August 2019 - Notary Blog - Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice - 123notary.com
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August 21, 2019

Good Times — a trip to Burger King

Filed under: Sit-Coms — admin @ 10:47 pm

JJ: Would you like to date a worldly and sophisticated gentleman?

WILONA: Burger King?

JJ: 6pm

WILONA: Don’t be late!

JJ: And bring your notary seal.

WILONA: Nothing beats dining with royalty, especially in the ghetto.

JJ: Royalty?

WILONA: Burger KING dummy!

JJ: Oh yeah… I almost forgot. Oh, and speaking of forgetting, don’t forget your Notary seal just in case some random underachiever needs to be notarized.

WILONA: You’re the worst underachiever I’ve ever seen — I doubt anyone could top you!

JJ: You aparrantly haven’t met Chazzie yet.

WILONA: Chazzie?

(At Burger king)

CHAZZIE: What chu looking at JIVE turkey?

JJ: Who you callin a JIVE turkey?

CHAZZIE: You…. jive turkey

JJ: Well, I ain’t no jive turkey but you are.

WHITE GUY: I have a little gift for you Chazzie.

JJ: Aren’t you in the wrong neighborhood? (clearing throat repeatedly)

WHITE GUY: I was near by and decided to stop in for a burger.

WILONA: He’s not the only one. So, what’s the gift?

WHITE GUY: It’s a bumper sticker that says, “Honk, if you love honkies.”

CHAZZIE: Well I ain’t gonna be honking any time soon.

WHITE GUY: And why is that?

CHAZZIE: Because my damn horn is broken, fool.

WILONA: Don’t listen to him. That’s not the reason. The damn fool doesn’t even own a car. Ha ha!!! (slaps her knee laughing)

CHAZZIE: Okay, jokes aside, or should I say, jokes on me aside, I have an Affidavit of Squatter’s intent to be signed, you dig?

WILONA: If you would go to the basement, you’d have plenty to dig, and you might even be able to dredge out your own apartment under the radar that nobody would know about.

JJ: Nobody except for the rats, that is…

WILONA: Okay, just sign right here, and repeat after me… I Chazzie Johnson swear that the contents of this Affidavit of squatter’s intent is true and correct to the best of m knowledge, as spotty as my knowledge may be.

CHAZZIE: I Chazzie Johnson swear that the contents of this Affidavit of Squatter’s intent is true and correct to the best of my knowledge — Amen!

JJ: Close enough. Now stamp the damn form so I can get on dining with royalty. Ain’t there supposed to be a moat here? We are in a castle, right?

WILONA: I’ll throw you in the moat later, but first… enjoy your meal. And Chazzie, what was yo mama thinking when she named you?

JJ: I was there at the time. His mother was trying to say Jazzie, but she was so tired, that the only words that came out her mouth were Chazzie… my baby.

WILONA: Shut up fool, you hadn’t even been born yet.

JJ: I know…

CHAZZIE: Thanks Wilona. You saved my life

WILONA: If you call that a life.

JJ: Well, you know what I say — DYNOMITE!

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August 20, 2019

A bar only for “cool” notaries

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — admin @ 11:48 pm

I had a dream that I bought a bar and wanted to make it the coolest place only, and for Notaries primarily. So, what I did was to create this apparatus called a “coolometer”. It is a little like how they strap you to a laughometer at comedy places where they charge by the laugh. The coolometer measures how cool you are, so the bouncer can decide whether or not to let you in on a busy night.

In any case, the machine has a rating from one to ten to test how cool you are. On a regular night you need to score at least four so we know you are not a complete dweeb. But, on the weekends you need to score at least six. Day time we did not have too many restrictions just as long as you weren’t scaring people away.

So, the bar did well. Many Notaries came and swapped stories about backdating, who paid, who didn’t, and more. Some Notaries decided to become pick up artists and come up with pick up lines (which usually didn’t work.

