A Notary had to go to the hospital for a hernia. He was in pain and drugged part of the time. But, he had a thriving business. and his customers would come to see him in the hospital.
CUSTOMER: Hi, I need this Affidavit notarized. I’ll sign it right here. You’re paying attention right?
NOTARY: (nodding off) ummm.
CUSTOMER: You are paying attention right?
NOTARY: Oh yeah..
CUSTOMER: (signs the document) Can you fill out the Jurat and sign it here?
NOTARY: I am not myself today. I might need to do a signature by X
CUSTOMER: According to what you told me last time only elderly customers can do a signature by mark or X.
NOTARY: Just kidding. Let me just fill this out… okay. Now, do you solmenly swear to uphold the constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic?
CUSTOMER: When you say domestic, does that include Consuela my maid? she is foreign AND a domestic.
NOTARY: You just have to make things complicated.
CUSTOMER: And that Oath has nothing to do with my document. That is the morphene talking, right?
NOTARY: I was just testing you. I’m actually sober, believe it or not. That’s why I’m being so mean. When my father arranged my marriage to Maria he said, “And he’ll beat you constantly — but only when he’s sober which is very little of the time.”
CUSTOMER: How reassuring. Okay, my Oath please? Never mind. I solemnly swear under God that the contents of this document are true and correct to the best of my knowledge.
NOTARY: I hereby affix my stamp. I gotta get out of here. I don’t want to be late to the straight pride parade in Boston of all places. Don’t you just love people from Boston — how refreshing — standing up for traditional values.
CUSTOMER: Yes, I find them refreshing, especially when they call people a “fricking retahd.”
NOTARY: Me too – gotta love it. I pronounce you man and document.
CUSTOMER: I am going to pass on kissing the document.
NOTARY: That will make you more popular in Boston as a result.
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