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January 23, 2022

The Notary, The Mafia & The Fedex Drop Box

This was originally published many years ago.

An uneventful signing
It was a gray Monday afternoon in the first week of November. Kary went to her signing with the Thompsons. They signed the documents without too much reading or complaining. Kary had one other signing after that. When all was done, she made her way to the Fedex drop box. She had a habit of always going to that same drop box. It was near her home, and it felt like a safe place to go at night, being a single woman.

Luckily for her she was nowhere near the San Diego mayor’s office.

The Sopranos were en route to the same location she was
This poor woman’s luck — she ran into someone who was still mourning the loss of the great James Gandolfini AKA Tony Soprano. He was such a fan of the show that he decided to pull a mafioso type move on this poor unexpecting woman. This thug Tony Baritone had been in the drug trade for years, but wanted to step it up a notch. His old M.O. was meeting for the swap in a dark alley, giving them the briefcase, taking the package — you know the drill. But, he wanted to do it more like they do in the movies this time. This was his first attempt at simulating the panache of his television alter-ego.

Just about to drop the FedEx and…
So, this woman was just about to drop her package in the box. Her finger was on the handle of the box. She noticed a large garbage backing up about 50 feet away. She disregarded the truck whose distinctive oder was wafting her way. She put the Fedex in the Fedex drop box, and then proceded back to her car. The garbage truck nearly ran her car off the road as she left her parking space. It was so abrupt, she stopped the car to get out and see what this maniac’s problem was.

The garbage truck backed up
The truck had backed up almost into the Fedex box, and had jaws that clamped the Fedex drop box and tore it from its bearings and lifted it into the truck. The woman started screaming, “What are you doing? Are you crazy?”

Blonde #2 appears
Then another blonde lady appeared out of nowhere who looked almost exactly like the notary. She was the same age, same hair color, and same height, and also had a Fedex package that she wanted to drop. The other lady looked very puzzled. She said to herself, “Wait a second, my instructions were to put the Fedex in the drop box and leave — but, that truck just took the Fedex drop box away!” Blonde #2 (also an unnatural blonde) was unbeknowingly carrying $10,000,000 in drug money that she was to deposit in the Fedex box — which was to be removed by the garbage truck. But, their plan got foiled.

We have to get rid of the witness
The driver said to his friend, “We have two problems — the money is not in the Fedex Box, AND, there’s a witness. We need to get rid of the witness, but I can’t tell them apart.”
His friend said,“You have to look for the roots, real blondes have roots — our blond is a real blonde!”
Driver: “No she ain’t, I’ve seen the broad before, she has a different hairstyle every several months”
Friend: “So, you can tell the two chicks apart!”
Driver: “Not from this distance without my glasses. Let’s get my money first. The broad with the package has the money.”

The mafia chases the blonde
So, the driver and his friend jump out of the truck (which is parked in the middle of the boulevard) and run towards the blonde with the Fedex. The irony is that she doesn’t know that they are the intended recipients of the package because her instructions were only to “Put the Fedex in the drop box”. So, she runs away from these scary people — who are actually her boyfriend’s best friends, and the ones who gave the $10,000 to her boyfriend to pay her to do the drop. Meanwhile the notary lady decides to chase after these scumbags to get them to give her package back.

She loses them and then finds them
In the heat of the chase, she loses them, and then finds them again. The other blonde escapes from these thugs, finds the drop box in the back of the garbage truck, puts it in, and runs away. Meanwhile, notary lady catches up to the thugs, and throws her embosser at them — leaving a raised seal of disapproval (in the form of a bruise) on the now unconscious mafia garbage truck driver’s left temple. The irony of the story is that the character with the concealed weapon is not one the mafia characters, but is the notary who was carrying a stainless steel embosser.

The Notary recovers the loan docs
After that, the driver’s friend ran away and the notary proceeded to the unattended garbage truck to pick up her package. She picked up the highest package in the box in such a hurry, she didn’t realize that she had picked up $10,000,000 in dirty drug money. She gets in her car and drives off with her “loan docs” finally in her possession again. She calls the signing company and lets them know about the problem. Then, she proceeds to her nearest staffed Fedex station — where there won’t be any garbage trucks (let’s hope). She pats the package in glee to have gotten it back after a small altercation. But, she notices a distinct bulge in the package that didn’t feel like loan documents.

