Many Notaries are under the radar so to speak when it comes to doing Notary work. Some Notaries do not fill out forms properly and others are downright cheats. So much for those DOJ background checks. Can the FBI check your integrity with one of those checks?
Notary Santa on the other hand has a good grasp of integrity. He knows who has been what Jeremy calls, “Integritous.” He knows who has been a good or naughty Notary. Here is what you get!
When a Notary has been good he/she gets a new dual tray laser printer. They usually get one of the narrower ones not to save money, but because the larger models don’t fit down a chimney. Neither does Santa, but he only works out once a year. (And eats a lot of Ho-Ho-Hos.)
When a Notary has backdated, Notary Santa delivers gifts early in the morning on the 26th, but backdates the transaction. It is a kind of Notary karma.
When a Notary has committed fraud, Notary Santa offers them a choice between Trump’s clean burning coal in their stocking and reindeer poop. Some think Trump’s ideas on coal are full of another kind of poop, but that’s for another blog. Personally, I heard that the reindeer droppings make good fertilizer, so turn lemons into lemonade with this one!
It is generally a good idea to leave cookies in the shape of a certification seal for Santa.
JIMMY: Hi Santa — you’re real.
NOTARY SANTA: I am, el-ham du-li’llah. (Praise be to God in Arabic.)
JIMMY: How many more stops do you have?
NOTARY SANTA: Only two but I’m in a real hurry.
JIMMY: Why such a hurry?
NOTARY SANTA: I’m an Islamic Santa. I do it because it pays great. But, I have to get my sleigh out of the country byJanuary 20th, 2017 before you know who takes office insh’allah.
JIMMY: Oh… Well, he’ll need congressional approval to do anything drastic, so you have nothing to worry about… assuming…
NOTARY SANTA: That’s exactly it… It’s the assuming part. Assuming that nothing unexpected happens. Like showing up on Inauguration Day with a normal haircut. Or putting a normal-sized hand on the bible. Can you imagine what will happen when I get my sleigh back to Iraq? I’m not safe here in 26 days and my sleigh is not safe in my hometown. I think I’ll just have to hide out at the North Pole or in Canada. Ya’allah — problems.
JIMMY: I understand. Can I see some ID to make sure you’re the right Santa?
NOTARY SANTA: See ID? You’re already sounding like the Trumpster. Yeah sure kid. Here it is.
JIMMY: It says Notary Santa Fouzi Al-Housseini. That’s a strange name for a Santa.
NOTARY SANTA: It’s a typical Iraqi Santa name. If you ever come to Iraq (not recommended for the next 20 years) you’ll see many Santas with this type of name. Although we’re not exactly Saint Nicks.
JIMMY: If I fill out the Notary venue I’ll put — State of Disbelief. County of Lost IDgeles.
NOTARY SANTA: Ho! Ho! Ho!
JIMMY: You ate the last one… Last year I saw Santa kissing mommy. But, she was wearing a veil. I can’t figure that one out.
NOTARY SANTA: It must have been a different Santa. But, it is hard to ID people wearing a veil or burka. Common problem in my country.
JIMMY: I was gonna make a veiled reference to that.
NOTARY SANTA: See ya Jimmy. And just call me Santa Fouzi, not Santa Claus — he handles Arizona, I cover parts of California. We have kind of a route like USPS.
JIMMY: And you took a year to get here. Just like my mail.>