Do you sign her often?
What’s your sign?

LINE: Do your parents know that you hang out in dangerous neighborhoods after dark?
RESPONSE: This neighborhood isn’t dangerous.
LINE: It is when I’m here baby!

In any case, everyone had a good time and the bouncer had the necessary tools to pick them. Thank God he didn’t decide to screen people based on Notary knowledge otherwise the bar would have been empty. But, then, I decided to visit my own bar. The bouncer strapped me to my coolometer and said that I only scored a three and couldn’t come in. I said, “But, I invented this machine — not fair… plus I am the owner. What gives?” Then he said, “Just kidding.” I was so riled after that I had to have a home made ginger beer spiked with rum. Good God. And remember — Don’t drink and sign!

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August 19, 2019

A notary goes to a motivational event, but has a hearing problem

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:54 pm

Frank the Notary went to a motivational speech to try to improve his way of thinking. But his hearing was off. The speaker said, “Become the best version of yourself.” But, Frank heard something different.

All throughout the speech, the teacher made lame gender related jokes, and Frank tried to laugh extra hard. The speaker made some lame joke about how Jack and Jill went up the hill but did more than just fetch a pail of water and Frank laughed his head off. After about two hours of this, the teacher came to have a one on one talk with Frank.

SPEAKER: Hi Frank, is that what your name tag says?

FRANK: Pardon my handwriting. I get a little jittery around all of this sexy ladies.

SPEAKER: There are only two ladies under fifty here and trust me they are nothing to look at.

FRANK: You know what I mean.

SPEAKER: I think you misheard me when I began this lecture. I said be the best version of yourself, not the best virgin.

FRANK: Ohhhhh! Now you tell me. And I was trying so hard too! Now I will be Frank 3.1

SPEAKER: Well thank God for that. And thank God you finally lost your virginity.

FRANK: What a relief!

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August 18, 2019

Here is why you should keep a journal…

Filed under: Carmen Towles — admin @ 11:40 pm

I was speaking with one of my notary colleagues and I don’t know how the topic of journals came up but it did. This notary lives and works in Florida and they are not required to keep a journal but he does. He says that he always has since day one. He says that it has saved him on more than one occasion.

He shared with me a couple of incidents that he felt have saved him from wasted time, lawsuits and lawyer fees. After a 5 year old notarization, he received a call from an attorney that wanted to know if he remembered notarizing for a Haitian woman whom he had met with. Typically he doesn’t remember them after a few years but he did remember her. The lawyer went on to tell him that the woman had since passed and the son was contesting the POA he had notarized, He said that his mother would not have signed such a document. It seems she had given one of the other sibling POA and this angered him. So, the notary found the journal entry, made a copy and sent to the attorney and that was the end of it. He never heard from him again.

On another occasion he actually received a subpoena and had to actually appear in court. It seems this was around the time of option arm loans and subprime. In any case, the signers of the loan were claiming fraud on the lenders part. Because no-one is required in Florida to keep a journal he was not asked for a journal entry. However, on the day of his court appearance he brought along his journal. Upon taking the stand to be questioned, he mentioned to the judge that not only did they appear before him and indeed sign the loan documents, he had journal entries along with thumbprints to prove it. The judge looked at the journal and in annoyance banged his gavel and said case dismissed. Pay your bills he directed to the borrower/signers.

Now think about this; what if in both these occasions he had not had a journal to prove that these people had met with him. Both these cases had the potential to drag on for weeks perhaps even months.

So moral of the story, PLEASE keep a journal for your own (and others) protection. For most states this is not a requirement. And, if your are precluded/prohibited form keeping one (Texas comes to mind) then by all means follow the rules/laws of your state. But for the rest of you that have no such restriction please keep a journal. It is so worth the extra effort. The benefits for out weigh the expense (buying journals) and the extra time required too fill them out. A journal could save your life…..

