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March 17, 2023

How to Be a Successful Mobile Notary

Filed under: Become a Notary,Beginners Corner,Notary Public 101 — Tags: , , — Tom Wilkins @ 4:17 pm

Working as a mobile notary is an attractive option for those who find the idea of clocking 8 or 9 hours daily at the same location with the same people more than a little stifling. Mobile notaries get to work with a diverse group of people and aren’t stuck at one location constantly. Of course, the drive is only one part of the answer to being a successful mobile notary. Read on for some key tips on turning that dream into a practical reality.

Develop a Plan

People don’t open a restaurant or even launch e-commerce stores without making a plan first. Being a mobile notary isn’t a traditional business, but it most certainly is a business. You should treat it that way and make a business plan.

You can find templates for business plans in many places online, such as the Small Business Administration. Minimally, you need some ideas about what services you’ll offer, the service hours you’ll keep, your expected expenses, and a fee schedule.

Give particular thought to where and how you’ll market your services. Will you get yourself listed in an online notary directory (you should) or focus more on local publications to advertise your services? You’ll probably want a mix of online and offline marketing.

Diversify Your Service Offerings

Many new mobile notaries will focus all their attention on the loan signing aspect of notary services. While these assignments can prove profitable, the payment timeline is extended. You can wait up to 45 days before you see any money.

Consider offering other services directly to consumers in your community. For example, you can offer signature witnessing or copy certification, assuming there is enough work and you can charge enough per notarization to justify it. If nothing else, these other services can help you maintain a positive cash flow

Make Strategic Alliances

New notaries often view other notaries or businesses offering notary services as their competition. There is a kernel of truth in that, but it also limits your business unnecessarily. For example, you’ll want to limit the distance you will drive to offer your services. You can set up an informal agreement to recommend that people use a different notary if they’re outside your driving radius and vice versa.

Pick Your Customers

A common mistake that many new business owners make is that they assume every customer is good. That’s not always the case. For example, a customer that wants you to make a long drive two or three times a month for a low-paying service isn’t a good fit.

As a rule, you must balance your costs and the value of your time against what you get from a customer. Spending an hour round trip for a job that only pays $25 isn’t profitable. You want customers who make it worth your while to make the trip by getting higher-paying services or bundling together several lower-paying services.

How to Be a Successful Mobile Notary

The question of how to be a successful mobile notary requires several things from you. Minimally, you need a business plan to focus your efforts. You’ll want to offer a mix of services to capture immediate profit from consumers and higher-paying work like loan signings. Think about making strategic alliances. Finally, pick customers that value your time and make it worthwhile to make the trip.

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March 10, 2023

Notary Business Pros and Cons

Filed under: Notary Public 101 — Tags: , , — Tom Wilkins @ 11:00 am

Even though the Internet offers plenty of convenience in sending documents worldwide, the need for notary services is greater than ever. In fact, notary services are even more important these days because of the Internet. Businesses, government organizations, legal professionals, and more all need ways to verify the authenticity of signed documents, and notaries provide a way to certify these documents for their clients.

Whether you offer notary solutions as add-on services to a wider array of professional services or pursue a career focused solely on notary services, there are many opportunities to make money and help others. Of course, following this career path isn’t for everyone, and there are benefits and downsides to becoming a notary. If you’re thinking about offering notary services, consider the following notary business pros and cons.

Pros of Becoming a Notary

You Often Set Your Own Hours

Most notaries enjoy a flexible schedule that allows them to set their own hours. This added benefit is one of the biggest reasons people enter the notary profession: your time is a valuable commodity. If you haven’t worked outside of a traditional office environment before, getting used to it may take some time, but with some practice and planning, you’ll find your own rhythm.

Notary Professionals Can Travel

While you can provide notary services from an office, many notaries find success working as mobile professionals. A mobile notary service means you travel to client locations to perform notary duties, and this kind of work can be a fun way to meet new people and discover new areas. If you provide mobile notary services, include your travel expenses in your pricing, as you need to get paid extra for your convenience.

You’re Able to Help People in a Time of Need

One of the most rewarding aspects of becoming a notary is the ability to help people in a time of need. Clients who seek out your services often have very pressing matters to attend to, and your services help these individuals navigate complex situations. Whether these situations involve loans, immigration, marriages, or other important matters, you can sleep each night knowing you’ve provided a service that has made someone’s life better.

Cons of Becoming a Notary

Income May Be Inconsistent

You receive a paycheck on a set schedule when you work a traditional job. However, working for yourself as a notary means your income could be more consistent. This is often more of a concern when starting out as established notaries tend to stay busy after building a reputation in their areas. You can overcome this challenge by paying close attention to your budget and doing everything possible to earn business from clients in your area.