But, what she had was not really the loan docs after all
The five seconds after she realized that her loan documents were not in her possession, she saw a large garbage truck driving down the street.

Mental note to self: “Take out the garbage”

Tweets:
(1) A notary bumps into Toni Baratone at a FedEx drop box
(2) The garbage truck tore the FedEx drop box from its bearings and took it away!
(3) “We need to get rid of the witness, but I can’t tell the 2 blondes apart”
(4) The Notary takes $10 million in drug money to the Title company by accident.

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Don’t put the FedEx in the drop box
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January 13, 2022

A notary gets sued, but E&O won’t help out!

This was originally published many years ago.

We had a notary public whose name will remain anonymous. I will not disclose her location either. But, she is being sued because a lender pulled a fast one on a borrower. The borrower is suing everyone connected to the loan. But, the borrower should know that the notary public has nothing to do with the loan, doesn’t know the lender, and doesn’t benefit from the loan other than to collect their small fee.

The story gets worse though. This notary’s E&O insurance policy wouldn’t help out with any of the legal expenses, or potential damages simply because they claim that the notary never made a clerical error which is true.

The notary public went to get legal counsel, and a neighbor / friend of the notary public offered to help at a discounted rate. But, the discounted estimate for the entire case was $30,000. It doesn’t make sense to me why a notary should pay $30,000 to defend themself from a false accusation.

In any case, we should pray for this notary public, so that she can get off the hook of being falsely accused. She did nothing wrong and shouldn’t suffer like this.

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January 10, 2022

She was on another directory for 8 years w/o a single call. Then she joined 123notary!

Filed under: General Stories,Popular Overall — Tags: , , — admin @ 8:59 am

This was originally published many years ago.

My assistant Adine just talked with a Notary who had a wonderful testimonial about 123notary. Adine was calling a long list of people to tell them winning techniques for getting reviews on their 123notary profiles. One of the people she called told her that she had been on another popular Notary directory for eight years — and without a single call. Then, she joined 123notary and the phone started ringing off the hook.

Everyone has a different experience on 123notary ranging from immediate success to almost no results. But, it is always refreshing to hear dramatic stories about the effectiveness of our site. This story reminds me of a quote that one of my writers came up with for Twitter a few years ago.

“Sell your car and buy a top spot on 123notary”

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January 5, 2022

The day I sold Carmen’s spot

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:41 am

This all happened around 2004. Carmen and I did not communicate as effectively together in those days. Carmen was given a top spot back then as a gift, but she did not see the value in it in those days. I asked if she wanted to get a formal upgrade and pay for the spot. She didn’t care then, and the key word is then. After that, there was this other lady in Los Angeles who was a Realtor and Notary. I think she is still with us although she dropped out for a few years. The Realtor Notary lady paid for the spot.

So, Carmen noticed that she wasn’t getting as many calls and complained to me about what had happened. Carmen got very angry I remember. I am not sure whose fault it was as our communication was not in writing. I think Carmen’s words are that it doesn’t matter if she is in the top spot. But, after losing the top spot, she started whistling a different tune. I am not sure if I waited for that other lady’s top spot to expire or if I bribed her to give it up. I can’t just take a legitimate Notary out of a spot you know — that is a violation of my terms and conditions. So, the minute I could legitimately get the other lady out of the spot which was a year or more after Carmen complained, I gave Carmen her spot back.

Carmen got so much business from her top spot that she became really good at selling top spots to other people. Carmen has been working with me since 2003 by the way. That was the year I got really busy with 123notary. The 123notary of today is very much formed because of that little communication mistake that happened back in 2004 or 2005, I forgot the exact year. Carmen has been the best top spot salesperson ever since. And I owe it all to a mistake.

.

