THERAPIST: So, how is everybody today. What’s on your mind.
WIFE: I can’t believe Norman. He is so in love with his job that he wants to take his Notary seal to bed with him. I think he’s more attracted to his seal than to me. If only he lasted as long as his commission did.
HUSBAND: Believe me, my seal makes my certificate rise more than you do.
WIFE: I bet the raised impression your embosser leaves gives you a rise as well.
HUSBAND: It helped me pick up where you left off.
WIFE: See what I mean? This is what I have to deal with.
HUSBAND: She always nags me about my signature. I don’t see anything wrong with my signature.
WIFE: You never see anything wrong with anything you do. Typical man.
HUSBAND: That’s not true, I see something wrong with my marrying you.
THERAPIST: How does his signature make you feel?
WIFE: His signature looks like a ten on the Richter scale of an earthquake chart.
THERAPIST: Don’t make blanket statements like that. He sometimes doesn’t see how what he does is wrong.
WIFE: Okay. But, he really is more attracted to his seal than he is to me.
HUSBAND: Well, my seal doesn’t nag me to death… that’s part of the allure.
WIFE: I wish there were a way that he could be attracted to me.
HUSBAND: Well that would be coercion and you know what the California Notary Handbook says about that!
WIFE: Well if I could coerce you, then our marriage could enter a new page.
HUSBAND: My journal is pretty much out of new pages.
WIFE: So, get a new journal.
HUSBAND: Well that’s exactly my line of thinking, but I would need a good divorce Attorney before I can do that.
THERAPIST: Well, what are your goals in a marriage?
HUSBAND: I’d like to try thumb printing.
WIFE: That is so inky… and kinky. How about tonight?
THERAPIST: I feel we are making progress, but don’t make me swear (or affirm) to that fact.
WIFE: I prefer affirming, because I’m anti-God. Or maybe I’m pro-God and that is why I don’t want to use the lord’s name for a petty Oath.
HUSBAND: My goal for a marriage first and foremost is to not get nagged constantly. The rest is all details.
WIFE: My goal for a Notary marriage is to not be put in situations where I am provoked to nag.
THERAPIST: Well maybe we should role play.
WIFE: We tried that and my husband didn’t the costumes and wasn’t getting turned on enough.
THERAPIST: No, not that kind of role play. Why not have Brian try to give you a little more attention, and you try to be conscious of how he doesn’t want to be nagged. Take notes every day on how your relationship develops, and we’ll talk about it next week.
WIFE: Sounds like a deal. But, before I go, can I check your ID?
THERAPIST: Okay. My middle name is just listed as an initial here.
WIFE: Could you sign my journal too? This is just standard procedure for Notaries.
THERAPIST: Habits — got it.>