Notaries Usually Need to Handle Their Own Marketing

If you plan to pursue a full-time career as a notary, you’ll likely need to handle your own marketing. This can be challenging since marketing in the digital age requires a lot of time and dedication to the process. Thankfully, you can make things more efficient by getting listed in various notary directories on the web. These directories are usually sorted by location. You may also be able to offer your contact information, hours of operation, and more when you get listed in a notary directory. Notary business pros and cons are no different than when starting any new business. A notary business’s key benefits are flexibility and work-life balance.

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March 3, 2023

7 Time Management Tips for Mobile Notaries

Filed under: Notary Public 101 — Tags: , — Tom Wilkins @ 11:00 am

Setting your own work schedule is a wonderful thing, but it can also be a challenge. Unless you’re naturally self-motivated, you might struggle with time management, especially at first. Here are a few useful time management tips for mobile notaries that help you stay on task.

1. Choose Your Working Hours

When working remotely, it’s important to structure your day just as you would in a traditional 9-to-5 setting. Otherwise, it’s too easy to fritter away your time.

That’s not to say that you must adhere to those hours exactly. After all, one of the benefits of being a mobile notary is setting your own hours.

For example, if you’re most productive in the morning, consider working from 6 or 7 AM until 2 or 3 PM. On the other hand, night owls might prefer starting the day at 10 AM and working until early evening.

Notify your clients and colleagues once you’ve set up your work schedule so they’ll know when you can be reached. Applications such as Google Chat allow you to set the status to “Away” or “Don’t Disturb,” making it easier to adhere to these guidelines.

2. Make Yourself Available

While it’s important to stick to your set working hours, you want to ensure you’re easy to reach.

When you’re getting started, you should set up a social media page and print out business cards to distribute to potential clients. You might also consider adding your name to local notary signing agent directories.

Once you’ve done that, respond to any calls, voicemails, and emails as soon as possible. Consistency and availability are key to maintaining good business relationships. Moreover, staying on task will help you remain focused, which is a great time-saver.

3. Be Prepared For Travel

When one of your clients calls and needs something notarized, you should be ready to head out at a moment’s notice. Keep your supplies together in a safe location so you can access them whenever you need to head out the door in a hurry.

On a related note, maintaining your vehicle properly is one of the most important time management tips for mobile notaries to prevent service interruptions. You might not have to punch the clock at a second location, but you’ll still need reliable transportation if you expect to service your customers on time.

4. Use Invoice Reminder Software

If certain clients don’t pay you on time, chasing them down can distract you from your other projects. Use a program like InvoiceOcean to set up automatic reminders when customers are late on their payments. It will allow you to set up the time span just once, so there’s no need for continuous adjustments.

5. Track Your Time

Mobile notaries aren’t paid hourly, but that’s no reason to neglect this step. Tracking your time can help you understand how much time you spend on certain tasks and how you might manage projects better. Consider using a tool such as Toggl or Indy to help you make the most of your work time.

6. Keep Skills Sharp

Becoming a mobile notary is a huge step forward, but there’s always more to learn. Consider setting time aside to pursue new lines of work or even take a class or two. This might mean turning down jobs that need to be a better fit for you personally, but developing a niche will help you strengthen your business.

7. Take Time Off

Pay attention to your personal time, as doing so can lead to burnout, making you less productive in the long run.

Take at least one day off every week, and schedule vacations occasionally. You’ll need to plan ahead on the practical and financial levels, but you’ll come back from the breaks refreshed and with a clearer focus.

In Summary

Effective time management is essential for any freelancer, including mobile notaries. These time management tips for mobile notaries should help keep your business on track while improving your work-life balance.

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February 24, 2023

5 Ways to Market Your Notary Business

Filed under: (6) Marketing,Marketing Articles,Notary Marketing 102 — Tags: , , — Tom Wilkins @ 8:00 am

When you become a notary, much of your focus is on getting certified in your state. That typically means getting a criminal background check, taking an approved course, and passing the exam. Then, it’s mostly just filing paperwork. Once you get certified, though, you need clients. Here are five ways to market your notary business if that’s where you are in your notary journey.

1. Build a Website

One of the first things on your marketing to-do list should be building a website. We live in an online world. Many people regard having a website as a sign that your business is legitimate. The good news, you don’t need anything too complex either, or that demands a web developer. You can set up a basic website using WordPress, Wix, Squarespace or a similar content management system. Do make a point of creating a page with your contact information and availability on it.

2. Social Media

Once you get your website polished to the point that you’re happy, it’s time for the next online step: social media. Don’t sign up for every single social media platform. Start with one of the big sites. That lets you keep the demand for new content at a reasonable level. It also lets you answer questions. For example, let’s say that someone needs a Bank of America power of attorney. You can let them know in advance if you can notarize it.

3. Create a Referral Program

Referral programs really are the unsung hero of marketing. They are word-of-mouth marketing that you help generate for yourself. For something like notary services, you can offer discounts for the people making the referrals and those who get referred. In essence, you incentivize both groups to use your services.