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December 28, 2021

Special memories of my life

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:41 am

Sometimes we get caught up in work and forget to smell the roses. But, I take time off and smell plenty of cactuses and pine trees and ocean breezes depending on where I go. Refreshing the soul and body is so important. But, what are the most memorable moments in my life.

1. My moments talking to my psychic Walter about dreams, managing my business, and spiritual topics mean a lot. I will think about this on my deathbed — assuming that I ever die.

2. Driving through Hungary in 2006 was a bit disorienting, but the scenery kept changing and I felt like I passed through eight national zones while in Hungary. It went from a Gypsy area that felt like Latin America (and the people looked Mexican too), to an area with Central Asian looking architecture to a communist looking area with Russian style buildings. Then it looked more Hungarian, and then I felt like I was in Thailand due to the triangular window casings. Finally, my last stop was near Austria and it looked German. What a bizarre day driving through Hungary. They kept speaking German to me. I guess they thought I was German. How odd.

3. Seeing my spiritual master in San Jose in 1998 was an experience like no other. I stood in line to meet him with twenty others. He patted me on the shoulder as a sort of spiritual blessing. But, I felt high as a kite for half an hour after that. I had some bizarre meditations that night where I felt an out of body experience as well. He was a very powerful guru.

4. Visiting Sedona, AZ in 2001 for the first time was like being in a movie. I kept saying — “I can’t believe we’re here” over and over and over. I was expecting to see the Marlboro man come out from behind a corner at any minute. The red rock scenery was fantastic and so was the buffalo burger and the hiking. Later in that trip we saw Dead Horse Canyon in Utah and we (my housemate and I) were cracking jokes and doing impressions of all the people who might make commentary on this scenic spot mimicking different accents, etc.

5. The other night I had a wonderful dream about my dream girl who I have never met. I was sitting in the back seat of a car, and she sat right down right in my lap. When will I meet this person? I felt so happy having this dream. I have had several dreams about this mystery lady — all in scenic places.

6. Seeing Mrs. Meao on the heater was truly special. She spent a lot of time in my room helping me do my work. I call it emotional support. I would always ask how she was feeling and she would normally stare into space, but sometimes she would tell me in cat language. She died in 2008 but comes several times a month in dreams. When she was dying I made her promise to come to me in dreams regularly, and she has. She keeps reincarnating into different cat bodies, and then dying within several years. I think she has had about five lives since she was our cat where she lived 14 human years — not sure how many cat years that is.

7. After Carmen died, I contacted her spirit a few times. It is hard for me to talk to spirits, but Carmen is up in heaven and is her usual self. Same personality — just without the body. She warned me that we are going to have a huge war involving Iran. I guess that is what they talk about up in heaven. I know it is coming because the Christians and Jews are both predicting this to happen soon. I just hope American doesn’t shut down because of this war. We’ll see.

8. When I was 16 I had my own landscaping business. Nothing fancy. But, I had to drag my lawnmowers all over the neighborhood and sometimes to other neighborhoods which was very time consuming. I pushed it all the way up steep hills. I was very motivated in those days. I saved my money and borrowed $4800 from my date and bought a Toyota pick up truck for $6219. I think that was the exact price. I got a quarter of a million miles out of that truck and did well with my lawn mowing business. I used that truck to give lots of friends rides as well and they were very appreciative. Without that truck it would have been almost impossible to have a social life in subsequent years. The people I knew and women I dated would not have been able to spend time with me had I not had a truck. Thank God for my work ethic.

9. When I was 17, I played a final recital on the cello at the Longy School of Music where I studied music on Saturdays. I practiced a lot. I don’t remember how I did. I played a Bach Suite, a concerto with chamber orchestra and a sonata with piano. It is all a fuzzy memory, but it was a big achievement in my life.

10. I played in two orchestras with my father. These were only ones that met a few times. But, I remember playing the Messiah. We also played the cello part for a Bach harpsichord concerto. My father and I both played the cello. He was better than I was, but I was good enough to play in seven orchestras.

