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August 17, 2018

The Emergency Button

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 11:47 am

JOHNNY: I’m doing a Notary in the hood, but every time I go there, I get followed by these characters. The harrassment never ends.

WIZARD: No problem. We developed this device. Just press the button and we will teleport ourselves to wherever you are and show up in our klan outfits to protect you.

JOHNNY (White Liberal Notary): Hmm, I don’t know. I don’t exactly approve of your organization.

WIZARD: Well when the police are nowhere to be found you might reconsider.

DARIAN (Confident Black Notary): Hey man, don’t worry about these guys. They ain’t no problem. I ain’t afraid of nothin’.

(The next day. Johnny walks through the hood and gets followed.)

THUGS: What are you doing in our hood, white boy?

JOHNNY: Uh -oh… (presses button)

WIZARD: Stop following my friend Johnny, or I’ll be back with my boys!

THUGS: Hmmm. We better see our connections about this.

(The thugs go to see their contact who gives them an emergency button for backup.)

THUGS: We need an emergency button!

SALESMAN: Just watch this video. “When I have thug back up, it doesn’t matter if I don’t know where I am… THEY know where I am. It detects if I fall, and they have a file on what my medical (or legal) problems are.

THUGS: Sold!

(The next day. Johnny has another notary appointment in the hood and once again gets followed.)

THUGS: So, you came back to our hood. What brought you back?

JOHNNY: Work. (presses button several times)

WIZARD: (appears out of thin air) Okay, I’m here with my gang of six. Back off and don’t bother our friend Johnny.

THUGS: Well we have a little surprise for you. (presses button and twelve more thugs show up and beat up the klan guys). Take that (bash) and that (clash). You guys are a bunch of racists.

WIZARD’s ASSISTANT: Well we wouldn’t be here if you weren’t racially harassing and beating up OUR people.

THUGS: Good point.

WIZARD: When we defend our people it’s okay, but when you do your business, it’s racist.

THUGS: What a double standard!

WIZARD: Uh-oh. Time to leave. (presses button and disappears.)

JOHNNY: Uh oh. Time to call 911. (911 comes)

THUGS: Uh-oh, police on the scene, you know what I mean. Time to press the disappear button.

(Meanwhile Darius the other Notary who ain’t afraid of nothin’ got jumped and is currently in the hospital.)

DARIAN: I can’t believe this happened. I felt so secure. And now I’m in the hospital.

WIZARD: I can’t believe I’m in here as well. Can’t we all just get along?

DARIUS: Am I hearing this correctly? YOU want to get along?

WIZARD: Sure.

(Meanwhile, the police confront the gang.)

POLICE: Freeze, we have you surrounded.

THUGS: That’s what you think. (presses button and twelve more thugs arrive and engage in shoot out.)

POLICE: We better press our back up button. (presses button and twenty more police arrive.)

THUGS: We need more backup, but our button is malfunctioning.

POLICE: This is just like the Los Angeles riots of 1992. We better get out of here. It’s too dangerous. We’ll just tell the Korean merchants or whomever is in trouble that we can’t make it and that we hope they have insurance. See ya!

THUGS: Before you go, isn’t confronting danger to make society safer the whole point of your job?

POLICE: Not in our book. Getting home by 6pm to our loving wives and getting paid overtime is the main priority, not to mention getting my damn steering wheel fixed.

.

BACK IN THE HOSPITAL ……

.

WIZARD: If you wouldn’t go to that hood, we wouldn’t have this problem to begin with.

NOTARY: Hey, I’m an equal opportunity Notary. Now you’re being racist.

WIZARD: If those intolerant thugs were not in the hood, you would not have called us in the first place. You can’t change the world, but you can change your habits.

NOTARY: Good point.

.

(The next day after a quick recovery with a few bandages the Wizard goes to one of the thug’s house to protest what happened.)

WIZARD: I am burning this cross as a candle light vigil to protest the unfair racial discrimination that our people have faced due to the thug that lives in this here building. Hey, what are you guys doing here?

JEW KLUX KLAN GUY: Jewish power! I am burning this star of David to protest also. But, because someone else in this complex married out of our faith. Such a disgrace.