4. Advertise in Local Papers/Newsletters/Online

Notary businesses are, by nature, local businesses. In most cases, you must interact directly with the people. That limits your business area to where you can comfortably drive relatively quickly. One of the top ways to market your notary business is by advertising in local papers and newsletters as they go out to the people most likely to need your services. That being said, don’t discount the value of online advertising. A lot of people head straight to Google to find a service provider.

5. Build Relationships with Real Estate Professionals

Something about real estate professionals that many people forget is that they deal with a lot of legal paperwork when they close a deal. Much of that paperwork requires a notary to certify that the parties signing it are who they say they are. That makes building relationships with local real estate professionals a potential goldmine of recurring work for your notary business. While you’ll want to start with one agency, nothing can stop you from expanding your web of relationships to multiple agencies. After all, it’s unlikely that one agency can fill your time.

Marketing Your Notary Business

Marketing a notary business, like most businesses, usually works best when coming at it from multiple angles. Start with the lower-hanging fruit, such as a website and social media. The initial costs are low, as those primarily require time. Once you get up and running, advertising in local papers, newsletters, and online is one of the most effective ways to market your notary business. Set up a referral program to entice new clients. If possible, build relationships with local real estate professionals. Those tactics collectively offer far better odds of bringing business your way.

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February 10, 2023

How to Get Clients as a Notary

Filed under: Marketing Articles,Notary Marketing 102 — Tags: , , , , — Tom Wilkins @ 12:00 pm

In the wake of the Great Resignation, many people reexamined their career choices. Millions of those people decided to try something else, and some elected to become notaries. It’s a sensible choice, given that notaries can work part-time. Of course, once you get your certification, you run into the problem of how to get clients as a notary. If you’re struggling to pick up clients, keep reading for 5 tips to help draw in customers for your notary business.

Word of Mouth

When someone needs a service provider of any kind, one of the first things they do is ask around with their friends, family members, and coworkers. Of course, no one can recommend you if they don’t know you’re a notary. It would be best to tell all of your friends, coworkers, and nearby family that you’re a notary. Once they know, they can spread the word about you to their friends and coworkers. If you’re wondering how to get clients as a notary at zero cost, then word of mouth will be your new BFF!

Notary Listing Websites

There are a number of notary listing websites out there, not to mention notary forums. You should have a profile on all of the higher-profile sites. A few of the more visible examples include:

  1. SigningAgent
  2. NotaryCafe
  3. 123Notary
  4. Notary Rotary

When you set up your profiles, follow the example of smart notaries and make it professional. Include a picture that makes you look professional. Also include relevant information about your certification or other applicable skills, such as foreign language proficiency.

Website

You should also have your own website. A notary website doesn’t need to be a complicated thing that requires a professional web developer. You can create a basic website using a content management system like WordPress. Just ensure you include key information, such as contact information and availability. Availability is particularly important if you only work as a notary on a part-time basis.

Social Media

For many people, having a social media presence is a sign that your business is for real. While you must limit the number of social media sites on which you set up profiles, you should have a presence on at least one or two or more sites. Facebook, for example, will let you set up a business page. If you have a high comfort level with video, you could also set up profiles on YouTube or TikTok. Remember, you’ll have to post content regularly if you want to get anywhere on video-based sites.

Advertising

Advertising isn’t everyone’s favorite option because it’s straight pay-to-play. Of course, the average notary won’t take out ads in big publications. You can take out local newspaper ads or create local radio spots. You can also advertise online on a budget with pay-per-click ads. You essentially put together a short ad that a big search engine will display. When someone clicks on the ad, you pay the search engine a pre-determined amount.

How to Get Clients as a Notary

The good news is that there are several answers to the question of how to get clients as a notary. Start with the essential marketing task of spreading the word to friends and family. Post your profile on the big notary listing websites. Set up your own website with key information, like your availability and contact information. Pick one or two big social media sites and set up profiles for your notary business. Then, there is the old standby of advertising. Get all of that up and running; it should help secure some clients.

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January 13, 2023

Top Mobile Notary Challenges in 2023

Filed under: Best Practices,Comprehensive Guides,General Articles,Journals — Tags: , , , , , , — Tom Wilkins @ 12:05 pm

As mobile notaries, the world constantly changes and presents new challenges for our profession. Every year, new updates in law and regulations affect our practice. So it’s important to stay informed of what other professionals in the industry are experiencing so we can continue to do our jobs effectively and safely. In this blog post, we’ll be looking at some of the top mobile notary challenges that will likely arise during 2023 – from adapting to digital platforms amidst a global pandemic to keeping up with ever-evolving state laws – as well as how best to prepare for these hurdles ahead!