11. In my distant and more early childhood, I remember Quaker Meeting. But, Quakers sit still — they don’t quake at all — maybe they need a new name. It was a nice 1700’s style building in a quaint and comfortable part of Cambridge, MA. I liked going there. I don’t remember what we learned in Sunday school other than that war was bad — but that the Army provided good work opportunities to people. So, which one is it? Is war good or bad? If you join the Army for work, you aren’t going to make paper mache, you are going to go to war dummy! We had Christmas pageants where I sang and played cello. I always remember this song — If you have a penny and you give it away, you’ll end up having more. I really don’t remember many specifics, but it was a nice place to be and our family life was a lot less turbulent when we made a weekly presence at this spiritual venue.

12. Elementary school is a very distant memory. My favorite class was gym with Mr. Arch. They really made it interesting and I did well (even though I was timid) until about age 12. I remember Clyde the bus driver. He was a guy in his early 60’s. I remember Sandy, Scott, Michael & Jay, and others. Michael invited me to their summer home on the beach and I got sucked under water by the undertow. That was scary. But it is a memory — and that is what I am writing about.

13. I think when I was seven, my father took me hiking to Mount Monadnock in New Hampshire. We have many photos of that trip. It is a large mountain with a very rocky top and several routes to the top starting from different sides of the mountain. We would always get Birch Beer on the way there. I don’t think I’ve had it since.

14. We had many Thanksgiving meals with friends and neighbors. One year we invited two guys from MIT who were very cerebral and had nowhere else to go. They liked to play music, so they played sonatas with my mom who was a professional pianist. Another year we met some distant relatives from Jordan — Walid, Nabeel, Faeeda, and Mary. They were very lively, had amazing stories, and were a lot of fun. Sometimes I wonder how they are doing.

15. When I was really little, my mom would drive me to Nanna and Pa’s house in Watertown, MA. They would babysit me and we would watch TV. I don’t remember much. I think I was afraid of the ebony door to the upstairs neighbor’s apartment. It was very ominous looking.

16. Starting 123notary was a memory. I was living like a pauper in Monterey Park, CA. I was working at signings and building my site up. What a lot of hard work, but it paid off and it was my passion! When they say stick to what you love, believe that. Because if you don’t love what you do, you won’t give it your 110% and stick to it year after year. I have many memories of building 123notary — too many to count — some of them traumatizing, some were glorious achievements.

17. More recently…

I meditated in the middle of nowhere in New Mexico and saw red lights in my meditation. It was very deep and meaningful. Then I went to a forest near Santa Fe, NM and saw greenish blue light which was coming from Lord Ganesh. I had never had this experience before. My guru said the red light was coming from a portal to other planets. Wow! It was an extraterrestrial contact, but on a spiritual level — so I didn’t get to meet ET. Maybe next time. On one occasion on the border of AZ and NM in Navajo, NM I felt the vibe of a forcefield that was created by extraterrestrials, but I didn’t see anything. One week before this experience, I had a dream that I saw a UFO hovering behind some tall buildings in Los Angeles. I guess the dream manifested itself, but not in a way that was as much fun as I was expecting.

On a brighter note — I have met many mystical people in New Mexico, especially when I go to native areas. They are such peaceful people. Several people I saw at gas stations who I didn’t even have the pleasure of talking to left a lasting impression on me. I guess they must have been deeply spiritual beings, whomever they were.

18. I’m trying to think of noteworthy things that happened here around Los Angeles, but nothing comes to mind. It is just business as usual and not much good or bad happens around here other than the shut down. Eating on the trunk of my car with my housemate at one of my favorite South Indian restaurants was a shutdown memory. It was like a shutdown style date. Thanking God for lamb chops was another memory during the shutdown. At least I could still eat well even though I was miserable. Going to comedy clubs once in a while and to Moroccan group dinners definitely is memorable, but we do this so infrequently. I think I should have fun more.

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December 26, 2021

The most interesting people I have met in my life.