ISLAMIC EXTREMIST GUY: I saw you guys and decided to join the party. I’m burning a crescent. It’s our way of doing things. But, I actually have nothing to protest today. After all, Israel didn’t build any new settlements recently.

(Meanwhile a very angry lady from nearby in the ‘hood drove by and started shooting.)

WIZARD: We are being persecuted all over again while having a peaceful protest. The unfairness of it all — ouch, I’m hit. Back to the hospital.

(In Hospital)

WIZARD: Hey, it’s you again

DARIAN: You’re back. Getting beat up wasn’t enough for you, you had to get shot.

WIZARD: I could have died in that there ‘hood. We’re being persecuted (sniffle.)

(Another angry lady from the same ‘hood as the thugs comes to the hospital room and starts shooting, but gets arrested)

LADY: I’m shooting these people because they are racists!

WIZARD: We didn’t do anything racist… at least not in the last few years. We were protesting being persecuted by thugs from your ‘hood, and the result is to be violently persecuted two more times. Do I need to fill out a permission slip to have freedom of speech and expression?

POLICE: How unfair, and especially for these things to happen to you of all people sarcastically). I’m sure a good half a percent of the population in Los Angeles will have sympathy and feel your pain.

WIZARD: Well they should (whimper.) And I’m sure they just love paying over time for you to have donuts.

POLICE: Actually, we switched to bagels for health reasons. It is sort of a culture shift in the department.

DARIAN: Hey man, this guy is just defending his people. Wait. Why am I defending you?

This skit was thought of when watching the commercial for the emergency health button. It detects if you fell, and you can press the button, and help will be on the way.

“I don’t need to know where I am… THEY know where I am. If I called 911 they wouldn’t know what to do, but emergency button has my health information on file.”

.

You might also like:

Notarization in the ‘hood
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1085

Black Notaries vs. White Notaries – The Notary Manual
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19322

Best virtual notary comedy compilation updated to 2018
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17693

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August 11, 2018

Names for Notaries to name their children

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 11:31 am

We think of Notary work as something that we just do. But, what if we encourage our children to become Notaries? It might help if they had a Notarial sounding name to do well in the industry. Here are my ideas.

Sealmore
Venuetta
Juratella
Stampella
Enenay
Affi-David — you can name his brother Affi-Goliath
Rescinda / Rescindo
Stamper
Affirma — sounds like a health product or hair care.
Embosston — sounds more like a city.
S. Crow
S.S. — comes next to the venue.
Oatha
HUD-son
Journal — keep it simple
Signarturo
Notario — just don’t use this name in Texas without a disclaimer.
Durresto
Witnessino
Ginnie Mae
Hague
Heloc
Lockworth
Manual(a)
Non-conformito
Paula Ursula Davenport — initials would be PUD.
Respa
Rider
Ferdinand Harry Armstrong — initials would be FHA.
A. Paul Steele

Feel free to leave your comments if you have any other ideas.

.

You might also like:

Names for notary businesses with commentary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20765

Deceptive identities – companies that change their names
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1090

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July 28, 2018

Shark Tank: A signing company wants to sell shares on Shark Tank

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 12:40 am

CONTESTANT: Hello Sharks, my name is Dave and I want to sell 50% of my company on Shark Tank. We are a signing company that caters to nationwide title companies. We get Notaries around the country to do signings for us, and then keep them waiting forever to get paid to improve upon our cash flow. There is nothing new or innovative about our business practices. It is similar to most other signing companies.

Mr. WONDERFUL: I have a great idea. Since you take forever to pay people who have done work for you, I’ll buy 50% of your business and then take forever to pay you for it.

CONTESTANT: Oh, well, I’m not sure I like that idea.

LORI: If you don’t like being treated that way, don’t treat others that way. What comes around goes around.

CONTESTANT: Well, that’s just the way our industry works. I don’t always get paid on time by title either.

LORI: As I was saying, refer to my last statement.

Mr. WONDERFUL: It seems like you are participating more in the bad karma business than the signing business. Maybe you should change your business model.

MARK: Yeah, perhaps you should pay people a day before they do the work and then they can keep you waiting indefinitely to actually do the work. That is how it is hiring programmers.

CONTESTANT: Please don’t bring up the “p” word.

