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February 12, 2017

Racial issues at a signing

Filed under: Drama & Tragedy — admin @ 9:36 pm

Shelly went to a Notary signing. The minute she arrived, she could feel extreme tension. The husband was listed as an entity on the loan application, but the wife was the one taking command. Shelly was (and still is) white, and the couple was black. I’ve done hundreds of signings in black homes and without issue — however, those signings were done before people had a reaction to Donald Trump’s political presence.

Racism was at an all-time low from around 1997 to mid 2015. And then it started up again. There were more protests, riots, clash between minorities and police, the Black Lives Matter movement, etc. But, during the last few months of 2016 it turned violent. I witnessed people being beaten in the street over race — strangers beating strangers with no provocation. Can we blame Donald Trump for this insanity? After all, he has done nothing to anyone (yet) and was only speaking his mind in his own non-sugar coated way.

The husband and wife started going through the Loan Estimate. They went through every fact and figure with a fine toothed comb because they had prejudged that something must be wrong and that everybody was out to get them including the Notary, Lender, Donald Trump, Title, Escrow, and Sam down at the butcher shop (I made the last part up.) They were basically trying to confirm their baseless suspicions by finding something wrong with the paperwork.

When the Notary tried to smooth things over, the couple called the Loan Officer and commented about how terrible the Notary was. The Loan Officer failed to return the Notary’s calls but called the party that hired them for the loan (whomever that was.) The Notary’s reputation had been slandered, tarnished, and she didn’t want to lose her client. Shelly’s reputation was on the line here for a crime she didn’t commit. Was racism to blame?

Shelly comments that if people are negative about the process from the getgo, they will create problems that weren’t there in the first place. Too true Shelly. I agree completely. But, the main thing is to stay out of the loan. The loan is not your business. It is not up to the Notary to determine if there is something wrong with the loan. You just make sure they sign where they are supposed to and notarize the signatures.

Shelly has signed hundreds of loans for people of all communities in her area and treats people equally. It looks like she was not treated equally in return this time.

The moral of the story is, if you walk into a tense situation as a Notary — just do your job and don’t make comments. Be neutral. It’s not your problem. If someone fires you for reasons beyond your control, just state your side of the story and it is their loss if they lose you because you are a good Notary who did nothing wrong and has a 99.9% accuracy rate (or so you claim.)

You might also like:

Black Notaries vs. White Notaries — comedy edition
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17455

Demographics in the Mobile Notary business
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15359

I’d rather stop being a Notary than carry a gun
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15896

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January 29, 2017

Black vs. White Notaries = benign, but the comments were hateful

Filed under: Drama & Tragedy — Tags: , — admin @ 6:49 am

I live in a multi-racial neighborhood. We have Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, and even a few Christians (when we allow them to come in). We have black, white, yellow, brown, red, and even a few green people who fly in from time to time when their spaceship breaks down.

People on TV can joke about race. Eddie Griffin does so unashamably, so does Eddie Murphy, and a few other Eddies. How come they can exercise their freedom of speech without a hateful backlash? Have you ever thought about the double standard I am talking about here? I joke about everything. I value my freedom of speech too. But, the commentary to my Black Notaries vs. White Notaries was just hateful considering my blog entry was gentle and not demeaning to anyone. We (my comedy writer & I) joked about the same things black comedians joke about. Do I have to get a race change and be a Michael Jackson in reverse to have cultural permission to do the same thing?

The reality of the race situation is that law enforcement and young black males are having a prolonged and unofficial civil war. This is more than unpleasant. It is dangerous for all of us all even though most of us are bystanders. I have read that many higher level rabble rousers are arranging for more violent riots. Violence and hateful commentary on my blog doesn’t solve anything — it just creates more tension and more problems. Perhaps these hostile comments I received reflect the very attitude why we are having a serious problem with race in America. America practices racism, accuses everybody in sight of being racist, yet we lack the ability to have an open and honest discussion about race, culture, or just tell a few jokes.

Some Americans get almost violent when you bring up particular topics. This attitude is a direct threat to our freedom of expression which our forefathers risked or gave their lives for. If you react so violently to harmless jokes, perhaps that is a reflection of your own inability to accept America’s racial situation for what it is. We are forced to live in it daily, but culturally prevented from saying anything open about it. Should you send ABC or the New York Times hate mail every time they publish a piece on race?

It is amazing that a blog article so harmless got such a hateful response. I think that some of you need to take a closer look at yourselves. On the brighter side, that post was one of our most popular comedy posts ever, and people referred it to their friends since they were so shocked. The bottom line is that I can joke about whatever I like, and you can be polite about it — can you dig it?

Please also see:

Black Notaries vs. White Notaries — comedy edition
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17455

Comedy Central Notary Roast
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17462

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January 26, 2017

Here is how your home will be drained of its equity

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: — admin @ 12:40 am

I have written a few pieces on the future of the American economy, reverse interest rates, and other futuristic depressing economic predictions. Basically, what is happening in Japan could happen in the United States and it looks like we are going down the same path, but are behind by a few years.

