May 2021 - Notary Blog - Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice - 123notary.com
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May 30, 2021

Dropping FedExes has changed since I was a Notary

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 6:43 am

Back in my day… I’m only 51 so perhaps I shouldn’t talk that way. But, FedEx drop boxes were everywhere. I had to ship out two loan signing courses to customers. One was a few days late so I wanted to get it out fast. I typically walk to my local FedEx spot on Wilshire. They have no parking but it is only 20 minutes by foot and I enjoy the exercise… usually. They were closed for Covid-19 and there was no drop box. What is the world coming to.

So, I searched the internet to see where some local drop boxes were. My handheld wouldn’t tell me, so I walked back home after I got a salad to go. My computer showed me one drop box behind our local Farmer’s Market and another one half a mile West of my complex’s entrance. So, I went to the first location. Security told me where the box was. I went looking all around and there was no box by the newsstand as I was told. I went to the other location. Also no drop box. I had already wasted two hours looking for locations.

My housemate told me to call the 800 number. On my way back I did exactly that. I talked to an annoying machine which had me clarify everything I said about four times, and then make me wait for a long array of menu options so that they could serve me better before handing me off to a representative which is what I requested. After I finished the ordeal (I have no patience talking to robots) they told me to go to a particular web page and offered to text me a link. I swore at the machine and hung up. Then I started calling local FedEx providers and found one downtown which is too far to go at night, plus they were in the hood and I’m not going there after 6pm in any case. They found me a nearby place that was open in Beverly Hills.

So, I drove to Beverly Hills. I didn’t know where the intersection was, so I was in the right lane, and FedEx was on the left, so I stopped in the middle of traffic hoping people would pass me. One guy just stuck to my tailgate and wouldn’t pass. So, I waited for the others to pass and then made a left turn into the left lane and then a left onto the side street. This FedEx had parking, staff, and I dropped my packages at 8:46pm and they close at 9pm. Close.

So, now I know where to go. It is only an 11 minute drive. And they told me where an outside drop box is. These days there are very few outside drop boxes. They are mostly in buildings and those buildings close at night. What a pain. Back in 2004 when I was doing signings there were outdoor drop boxes all over town and just as many as USPS boxes…. almost.

So, that was today’s ordeal. Yesterday the juice place I liked closed 15 minutes early and I had to wander all over town looking for fresh spinach and celery juice. Same kind of exasperating day, except that it only took me 20 minutes to find two other high quality options. Why do easy things have to be so difficult?

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May 28, 2021

A clown becomes a signing agent

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 6:34 am

The clown business gets slow because of Covid-19 (which is no joke) and a clown desperate for business joins 123notary. He starts getting jobs right away because his notes section is so unique with comical references and cute jokes. He goes on his first signing.

CLOWN: I’m Larry and I’m here to do your signing.

SIGNER: Oh, wonderful. Please come in Larry. Love the face paint. I think this clowning around Notary service will really take off.

CLOWN: Before we handle the Deed of Trust, I’m going to juggle the borrower copies, the main copies, and this plastic cup. This is way more entertaining than your last signer I bet.

SIGNER: Yeah. I read the reviews. “This guy is a clown!” and “He’s good at juggling appointments.” So far you didn’t botch any signings it looks like.

CLOWN: Yes, but the scheduling is hectic. Last week was like a circus going to all of my appointments. It will get worse if the interest rate becomes negative. They will pay you to borrow money.

SIGNER: Interesting. Hey look, I have my own rubber Notary stamp…. Ooops, it squirted you.

CLOWN: Hey, aren’t I supposed to do that? On the other hand, maybe that’s why you picked me. In any case, my slogan is — when it comes to getting your signing done on time, and correctly the first time — we don’t clown around.

SIGNER: I like that tiny car you have outside. How do you fit in it?

CLOWN: Oh, I fit with ten other family members. We run around the car three times before getting in. Half of my sister hangs out the window, but it’s all good. Okay, now let’s get serious… please disregard my red nose when trying to be serious. Let me clear my throat… Um-hmmm. Now, I’m serious… (honk honk). We’ll begin with the Deed of Trust, and then we have the Note. Make sure the property address is correct otherwise you might be paying for someone else your whole life.

SIGNER: Okay…

(20 minutes later)

SIGNER: We finished the package!

CLOWN: Now, since you have high ceilings, we went over that by phone, I am going to walk around the signing table on stilts…

SIGNER: Well done. BTW, Fedex is around the corner and their open until 11pm even during Covid.