Increased Regulation and Compliance Requirements

Being a notary public is no small task! With an ever-increasing layer of regulations and compliance requirements to abide by, it’s important for notaries not only to stay up-to-date on laws governing notarial acts but to ensure that their notary service is top-notch. Mobile notaries, traveling notaries, and signing agents provide added convenience for clients seeking notarization services beyond the traditional brick-and-mortar approach. As such, notaries must recognize that increased regulation and compliance requirements come with the territory and be prepared to meet them in areas ranging from personal identification verification to data security protocols. After all, notaries are really providing an invaluable service – one that requires vigilance on their part in order to execute properly.

More States Legalizing Cannabis and Its Impact on Notarizations

With more states legalizing cannabis, notary services have never been in higher demand! From notarizing banking transactions to notarizing documents related to cannabis-related agreements, notaries are rapidly adapting their services to meet these growing demands. Mobile notary and traveling notary services like signing agents make this work possible with flexible scheduling, location options, and quick turnarounds. Today’s notaries are required to understand the effects of cannabis laws within the state they work in—and as more states legalize cannabis, notaries are rising to the challenge with an understanding of not only their state laws but regional ones too. The need for savvy notaries has never been greater!

Increased Use of AI and Other Technologies in the Notary Industry

The notary industry is no exception to the technological advancements in automation, with many notary services embracing advantages like AI and mobile notarization. Mobile notaries provide notarizing convenience to customers by visiting them directly at their homes or workplace instead of the other way around, and they can also perform notarial services remotely. Signing Agents present businesses with many opportunities, such as booking more notary assignments and being away from their office while doing it – improving efficiency while on the move! Automation allows notaries to increase access to and quality of notary services; plus, going digital has enabled notaries to work faster and become more organized. The combination of modern technology and a notary’s expertise creates an efficient yet secure process for all kinds of transactions, making it one of the top mobile notary challenges in 2023.

Continued Growth in Remote Working and Its Effects on Notaries

The notary profession has experienced a seismic shift since the introduction of remote working technology. While notaries have yet to experience the same growth across all sectors, those in the notary public, mobile notary, traveling notary, and signing agent spaces have seen particularly dramatic gains due to their ability to provide notarization services from any physical location. This means that as more companies turn towards remote approaches for workplace operations, notary service providers have seen benefits through increased business. This shift bodes well for notaries looking to expand their services online – something that would have seemed next to impossible for the average signing agent or mobile notary not long ago.

More States Legalizing Digital Notarization

Digital notarization is rapidly becoming the notary norm, quickly changing the traditional notarization landscape. As more states legalize digital notarization, mobile notaries and notary services must evolve to meet the increasingly strict criteria. This means notaries who act as traveling notaries or signing agents will become even more popular, as they are both cost-effective and able to meet the ever-hastening pace of new technology and ideas in the notarization process. Not only that but their expertise and presence in person can help make digital notarization a cinch for both notary and customer alike!

Changes in the Real Estate Market and How They Impact Notaries

When it comes to notary services, the real estate market is at the heart of it. From mobile notaries and signing agents that travel from place to place to notary publics who perform notarizations at their own location, notaries play a large part in helping facilitate transactions for buying and selling a home. So when the real estate market sees changes—be it an increase or decrease in residential sales or rising interest rates—notaries must be ready to adjust their services accordingly. Whether this means taking on more projects if there is an influx of business or partnering with other notaries for added flexibility and capacity, notaries must stay agile as changes come about to maintain their notary business and keep up with the ever-changing landscape of the real estate market.

Expectations as We Move Into 2023

In the past year, we’ve seen more changes in the notary industry than ever. From increased regulation to the legalization of cannabis, there’s been a lot to keep up with. Mobile notary challenges will persist as we move into 2023, and it doesn’t look like things are slowing down any time soon. You can expect continued growth in remote working and digital notarization, as well as changes in the real estate market that will impact notaries across the country. But no matter what challenges arise, one thing remains constant: the quality of the notaries like you who are dedicated to providing excellent service. Thank you for everything you do to ensure that our community thrives!

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January 6, 2023

How to Create a Mobile Notary Business Plan

Filed under: Become a Notary,Beginners Corner,Best Practices,Comprehensive Guides,General Articles,Marketing Articles — Tags: , , , , — Tom Wilkins @ 9:21 pm

Creating a mobile notary business plan is important in starting your own business. A mobile notary business offers convenience to customers who need notarization services but need help to reach a physical location. As a mobile notary, you can travel to your clients and provide notary services at their location, making it more convenient for them.