LORI: The “p” word? Programmers? Why? Did you pay them and then they didn’t do their work? That is a business model for most programming companies in the industry who cater to small clients. That’s why I get an air-tight contract before I hire a programmer to even write a single line of code.

BARBARA: Sounds like you need a better business model. I’m out by the way. But, if you consider paying people upon proof of having finished service by having them fax you a few pages of the work, that might be a reasonable system for having work done and paid for quickly.

CONTESTANT: Yeah. The problem is that if I pay the Notary before I get paid by Title, I might just be out the money.

LORI: That’s a cost of doing business. Pay the Notary whatever you can afford after you calculate the percentage chance that you won’t get paid. At least you will still have good Notaries working for you in this case.

CONTESTANT: Okay. I’m out.

Mr. WONDERFUL: You can’t be out. You’re the contestant. By the way I’m out.

CONTESTANT: Well, it sounds like I’m not going to get paid on time which is why I’m out.

LORI: We could paypal you the funds right away.

CONTESTANT: But, funds can be reversed and the policies are wishy-washy for non-tangibles.

LORI: But, I don’t want anything to do with your type of business model paying people late and not being innovative. Why not a more cutting edge business model where Title is forced to pay within 72 hours of you paying the notary or you either cut them as a client or raise their rates accordingly. You could have the whole pay structure as part of an automated system.

CONTESTANT: Snapdocs is the only intelligent business model these days. The rest of us use technology from the 90’s.

Mr. WONDERFUL: It’s time to get with the times. I’m out. Ooops. I said that already. Oh, running out of time speaking of time. It’s time for our next contestant.

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July 27, 2018

Black Notaries vs. White Notaries. The Notary Dance

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 11:33 am

Our last Black vs. White was really more about Asian parents vs. White parents and how white parents don’t make their kids study enough. That made white people very upset. Don’t be upset — just have your kids study harder. But, all the offensive comments… are they really necessary? The reason I write this type of blogs is that they get a lot of clicks. This is what people want to read about. It excites them. You know what they say — get your clicks on route 66. If you don’t want me writing about this type of subject matter, then click on something educational like our Notary Public 101 course or other tutorials.

WEEZY: George, I really think that Florence should become a Notary.

GEORGE JEFFERSON: Flo? She doesn’t know nothing about paperwork, or any kind of work for that matter.

WEEZY: I think it would be good if she knew some other types of ways to expand her horizons. But, I’m worried. What if she makes a mistake and costs a business owner thousands?

GEORGE JEFFERSON: Mistake? That ain’t nothing to worry about. How can you make a mistake if you don’t do anything?

TERRENCE: Personally, I think the Notary industry is racist.

WEEZY: How’s that?

TERRENCE: Have you ever noticed that you always sign a white document with black ink? There’s a whole lot more white than there is black.

SEINFELD: I never thought of that before. Why not have a black document signed with white ink?

KRAMER: Why not invisible ink, that you can only see with a special light! (rubbing his hands together)

FLO: I think that Notaries should have their own special Notarial dance.

SEINFELD: I like the idea, but how would I make a joke about that… let me think…

GEORGE JEFFERSON: Most Notaries that I’ve seen are white. The idea of a white person doing any type of a dance is a joke in itself.

SEINFELD: (nodding head) yeah, that’s right. Unless it is some sort of a Jewish dance. Our people excel at dancing, but only if it is in a circle. The minute we have to dance standing still or in a line, the whole thing just falls apart.

GEORGE JEFFERSON: The only reason your people know how to dance, is that they got plenty of practice while living in Africa and even more practice while running away from the Pharoah.

SEINFELD: I disagree. Running away from Pharoah was running in a particular direction — East. Our people just like to go in circles. Circular dances, circular reasoning, circuitous logic, etc. It gets you absolutely nowhere, but it’s so much fun if you don’t get dizzy.

FLO: I get dizzy just looking at reruns of my big fat Jewish Wedding. The whole thing where they lift the guy up in a chair into the air singing Le Chaim. I can get Le Chaim on sale downt he street every Thursday. I don’t see what the big deal is.

SITTING CROW: I like Jewish Pow Wow plenty good. But, they need better drum.