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 10:28 am

I am getting older now. I am 52, and sometimes I reflect on my life. When I was younger I met many interesting people. In high school and college I met a lot of interesting people. As I entered the work force I encountered different people from walks of life I was not so familiar with. I grew up around intellectuals and met very few blue collar types. The blue collar people in Boston are very interesting in their own way, and are famous for their sarcasm which they call “sahcasm.” Then I moved from Boston to Los Angeles and worked in the Chinese community. They are definitely a very different social group. After a few years I started being a Mobile Notary and started 123notary not long after that to market my personal services. As an adult, I meet people in bars and in the park, but I don’t meet too many people other than Notaries. But, I digress. Let me make my list.

The most interesting people I have met.

1. My father. He studied math in school and became a programmer. He always had a deeper understanding of politics, life, business, etc. He seems to have forgotten his deeper understanding in his old age and now believes all of the BS that the mainstream media feeds him. What happened?

2. My mother. She was an expert pianist and knew about music and culture from around the world. She lived with anthropologists in college who were very interesting people. And she knew people from around the world.

3. My neighbor Uri. His mother was an intellectual and they both read and read and read. He grew up in Haifa, Israel. He knew about the world, politics, and his father was engaged in international business. Uri joined his father after finishing high school. Unfortunately he had a childhood bout with cancer which caught up to him in his early forties and he died. I would say that he helped me to learn how to deal with situations and difficult people — be tough and stand my ground. Nobody teaches you that back home in our community where people are very soft.

4. My neighbor Swami. Swami speaks five languages. Tamil, English, Arabic, Japanese, and French. He probably knows other Indian dialects too. He was an expert engineer, international business person, spiritual leader (his name says it all), and more. A very interesting conversationalist to say the least. He also taught me a thing or two about cooking his way where you grind each spice separately by hand. Wow! His wife was from Japan, and he could speak to her in her language. And he specialized in selling pipes to the Saudis for their hospitals. What a specialty that was!

5. My junior high school friend Mike. Mike studied for years after high school at Harvard extension and at other schools. He has known me since childhood and can talk about any subject and make interesting points – generally contrarian points which makes the conversation interesting. We still talk regularly and it never gets boring.

6. My college hallmate Bube. His father was a big time engineer back in Tanzania where he grew up. Bube studied 12 hours a day and would not put his books down unless there was a good party. He could talk about any subject and loved studying karate. Alas, the good times are over and my college friends are long gone. I actually emailed him a few years back to see how things were going.

7. People at the wedding of my 2nd or 3rd cousin. I met lots of people from my mothers village in the middle east who I had never met before. So many people were business people and had such good stories to tell about hotels, satellites, refrigerators, etc. All business stories. The one I remember was about the guy who made millions selling refrigerators — but he doesn’t even know how to plug one in — he hires the right people. So, I had a fun time at that party. But, like all good things — they come to an end and I don’t know those people except for my aunt who also tells stories quite well.

8. Mitch. When I started 123notary, I had no idea who to hire for programming. I hired a local Chinese company. They were okay. But, they became unhelpful and then I looked in the yellow pages and found Mitch. He has been handling most of my web business ever since. We go out a few times a year and the conversation is really interesting. He is a unique thinker.

9. Carmen. Carmen and I worked together from 2003 to 2020. She took the calls for 123notary and we talked all the time. There was never a dull moment and she had a deep understanding of human nature. Not always a very positive understanding, but I like to keep it real, so that worked for me.

10. Walter. Walter is my psychic counselor. We go over health issues, spiritual issues, business and life issues. He was a monk before, and is very knowledgeable and interesting and can discuss a vast array of topics. I have never met anyone like him. If I ever die, I will remember all of the fascinating sessions I had with him and how my life was meaningful as a result.

11. My Guru. My guru that I follow now is the spirit of Yogananda. One of the most interesting people I have ever met — at least in spirit form. He understands spirituality, and shamanic healing, and much more. It is hard to communicate with spirits, but I am partially shamanic, so I can do some, and Walter (interesting person #10 on this list) can communicate for me.

