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January 16, 2022

Quiz: You know you’re a good Notary when you…

What type of Notary are you? A good one or a bad one? I’m not sure who created the questions for, “You know you’re a redneck if you…”
So, I’ll create my own version of this satirical banter, and come up with my own version for Notaries that will have some technical merit.

You know you’re a bad Notary when you…

(1) Do you fail to call the borrower to confirm the appointment that signing company set, and just show up?
If you don’t call and make sure that all parties involved (watch out for spousal signatures) will be there and on time, with a current ID with matching names — you might be in for some wasted time. If you don’t get the documents signed, you might not get paid. You might waste two hours for nothing because you don’t think you “need” to call the borrowers, or because you were asked not to. It is your appointment and your responsibility!

(2) Do you send loose certificates in the mail?
Lenders and Title companies are notorious for asking notaries to break the law and send loose certiifcates. In some states it is a Misdemeanor if you ask a Notary to do something illegal. Report all illegal requests to your State Notary Division immediately. No second chances!

(3) Do you fail to get certified by all agencies that you purchase “effective” advertising from? Or do you say, I don’t “need” your certification because I’m already “certified” without even disclosing the name of the organization who certified you? There is no such thing as just being “certified” as notary certification is not regulated by any government.

(4) Do you say, “I have my Notary” when you really mean you have your Notary Commission?

(5) Do you fail to use a Notary Journal or Seal simply because your state doesn’t require it? What happens if an investigator asks about a potentially fraudulent transaction you were involved in and you have no evidence for the court? The court case might be really long and you might get in really big trouble.

(6) Do you fail to keep thumbprints of signers in your journal because your state doesn’t require it?
Guess what? You might end up in court if you don’t take thumbprints, especially on transactions affecting high dollar figures such as properties.

(7) Do you fail to administer Oaths to credible witnesses or for Jurats because you are not well enough trained to know how, or even to know that you are required? Or, perhaps you don’t even know what a credible witness even is. Better look this up in your state Notary handbook.

You know you’re a good Notary when…

(1) The hair on your neck stand up straight when you see someone try to sign with a middle initial that doesn’t exist on their identification.

(2) You use an inked seal and an embosser with a raised non-inked seal to make it detectable if pages are swapped or photocopied.

(3) You take copious notes in your journal about the signers, what went on in the signing, and the building / neighborhood where the signing took place to job your memory should you ever be summoned into court.

(4) You sell your car, and buy a few top spots on 123notary.com!

There are many other technical points and best practices that we could address, but for this hopefully entertaining blog entry — that’s all folks!

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You might also like:

You know you’re a Notary Public when… (36 examples)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

Honey, you can kiss my app!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14902

Notary aptitude test
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15853

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January 12, 2022

But, I’m still a virgin!

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , , — admin @ 9:55 am

This was originally published many years ago.

I was meeting with my editor / comedy writer. He told me that my writing had improved a lot in the last 18 months. I took a look at my writing and found that he was correct. But, I still make mistakes. So, as he was looking at one of my articles, he found a few small mistakes. “You missed an explanation point!” “There should be a question mark here, and a common in the following sentence.” So, I added the punctuation that I missed. Then, he found something more serious.

ANDY: You missed a period!

JEREMY: Does that mean…?

ANDY: You’re PREGNANT!

JEREMY: But, I’m still a virgin!

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You might also like:

Jane the virgin Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14899

How Notary work is similar to online dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

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January 3, 2022

Notary Reviews vs. Movie Reviews

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , — admin @ 8:03 pm

Originally published many years ago

Notary reviews vs. Movie reviews

Imagine what the world would be like if Notaries got reviews similar to movie reviews. The world would be a much more interesting place for one! But, would it get too zany?