CLOWN: Super. And last, but not least, a signing with me is never complete unless the signer gets a pie in the face!!!

SIGNER: Excuse me….. too late. I’ll write a review with a photo warning your other clients of what to expect from you.

CLOWN: Most of my clients are bored with their life and this is exactly what they need. Besides, you didn’t have dessert yet tonight, right?

SIGNER: And I am behind on doing the laundry, now I have one more reason to get it done and fast, not to mention take a shower.

THE WIFE: Ha ha ha… He deserves that pie. He has no sense of humor about anything. Thanks Mr. Clown Notary. Let me double check your work to make sure you didn’t clown around notarizing documents…. nope… it’s all good. I use to be a Notary myself, but not the type of Notary you are.

CLOWN: Thanks for everything. I’ll drop the package right away.

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May 26, 2021

A therapist becomes a signing agent

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 6:33 am

Jeff the therapist gets tired of dealing with insurance companies, secretaries, and the daily hassle of being a psychotherapist and longs to become a Mobile Notary. However, he seems to have trouble transitioning into his new life.

JEFF: He, my name is Jeff Winkler and I am here to facilitate the signing of your refinance. Do you have any prior medical conditions I should know about?

SIGNER: No

JEFF: Are you on any medications that could complicate our signing?

SIGNER: Ummm. Lipitor

JEFF: Oh, is your cholesterol high?

SIGNER: No, because I take Lipitor. If I didn’t take Lipitor, then my cholesterol would be high.

JEFF: I understand. Do you ever hear voices?

SIGNER: I think we all hear voices. My wife is the only big voice that I hear.

THE WIFE: I heard that!

JEFF: Great, well here is the package. Can we sit at the dining room table?

SIGNER: Fine

JEFF: Will your insurance be covering the signing?

SIGNER: I think the Notary fees is listed on the TRID or the Settlement Statement. It’s $200 and out of that I’m sure they pay you at least $35.

JEFF: Yup, sounds like your insurance company covered it and is giving the service provider their usual 20% or so for doing 99% of the work. Let’s see…. Now, here is your rate and on this other document your APR. The APR is higher than the rate, how does that make you feel?

SIGNER: It’s supposed to be higher because it incorporates fees and closing costs into the percentage plus it’s compounded.

JEFF: Aren’t I supposed to explain that to you? Maybe you should be the signing agent.

SIGNER: Does that bother you?

JEFF: No, but it perplexes me. Perhaps you have been through this several times and know the drill. I’m still fresh out of medical school with Loan Signing Systems. I just got a degree in signing from them. Was your mother also a borrower?

SIGNER: We had a loan under my father’s name as a child.

JEFF: How did that make you feel?

SIGNER: I think that is pretty standard. I was not aware of my parents’ financial arrangements.

JEFF: So you had no feelings about that. Uh-huh. I’m taking notes. Do you feel comfortable signing the entire package?

SIGNER: I’m already 90% done.

JEFF: Yes, and on this document here, you need to sign with your middle initial.

SIGNER: Yes, I will… By the way… How does that make you feel?

JEFF: I feel a sense of completeness when you use that middle initial. Something I never felt as a child.

SIGNER: I’m afraid our time is up.

JEFF: Hey! I’m supposed to say that. You’ve taken over my job as a Signing Agent AND as a therapist.

SIGNER: How does that make you feel?

JEFF: It makes my life easier and it provides comic relief?

SIGNER: Great, next time you can lie on the couch during our session. I’m doing a construction loan and I’ll request you. I run a few businesses and we are always doing signings.

JEFF: Oh, perfect. Here’s my card. I also do Weddings and Bar-Mitzvahs

SIGNER: Mazel-Tov. See you next time. There’s a Fedex station around the corner on Wilshire. It’s open late.

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May 24, 2021

Notary Pit Stop

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — admin @ 1:39 am

Let’s imagine that a very important person would need to get their Notary work done in a hurry. I have notarized for directors, company presidents and other busy people. They have time to come in the room, sign and leave. They normally don’t even give you time to look at the identification. So here is my idea.

Two Notaries work as a tag team notarization outfit. They visit the VIP’s office.