12. Angels. Walter is not only an interesting person, but he helped connect me to angels. I do volunteer work for a particular angel doing psychic battle with evil spirits. We cleared out most of the evil spirits from Arizona and California. Those spirits had been plaguing the area for thousands of years and we as a team got rid of them in only five years which is amazing. But, when we channel this angel, we get amazing information about life, health, spirituality, and much more. I have never gotten such interesting and useful information from anyone. Not from any book, not from any video, and not from any living person. Sorry to freak all of you out with my relationships with the dead — but this is how I live, and it is for the best.

13. The Assassin. I met an assassin at a bar. He was from Israel (half of Israelis are probably assassins) and he does his business in Africa — otherwise he would probably get arrested. He teaches governments how to defend from sieges, or how to do sieges. This is how they live in the Middle East I guess. Interesting cocktail party conversation but wouldn’t want to live through it. The irony is that he looked like a goofy hippie. Go figure!

14. Youtube personalities. Youtube has been my connection to the world. During Covid it was my only connection. I have met so many interesting life coaches via youtube. I guess I met them but they didn’t meet me. The host of valuetainment is named Patrick Bet-David and he is one of the most interesting people and always has new topics for his videos which are commonly interviews.

15. Other Notaries & Industry People. There are a few Notaries and people I met from 123notary who were very interesting over the years. They do not make the top ten list, but they were pretty inspirational and unique. A few of them helped me with my quiz questions too which to me is very valuable.

16. My former guru and his guru. They gave me a very good grounding on life, spirituality, and prophesies. They predicted a lot of the nonsense that is going on in America and the world right and what is to come — which you won’t like. My former guru’s guru Babuji came to me in spirit forms a few times and we channeled him a few times. But, my knowledge of him is more through his books. One of the most valuable thing my former guru taught me was to live in harmony with nature. The whole world seems to want to go as far away from nature as possible with artificial light, computers, pharmaceuticals, vaccines, covid masks. But, I try to be as natural as modern society will allow, and my first guru was a good influence in this respect.

SUMMARY
I have never written a blog article quite like this, other than going over the most interesting moments in my life. I wonder what is to come. My psychic says I will do business with China starting in 2024. I hope I learn better Chinese by then and I hope it goes well.

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December 24, 2021

Tikkun Ha Olam vs. Ha Olam Tikkun – a comedic commentary on Hebrew grammar

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:42 am

I was watching a lecture on spirituality by a Rabbi and he talked about Tikkun Ha Olam which means fixing the world. But, I heard him wrong and thought he said Ha Olam Tikkun which might mean the world where people fix themselves spiritually or in other ways. I am not educated in Hebrew grammar and there is no such term, so forgive me if my translation is not correct.

So, I googled the term Ha Olam Tikkun and found results only for Tikkun Ha Olam and decided to make a comedy sketch about this confusion.

In the sketch, I want to find the world of tikkun, so being a modern person, I Google it. I was in such a hurry, I neglected to see that the results were all for Tikkun Ha Olam (fixing the world) which was not what I was looking for. The search results gave an address on Beverly. So, I walked a few blocks up to Beverly and found the place.

ME: Hi ladies, I’m looking for Ha Olam Tikkun, because I want to find a place or a world where people fix their tikkun or their karma.

LADY 1: Hey kid, you got the wrong joint. This is Tikkun Ha Olam. We fix the world over here.

ME: Oh, do you put a band aid on it or something?

LADY 2: No, we try to fix the world, issue by issue. Our issue, womens’ rights at least for today. Tomorrow we’re going to handle transgender rights.

ME: So, where do I find Ha Olam Tikkun then?

LADY 1: My suggestion — look within. You want to do some inner healing — definitely look within.

LADY 2: I think he is looking more for a world or community where people fix themselves spiritually, but outside of Temple Beth-El which closed down years ago…. very kabbalistic place, there is no such place in this realm. So, my suggestion — try meditating really hard and go down to the underworld. There are many etherial realms down there. Some of them you can talk to talking animals. There are portals to other realms and tunnels, so you might find your realm down there. Shamans say that if you can’t find the real down there, you can build it.

LADY 1: On second thought, if the looking within thing doesn’t pan out — try Melrose. They have everything over there.

ME: Interesting suggestions.