Japan’s Bubble & Our Government’s Borrowing Habit
Japan had a huge Real Estate bubble about 25 years ago. The bubble crashed, but prices never went back up again. They went down and down and down slowly and still continue to go down. The government is borrowing all of the available money for its humongous national debt. Interest rates are also negative. But, it seems to me that regular folks are not allowed to borrow or not borrow that much. The same situation is happening here, only not as severe. As our government’s debt gets higher and higher, banks will have to artificially keep interest rates low (they have been doing this for a few years now it seems) otherwise Uncle Sam will be out of business which means that we all will be out of business too or would have to pay 30% extra in taxes which would ruin the econony.

Your Home Will Lose Value
As the government’s debt gets higher, interest rates could become artificially lower so that the government could stay afloat without issues. This means that banks will have less money to lend to borrowers. That means that they will have less money to pay if bidding on your home which means your home’s value should be going down little by little over the next thirty years. The problem with this is that you will lose most or all of the equity in your home little by little over decades and be left with little or nothing when it is time to retire.

The Solution
It doesn’t make sense to put all of your assets in your home like middle class people have done for generations. It makes more sense to keep your wealth in gold, land, cash in the bank, as well as very stable stocks such as blue chips, etc. These types of investments would be more stable than a home in a bad depression and will survive economically upside down times.

Surviving Being Upside Down
Prepare for upside down conditions. It’s happening already in Japan. The problem is, it could wipe you out. After people are stripped of their life savings that was stored in the equity of their homes, if the economy tanks on top of that, then you would be out on the street. So, be prepared, and try to act sensibly to protect your family from the inevitable. If you own a house, do it the Christian way — pay for it in cash or pay your loan off completely. Borrowing is forbidden in several religions as it leads to economic slavery, multinational financial collapses (Greece, Portugal, and soon us) as well as upside down consitions. The secret to survival is to not be a part of this insanity and keep your wealth in solid assets without borrowing!

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January 20, 2017

Notary Starbucks – charging for waiting time while sipping Sumatra

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 12:42 am

Welcome to Notary Starbucks where Notaries go to meet clients, get caffeinated, and blend with others. When the check comes, they get to do the signing for a change. Choose from a wide selection of Notarial coffees and snacks. Additionally, this is the only type of Starbucks where tables have separate mini-wings that open up on the sides of tables to accommodate drinks, so they won’t spill on your documents if you tip them over! Better yet, you get to use the new Starbucks Notary App that gets your waiting time paid in advance! At regular Starbucks, you see writers with their laptops writing screenplays about superheroes that never sell. At Notary Starbucks, they write screenplays about notaries that never get paid.

We offer a Notary cake that is rectangular and has an imprint of a Notary Seal in the middle. Just don’t eat the cake after the expiration date imprinted in it! Try the molten Notary cake too. It has chocolate Notary seal ink in the middle! Below is a list of our coffee blend selections.

Antigua Affidavit Blend

Conforming Columbian Dark Roast

Arabian Acknowledgment

Subscribing Sumatra

Sulawesi Signature Whole Bean

Interest Only Italian Blend (Light Roast)

All strong enough to keep you awake while waiting for your client who’s had too much java to provide a signature that isn’t too shaky from all that caffeine.

But, Notaries don’t only go to their local Notary Starbucks to enjoy snacks, they meet their best clients there. They even had a new Starbucks App that would penalize clients from coming late to appointments where they would meet at Starbucks.

CLIENT: I’m almost there, but running late

NOTARY : No problem, you prepaid $25 waiting fee. You’re only halfway through that.

CLIENT: I thought that was the Notary fee.

NOTARY: Nope? My last client kept me waiting here for 30 minutes only to stand me up. That’s why I use “The Waiting App.” It’s $10 per signature, plus $10 travel fee for me to come here from home not to mention waiting time. You’re out $12.50 for keeping me waiting.

CLIENT: But, you didn’t do anything!

NOTARY: I wouldn’t call waiting for you not doing anything. Waiting for paint to dry – maybe. I came when I had other offers, and I sat here drinking Burundi Buydown with cream and sugar — too much sugar, I’ll never make that mistake again. This is time out of my day. You think I work for free?

CLIENT: But, you’re not working?

NOTARY: If I spent the entire day at Starbucks, “Not Working” I wouldn’t be able to afford my Murundi Mortgage, or my real Mortgage for that matter. I get paid for doing signatures, and if those people don’t want to show — they pay for my opportunity cost that I spent waiting — and sipping.

CLIENT: Sipping. You lazy bum. Don’t you have anything better to do?

NOTARY: As a matter of fact, I got an offer for an $80 signing while I was waiting for a late client. I turned him down since I got a down payment via the Starbucks Notary App.

CLIENT: Why of all the low-down.

NOTARY: Hey, you’re the one who can’t show up on time, not me buddy. Blame yourself.