(The next day, Tom the white guy on the Jeffersons married to a black lady talks about his dream)

TOM WILLIS: I had this terrible dream last night.

FLO: What was it about?

TOM WILLIS: It was about Notaries.

GEORGE JEFFERSON: Was it about white men and black women doing a whole lot more than just holding hands and singing cumbaya?

TOM WILLIS: No, that came BEFORE the dream before I went to sleep. I’ll spare you the details.

FLO: I bet it was about white Notaries TRYING to dance.

TOM WILLIS: Actually, that was exactly what it was about. How did you know?

FLO: Oh, just a hunch.

TOM WILLIS: It all started out with a lot of suspense, just like the suspense that Helen and I had not knowing what gender our baby would be…

GEORGE JEFFERSON: And not knowing what color he would be!

TOM WILLIS: Well what happened was that 123notary created a video about a Notary dance that went viral on youtube… well that’s something that hasn’t been invented yet, but will be soon according to my psychic that Helen doesn’t know about and who’s rates are very reasonable by the way… please don’t tell Helen. In any case after the video came out, Notaries throughout the USA started doing the Notary dance. The dance was created to make Notaries feel happier, but it divided Notaries along racial lines because the black Notaries thought that the white Notaries weren’t doing the dance well enough. In fact, People started hiring Notaries based on their dancing skills and white Notaries got mad because they were disporportionally left out. They started an online riot and burned down half of Linked In. I’m not sure how this works because it all happens in the distant future.

SEINFELD: Why would anyone want to hire a Notary who danced? It doesn’t make sense. I can see the pen doing a dance, but the Notary? Most Notaries are crotchety people in their fifties and sixties. This whole dancing thing just doesn’t gel with me.

SITTING CROW: Our people have a Notary dance. But, we only do it wearing a wolf outfit which is made out of a wolf head and skin that we killed many years ago.

TOM WILLIS: It’s such a shame that people become divided so easily over race. It just divides society in half.

GEORGE JEFFERSON: And it might divide certain marriages in half as well!

WEEZY: I just can’t figure out why Notaries start an online riot, whatever that means, when somebody says something that bothers them. Can’t they just talk things over in a civil way like George and I… okay, bad example.

SEINFELD: And last time Jeremy posted his Black vs. White article on facebook about the Notary manual, people had an online riot and posted hundreds of angry and hateful comments about it when the article was not disrespectful at all. What gives? They could have a polite way of voicing their opinions instead of having a riot all throughout Facebook, Linked In, and whatever online networks will be created in a decade or two.

FLO: Or three. It’s the seventees where we are — at least for now. We’ll have to work our way into the 2000’s.

GEORGE JEFFERSON: Yeah, that’s the key word…. work! If it requires work, you’ll never get there!

.

You might also like:

Black Notaries vs. White Notaries – Comedy Edition
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17455

Notary Psychic Tarot Card Reading
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19126

Notary Jail
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19666

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July 20, 2018

What is a four letter word you have to use in the presence of a Notary?

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts — admin @ 9:51 am

Here are some questions to jog your memory.

What is a four letter word you use in the presence of a Notary that you don’t use in an Acknowledgment?
Oath

What is a five letter word meaning to put your stamp’s impression on a piece of paper?
Affix

Which Notary act has no signature and no God?
Affirmation

Which Notary act does the principal signer not need to show up?
Proof of Execution

Which Notary act makes you prove that the principal signer was executed?
None, but sounds like a proof of execution.

Which Notary act does not required signing the document in the presence of the Notary Public?
Acknowledgment

Which Notary act has a signed document as well as an Oath or Affirmation?
Jurat

Which profession has their clients swear without using any profanity?
Notary Public

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July 13, 2018

A dream about Michelle Obama’s inspirational speech

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 9:31 am

Can you imagine if Michelle Obama became a Notary? Nobody would complain that she came to an appointment without dressing well. But, what if she gave inspirational Notary speeches? Here is a speech I imagined while daydreaming.

As a Notary Public, there are many forces of nature that you have to deal with. Signing companies, interest rates, the secretary of state, the threat of law suits, and more. You have to hold your head up high and stay positive. You have to do your best when confronted with any obstacle. You have to keep the right mentality — so, here is how we do it.