So, I walked through the park and saw some orthodox guys.

ME: Hey guys. I’m looking for Ha Olam Tikkun. Google says Beverly, but Siri says Melrose. Any take on this matter?

ORTHODOX GUY: Melrose, but go during happy hour. You get a free glass of kosher wine with every two orders or tapas, and the service is great. And you’ll meet lots of people who are studying Kabbalah and working on their inner self.

ME: That sounds great. But, I don’t have an inner self. At least I don’t think I do.

ORTHODOX GUY: Do you have a neshemah or nefesh?

ME: I think I was born without that, but I definitely have a Ruach.

ORTHODOX GUY: That’s the next best thing. You better get there now before happy hour is over.

Meanwhile at the tapas bar.

HOSTESS: Welcome to Ha Olam Tikkun Tapas Bar! Would you like a table?

ME: Definitely. Do you have any good Rioja tintos?

HOSTESS: Definitely and they were blessed by a local rabbi.

ME: Oh, does he charge by the bottle or by the blessing collectively?

HOSTESS: Not sure, but I think he gives group rates.

NANCY: I just love this place. My Rabbi says I am too arrogant and I need to work on that. But is that a tikkun or teshuva?

SIMON: I think it is a little of both. My Rabbi says I think too much. Maybe I should smoke a joint. Marijuana makes you think a lot less.

ME: Bad idea, but I love the way you think.

SHELLY: My Rabbi says I am not arrogant enough and too humble.

SIMON: (busts out laughing) That’s insane. We all need to be more humble.

ME: Well maybe she’s too humble and doesn’t know when she’s right. That can be a problem. I used to be like that. I think we all need to even ourselves out to attain perfection. But, in the mean time, I’ll have some of those patatas bravos, I guess since this is a kosher place the scallops and shrimp will not be an option, so the sea bass with aioli, and a nice tempranillo. Perfect.

WAITRESS: Coming right up. I’ll swim back with your bass.

ME: Honey, you can kiss my bass…. I love food that is low key.

WAITRESS: Me too. Too bad we don’t have sea cellos.

ME: I heard they are working on it.

MORAL
The moral(s) of this story is/are that for every two Jews there are at least three opinions AND, if you have a spiritual problem, forget about this looking within crap, and get some kosher tapas while working out your karmic imperfections at Ha Olam Tikkun during happy hours!

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December 22, 2021

Will there ever be another Carmen?

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 11:09 am

We all grieve our loss of Carmen. But, she is resting in the brighter world. I am getting old and ready to do some resting too, but there is much to be done — as they say in the movies.

But, will there ever be another Carmen? Nobody will ever be like her. But, perhaps there will be someone who will do her work. I get so far behind on emails and phone calls, renewals and more. It is hard to keep up.

I wanted to spend 2021 doing quality control, and I brushed up 1000’s of people’s notes sections and quizzed thousands as well. It took forever, but I did a good job refining my procedures and getting my listings straightened out. There are just so many of them.

I need to be at peace with myself and done with whatever projects I am working on to have time to incubate someone else to help me with my work.

I met several people who sounded promising who wanted to help me work. But, I never followed through. Most of them quit the notary industry after a year anyway. Do I want to work with a quitter? Carmen lasted 17 years and has the emotional scars to prove it. I want someone who will last.

But, the other day a nice lady from Florida called me. She said she wanted to work for me. She wasn’t at all like Carmen, but she was charismatic, great with people, had a customer service background, and was black. I was thinking — will she be the next Carmen? I started having that feeling. You know that feeling when you meet that person and you wonder — is she the one?

I had that feeling when I looked under the sofa and found true love. I said hello and she said “meao.” We became instant lifelong friends and I have the claw marks to prove it. Every time I look under that sofa, many years after Mrs. Meao’s demise, I wonder — will I find true love again under a sofa? Of all the unlikely places. But, I don’t think I will find a new and perfect assistant under a sofa. But, perhaps from a referral or unexpected phone call.

