currently yes, but that yes is only for the duration of this call; I will accept an assignment for the same time slot if the phone rings in ten seconds after this call. Similarly, wee hour callers must prepay DURING the initial call, no wake twice!

Personally, I think it’s a hoot that frequently on various 123notary.com forums agents complain about a lack of “loyalty”. Really? Wakie wakie, they want (even more aggressively than you) to maximize their profits. If that be at the “expense” of you – they will merrily do so. However, agents with integrity will not “play along” with the availability game. They will openly and frankly describe their time management policy. I think that will be perceived as a plus. If you are fastidious with your calendar, you are probably the same with processing the docs.

My boss might need a notary this afternoon, might you be available. I might is the answer; to borrow a part of the question. Followed by mentioning that “currently” I am, but “might” not be so at a later time. Do you wish to schedule an appointment? Possibly my honest answer is a “turn off” to the caller. If so, so be it. But, to me, a factual, frank, honest answer works best.

.

You might also like:

Notary Etiquette from Athiest to Zombie
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13718

Share
>

December 16, 2015

The signer who passed out & slid under the table

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: — admin @ 12:19 pm

A Notary did notarization for guy who regularly passes out. He passed out at the signing table during the signing. The wife said he would be up in 2 minutes. But, he didn’t get up for 10 minutes. The wife started to get worried now as he usually woke up long before this point. They called paramedics. Husband was having heart attack. They had to go to hospital as a result.

The lady asked Notary to asked them to come to the hospital or she would complain to the Title company. The loan amount 15,000 — this was the smallest loan the Notary had ever seen. In any case the Mortgage broker came the hospital to finish the signing. The Notary asked if she would get paid if the husband died.

The lady kept calling the Notary every day for 3 days to see if she was going to get her check. She kept calling to tell me that her husband didn’t die. The story ends with the husband living — for now. And yes, they got their measley $15,000 check. But, honestly, it doesn’t look like the husband will live much longer. Perhaps he needs to take some Q10 and take care of his heart better.

.

You might also like:

Dress British; Think Yiddish
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8643

Making family members leave the room
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3604

Share
>

I’m just the Notary

How often do you say, “I’m just the Notary?” It’s like saying, “I don’t know, I just work here.” What does a Notary really need to know? For one, you need to know your state’s Notary laws, and they might not do a good job of teaching them. California, New York, Louisiana, and Florida invest more effort in teaching their Notaries than the other states do combined. But, many Notaries are unaware of many Notary laws that affect them.

Can I send a loose notary certificate in the mail? Many Notaries think it is okay to send loose certificates in the mail. You could lose your commission for that in some states.
Many Notaries think it is okay to Notarize someone with a name variation that is shorter on the ID than it is on the document.
Many Notaries think that the Title company is the all-ending authority when it comes to determining what is legal to notarize at a loan signing.

The Notary is the final authority in deciding what can be notarized and what can’t be. If you didn’t study your notary handbook, you might not know the correct answers, but you are still the one in charge. So, act like you are in charge. You are NOT just the Notary. You are a state official whose function is to prevent fraud. Try to see your career in that light and you will do it completely differently — and hopefully much better.

Perhaps you are not supposed to discuss the terms of the loan with the borrower. But, do you know where the borrower can find out when their last payment is? Do you know where info about the APR, the Rate, and the Prepayment Penalty are? Do you know which document discusses late fees or collateral? There is a lot to know as a loan signer, and most people just wing it and say, “I might not know the answer when you ask me, but I’m fine when I’m at an actual signing.” That is not acceptable. If you are a professional loan signing agent, you need to know your documents as well as your Notary law as well as knowing how to follow directions.

So, be more than just the Notary, and be a pro at doing all that you do! This begins with doing a lot of reading of handbooks and Notary courses as well as actual loan documents.

.

You might also like:

How good is your technical knowledge? Should you learn more?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16683

Loan Signing FAQ’s that borrowers ask
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15457

Share
>

December 14, 2015

Don’t ask for a review at the wrong time

Filed under: Popular on Facebook (A little),Reviews — Tags: , , — admin @ 12:14 pm

Notaries are notorious for doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. Title companies are even worse when sending e-documents is concerned. How can the world keep spinning around on schedule while everybody on earth is so uncoordinated?

When, I lecture Notaries about how they need to ask for reviews, the timing is very important. Some ask too many people at once and then don’t do it again for three years. They’ll have three reviews on the same date that look like they wrote them. Take this advice instead. See how it’s done.

BORROWER: Gee, I love your work. You are the best Notary we’ve ever had!

NOTARY: Really? … I mean, thanks. Nobody has ever said that to me before.. I mean — I get that all the time.

BORROWER: Oh. Well, you explained everything to us nicely, showed up on time, and didn’t discuss politics like that “other” Notary who talked for two hours about how he didn’t like Obama-care.

NOTARY: Hmm. Well, it’s either that or Trump-care, whatever that is. By the way, 123notary has a review feature that’s easy to use. If others see that I have a realistic review or two on my profile, that would help so much. Would you mind writing a quick review for me? I can email you a link to my review page.

BORROWER: Sure, just don’t sell my email to an outsourced service abroad or Trump will tax you. My email is borrower2015@gmail.com

NOTARY: Got it. I will send you an email right now from my i-phone.

BORROWER: I bet Jeb Bush wants to put implants in those i-phones.

NOTARY: Actually, it is Obama who’s Obama-care manifesto of hundreds of pages who discussed implants. The senators didn’t read that part carefully or they probably wouldn’t have voted for it.

BORROWER: Between Trump and Ahmedanijan, I think we’re all doomed.