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August 17, 2019

The Signature Name Affidavit: what is it and its purpose…

I am posed with questions concerning this document quite often. So let me tell what it is and what it isn’t. For those of you that are unfamiliar; this document is one of the documents found in 95% of all of loan packages.

The signature name affidavit represent names that have appeared on an individuals credit report(s). When a person applies for a loan, the lender runs a persons credit using all 3 of the credit bureaus (Experian, TransUnion and Equifax). These reports will usually include all of the names an individual has used in their lifetime; examples would be; marriages, maiden and name given at birth. The signers are required by the lender to sign the form and the form typically needs to be notarized.

At other times there will be clerical errors consisting of misspelled names and occasionally where the names are quite different. Sometimes in the case of the latter the signers will have an objection to signing the form and one can hardly blame them. So, if the signers have an objection to signing a name that is not their own, I have them strike it and initial. To date that has been acceptable and I haven’t had a document returned because of this action. (I suggest however, that you always bring this to the attention the company (or person) that hired you while-at the signing table if it is an issue. Never take matters into your own hands. ALWAYS ask).

There will be other times when the ID doens’t match the documents exactly; say for example, a middle name is missing or the maiden was used previously and now they are married but they have no ID with these variations, you may be asked to add this name variation to the signature name affidavit in lieu of having ID. This is a big NO.NO. We must have current government issued picture ID. (or credible witnesses if they are allowed in your state). You CANNOT add names to the signature name affidavit that you DON’T have ID for. This is fraud and you will be on BIG trouble, if it ever comes up in an investigation or court case. I hear notary excuses; “But Carmen, they swore to me that that was their name.” Not good enough. Just imagine how this would appear to law enforcement or a judge. You must protect yourself and the signer. If you unfortunately find yourself in this situation always ask the signers if they have other acceptable ID that has all their names on it or use credible witness if allowed.

Now, I have actually added names to the signature name affidavit that I had ID for, but that is another blog story. 🙂

Until next time, be safe!

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August 16, 2019

Confessions of a Notary

Filed under: Other Guest Bloggers — admin @ 11:35 pm

Notary, Jean, walks into a confessional booth, shuts the door and sits down. The PRIEST
begins with the sign of the cross.

JEAN: Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been about 3 years since my last confession. Ooph, where do I begin?
(Silence.) Okay… I have lied, a lot, for my job.

PRIEST: How so?

JEAN: Well, I backdated a document for a client–big no-no. I often don’t check ID’s in meetings with clients. Oh, I tried to help this poor girl with a document. Her mom was so sick that she couldn’t make it to the appointment, so I didn’t witness her signature–but though I know that’s wrong, I think Jesus would be on board with that one because I was helping someone in need. Granted, it was her mother’s will…Oh SHIT! I don’t think her mom signed that…FUCK!

PRIEST: Excuse me?

JEAN: Oh, and I cussed during confession…Sorry.

PRIEST: You must be a notary.

JEAN: Yeah. I am.

PRIEST: I absolve you of your sins. You may go.

JEAN: goes to leave.
If I could offer some advice?

JEAN: Yes.

PRIEST: Maybe follow the law, and you know, not commit fraud for people.

JEAN: Right. Thank you, Father.

JEAN leaves. Another PERSON enters.

PRIEST: Before we begin, what is your profession?

PERSON: Notary?

PRIEST: Oh gosh. Let’s begin in the name of–
End.

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August 15, 2019

Show me the money…..

Filed under: Carmen Towles — admin @ 11:34 pm

For the last 3 or so months I have started receiving several calls a week from folks looking for contact information on various signing companies due to non payment. These notaries are searching on Google because the contact information they have on there work orders seem to be no longer accurate. They’re emails to the companies go un-answered or they just don’t answer the phone. I suspect that these companies are blocking and/or ignoring them. So after the notaries have exhausted all attempts to find these deadbeat signing services (with no luck) they end up calling 123 for help.