When they sign down;
We sign up;

When they have the Power of Attorney;
We gravitate the power;

When their identification is missing a letter;
We don’t let that get us down (and also refuse to notarize);

When they cancel an appointment;
We schedule another one (or have a quick bite at Jack in the Box in the $1 menu.)

When they don’t pay us on time;
We bill them on time;

The other thing we do, is the Notary Mom dance. Watch this…. (the dance involves a huge Notary stamp she waves to the left and then waves to the right.)

I am all charged up now. I think Michelle Obama should lead the Notary industry. We’d all be a lot happier. But, she would probably make you know your notary basics which would put many of you out of business. But, it is never too late to learn!

.

You might also like:

10 ways female Notaries can protect themselves
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19196

The war between men and women notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3693

A Notary at a Bat-Mitzvah
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19389

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July 6, 2018

Trump in North Korea

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 9:31 am

TRUMP: I won’t hack you if you don’t hack us. And I have the best hackers of them all. I just have them devoted to defending us from hacking for ethical reasons.

KIM JONG UN: No deal. And stop calling me missile man. And the texts have to stop. It is demeaning. In my country you get thrown in the gulag for stuff like that.

TRUMP: Thank God I don’t live in your country. On the other hand, if I lived in your country, I wouldn’t have to put up with all the flack from angry people who hate me. Hmm. You know, maybe your country isn’t so bad, if you overlook that Twitter is either censored or not allowed.

KIM JONG UN: The human species lived for thousands of years without Twitter.

TRUMP: True, if you consider that to be “living.” The human species also lived for thousands of years without weird haircuts.

KIM JONG UN: There you go again, picking on me about my haircut, my missiles, next thing you know you will criticize my taste in women.

TRUMP: Due to recent allegations, I will refrain from commenting on that. In any case, I want to sign a non-hacking Affidavit. But, you have to sign first.

KIM JONG UN: A North Korean Notary cannot accept a driver’s license from a country like yours.

TRUMP: I have a passport too.

KIM JONG UN: We need to take you to the North Korean DMV and get you a real ID. They have good kimchee and sam-gyup-sal next door to the DMV.

TRUMP: Normally I would say no to this type of request, but I can imagine all the fun the late night television hosts will have with this one. Deal. I’ll get my Korean license. What do I need to bring?

KIM JONG UN: Bring your driver’s license, passport, and a personal letter of approval from your’s truly.

TRUMP: Great, then I can be notarized by a Korean Notary. My dreams are finally coming true. Next item of business. I can introduce you to a great company that builds walls if you want to build a wall on the Chinese border. You know how it is with people illegally entering, or in your case exiting your country.

KIM JONG UN: You know something Mr. Trump, I am beginning to like you more and more. I forgive you for your Twitter comments, can you give me the number of the wall building company? Great minds think alike. We are best friends now, like you and Putin.

TRUMP: Hey wait a second. That is a false statement. Putin and had a falling out because of a disagreement about a tennis game.

KIM JONG UN: Well, better than a disagreement about a notarization or haircut.

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July 1, 2018

SnapDocs wants to sell shares on Shark Tank

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , — admin @ 12:38 am

Disclaimer – This article is purely for comedic purposes and I very much doubt that SnapDocs wants to sell its shares to Shark Tank.

CONTESTANT: Hello sharks. I would like to sell 50% of my business SnapDocs to you. We are an innovative platform where someone can hire a Notary, pay the notary, download documents, and look up reliability stats all using our convenient platform. We charge a fee that changes over time for using our services and looking up Notary information. We make “x” amount of money per transaction with a yearly profit of “y” dollars. We have been in business several years, so we are not brand new, but we are growing and are going to attempt to take 123notary’s market share as they are the leader of the notary advertising industry — so far…

Mr. WONDERFUL: Can you show us a little about how your features work?

CONTESTANT: Yes, you see you can share snapdocs with friends by using this feature here, We can get hard to get information on title companies which is valuable for attracting notaries using this other feature, and our best feature is the “Beat 123notary” feature.

LORI: How does the beat 123notary feature work, because I’m interested?

CONTESTANT: Umm. Awkward. That feature doesn’t seem to be working now, but programming is on it. We get more clicks than 123notary now, but only from people who don’t pay their notaries that well. 123notary keeps getting the good jobs.