(1) This notary gets two thumbs up!
(2) The notarization was good, but the popcorn needed more butter (sorry for the corny joke)
(3) It was a very awkward notarization because the person behind me had their feet on the back of my chair.
(4) Some reviews spoil the movie — read the spoiler alert.
(5) I didn’t like the ending to the signing. Too predictable.
(6) The guy in front of me wouldn’t take off his hat throughout the entire signing
(7) There was a lot of character development the minute we got to explaining the APR.
(8) The Notary gave an award winning performance.
(9) The actor who played the Notary was such a natural it would be an easy mistake to take him for a real Notary!
(10) The notary had to go back to his trailer so that “make up” could do some touch ups on his seal, because his seal was beginning to smudge.
(11) I hate it when people talk during the signing, especially during the critical parts.
(12) I wanted to bring a date to the signing, but I was the only one on the Deed of Trust.
(13) The notary dimmed the lights as I was reading the details on my Settlement Statement. Luckily I brought a flashlight!
(14) The suspense hit its apex when the Notary couldn’t reach the Lender by cell phone. I never expected that!

Coming attractions:
Refinance 2,
Debt Reduction Retainers — the sequel.
The Notary Games.

Tweets:
(1) This notary gets two thumbs up!
(2) It was a very awkward notarization because the person behind me had their feet on the back of my chair.
(3) Notary Reviews vs. Movie Reviews: I didn’t like the end of the signing — to predictable.
(4) I wanted to bring a date to the signing, but I was the only one on the Deed of Trust.

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January 2, 2022

Welcome to the Notary Hotel

Originally posted many years ago

Welcome to the Notary Hotel.

Borrower: “Hello, I’d like to file a formal complaint. The notary didn’t come with a complimentary continental breakfast!”
Clerk: “Sorry about that, but breakfast is only from 6am to 9am weekdays and from 7am to 10am on weekends.”
Borrower: “Also, the notary didn’t sanitize my thumb after thumb printing me!”
Clerk: “Oh, really, I’ll have to write that notary up!”
Borrower: “Aren’t I supposed to get a mint on the top of my loan document stack?”
Clerk: “Hmm, that is part of the Notary Hotel’s branding. I’m really sorry about that.”
Borrower: “Also, the Notary didn’t observe the don’t disturb sign while I was reading the Settlement Statement!”
Clerk: “Oh brother, it’s time we fire that Notary!”
Borrower: “I asked the Notary to give my wife a wake up call when the signing was finished. She fell asleep halfway through the Affidavit of Occupancy.”
Clerk: “It is safe to assume that the Notary failed to give you your complimentary wake up call. Tell me, was there anything good about your signing?”
Borrower: “Well, the Notary gave me some lemongrass moisturizer and a shower cap! I enjoyed those.”
Clerk: “So, there is a silver lining on the cloud next to every shower-head!”
Borrower: “The Notary wanted to kick us out three minutes before check out time while I was reading the automatic payment transfer authorization.”
Clerk: “I’ll add that comment to your file.”
Borrower: “At least I was given two hours of free wi-fi during my stay!”

Clerk: “Did you try out our unique cable T.V. system? You can get 328 complimentary channels including — the signing channel!”
Borrower: “You make me feel like I really missed out!”
Clerk: “Next week we’re having a special. Sign a line of credit while you’re in line for Belgian waffles.”
Borrower: “Oh, you’re going to make waffles for us?”
Clerk: “Not exactly, you stand in line so you can make them yourself. When you think about it, we should be paying you to stay here and stand in line so many times. You stand in line to check in, check out, use the shower for the “equity pool,” and also to make waffles! We’re going to have to do something about those lines!”
Borrower: “You’ve got a point there!”
Clerk: “I’m sorry you had a negative experience. To make it up to you, next time you stay with us, we’ll let you upgrade at no cost to one of our signature rooms, if one is available at the time of your stay!”
Borrower: “If a signature room is not available, I’ll assume that you’ll give me an upgrade to an ‘initial’ room, a condensed version of the same thing?”
Clerk: “Actually, I never thought of that, but we do have digital signature rooms that are also often available. Instead of having a key to the room, you get a password. The welcome mat is a huge signature scanning pad — you’ll love it. Digital Signature rooms come with virtual windows with views of anyplace in the world. The cable T.V. is also very different. Instead of paper-view, it comes with paperless-view because it’s digital.

Borrower: “The other thing that I didn’t understand is that my room key was in the shape of a stamp. Instead of swiping it in a reader like other hotels, I had to affix a digital stamp of my seal on what looked like a scanner. Very perplexing. My notary seal digital key also had commission room number 314 an expiration date of 11am the next morning. I guess that is check out time.”
Clerk: “Well, we like to maintain a notary theme at all times. After all, this is the Notary Hotel. Just thank god we don’t have eight digit commission room numbers on the digital seal!”