Notary #1 looks at the ID and inscribes the necessary information in the journal.
Notary #2 fills out the certificates, staples them to the forms. Then,
Notary #1 gets the VIP to sign the journal.
Notary #2 gets the VIP to sign the document.
Notary #1 hands the ID to
Notary #2 to verify that the signature on the ID matches the signature on the document. Notary #2 returns the ID to the signer and then
Notary #1 stamps the document’s certificate

Questions:
Q.Why doesn’t Notary #2 stamp the actual certificate?
A. Because they are using Notary #1’s journal

Q. Why doesn’t Notary #1 throw a chair at Notary #1?
A. Because they are on the same team

Q. Why doesn’t Notary #2 throw a chair at the signer?
A. Because the signer is paying them

Q. Do they have pit stop outfits or tag team wrestling outfits?
A. Probably not, but they could if that was their theme.

Q. Does the signer have to wear a helmet?
A. That’s probably a bad idea.

Q. Who collects the money?
A. Notary #2 because Notary #1 is too busy stamping

Q. Can you bring sound effects of a real Indy 500 race?
A. That would definitely add to the experience.

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May 20, 2021

Flight Attendant & Notary

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — admin @ 1:30 am

JESSIE: Hi, my name is Jessie, and I will be your flight attendant Notary for the evening.

SIGNER: Welcome Jessie. Please have a seat.

JESSIE: Tonight we will be flying to St. Louis International for a refinance. The captain will be getting ready for take off in about ten minutes.

SIGNER: But, aren’t we already in St. Louis?

JESSIE: If you want to get technical. We are going to stay in the city, but have a Notarial flight, so to speak.

SIGNER: And how long will the flight last?

JESSIE: 30 years with no prepayment penalty.

SIGNER: Do you have enough peanuts to last 30 years?

JESSIE: Well, the part of the flight where we will be up in the air will only last about 45 minutes. The emergency exits are to the left there where the front door is and there is another emergency exit through the back… I think… I mean is there one? Uh huh? I’ll take that for a yes. In the case of an emergency, I brought oxygen masks. The captain has turned off the “no signing” sign, so you are free to sign around the cabin, or the dining room table as the case may be.

SIGNER: Okay, so where do we start?

JESSIE: First of all I need to see your boarding pass and your ID.

SIGNER: Here it is, not sure what you mean by a boarding pass. And please sign my flight journal so that we know what date and time we took off and what we were signing.

JESSIE: In the unlikely event that we experience turbulence, you can press the “call the Lender” button to the left, and he will explain everything. I am a signing agent and can only answer very general questions, and not specific questions about the terms of your loan.

SIGNER: I need to use the bathroom. Am I free to move about the cabin?

JESSIE: Yes, the captain has turned off the wear seatbelt sign, so you may take off your seatbelt now and visit the latrine.

SIGNER: And where is the bathroom again?

JESSIE: Umm, I’m not sure, isn’t this your house?

SIGNER: I just wanted you to move your hands around like we were on a real flight. Oh, I’m getting altitude sickness.

JESSIE: Just don’t have an upheaval on the documents, unless its the borrower copies.

SIGNER: I just said that to see if you brought one of those little bags.

JESSIE: My bag was full, I brought seatbelts, oxygen, those little bags, mini bags of peanuts and almonds, and the mini-sized Coca Colas. Even Uber doesn’t offer all of that.

SIGNER: My APR seems to have experienced an increase in altitude, is that because it includes fees and certain closing costs?

JESSIE: Yes. Oh, and you previously requested a window seat, well one just opened up.

SIGNER: Okay, I’m done signing everything.

JESSIE: Super. Please put your seatbelt on, and now it is time for a smooth picture book landing. The weather in St. Louis is stormy, it’s raining harder than a cow peeing on a rock. Oh, I think I only use that one in Texas. What type of sayings do you have here in St. Louis?

SIGNER: We stick to Mark Twain references.

JESSIE: Okay, we have landed. The captain has turned off the seat belts required sign. You are free to exit the air bus.

SIGNER: Thanks, but I think you are the one who will be exiting.

JESSIE: Good point. Sometimes I get confused.

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May 18, 2021

Notary Motivational Speaker

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 12:32 am

There are a few people in particular Notary agencies who do a certain degree of motivational speaking for Notaries. Normally they do this for the purpose of sales, or in my case to get you to study harder and write more in your notes sections. But, what if there were someone who specialized in Notarial motivational speaking? What would his name be? How about Chad Robbins, and we can pretend he is a distant cousin of my favorite motivational speaker Tony Robbins.

