Jeff the therapist gets tired of dealing with insurance companies, secretaries, and the daily hassle of being a psychotherapist and longs to become a Mobile Notary. However, he seems to have trouble transitioning into his new life.

JEFF: He, my name is Jeff Winkler and I am here to facilitate the signing of your refinance. Do you have any prior medical conditions I should know about?

SIGNER: No

JEFF: Are you on any medications that could complicate our signing?

SIGNER: Ummm. Lipitor

JEFF: Oh, is your cholesterol high?

SIGNER: No, because I take Lipitor. If I didn’t take Lipitor, then my cholesterol would be high.

JEFF: I understand. Do you ever hear voices?

SIGNER: I think we all hear voices. My wife is the only big voice that I hear.

THE WIFE: I heard that!

JEFF: Great, well here is the package. Can we sit at the dining room table?

SIGNER: Fine

JEFF: Will your insurance be covering the signing?

SIGNER: I think the Notary fees is listed on the TRID or the Settlement Statement. It’s $200 and out of that I’m sure they pay you at least $35.

JEFF: Yup, sounds like your insurance company covered it and is giving the service provider their usual 20% or so for doing 99% of the work. Let’s see…. Now, here is your rate and on this other document your APR. The APR is higher than the rate, how does that make you feel?

SIGNER: It’s supposed to be higher because it incorporates fees and closing costs into the percentage plus it’s compounded.

JEFF: Aren’t I supposed to explain that to you? Maybe you should be the signing agent.

SIGNER: Does that bother you?

JEFF: No, but it perplexes me. Perhaps you have been through this several times and know the drill. I’m still fresh out of medical school with Loan Signing Systems. I just got a degree in signing from them. Was your mother also a borrower?

SIGNER: We had a loan under my father’s name as a child.

JEFF: How did that make you feel?

SIGNER: I think that is pretty standard. I was not aware of my parents’ financial arrangements.

JEFF: So you had no feelings about that. Uh-huh. I’m taking notes. Do you feel comfortable signing the entire package?

SIGNER: I’m already 90% done.

JEFF: Yes, and on this document here, you need to sign with your middle initial.

SIGNER: Yes, I will… By the way… How does that make you feel?

JEFF: I feel a sense of completeness when you use that middle initial. Something I never felt as a child.

SIGNER: I’m afraid our time is up.

JEFF: Hey! I’m supposed to say that. You’ve taken over my job as a Signing Agent AND as a therapist.

SIGNER: How does that make you feel?

JEFF: It makes my life easier and it provides comic relief?

SIGNER: Great, next time you can lie on the couch during our session. I’m doing a construction loan and I’ll request you. I run a few businesses and we are always doing signings.

JEFF: Oh, perfect. Here’s my card. I also do Weddings and Bar-Mitzvahs

SIGNER: Mazel-Tov. See you next time. There’s a Fedex station around the corner on Wilshire. It’s open late.

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