For those of you who want to visit the Notary Hotel, we have all the amenities. Swimming “equity pools”, business centers, tennis, movies, and of course an endless supply of complimentary blue pens. All you have to do is fax us an order confirmation and sign in once you arrive! Some people stay here their entire commissions!

Tweets:
(1) The Notary Hotel: Does my notarization come w/a wake up call?
(2) The Notary Hotel is so comfortable, some notaries stay there their entire commission.
(3) Their signing took place at The Notary Hotel & the wife requested a wakeup call after the signing was done.
(4) At The Notary Hotel: they didn’t observe the don’t disturb sign while I was reading the Settlement Statement!
(5) At The Notary Hotel, Showtime & HBO are free, but the Signing Channel costs $40 (not including fax backs)
(6) Check out the digital signature rooms at The Notary Hotel

You might also like:

The sleezy Notary Motel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16118

Notary RV Park
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16121

Notary Hotel 2 — the sequel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9887

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December 4, 2021

Notaries will be Notaries

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:52 am

Jeff came over to Brian’s house. But, Brian wanted to see some ID. Jeff said, but we’re friends!!! Brian says, sorry, it is a force of habit. You know how we Notaries are.

Then Sarah came over and said, “Don’t I owe you money?” Brian said, “Could we put it in writing?” Sarah said she already did. But, Brian wanted her to sign it again. He wanted a “wet” signature.

Later on Jen went shopping with Brian. Brian said, “Check out this steak.” Jen asked, “Is it certified?” Brian said it was. Then Jen asked, “By which agency is it certified? I’m NNA, Fidelity, Old Republic, Notary2Notary, and Blueprint certified.”

Once again — “Notaries will be Notaries.”

What about you? Do you have any weird quirks because you are a notary?

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November 7, 2021

America Last Title

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:10 am

Many Notaries worked for First American Title during the Trump administration. But, now that Biden has taken over, America Last Title has had phenomenal growth in market share.

But, I’m not worried. If American banking goes South, we can always rely on the Bank of China to bail us out! I’m tempted to say that we’ll already be eating Xiao-Leng-Bao and Jian-Bing, but I already am, and found a great place in Rowland Heights in a food court. Hand made and Shan-Dong province style. Love it.

Somehow I think that the majority of Americans want America to fail. But, when they can’t afford to eat or pay bills, they will reconsider. By then it will be too late. But, they can still get a job at America Last Title… maybe.

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October 30, 2021

Notary Halloween Tips

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:00 am

How can you enjoy Halloween to the fullest this year as a Notary?

1. Scare people by not wearing a mask.

2. Scare people like me by telling me that you don’t take vitamin D — to me that’s even worse than sneezing during a pandemic.

3. Dress up like a Covid virus with the little spikes, etc.

4. Dress up like Fauci. I am more afraid of him than anyone at this point. I start screaming when I see him.

5. Scare people by telling them what their oil bill will be this winter due to Bidenomics, hyperinflation, and his ban on many types of domestic drilling. Trump had a big mouth but we never had trouble like this under his leadership.

6. Tell people that you are not the real Notary, but that you stole someone’s seal and notarized their document with it. (you might get arrested for that one)

7. Tell people that if they are bad, they will be reincarnated into a Notary Signing Agent — oh no, anything but that!

8. Go trick or treating and tell them that you will be hanging around there for a while because your doordash pizza delivery was booked using THEIR address.

9. You could use the new environmentally friendly shaving cream cans to vandalize someone’s property. Once again, you might be arrested for that, and for good reason. On the other hand, if they just ran out of shaving cream, they might appreciate that.

10. Knock on someone’s door with a really scary costume. Then say, “You think this is scary? Not as scary as Kamala’s performance managing the border. Speaking of which, I might be a cartel member who sneaked in, or a Taliban member. They can just waltz on in now.” Then they will say, “Not with that lack of an accent, you don’t scare me.”

11. Knock on someone’s door with a broken border wall, and some kids dressed up like Osama Bin Ladin who jump through the hole in the fence. That will make a statement regardless of which side of the political fence you are on.