Chad never did well in school, or anything else he tried. He was failing in life. The only thing he had in his favor was that he was motivated, and could get other people motivated. He was at a job interview, and there were twelve others in the waiting room. He got them all pumped up for the interview, so that one of them got the job, but he did not. He couldn’t figure out what to do with his life. Years went by doing dead end jobs. He languished in despair, contemplated suicide, and moped around. Finally, out of the blue, someone came to him and said, “Why don’t you become a motivational speaker for Notaries?” He said, “Great, but what’s a Notary?” So, he took the 123notary certification course after becoming a Notary and signed up on 123notary.com — at least in the story he did. He learned from Jeremy how to motivate Notaries to greatness and decided to work with that and expand upon it. He became the greatest Notary motivational speaker ever.

CHAD: Working on that notes section will reward you for the rest of your career.

NOTARY: I know, I know, I know.

CHAD: What are you doing that is more important than creating that benefit for yourself which will probably translate into tens of thousands in extra revenue over the next ten years.

NOTARY: I have to clean the house and I have an assignment tomorrow.

CHAD: Will the assignment pay you $10,000?

NOTARY: No, of course not. They don’t pay enough. I’m only getting $60 if they pay me.

CHAD: If I had $1000 in my right hand that you could have if you wrote a good notes section and $20 in my left hand that I would just give you now, which would you take.

NOTARY: That’s easy, the $20 in the left hand so I would have time to do my crummy $60 signing tomorrow.

CHAD: You are a difficult case. It only takes a few hours of reading and modifying your notes to have a listing that stands out. If you don’t, you might get ignored and not even be able to survive in the Notary business.

NOTARY: Motivating with fear. Okay, you win. I’ll postpone the laundry, but if I get another $60 signing, I’ll take it before I complete my notes so that I have something to whine about.

CHAD: Good. Read the “Your notes section” category in the 123notary blog for tips and take notes. With your experience of 500 loans signed you will have something to talk about for sure.

——– (end of scene)

CHAD: Linda, you are a new Notary, but you have no certifications. How will you stand out with potential clients?

LINDA: Oh, I’m certified by the State of New Hampshire.

CHAD: That’s not a certification, that is a commission. Getting a loan signing certification from one or more of the three best programs will help attract serious clients. It takes some work, but that work is what is going to jump start your career.

LINDA: I don’t have time. I have a $40 signing tomorrow. They are ripping me off.

CHAD: With no certifications and no experience you are lucky that people are even giving you a chance. The time you invest in Notary education will come back to you for the rest of your career. It only takes an hour per day for a month or two and you can be solid in your knowledge. That normally translates into an average increase of revenue per signing and also a lot more signings.

LINDA: I’ll wait until I’m really bored and then I’ll think about it.

CHAD: Older Notaries who don’t have credentials get used because of name recognition. They have been in the game for years. But, newer Notaries have no credibility at all. Let’s look at the search results on 123notary. Look, see Susie, she has four certifications as a signing agent, is a member of five Notary organizations, wrote a very comprehensive and well organized notes section and has a registered company name. Look at her, and then look at your notes section with your one liner that says, “Hi, my name is Linda. I am a Notary. I will travel. Call me first.” Why would anyone call you, when Suzie looks ten times as good as you.

LINDA: Oh my God, I never saw it that way. You win. I’ll buy the LLS, Notary2Pro and 123notary certifications and start studying. I will not be outdone by another woman!

CHAD: And remember — you need to be PASSIONATE about whatever you are doing. Live with ENTHUSIASM (raises fist in the air.)

LINDA: With me it’s not about passion. It’s about one-up-man-ship. I can’t stand the idea that someone else looks better than me. I’ll outdress her too. You’ll see. What does she wear?

CHAD: It says business casual.

LINDA: Well then I’ll wear fancier business casual or business formal. She will have something to worry about now.

CHAD: I’m not sure what I did. But, I hit the right button by mistake. Motivational speaking is all about pressing people’s emotional buttons. Greed, fear, revenge, passion, one-up-woman-ship, desire, vision, etc. Some people are more noble in their aspirations while others are more jealous, but I’ll get results any way I can.

BOTTOM LINE
If you write a thorough notes section on your listing, ask for help from Jeremy proofreading it, and get a few certifications, you will look really good to the clients. Get a few reviews as well from clients even if they found you somewhere else. The time you invest in bettering your listing could be worth more than $1000 per hour in long term benefits because you might keep your listing for ten years and reap the benefits every day for those ten years which can add up.