The first step in creating your business plan is researching the market. This will help you understand your area’s demand for mobile notary services and the competition you will face. You will also want to research the regulations and requirements for becoming a notary in your state. Once you have a good understanding of the market and regulations, you can start to develop your business plan. A mobile notary business plan should include the following key elements:

Executive Summary: This should provide an overview of your business and its goals. It should also include a summary of your research and your target market.
Business Description: This should include more detailed information about your business, such as your mission statement, services offered, and competitive advantage.
Market Analysis: This should include information about your target market, including demographics, needs, and buying habits. It should also include information about your competition and how you plan to differentiate yourself.
Operations Plan: This should include information about how your business will operate, acquire customers, and provide notary services.
Financial Plan: This should include financial projections, such as projected income and expenses, and a break-even analysis.
Conclusion: Summarize your business plan

Creating a successful business plan is key to setting your mobile notary business up for success. Knowing the demand for mobile notary services in your area and the competition you will face are important considerations. Moreover, understanding the regulations and requirements of becoming a notary in your state is paramount. Additionally, understanding your target market, operations details, and plans for financial gains can help build a complete business strategy. Ultimately, this approach will provide more insight into setting goals, achieving objectives, and becoming a successful business owner.

Once you have completed your business plan, reviewing it and making any necessary revisions is important. You may also consider seeking feedback from a mentor, business advisor, or other notaries who are experts.

To be successful in the mobile notary business, it’s important to have a solid mobile notary business plan in place. This plan will serve as a roadmap for your business, outlining your goals, strategies, and financial projections. By taking the time to research your market, create a comprehensive business plan, and seek feedback from experts, you will be well on your way to starting a successful mobile notary business.

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January 29, 2022

My date with Jeremy

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Twitter 2011,Popular Overall — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 11:19 pm

This article was originally published in 2013.

He was striking and utterly took my breath away–like a traffic accident. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He had deep, penetrating gray eyes that seemed to notice everything. His shirt was the color of numbers.

We got out of the car at the restaurant. He took the ticket stub the valet handed him and scrutinized the numbers. “These add up to 33, an excellent number for business,” Jeremy noted. “I hope my good fortune extends to this restaurant as well. Let’s go in and see what’s on the menu.”

The sign above the entrance said Le Jurat.

“How did you pick this restaurant?” I asked.

“I have an algorithm for restaurants,” Jeremy said, opening the door for me.

“How chivalrous!” I replied. I was in awe of him, and I didn’t know what else to say.

“I assess the restaurant according to reviews, how they answer the phone, and zip code… and then I try the food,” he explained. “I test the food before bringing a friend here. Sometimes the reviews don’t match the quality of the service provider. In my opinion, good reviews don’t necessarily translate to good service–but I don’t know if you subscribe to that opinion, Sealia.”

As we were being taken to our table, a woman with frizzed red hair like the bride of Frankenstein ran up to Jeremy, tapped him on the shoulder, and demanded–“My password! I need my password! I can’t get in to update my page!”

Jeremy looked her in the eye and said sternly, “I’m having dinner. I emailed you your password three times in the last few months. You need to request it by email. Not now.”

I wondered exactly what the woman was talking about…and whether this man ever had any time to himself.

The decor of Le Jurat was elegant, parchment beige with traces of pink and gold, and there was no waiting line, yet the restaurant was full–an amazing combination for a Saturday night in Los Angeles. On all the tables, a little sign next to the placemats read, “Customers who subscribe to our newsletter have sworn by us…” The music playing in the background was “I Swear” by John Michael Montgomery…

“When I was choosing restaurants,” Jeremy said slyly, “it was a choice between this place and a Christian Korean place called the Hyung Moon Temple where the signature dish was Stained Glass Noodles.”

I laughed. “So tell me about this business of yours,” I asked. “What exactly do you do for notaries?”

“I provide advertising, education, and entertainment for notaries–visit us on Facebook! I also use algorithms to assess the notaries’ performance and knowledge.”

“I didn’t know Al Gore had rhythm,” I smiled and nodded.

“I didn’t know he had rhythm, either.” His phone rang. “123notary, this is Jeremy” he stated automatically.

“It’s Vicki from Hyung Moon,” he said aloud; “Sorry, Vicki, I have to cancel…I will not be able to make it this evening. I wish to rescind.”

He hung up quietly and said, “I kind of double booked…”

He was just about to smile again when the phone rang–again.

“Hullo,” screeched a voice.

“123notary, this is Jeremy.”

“Are you a notorizor?”

“I used to be a notary but I’m not anymore. Please look on 123notary. I’m the site administrator. Please call a notary on the site. Have a nice night. Goodbye.”

Again the phone rang,
but this time, he glanced at the number and said, “I’m not going to answer now because I’m with you, but I’ll have to call them back in exactly one hour and 56 minutes. That will be the best time to speak with this person who wants to take a phone test. I remember their number and the exact time they said would be optimal to call. That gives us enough time to have our meal and a dessert…before we go to FedEx to finalize the date,” he said, focusing on a tiny spot on the tablecloth.

“FedEx?” I said. “Why FedEx?”

“That’s where my dates always end–at a FedEx drop box.”

We tried to catch the waiter’s attention. “Hey–the waiter didn’t even acknowledge us!” Jeremy quipped. “Do you think our waiter will personally appear before us? I would like to order the Soup du Jurat…and a Certified Angus Burger…I like this restaurant because it’s 24 hours…although they don’t answer the phone after 11…if you want late-night service you have to call before 11… ”

I decided on the Rack of Lamb. “Is that a dual rack or a single?” I asked the waiter, who had finally appeared.