12. Dress up like a Notary seal. Make the costume yourself. Just make sure you don’t leak ink, unless that is part of the gag.

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August 14, 2021

Being a notary vs. waiting on table

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:00 am

When I have new notaries on board, I normally give them a welcome call. I asked one guy what his professional background was. He told me he was a Notary for a month. I told him that a month doesn’t constitute a professional background, but that a 20 year teaching background would. Then he said that he was a Real Estate intern for half a year. Finally, I asked him, “Are you young?” I forget that young people don’t have a professional background or necessarily know what one is. But, if they keep having a boring and dull life going into the office, they will attain one in 10 short years. But, what about being a waiter?

WAITER: Welcome to Mel’s Diner, can we interest you in a drink?

CUSTOMER: I’ll have the jackhammer.

WAITER: Can I see some ID?

CUSTOMER: I’ll sign the journal, but I won’t thumbprint.

WAITER: Hmmm. So, what’s your sign?

CUSTOMER: I’m a Leo.

WAITER: So, you were born, July 28th, 1997.

CUSTOMER: You are trying to trick me. I was born the 29th.

WAITER: I wasn’t trying to trick you. I have bad eyesight. And I don’t use a journal because my state doesn’t require waiters to use a journal.

NOTARY: You sound like a Notary in one of those states that doesn’t require journals. But, when you get busted by the FBI and the journal is your only evidence that you weren’t involved in a serious act of fraud, you could get put in jail or end up in court forever.

WAITER: Good point. What if someone orders an illegal drink with a fake ID, I don’t keep a record of it, and he gets in his car, runs someone over, and I get blamed. That “journal of official waitorial acts” could be my only defense.

CUSTOMER: I never thought of that. You know, you CAN thumbprint me. I even brought my NNA thumbprinter.

NOTARY: Are you a Notary too?

CUSTOMER: Not yet, but I’m going to become one, and I’m learning something right here about being a Notary. It can be a dangerous job if something goes wrong.

NOTARY: It’s like driving. It’s safe 99.9% of the time, and then something unusual happens and then only your seatbelt can help.

WAITER: Many people don’t like precautions unless they sound like Covid-19 precautions — then they like endless restrictions and precautions.

CUSTOMER: If I were running this joint I would say — you can have that jackhammer, BUT ONLY if you sign this journal. But, you can’t sign the journal unless you wash your hands three times and say hail Mary, and then walk around in a circle counter clockwise, use a sanitized pen, and then sign it wearing an N-95 facemask.

NOTARY: How about sound effects. If someone orders a jackhammer, shouldn’t that come with sound effects. Maybe get some sampling?

WAITER: How about this? “Chu chuh chuh chuh chuh…… HEY SULLY, we’re that pipe you brought ovuh? chuh chuh chuh chuh …. WHAT? I CAN”T HEAR YOU. I got my ear plugs on.”

CUSTOMER: Wow, that changed the whole customer experience in an even better way than those meaningless restrictions.

WAITER: Sully says he likes the part about the hail Mary as you go around three times.

NOTARY: Is Sully a real person?

WAITER: He’s real to me! So, let me guess. Would you like to try a virgin Notarita?

NOTARY: Sounds great, but the drink sounds underaged. I don’t want to get in trouble.

CUSTOMER: It’s okay, the drink has been aged 21 years. We just need to make sure that you are of proper age and sound of mind.

NOTARY: Here’s my ID. Wow, this is like life in reverse.

WAITER: So you could notarize that drink because it’s old enough.

NOTARY: It’s age is passing, but it doesn’t have an ID.

WAITER: But, it does have a signature — in fact it’s our signature drink.

NOTARY: In that case, that makes it okay. So, honestly, are all of your clients as interesting as us?

WAITER: Some are a lot more interesting. But, it’s hit and miss, especially the ones who forgot their ID.

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July 18, 2021

More on a bar only for “cool” notaries!!!

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 4:09 am

My short blog about a bar only for cool Notaries took off. The comments were great, and people really liked it. It really needed to be longer, but I didn’t realize it would be so popular. I’m just wondering what would people talk about at a Notary bar?