It is worth it to sacrifice less critical short term things you want to do for long term goals of studying, and refining your marketing presence. It doesn’t take that much time. If you compare it to the time you invested in high school or college, this is nothing, but the payback is often huge.

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May 16, 2021

An underwriter becomes “The undertaker Notary”

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 12:49 pm

A Mortgage Underwriter (with a background in origination as well) decided to become a signing agent. But, who called herself the Signing Undertaker. Every time she arrived at a signing she said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

The borrowers couldn’t figure out what loss she was talking about. She explained, “The loss of the $256,000 you will lose in payments over the next 30 years.” One borrower concluded, “Now, I understand why you are called the underwriter.”

The Notary would have music from funeral services to start the signing and do a eulogy about the loan as well.

Dearly beloved. We are here to witness the signing of Fred’s loan. If at any part of this process you feel sad, don’t worry, we have Kleenex in our bag. Fred’s money was a good money. It was always there to help Fred, and Fred’s friends. The dollars led a good life… (sob) I can’t do this. This is too emotional. Okay, I’ll do this. And Fred’s money has now departed. It is so sad. I guess this is how life is. Money comes and money goes. But, it departed so soon and so young. None of us were expecting this.

FRED: Um, Mrs. Notary, can we finish the signing please and cut the music.

NOTARY: Sob…. okay. You’re right. We should just get to the point, and then we can bury the money.

FRED: We are not burying the money.

NOTARY: Okay… but, were you close to the money?

FRED: (gives the Notary — the look.)

NOTARY: I understand how you feel.

FRED: Okay. We’re done. Thank God you are not a therapist Notary otherwise you would say — I’m sorry , but I’m afraid our time is up.

NOTARY: I was going to do that, but stopped dead in my tracks because you don’t play organ music in that profession. Especially the Bach Toccata and Fugue in D minor which is often played at funerals. My favorite piece of music of all time… sob.

FRED: Oh, I’m sorry for your loss. You seem so sad.

NOTARY: No, I’m supposed to say that. I’m the undertaker Notary, not you.

FRED: Well I’m the undertaker signer. So, I’m sorry you feel so sad. I love Bach too. But, I’m afraid our time is up.

NOTARY: So, now you are the signer therapist? I can’t get a handle on who you really are. Who am I dealing with here?

FRED: See you next time and we’ll give you a good review on Yelp. Loved the music. I’ll request they play that at my funeral if I ever die.

NOTARY: Oh, you will…. and how!

FRED: Thanks for the vote of confidence. Watch the steps. They go down… come to think of it they go down exactly six feet.

NOTARY: I am one step closer to my grave.

FRED: More like nine, but who’s counting. Have a nice evening.

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May 13, 2021

Video from Mark Wills – how to do a loan signing

Filed under: Business Tips — admin @ 12:22 pm

Mark from Loan Signing Systems (LSS) does a thorough job on this one. Clear and detailed. He goes over all of the nitpicky fees and specifications too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1kwzjeD_T0

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May 12, 2021

The Notary Banquet

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 12:17 pm

Welcome to the Notary banquet where diets are vanquished and appetites are satisfied every time. They have dishes named after types of loan signings. Let’s see what they have to offer.

Squid Ink Pasta
If you like the 1sts enough, you can have a 2nd, or a piggy back (combination loan) by combining the 1st and 2nd together and adding prosciutto. And yes, the ink comes out of a pretend notary seal.

Seal Kabob
I guess these are endangered species and they say, “ar ar ar” quite well, but for blogging purposes they taste great with light mediteranean seasoning. I wonder what seal tastes like. I bet it tastes like eel and rhymes with eel too. Maybe they should make sushi out of it.

Hybrid Plates
Surf and turf, steak and shrimp, this is what we call a hybrid.

eSigning dish
You eat a small plate but have to order with a signature pad. It’s one of those things millennials like that the rest of us might not like.

sHELoCs
Instead of HELoC, there is sHELoCs with angel hair pasta that looks like her locks.

Conventional
Tired of unconventional fusion cuisine? Try something conventional like chicken fried steak or apple pie.

FHA
Fries, Hamburger and Acorn Squash. This delicacy will entice your taste buds.