An old contact from 2005 or 2008 surfaced with me. She referred someone to me and that person mentioned her name. Nicole Mickel. She was in the settlement industry and then moved to Real Estate and sells houses in Florida to people moving down from New York. Quite a business. I forgot her exact name, I knew it had an N and an M in it. So, I asked for the contact information for Nicole’s number and called her. She was her charismatic old self. She gave me great hiring advice. She taught me how to hire based on personality type and how to decipher what a person’s personality type is. Mrs. Meao’s personality type was that she liked to snooze and claw people, but I don’t know how this applies to humans.

In any case I feel more emotionally ready to deal with this. When Carmen died, I knew she was sick and I knew she was slowing down. I thought she still had a few more years. Her death was not only traumatic, but just left me there high and dry and emotionally unready.

I think when people die, they should give their friends, family and contacts two years notice. I am slow dealing with stuff.

In any case, to sum it up, I am getting more ready to find a replacement. I will be strategic and try to find a great personality who is disciplined about this type of work and good with people. No promises. whomever it is will not have the technical saavy of Carmen, but might be very helpful and have a great personality. Keep your paws crossed… or fingers.

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December 16, 2021

Kamala gives a speech to kids about being a Notary

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:14 pm

KAMALA: You can be anything you want to be.

KID #1: Anything?

KAMALA: Anything. Remember. Other people don’t tell you what you can be, YOU tell THEM what you can be.

KID #2: Aren’t YOU telling me what I can be by telling me I can be anything?

KAMALA: If you want to get technical, but since anything is ambiguous, that makes it okay, alright kid?

KID #3: Can I be an astronaut?

KID #2: She just said you can be anything. That includes astronauts.

KID #4: What about being a Notary?

KAMALA: You can be a Notary. If you do, there will be many unexpected things you will have to deal with.

KID #1: The way you describe being a Notary sounds a lot like how you describe being a Vice President.

KAMALA: The two jobs have a lot in common.

KID #1: Not going to the border being one of them.

KAMALA: We have the border completely under control. There is no need to go there. We like leaving it open. Why should people be prevented from coming here.

KID #1: I agree, it’s mean not to let people come here. On the other hand, what if those people we are being nice to are affiliated with the Taliban.

KAMALA: I’m sure our border guards will screen the four million people who came in this year one by one and keep us safe. Let’s go back to talking about being whatever you want to be and telling people who you are rather than letting them tell you who you are and that type of thing.

KID #1: Got it. I am a border guard. I self-identify as being a border guard, and you cannot tell me that I’m not.

KAMALA: Very good, and I’m sure that you will be the best border guard ever.

KID #2: Yeah, just go easy on the whip otherwise you might attract the wrong type of attention.

KID #3: I’m very good at evading issues and changing the topic of conversation so gracefully, you won’t even notice. Are there any professions I might be well suited for?

KAMALA: Sure, as a proud member of the Notary community, people will bring up politics and religion at signings. And in order not to get in trouble you have to change the topic of conversation ever so smoothly, so nobody even noticed.

JEREMY: When your administration so gracefully changed the conversation from the border to outer space, the folks in Texas who live near the border noticed loud and clear. They are no longer safe leaving their house. An in my neighborhood far from the border there are now muggings, robberies, assaults, and all types of other crimes that simply did not exist (on a regular basis) before your administration. We notice. We also noticed that during your astronomy video, when a girl asked you what it was like to be Vice President, that you conveniently glossed over that question and talked about how your mother was a scientist and how we can all wonder about the stars. I noticed that. We notice a lot of things you and your administration do — because it endangers us.

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December 14, 2021

A touching response to: Memorial of Carmen Towles

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:01 pm

Carmen was the person who got me started on 123notary. She was an excellent teacher and always had the answer to any problems I may have encountered. She never rushed me off the phone and listened to my concerns without interruption. She pushed me to excel in the notary field. When it was time for me to renew my membership, she always reached out to me so I could get the “special” price. I always felt very special. Found out later on that she treated other notaries the same. I was totally shocked to learn of her quick demise and felt like I lost a friend. RIP Carmen. You left behind a hole in my heart.

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