NOTARY: I’ll have a Manhattan… put “New York” County in the venue though. Manhattan is not a legal name for a county.

JEREMY: Just for my records, do you do other counties too?

NOTARY: Call me back during business hours. Can’t you see I’m having a drink, or trying to?

BARTENDER: Can I see some ID?

NOTARY: I ID you, you don’t ID me…. I’m the Notary. Besides, look at this gray hair and arthritis… Okay, he’s giving me the look. Here is my ID.

JEFF: Hey baby, is that a stamp in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

MAY: I’m supposed to say that dummy. You’re so dumb I bet you work exclusively for signing companies who low-ball you.

JEFF: Hey hey hey, that was a low blow. We all have needs. Would you like to sign my journal where all the other hot ladies have?

MAY: I thought I was the only one! Hey, I ordered a Reverse Mortgage on the rocks, and I need it yesterday — so backdate it!

BOUNCER: Sorry, maam, but I need to hook you up to the coolometer to see if you are cool enough to hang out here.

MAY: I’m too intoxicated to drive, so I’m in big trouble if I don’t pass.

JEFF: Better hook me up to the laughometer, this chick is funny!

JEREMY: Hey bartender, if Jim Beam wants to be notarized as Jim W Beam, but his ID says Jim Beam, can you notarize him under the circumstances?

BARTENDER: If he’s over 21, I’ll notarize him. I had John Hancock come in here, and guess what he did.

JEREMY: I don’t know… did he sign something?

MAY: John Hancock ate something that didn’t agree with him, but said not to worry, because — he said — he had a good CONSTITUTION!

BOUNCER: I would like to declare my independence. All of you are cool tonight. I’ll see who is coming at the door.

BARTENDER: How come “Margarita” doesn’t have a last name? How do you notarize someone with just one name.

JEFF: Hmmm, I had a guy named Fink once in a bad neighborhood. Real story. That was his first and only name. No surname. Bizarre. Not a wealthy person just for the record.

JEREMY: I’ll have a Black Russian

MAY: Don’t you mean an “African American Russian?”

JEREMY: Comrade please, you think I’m trying to hear that? Oh hell Nyet…. helllll nyet!!!

JEFF: Okay, dos-vidanya… actually it is late so tres or cuatro-vidanya baby!

BARTENDER: How did Mary get bloody? Was it one of those dangerous notarizations?

MAY: Maybe it was that time of the month.

JEREMY: Yeah, the notary business really picks up at that time of the month.

JEFF: Not that time of the month. It’s a different — that time of the month.

JEREMY: Yes, but if you call notaries about their listing at that busy time of the month they get cranky.

MAY: Oh, so now we can get cranky at two times of the month. Being a woman just isn’t what it used to be.

BARTENDER: Since this is a Notary bar, did you know there is a wine called Notary Public from California’s mid coast region.

JEREMY: I knew that — I’ve had it many times. Great wine, a little pricy though.

MAY: I hope they didn’t charge more than the state maximum per signature.

JEREMY: They charged $20 per signature — I mean per glass. Ouch. But, when I had it, I started going into that zone — like a haze, like after you have some French wine, life is like a dream.

MAY: And you started dreaming about notarizing sexy girls on the banks of the Rhone?

JEREMY: Actually, after a glass of Bordeaux at a local spot I started fantasizing about being in the rolling hills of Bordeaux. That thought came to my head as I gazed into the distance in a relaxed state. Ah, the joys of wine. And it all happened at my favorite place in Los Angeles — Farmer’s market.

JEFF: Before I go, does the Farmer’s daughter hang out there?

JEREMY: Yes, but she is not old enough to get notarized…

BARTENDER: And not old enough to do a whole lot of other things too I bet.

MAY: You have to be 18 before your signature is legally binding, and 21 before your drink at a bar is legally binding. That’s one thing you won’t want to backdate!

BARTENDER: I once went out with a chick on a backdate. It was fun, we did everything in reverse.

JEFF: Oh, so you like it in reverse.

BOUNCER: You have a good sense of humor, I’d like to hook you up to the “coolometer” just to get a reading….. oh…. 7, not bad. Better than Jeremy. He only got a 6 which is still passable.