Mr. WONDERUL: Maybe that is because they have better Notaries than you.

BARBARA: What good is having the best technology if you have the worst Notaries?

CONTESTANT: We’re trying to talk the best Notaries into working for the fees offered from those who use our site.

Mr. WONDERFUL: And how low are those fees?

CONTESTANT: (awkward pause) Um… Someone made $125 the other day.

LORI: The other day? How about in general?

CONTESTANT: Hmm. Let’s change the topic of the conversation. I would like to sell 20% for One Million.

MARK: Since you’re making money from this, and it is unclear whether 123notary will take your market share or whether or not you will take theirs, I will offer $100,000 for 20%.

CONTESTANT: $100,000? That is what we pay programming in several months.

LORI: I’m out, because it is too unpredictable, and it is not exciting enough.

BARBARA: I’d rather buy part of 123notary. They really scrutinize their Notaries which results in a better quality site, even though the Notaries are always complaining about being scrutinized.

LORI: 123notary is not for sale. Jeremy says it is his baby and he will never sell unless he is unable to care for it anymore.

Mr. WONDERFUL: Or runs out of baby formula. I’m out.

.

You might also like:

Shark Tank – Notarizing in the shower for executives
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20511

A signing company wants to sell shares on Shark Tank
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20817

Shark Tank – Traffic Freezer for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20509

A Notary goes on Shark Tank with Shazamdocs!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18943

Shark Tank – 123notary wants to sell 10% of its shares
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16021

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May 4, 2018

The Notary Plantation

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts — admin @ 10:44 am

Back in the 1800’s, Notaries had to pick signatures at The Notary Plantation. The irony of this blog is that one angry black notary told me that he didn’t work for my plantation any more back about eight years ago. I informed him that I don’t run a plantation, I provide advertising so that OTHER people’s Notary plantations can find you! How did I suddenly become the oppressor? I have never oppressed anyone so far. Repressed, suppressed or depressed maybe, but not oppressed.

Mr. JOHNSON: When you’re on this plantation, you better set your mind to picking signatures boy. Put your back into it.

NOTARY SLAVE (Jarvis): Yes master. But, may I have a drink of water?

Mr. JOHNSON: Do a good job, or you will be drinking ink, boy!

Ms. FIDDLE: Don’t worry Jarvis, I’ll teach you how to read just like you’ve always wanted to. We can start by practicing reading this new British comedy called Two Broke Blokes!

NOTARY SLAVE: Thank you Ms. Fiddle, and I do mean it. But, right now I have to Notarize signatures for the man. Otherwise he’ll ship me down the river, and Notary rules are strict down there I hear — they might even require journals.

Mr. JOHNSON: Or maybe I’ll ship you out west. I was out west a year ago and met this guy who is half Navajo and half Filipino. He had Adobo, in an Adobe. Ha ha ha. I’ll never forget that, but too much garlic.

NOTARY SLAVE: Are Filipinos slaves or free people?

Ms. FIDDLE: I think you better forget that conversation and do your work and then we’ll have our secret meeting. But, don’t mess around otherwise he will chain you to a desk while you do Notary work for this makeshift county clerk office he has in his waiting room.

NOTARY SLAVE: I had this dream that black people would be free, but that Chinese people will one day be slaves in New York Chinatown and will be chained to a stove making kung pao chicken.

Ms. FIDDLE: Yes, but nobody will regard them as real slaves because the leftist media will not publicize that fact and also because the slaves were not black. And if you reincarnate 150 years from now, don’t tell anyone that the first American slaves were Irish and not black.

NOTARY SLAVE: Irish? Boy have times changed. Now there the one’s building the railroads and then having kung pao when they reach the middle of the line and bump into those Chinese railway workers.

Ms. FIDDLE: Yeah, but there’s nothing worse than Szechuanese food cooked by Cantonese cooks, you know what I mean? It’s a gourmet thing.

NOTARY SLAVE: I’ll take your word for it. I can’t wait to get my freedom papers. Then, I can buy my own slaves and make them do Notary work and sign under duress.

Ms. FIDDLE: Now there’s a healthy attitude if I’ve ever heard one. But, if you sign under duress, that could be an issue in court. Anyway. Here’s a customer.