NOTARY: I agree. I just can’t believe that “other” Notary would bring up these topics at a signing though.

BORROWER: Ooops, just got an email. There it is…. let’s click on the link here. Yes, we just can’t figure out why he would be the one to bring up politics at a signing, especially at a signing where both signers have been registered democrats since we were of voting age — actually, card carrying registered democrats. Why, we wouldn’t vote for a republican if you paid us to, or offered us a break in our tax bracket. Hmmm. Let’s write something in the review. It wants my name, email, and a comment. Okay…

“Sam the Notary was excellent. He showed up on time and explained everything to us. Thank God he wasn’t like that ‘other’ Notary who showed up late and then had the audacity to discuss politics throughout the entire signing. Good God!”

BORROWER: Okay, your review has been published. Just wait for Jeremy to approve the message and it will go live.

NOTARY: How do you know the process?

BORROWER: Well, it’s a long story. You see my psychic whose name is Sam also told us that a Notary would come to our house. Sam the psychic is also a registered democrat by the way and swears by Obama-care. Anyway, he told us the entire procedure. We were just relieved to know that a Notary who was helpful would come to rescue us. I just loved your service. In fact, I love it so much, I wish Obama would create a new system called Notary-care.

NOTARY: Hmm. That sounds good. Like a dental plan. You pay every month, get penalized if you don’t pay, and then you can use a Notary who is on the list of acceptable Notaries, but you have to make a co-payment, and fill out twenty forms. I agree. That would make the world easier, and a better place, not to mention reducing the chance of Notaries getting involved in political discussions with borrowers.

BORROWER: Yes. And you know what’s funny? The Notary before that “other” Notary also had the nerve to discuss politics with us. What is it with these people?

NOTARY: I’m not sure, but I’m going to email Jeremy to add a new field on his database. A new search function where you can choose the political affiliation of the Notary. For you, I really feel you are better off with a democrat who doesn’t discuss politics at the signing.

BORROWER: My sentiments exactly.

COMMENTARY: On the other hand, if the borrower doesn’t praise your Notary work. Don’t bother them asking for a review because it won’t happen!

.

You might also like:

123notary’s comprehensive guide to getting reviews
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16290

5 or 6 reviews doubles your business
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8484

Share
>

December 11, 2015

The Lonely Italian — parady in a Notary context

I just met a very charismatic waiter from a restaurant up in the hills of Beverly Glen. He was so interesting and full of energy! But, he told me about what he does when he is not waiting on tables. He creates movies! I guess this is Los Angeles, what do you expect? Everyone here who works at a cafe or restaurant either directs, produces, acts, or dies trying. But, his movie was very interesting.

The movie was about an Italian guy who moves to the U.S. in his early twenties. He goes on every single dating site that exists and dates 150 women. It is a pseudo-documentary — part based on his real life, plus a substantial amount of embellishments. I like the part where he wears a Rabbi outfit and dates a girl from a Jewish dating site. He sprinkles a little Kosher salt on his food and says, “I’m adding a little Kosher!” He dated a girl from Farmen’s only, Cupid, Match.com, and even a site for people with fetishes. Online dating is so popular these days, yet I’ve never seen a movie about it — especially not a movie like this.

So, I asked him if he could learn Chinese and show a clip of him dating a Chinese girl while speaking Chinese with all of the Italian hand gestures. That would be a sight to see. We talked for almost an hour. But, at the end of our talk, there was just one more thing that I needed to ask him.

Can you modify your movie just a little bit? I have two dating sites for Notaries — and you could date some of the women from these sites. One is called Jurat and the other is called Affiant. We were going to start NotaryMatch too, but the programming bills got too out of hand. I wonder what the script would be like.

NOTARY: So, it is so fun to date you. You are so interesting.

LONELY ITALIAN: Yes, I like to broaden my horizons-a here. Just to make the date more interesting. I brought-a the document. Can you show me your particular style of notarizing it?

NOTARY: Oh, well I don’t notarize off hours. I don’t have my equipment with me.

LONELY ITALIAN: Oh, you use-a equipment? That sounds-a so interesting.

NOTARY: Well, I left it in my car.

LONELY ITALIAN: Well, let’s-a go back and-a get it. I like-a to see what a woman is really about on the first date. No secrets.

NOTARY: Okay… well here it is. Let’s find a table.

LONELY ITALIAN: Okay, let’s notarize-a sitting-a right-a here. But, one-a more-a question. Is it-a possible to use that Notary equipment and-a procedure — you know, in a romantic way?

NOTARY: What??????? This is too much! I’ll have to think about that… (pause) Okay. I thought about it. And the answer is — NOT ON THE FIRST DATE!

LONELY ITALIAN: One more question. Can-a we backdate?

NOTARY: Ha ha ha. You are funny. You are too cute, that is why I’m letting you get away with all of your premature suggestions.

LONELY ITALIAN: Hey. If you can’t be mature, you can be premature — it’s the next-a best-a thing!

(two hours later)

NOTARY: That was the best conversation of my life. You are a very interesting guy. And yes, we can go out on a second date. But, that date will be at Cafe Jurat. A restaurant exclusively for Notaries. That way you’ll see what our people eat.

LONELY ITALIAN: Is that the place where you have-a certified Angus beef, embossed oreo cookies, and-a you notarized the stamp on the parking validation?

NOTARY: Very good! You have definitely been reading up on the ways of our people. See you next Friday. Don’t be late otherwise I’ll have to change the date & time section in my journal.

LONELY ITALIAN: Got it.

.

You might also like:

Notary Italian Restaurant
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16493

Share
>
Older Posts »