“Well, technically it’s a single rack….but we put in a separator program…so the legal size chops can go on a legal-sized plate.”

“If I don’t like the entree, do I have the right to cancel?” Jeremy demanded.

Finally the waiter delivered the food–and not a minute too soon.

“This lamb is delicious!” I said.

Jeremy ate his certified burger. “This stuff is as good as Kobe beef!” he replied.

“So what is it really like running 123notary?” I asked.

“It’s like dealing with a series of situations that never end,” he said.

“So it’s like marriage,” I said.

“That’s a good analogy. Trying to get people to do what they’re supposed to is like separating ribs. I need people to answer their phone, or write their Notes. They don’t all do it.”

“So it’s like a cross between babysitting and marriage…”

“Another good analogy! We’re really on the same page here. Would you like to have dessert at Le Venue down the street?”

“I’d love to!”

“Waiter, would you bring our settlement statement? Was my appetizer amortized over the life of the dinner?”

The waiter brought the check.

“When is my first payment due?” asked Jeremy.

“In five minutes,” the waiter answered. “The term of your loan is 45 minutes–with no accrued interest. The final payment is due tonight as well.”

“Is my APR different from my rate?”

“They are the same–due to the fact that we are not adding finance charges to your transaction,” the waiter explained.

“I see your point.”

“There are no points– because points would be considered finance charges–and no origination fee,” concluded the waiter.

“This conversation is completely irrelevant, considering there is no security instrument,” said Jeremy.

The waiter returned with the credit card statement.

“What color ink would you like me to sign with, black or blue?”

“Either. Just as long as you are personally appearing before me, I can accept your signature…but I could give you an oath…because I saw you were raising your right hand as you were trying to hail me,” the waiter replied.

“Shall we leave?” I asked Jeremy.

“Let’s go,” he said.

We walked down the street to Le Venue, a Restaurant for Notaries, for dessert.

“What county are we in?” Jeremy asked the hostess.

“Why do you need to know?”

“You always need to know what county you’re in when you fill out a venue. You’re not a notary, are you?” Jeremy told the hostess.

“Is everyone here a notary?” he asked the waiter.

“Pretty much…except the hostess,” the waiter replied.

I noticed the placemats read, “State of California…”

We looked at the menu anyway, even though we were only there for dessert…and saw “Roast Seal with Ink.”

Jeremy considered the mousse for dessert…

“What county is the mousse from?” Jeremy asked.

“It’s not from a county, it’s from a province, sir” the waiter replied.

“Can we get an Alaskan mousse?” …

“How about this dessert made with oreo cookies– what a great raised seal they have!” I suggested.

“Does the seal on the embossed cookie have an expiration date?” Jeremy asked.

“It doesn’t expire until 2015,” the waiter attested.

“How about the analytics dessert? It’s a graph… It’s in the form of a pie graph…”

“Oh, I can’t eat a whole pie…” I said.

“Well, most of the pieces are missing…the anayltics weren’t very good…” Jeremy pointed out.

Jeremy got the mousse, and I asked for the Locus Sigilli Sundae.

“Today is Friday. Do you serve the sundae today–or only on Sundays and federal holidays?”

“We serve this sundae with the oreos every day, sir,” the waiter replied.

The food was perfect.

“I can’t finish my dessert,” I said. Can you finish it for me?” I asked.

“I think we have to get a power of attorney for me to finish your dessert,” Jeremy replied.

On the way out, he went up to the hostess and asked, “Can you validate us?”

“You’re a very nice person,” she told him, smiling.

“No, I mean stamp our parking receipt…Can I stamp it myself? I’m a notary; that’s my thing. Can I backdate it? We’ve been here quite a while…”

“No, sorry sir, we don’t allow that…”

“I enjoyed eating the date stamped on my oreos…” I said, wondering what to expect next.

“I enjoyed eating my mousse…but I would have enjoyed it more if the antlers hadn’t been crushed by the car that hit it in the dark, ” Jeremy laughed. “Can I take you home?” Jeremy asked softly.

“No….just drop me off at the FedEx drop box.”

Tweets:
(1) “Waiter, would you bring our settlement statement? Was my appetizer amortized over the life of the dinner?”
(2) The waiter brought the check. “When is my first payment due?” asked Jeremy.
(3) “Does the seal on the embossed oreo cookie have an expiration date?” Jeremy asked.
(4) The notary asked, “Can I get an Alaskan moose with Russian dressing. They’re our next door neighbors!”
(5) Running 123notary is more like babysitting than you think,
“Did you update your listing? Did you update your notes? Did you renew yet?”
(6) “FedEx?” I said. “Why FedEx?” “That’s where my dates always end–at a FedEx drop box.”
(7) Running 123notary is like a cross between babysitting & a marriage. A bunch of situations that never end!