CUSTOMER: Hi, I need this Affidavit Notarized, but I’m not sure if I need an Oath or an Affirmation.

NOTARY SLAVE: According to my psychic, we won’t have Affirmations until long after freedom comes.

CUSTOMER: Freedom? You mean you’re administering signatures under duress? Well, that’s better than actually being a principal and signing under duress. How can you do this job if you are not allowed to know how to read.

NOTARY SLAVE: Just between you and me, I learned to read a little by reading Two Broke Blokes, but it got dicey when it got to the point where Randy wanted a sex change, but Gary said he better not otherwise he would go straight and start dating girls.

CUSTOMER: He wouldn’t!!!

NOTARY SLAVE: That’s what Randy said, but then Gary got a job in British East India as a tea merchant. The story gets complicated.

CUSTOMER: I’ll say. Does your master know about this reading activity you do?

NOTARY SLAVE: He says it’s okay just as long as I don’t enjoy it. But, I liked the part where Gary goes straight and then gets dumped by Gertrude in Bombay. What a sucker!

CUSTOMER: Oooh, I’m telling! Busted! Hey Mr. Johnson, your slave here actually enjoys reading!

Mr. JOHNSON: Get back to stamping boy! Uh oh, are those union soldiers blowing their trumpet? We’re in trouble. Even more trouble than Gary was in when Sally dumped him.

NOTARY SLAVE: Sally dumped him? I didn’t get that far.

Mr. JOHNSON: Look at page 156.

NOTARY SLAVE: Oh yes sir. And when I’m freed, in about 43 minutes, I’ll always think fondly of you, especially the time you let me have prime rib… I can still taste it.

Mr. JOHNSON: Prime rib? Page 158. I enjoyed that too.

(trumpets of union cavalry… soldiers storm the house, and free the Notary who goes on to be broke and do loan signing for low ball signing companies, but has fun reading trashy romance novels.)’

EX NOTARY SLAVE: I sure do love my newly obtained freedom. But, honestly, I went from living in a mansion having prime rib and reading British comedy novels to living in a slum working for signing companies who don’t pay on time…. Oh, and no prime rib. But, at least Gary and Randy made up. So, thank God for something.

Ms. FIDDLE: Time for some moo shoo. Are you game?

.

You might also like:

A Notary guest speaker gets harassed by students
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19700

Notary Sexual Harassment issues
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19698

Demographics in the Mobile Notary Business
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15359

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April 13, 2018

Some comedians look for notaries

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 10:39 am

Two comedy writers were looking for a Notary. But, they wanted to try all of the directories out just to compare, and then started making jokes.

JAKE: What do you call a notary you found on Snapdocs who is white and from the East Coast?

SULLY: I don’t know.

JAKE: A White Atlantic Snapper.

SULLY: Oh, you mean a White Anglo-Saxon Atlantic Snapper. At least you didn’t call him a cracker. What about an African SnapMerican?

JAKE: Good one. When I use 123notary, I drink Coke, but when I use that other site I drink Snapple. But, when I use the third site I notate and rotate between sodas.

SULLY: Good one. What do you call someone who administers osteopathic written exams?

JAKE: I’m stumped, but I bet the answer will crack me up.

SULLY: A chiro-proctor.

JAKE: What did the Red Snapper use to get into his safe?

SULLY: A Chero-kee?

JAKE: By the way, what is the first item on the menu for a cannibalistic Japanese restaurant?

SULLY: Just going out on a limb here, an edible limb. Ummm. Raw men? I guess that’s pronounced Ramen. It’s less fun when you pronounce it that way though.

JAKE: I was just thinking about that, you know when you buy ramen noodles you have a choice of chicken, beef, or oriental flavor. Isn’t that a little bit politically incorrect?

SULLY: Yeah, it should be Asian-American flavor. The flavor was probably invented in the 70’s before all of this PC stuff came into existence.

JAKE: Hey, did you know that the Atlantic ocean’s name is derived from the Mayan word for water which is “Atl?”

SULLY: No, I never knew that. Probably from Atlantis which no longer exists above water. Maybe it will come back. Then we can hire an Atlantian Notary.

JAKE: Cool…

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