MAY: So, who got a 10 for coolness.

BOUNCER: A guy in New York. But, he never shows up. He’s studying four different languages and has a million different interests. I wish he would come her. I wish for that matter I could bounce people in as well as bounce them out.

JEREMY: Now there’s a thought. What about taking a course on how to raise our coolness level so we’ll be prepared when you hook us up to the coolometer.

BOUNCER: Didn’t you write an article on Bad Boy Notaries? Just read that article again and again — I think that will raise you at least a point right there.

JEFF: Okay, this time I’m really going…. and as always — stay cool and… don’t drink and sign!!!

You might also like:

A bar only for “cool” Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22546

Are you a bad boy Notary?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22380

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June 24, 2021

Seinfeld and social distancing

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:29 am

I’m not sure what Jerry Seinfeld would say about social distancing, but I will try to tune into his consciousness and figure it out.

JERRY: What’s the deal with social distancing?

GEORGE: Well, for one thing you can’t do stand up any more?

JERRY: Well that would defeat the whole purpose of Covid-19.

GEORGE: I fail to see the logic here.

JERRY: The jokes! Imagine all the joke material I could get out of this disease. I want to milk it for what it’s worth.

GEORGE: Milk it!!! Yeah! Don’t you feel guilty taking advantage of a very sensitive situation when there are so many vulnerable (hurt tone of voice.)

JERRY: No… I really don’t. It’s not my job to be responsible for other people’s health. Just as long as I don’t cough on them… I feel I’m off the hook.

KRAMER: Oh, you’re on the hook Jerry. You are so on the hook.

JERRY: Hey Kramer, have you noticed that you are five feet and nine inches from me?

KRAMER: Why, is that a problem?

JERRY: Yeah, it kind of is. Could you over three inches further?

KRAMER: Sure. Better? Wow!!! I feel so much better. I had no idea that would feel that good. Let me do it again. Move in 3 inches, move back 3 inches. Wow!! I’m being safe! I feel safety tingling all the way down my body.

GEORGE: Enjoy the feeling while it lasts. I felt safe once… yesterday. The feeling went away fast. The thought of my unpaid bills caught up to me. Maybe dying of Covid would be nice. I wouldn’t have to worry about my bills anymore. I’d just cough my way to heaven.

JERRY: I think I kind of like social distancing. I don’t wanna be around most people anyway… Nah… Most people are annoying.

KRAMER: Not Clara. There’s nothing annoying about her. I’m seeing her tonight. Yeah! We’re going to have a Covid date!

JERRY: Oh. So, if it gets hot and heavy are you going to use protection?

KRAMER: Of course, I brought extra face masks, one for her and one for him. To me this is like sex karma. Usually it is the man who has the burden of wearing the protection, but now it’s both of us. Yeah!

GEORGE: For once the universe has evened itself out. I feel a deep sense of relief.

JERRY: You know something Kramer. When you backed up 3 inches… I didn’t feel anything. If you were twenty feet away that would make me feel safe, but not six feet. It’s an imaginary number.

GEORGE: Imaginary? No, it’s backed by science.

JERRY: Kind of, but someone just arbitrarily picked the six foot rule.

GEORGE: It’s kind of like my rule, the 3 second rule.

JERRY: Yeah yea yeah, do we have to go back to that one, you embarrassed me so bad when you went through the trash at that party. I can’t even look at Elsie any more after that. But, on the other hand with social distancing I can’t anyway.

GEORGE: Very true, very true. But, my rule is completely arbitrary too. You have to draw the line somewhere.

JERRY: Oh God. Draw the line, I’d like to draw your line. You don’t go in the trash period. It doesn’t matter how many seconds.

GEORGE: Well then maybe you should go next to people either. Maybe your principle cross-applies. Maybe we should meet everyone on Zoom.

JERRY: Now that is where I draw the line. I don’t zoom.

ELAINE: Not even if someone is Zoom-worthy?

JERRY: Nobody is Zoom-worthy. Hey, I gotta go.

GEORGE: So, any verdict on the whole social distancing thing?

JERRY: I’m comfortable with ten feet. Also arbitrary, but that number just sits well with me. Ten. Just speak up a bit. What? Just kidding. Gotta go.

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