Here is what I advise; please always keep the title/escrow and lenders contact numbers. If you have exhausted all your efforts with the signing service, then your last resort is to let the title, escrow and/or lender know that the company that they are using is not paying you. They will not be happy about this. If they have been bombarded with collection calls they may rethink their relationship with the signing service. You just might get a direct client out of the deal. Unfortunately for us, the only sure way of always getting paid is to get paid upfront. But of course this will never happen. Our profession is just not designed this way. Since our (in addition to other) fees come directly from the borrowers settlement costs we typically have to wait until the loan closes to be paid. What a bummer!

The next natural questions notaries ask are; “ How do they get away with this?” and “How do they stay in business?” and last but not least, “What can be done about this?”. The best way to solve these problems would be for us to just stop working with them. But that is not is going to happen. Most notaries come into this business not having a clue how things truly work. They are just anxious to get some assignments and get to making some money. These companies know this and take advantage. The new notaries also are not aware that there are resources (123notary and notary rotary, etc.) for them to check these folks out BEFORE you do the job. Keep in mind signing services ARE NOT regulated. Anyone can start one. You must protect yourself from these wolves in sheep clothing. Do your research on each company that you work with; preferably before you print those doc’s.

These non payment issues are what happen when the signing companies come in with no capitol, start making money and when the business starts to slow down (which it often does) they start not paying. They will use your money to pay their bills. And once they get so far behind it is almost impossible to catch up. Unfortunately, they keep on using notaries; robbing Peter to pay Paul and they just get further and further behind. And because there is always a ton of fresh new notaries coming into the profession these companies never run out of new notaries to exploit and this cycle just repeats itself.

So, please make sure that you post these non payment issues on the notary boards and forums so others can be for warned. And so your do diligence and check these companies out! No exceptions!

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August 14, 2019

Millennial Notaries and gender roles

Filed under: General Articles — admin @ 11:33 pm

It has come to my attention that many of the millennial Notaries are confused about gender roles.

We had a male Notary who did not want to lead at a signing. He claimed that leading might cause offense to the others because they might consider the signing to be part of the male patriarchy. However, the signers felt differently. They did not know what to do, and the Notary did not help. So, they called the signing company and the Notary got fired.

Another Notary did not want to talk to the wife at the signing for fear that he might come across as male chauvinist. During the whole signing, the husband and wife kept looking at each other giving each other weird looks. They did not know what to think.

A third Millennial Notary did a signing at Starbucks. The signer asked the lady next to him what time it was and proceeded to make small talk. The Notary said, “Not cool,” because many Millennials think it is not cool (and scary) to approach women. Kind of reminds you of the Gillette commercial for Millennials. But, such a situation happened to me at a bar, where the male millennial staff member got all afraid because I wanted to ask one of the Chinese girls if she preferred effeminate guys to masculine guys. In China, masculinity is out, and guys who act like girls are in. Good thing I speak English like a guy, but speak Chinese like a girl!

My question to millennials is:
If men stop approaching women (and many have due to getting shot down) then how will people date, get married or reproduce? I think that the millennial brain is too small to think that far in advance. Additionally, if a man is not masculine (in more than just “for show” ways) then how will he provide for and protect his family? 33% of millennials live with mommy and daddy. Not very macho if you ask me. Glad my family kicked me out of the house when I finished college otherwise I would have ended up an adult baby like them. Good God!

If gender roles are flexible, then just have your husband get pregnant for you half the time and have him breast feed the baby. After that, I’m sure his male genes will be equally suited to parenting a two, three and four year old child while the female bread winner goes out and makes money. Only 10% of wives make more than their husbands. Gender reversal is the standard way of thought for millennials, but biology dictates that the results of such an action would be far less than optimal or impossible. I guess the political pressure on people stops them from thinking coherently. But, I know how to think.

