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May 16, 2021

An underwriter becomes “The undertaker Notary”

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 12:49 pm

A Mortgage Underwriter (with a background in origination as well) decided to become a signing agent. But, who called herself the Signing Undertaker. Every time she arrived at a signing she said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

The borrowers couldn’t figure out what loss she was talking about. She explained, “The loss of the $256,000 you will lose in payments over the next 30 years.” One borrower concluded, “Now, I understand why you are called the underwriter.”

The Notary would have music from funeral services to start the signing and do a eulogy about the loan as well.

Dearly beloved. We are here to witness the signing of Fred’s loan. If at any part of this process you feel sad, don’t worry, we have Kleenex in our bag. Fred’s money was a good money. It was always there to help Fred, and Fred’s friends. The dollars led a good life… (sob) I can’t do this. This is too emotional. Okay, I’ll do this. And Fred’s money has now departed. It is so sad. I guess this is how life is. Money comes and money goes. But, it departed so soon and so young. None of us were expecting this.

FRED: Um, Mrs. Notary, can we finish the signing please and cut the music.

NOTARY: Sob…. okay. You’re right. We should just get to the point, and then we can bury the money.

FRED: We are not burying the money.

NOTARY: Okay… but, were you close to the money?

FRED: (gives the Notary — the look.)

NOTARY: I understand how you feel.

FRED: Okay. We’re done. Thank God you are not a therapist Notary otherwise you would say — I’m sorry , but I’m afraid our time is up.

NOTARY: I was going to do that, but stopped dead in my tracks because you don’t play organ music in that profession. Especially the Bach Toccata and Fugue in D minor which is often played at funerals. My favorite piece of music of all time… sob.

FRED: Oh, I’m sorry for your loss. You seem so sad.

NOTARY: No, I’m supposed to say that. I’m the undertaker Notary, not you.

FRED: Well I’m the undertaker signer. So, I’m sorry you feel so sad. I love Bach too. But, I’m afraid our time is up.

NOTARY: So, now you are the signer therapist? I can’t get a handle on who you really are. Who am I dealing with here?

FRED: See you next time and we’ll give you a good review on Yelp. Loved the music. I’ll request they play that at my funeral if I ever die.

NOTARY: Oh, you will…. and how!

FRED: Thanks for the vote of confidence. Watch the steps. They go down… come to think of it they go down exactly six feet.

NOTARY: I am one step closer to my grave.

FRED: More like nine, but who’s counting. Have a nice evening.


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