Reverse
I’m not sure how this would work. Would your server approach you walking backwards, or would we do a film shot of this scene and then play it backwards. Perhaps you would eat it backwards — hold that thought, no, bad idea.

Purchases
Just pay after you’re done eating.

Construction
The cake is built in pieces kind of like a prefab. So they construct it before you. If you don’t like it then get a demolition loan for your cake or a remodeling loan.

Time Shares
How often do you do time shares? When I have time. You can share food, but can you share time while eating food? I guess you could let the person next to you eat off your plate for 30 seconds if you know them well and trust them. This is a weird blog article even for me.

1031 Exchange
Yet another bizarre dessert idea of cake carved into the shape of the numbers 1031. Anthony Fauci would like it because he is all about “the numbers” and “the science.”

The Covid Cake
You have to stay six feet away from it and eat it taking your mask off in between bites. Of course, then you get germs on your mask which you can’t do either. So you are stuck.

I-9
The staff made a mistake and brought a K-9 (they were off by two letters) who went around sniffing everything and eating food that fell on the floor. So, he served his purpose. Then he found marijuana on one of the guest and drama ensued.

RON
Using this technology for dining, a person in Dubai can enjoy the banquet you are having right here in the Westchester district of Los Angeles. I’m not sure how that is possible. I don’t think you need to ID them virtually to eat a meal though.

Foreclosures
If you didn’t finish all of your courses, I guess the staff would have to foreclose on you and take everything away after a period of time.

Thank you for enduring my off sense of humor. I haven’t wr

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May 10, 2021

The squeamish Notary

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — admin @ 11:13 am

ME: Are you amish?
NOTARY: No, Im squeamish
ME: Close enough!

Here is a scene with a Notary based on a guy I met who ran an acupuncture clinic. He wanted only two people in his office at a time, and when a third person came in, he flinched. It was a large office too. What that guy didn’t understand was that the germs from the previous people were still in the air regardless of how many people were there now.

ME: Hi Mr. Notary, do you think you could notarize this for me.

NOTARY: Sure, just sign my journal. Oh, I love your mask.

ME: I think I’ve been in Los Angeles too long. Okay…

NOTARY: Ohhhh, you just came five feet and eight inches from me. We just violated social distancing for a whole second.

ME: Terribly sorry. Perhaps you should report us to Anthony Fauci so we can be reprimanded. It’s no big deal… Oh… Oh… (I fall on the floor and start having convulsions. then play dead, and then abruptly stand up and say) “Just kidding!”

NOTARY: That wasn’t funny. I could have given Covid to you and then you might give Covid to your Grandmother and she could die.

ME: I’ll let grandma figure out how to take care of herself. She has free will by the way. I don’t have a grandma.

NOTARY: Oh no, you touched my journal and I just touched my journal.

ME: Time to wash your hands for 20 seconds. The way I do it is to pretend that I put my hand in the toilet and wash accordingly.

NOTARY: You put your hand in the toilet?

ME: I said pretend. Here is my ID. I touched it..

NOTARY: Oh no, I have to wash my hands again… Please excuse me for the third time.

ME: Okay. And make sure you wash for a full 20 seconds again. I’ll count to make sure.

NOTARY: Okay, I’m back and I am going to stamp the documents.

ME: With wet hands, over my dead body.

NOTARY: I’ll stay at least six feet from your dead body, even if it is six feet under.

ME: Please dry your hands thoroughly, this is a recorded document. Wet hands, wet hands, oh my God wet hands.

NOTARY: Covid, Covid, oh my God Covid. We’re all going to die.

ME: The vaccine is more likely to kill you than Covid.

NOTARY: How can you say that?

ME: You don’t know what people’s motivations are. Some mad scientist created Covid to kill people. Another mad scientist in the same group created a vaccine to… fill in the blanks.

NOTARY: Oh my God. What if you are right? Vaccine, Vaccine, oh my God Vaccine. I’ve just been reverse brainwashed. You’re a lot faster than the media which took two months to fully brainwash me into N15 masks, the six foot rule, shut downs, and more.

ME: Let me inspect your hands and see if they are dry. Touch this blank document with all of your fingers and do a sample signature so I can see if it is dry. By the way, if I sneeze, or if my germs are in the air, they can go a lot farther than six feet. They can impregnate the entire house.

NOTARY: You’re scaring me. Did you touch the paper?

ME: Not yet.

NOTARY: Okay, here you go. Thanks. Elbow bump… let’s skip that.

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