Newsflash — men and women are not the same. When men go out, they get approached by women roughly 10% of the time. It happens but is rare. When you go out on a date, the man normally pays. When you have a family, the women normally depends financially on the man, especially when she is pregnant or has an infant. So, it looks like men are doing 90% of the hunting people down and providing and women are doing the child rearing, even in these politically correct times. Correct me if I am wrong, that the brainwashing has changed its message, but biology is still consistent with our ancestors in Africa 200,000 years ago. Hmm, do you think my African ancestors had rhythm?

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August 13, 2019

The iPhone crisis

Filed under: General Articles — admin @ 11:32 pm

As we all know, society has changed since the advent of the iPhone. For me, an iPhone is a tool, just as the internet is. I use it to make money, communicate, and browse. But, I do not let the internet run my personal life nor do I go around staring at my iPhone 24 hours a day.

Whenever I go out, and particularly to Asian areas, I notice that Chinese seem to be glued to their iPhones. It is common knowledge that Chinese have some of the least developed social skills of any cultural group. But, this problem is not facilitated by burying their noses in books studying or iPhones while ignoring the world around them. Culturally, Chinese hate talking to strangers as well which compounds the problem. Every time I see a Chinese girl with an iPhone, the only thought that pops into my screen… I mean head is, “here we go again.” But, whites also do the same thing.

Shutting other human beings out of your life is not socially constructive behavior. Additionally, children being born might rather be born to a poorer family where the mother is emotionally available to the children instead of being focused entirely on her iPhone.

For those of you who don’t know, I am studying Chinese again. I started in 1986, and spent a lot of time in 1989 and 1990 studying. But, now I am upping my vocabulary and trying to get more practice talking before I go to Shanghai. I have noticed that I used to think that Chinese girls were unfriendly, but when I talk to Chinese guys, some of them take offense. Why? Being human is how God created us. Some of the people I am talking to are not completely human. Sorry to say, but true. I guess the females are less hostile to me than the men… Hmmm. What a world we live in… no wonder I’m lonely. I’m tempted to say, but I still have Mrs. Meao … aka Sheba, but she passed away many years ago and only visits me in dreams, even when there is no chicken involved!

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August 12, 2019

Do your homework

Filed under: Carmen Towles — admin @ 11:31 pm

It never ceases to amaze me how many folks get into this business and don’t know ANYTHING about it. All folks seem to know is that someone came to their house with their loan paperwork and it looks easy enough and they burst out, “Hey, I could do this too! And then proceed to ask; “How do you get into this business?’. And they actually expect you to give them all the little details of the ends and outs of how to get into the business so they can TAKE all of your business. Never, once thinking that this might be improper because why would any of us really want to train our own competition? But some of us do (being nice and all that) but end up regretting it later due to our own demise.

Recently, I was reading a notary forum post about how easy we make it look and that we need to stop this immediately because all we are doing is saturating our areas with more and more notaries that are really not needed. It’s all about supply and demand. Unfortunately, at the time of me writing this there is no real demand for us notaries in this profession. Up until recently rates were steadily going up (went down a little as the writing of this blog) and the real estate markets seem to currently be a little sluggish. But none of this stops the constant flow of signing agents still flocking to the business like fly’s on you know what.

The other contributing factor in over saturation is that you have several places that offer loan signing classes with no regard that they are consistently over saturating the market with notary signing agents that will NEVER see any meaningful work. Just this week alone, I have spoken with a few notaries in various parts of the county that have been at it for months but still no work. Or if they do have any at all it is in limited supply. And the fees are paltry at best. I mean who wants to do a full loan package with scan backs for 65.00??? Please try NOT accept these low fees. It hurts us all.

A piece of advice, you must do your research BEFORE you jump into this profession. Don’t just jump in without knowing what you are getting into first. Check the number of notaries in your area. It might be worthwhile to join some facebook groups and read our forum here at 123notary.com as well as Notary Notary to gain some prospective on the business. There is WAY more to being a notary signing agent than meets the eye.

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