You might also like:

My 2nd date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=7074

What are Jeremy’s favorite blog entries?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18837

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January 25, 2022

Vampire Notaries: 24 hour service

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Popular on Linked In,Popular on Twitter 2011,Popular Overall,Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: — admin @ 12:04 am

This was originally published in 2013

It was a dark and rainy night.
A couple called a company called Vampire Notaries for a late night signing.

The company’s motto was:
“We are part vampire; We provide 24 hour service”

They were going to sign a simple affidavit. The couple thought the business name of the notary sounded romantic in an erie way. In any case, the vampire(s) showed up a the appointed time.

It was 2am on a rainy night. There was thunder; There was lightening. The couple was cozying up next to the fireplace sipping wine. Then, there was a slow, but emphatic knock on the door. Knock………… knock……….. knock………. Each knock was heavy and decisive, but not frighteningly loud. There was a four second pause between each knock.

Two seemingly normal men in their 30’s were at the door. They both had clean cut hair, and were clean shaven. Everything was normal about these two guys, or at least, so it seemed. The only distinguishing aspect of their appearance was their long black coats. But, it was raining, so perhaps they needed a long trenchcoat, right? Or, was this part of their usual attire?

The couple asked why there were two of them. The answer was, “We like to work in pairs”. The couple gave each other a weird look, and then they asked what was next. Vampire #1 asked to see their identification. The couple gladly handed their drivers licenses over. Vampire #1 stared at the picture of the lady, and said, “That’s a nice picture, you have nice rosy cheeks… you must have good circulation! Do you work out?” Next, Vampire #1 wanted to see the documents. The couple was instructed to sign the documents. Next, it was time for pawprints. Vampire #2 asked for a right thumbprint from the husband. At this point, the wife asked, “Aren’t you asking for a lot? The next thing you will ask for is a DNA sample, a retinal scan, or even a BLOOD SAMPLE.”.

At this point, Vampire #1 exclaimed,
“Funny you should mention that” — and gave a knowing glance to the the other vampire.

Then it was time for the wife’s thumbprint. The husband said to Vampire #2, “You really do spend a lot of time looking over my shoulders and breathing down my neck. Vampire #2 said, “They don’t call us Vampire Notaries for nothing!”. Finally, the wife noticed that Vampire #1 was doing 90% of the work. She asked why one Vampire did almost all of the work. Vampire #2 explained, “I prefer to watch!” — with a delighted look on his face.

After the notary work was all done, the couple paid the notaries. But, Vampire #2 said, “We are not done yet”. The wife asked, “What more could we possibly do?”. Vampire #2 walked over to his briefcase, and whipped out four dixie cups and announced, “It’s time for our midnight elixer!”. Vampire #1 brought a small bottle of sangria, he glanced at the couple’s Anderson Valley Syrah and said, “You are drinking the WRONG type of wine!”.

So, all four of them enjoyed a two ounce sip of Sangria (the Italian word for BLOOD) from their little chalices. After that, the vampires were about to part ways with this young couple. The lady said to the man, “They seemed nice, but that was a little strange”.

Right before the vampires walked out the front door, Vampire #1 whipped out a purple light. The couple saw what these guys looked like in the light, and their eyes turned a very disconcerting color, and their teeth turned color too, emphasizing their fangs.

“Oh my god”, screamed the wife.

“Fare well”, retorted the vampires… and left, with the door making a medium-loud clunk as it closed.

The next day, the couple woke up. Everything seemed normal. The husband brushed his teeth. The wife took her shower. They enjoyed a slow breakfast with all of the usual items. Then, it was time for a kiss before going to work. But, the wife noticed something.

“Fred, What are those strange marks on your neck?”

Tweets:
(1) The company’s motto was: “We are part vampire; We provide 24 hour service”
(2) 2 seemingly normal men in their 30’s were at the door. It was raining, so maybe they needed trenchcoats, right?
(3) Wife: “The next thing you will ask for is a blood sample.”
Vampire Notary: “Funny you should mention that.”
(4) Vampire Notary: “I like your ID picture. You have nice rosy cheeks, you must have good circulation, do you work out?”
(5) After the signing w/Vampire Notary, the 4 of them enjoyed a sip of Sangria (the Italian word for BLOOD)
(6) The day after the signing w/the Vampire Notaries the wife asked: “Fred, what are those strange marks on your neck?”
You might also like:

Top 12 things to do when you are on hold
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3946

Notarization for an exorcism
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20948

The 24 hour icon and what means
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19455

Notary with Tourettes Symdrome
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18999

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January 23, 2022

The Notary, The Mafia & The Fedex Drop Box

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Drama & Tragedy,Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (A little),Popular on Twitter 2011,Popular Overall — Tags: , , , — admin @ 12:03 am

This was originally published many years ago.

An uneventful signing
It was a gray Monday afternoon in the first week of November. Kary went to her signing with the Thompsons. They signed the documents without too much reading or complaining. Kary had one other signing after that. When all was done, she made her way to the Fedex drop box. She had a habit of always going to that same drop box. It was near her home, and it felt like a safe place to go at night, being a single woman.

Luckily for her she was nowhere near the San Diego mayor’s office.

The Sopranos were en route to the same location she was
This poor woman’s luck — she ran into someone who was still mourning the loss of the great James Gandolfini AKA Tony Soprano. He was such a fan of the show that he decided to pull a mafioso type move on this poor unexpecting woman. This thug Tony Baritone had been in the drug trade for years, but wanted to step it up a notch. His old M.O. was meeting for the swap in a dark alley, giving them the briefcase, taking the package — you know the drill. But, he wanted to do it more like they do in the movies this time. This was his first attempt at simulating the panache of his television alter-ego.

Just about to drop the FedEx and…
So, this woman was just about to drop her package in the box. Her finger was on the handle of the box. She noticed a large garbage backing up about 50 feet away. She disregarded the truck whose distinctive oder was wafting her way. She put the Fedex in the Fedex drop box, and then proceded back to her car. The garbage truck nearly ran her car off the road as she left her parking space. It was so abrupt, she stopped the car to get out and see what this maniac’s problem was.

The garbage truck backed up
The truck had backed up almost into the Fedex box, and had jaws that clamped the Fedex drop box and tore it from its bearings and lifted it into the truck. The woman started screaming, “What are you doing? Are you crazy?”

Blonde #2 appears
Then another blonde lady appeared out of nowhere who looked almost exactly like the notary. She was the same age, same hair color, and same height, and also had a Fedex package that she wanted to drop. The other lady looked very puzzled. She said to herself, “Wait a second, my instructions were to put the Fedex in the drop box and leave — but, that truck just took the Fedex drop box away!” Blonde #2 (also an unnatural blonde) was unbeknowingly carrying $10,000,000 in drug money that she was to deposit in the Fedex box — which was to be removed by the garbage truck. But, their plan got foiled.

We have to get rid of the witness
The driver said to his friend, “We have two problems — the money is not in the Fedex Box, AND, there’s a witness. We need to get rid of the witness, but I can’t tell them apart.”
His friend said,“You have to look for the roots, real blondes have roots — our blond is a real blonde!”
Driver: “No she ain’t, I’ve seen the broad before, she has a different hairstyle every several months”
Friend: “So, you can tell the two chicks apart!”
Driver: “Not from this distance without my glasses. Let’s get my money first. The broad with the package has the money.”

The mafia chases the blonde
So, the driver and his friend jump out of the truck (which is parked in the middle of the boulevard) and run towards the blonde with the Fedex. The irony is that she doesn’t know that they are the intended recipients of the package because her instructions were only to “Put the Fedex in the drop box”. So, she runs away from these scary people — who are actually her boyfriend’s best friends, and the ones who gave the $10,000 to her boyfriend to pay her to do the drop. Meanwhile the notary lady decides to chase after these scumbags to get them to give her package back.

She loses them and then finds them
In the heat of the chase, she loses them, and then finds them again. The other blonde escapes from these thugs, finds the drop box in the back of the garbage truck, puts it in, and runs away. Meanwhile, notary lady catches up to the thugs, and throws her embosser at them — leaving a raised seal of disapproval (in the form of a bruise) on the now unconscious mafia garbage truck driver’s left temple. The irony of the story is that the character with the concealed weapon is not one the mafia characters, but is the notary who was carrying a stainless steel embosser.

The Notary recovers the loan docs
After that, the driver’s friend ran away and the notary proceeded to the unattended garbage truck to pick up her package. She picked up the highest package in the box in such a hurry, she didn’t realize that she had picked up $10,000,000 in dirty drug money. She gets in her car and drives off with her “loan docs” finally in her possession again. She calls the signing company and lets them know about the problem. Then, she proceeds to her nearest staffed Fedex station — where there won’t be any garbage trucks (let’s hope). She pats the package in glee to have gotten it back after a small altercation. But, she notices a distinct bulge in the package that didn’t feel like loan documents.

But, what she had was not really the loan docs after all
The five seconds after she realized that her loan documents were not in her possession, she saw a large garbage truck driving down the street.

Mental note to self: “Take out the garbage”

Tweets:
(1) A notary bumps into Toni Baratone at a FedEx drop box
(2) The garbage truck tore the FedEx drop box from its bearings and took it away!
(3) “We need to get rid of the witness, but I can’t tell the 2 blondes apart”
(4) The Notary takes $10 million in drug money to the Title company by accident.

You might also like:

The Flo-tary and the name your price tool
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16194

Notary aptitude test
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15853

Don’t put the FedEx in the drop box
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2831

More on Snapdocs, the Uber of the Notary industry
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16236

My interpretation of how the Notary industry went South
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16500

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