CLIENT: I’ve decided not to come. I don’t like your attitude.

NOTARY: Great, I’ll call the $80 guy back. It’s only been two minutes. I’ll tell him I’ll be there in another two. Or have him meet me for a FHA French Roast right here at Notary Starbucks. In the meantime, I’m sort of trying to win the affection of a female Notary sitting next to me. Thanks a latte.

CLIENT: Fine — Bum!!!!

LADY NOTARY: I’m enjoying this Interest Only Italian Blend. They claim that if you drink it, you will enhance the interest of Notaries of the opposite sex.

NOTARY: It’s working. But, I have to go. The $80 guy wants me to show up at his house in 10 minutes. Send me a text. But, do you think I’ll get in trouble with the police?

LADY NOTARY: Why? For driving under the influence of that Subscribing Sumatra Frapaccino you had an hour ago? The high on that lasts for four hours. You might be driving all jerky, or irratically smash your seal into the document at your signing.

NOTARY: Nah, I’ll be fine.

LADY NOTARY: Oh yeah? Well, how many fingers am I holding up?

NOTARY: I can’t tell. Your fingers are shaking so much. It might be easier to meet ladies at a Notary bar rather than here. Everybody’s so jumpy and over caffeinated.

LADY NOTARY: Ya think? I’m not that bad compared to the lady who started out sipping sumatra which is a gateway coffee drink and then moved up to the crackaccino!

NOTARY: Good point. Gotta go! $80 is calling my name. Anyway, later. I’ve gotta Java now if you know what I mean!

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December 31, 2016

2016 Notary Timeline – a year in review

Filed under: General Stories,Popular on Facebook (A little) — admin @ 11:13 am

2016 was a great year for Notaries. Here are some of the highlights of what happened at 123notary and in the Notary industry in general.

Jan 2016 — The Notary industry was slow for most of the year, but worse in the last quarter. To the point where some short of change for the laundry didn’t even have a last quarter.

Feb 2016 — Snapdocs becomes a force to be reckoned with and Jeremy writes many snappy blog posts over the next several months about them. Snap becomes jealous. Crackle & Pop couldn’t care less.

June 2016 — Jeremy visits Facebook headquarters to see where his Facebook advertising money is going. But, Facebook refuses to give him a tour after a seven hour drive, which Jeremy tells them he didn’t like. Since they’re used to seeing a thumb down instead, they have no idea what he’s saying.

Sept 2016 — 123notary introduces mobile pages for city and state search results pages. The pages still need to be tweaked.

Nov 08, 2016 — Trump elected. Half of Americans made America great again while the other half made America grating again.

Nov 09, 2016 — 3253 of Minnesota Notaries applied for a Notary commission in Saskatchewan. The Somalis in MN wanted to make America great for the first time by legalizing Shariah law, while Notaries in Colorado are staying put as notarizing while stoned remains legalized.

Nov 10, 2016 — 123notary removes many reviews in an attempt to motivate people to get new reviews.

Dec 10, 2016 — 123notary puts old reviews back online as many Notaries got upset and Google rankings fell.

Dec 11, 2016 — Carmen stubs her toe on way to Affidavit signing, and feels better after the ID for the signer had a really funny photo where the lady looked surprised and her hair was a mess. When Carmen diplomatically told the lady she took a nice picture, the lady looked surprised and her hair stood up just like her picture.

Dec 14, 2016 — Interest rates go up a quarter of a point and are expected to go up two to three times more. We could be looking at a very slow 2017. Which is good news for people living paycheck to paycheck and can’t believe how quickly the next month’s rent check is due.

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December 30, 2016

Home a Loan

Filed under: Movie Themes — Tags: — admin @ 9:41 pm

Most of us have seen the movie Home Alone, but have you seen Home a Loan? A ten year old kid’s parents foolishly signed a loan that would ruin them financially. The kid intuitively knew it would be a disaster, but his parents ignored his protests. The rates were too high, the APR made no sense, and the items (fees) on the closing disclosure were completely unreasonable.

One night, the child’s parents went out for dinner and left him all alone. Little did they know what would happen. There was a terrible earthquake that divided the city in half. They had no way to get home, and no way to call. Meanwhile on the home front, the creditors were trying to invade the house like zombies in a horror movie. Mr. Smith who worked for Fidelity National parked his SUV, and was walking towards the house with his arms held forward. The little boy was terrified, and locked the doors and windows. Then, Mrs. Finkle from Wells Investments came — also in a transe and her face was completely gray. After forty minutes, there were twelve vehicles parked in front of the house, all SUV’s, and all with zombie loan officers or lenders.

The little boy was very brave. He grabbed a samurai sword his parents had purchased during their trip to the East. He went after those crazy lenders and threatened to cut their heads off if they didn’t beat it. Luckily for the little boy, the lenders walked back to their SUV’s and drove off.

What actually happened was that a voodoo priestess had done a magic spell and put it in some ashes in her house not far away. The spell on the ashes was to bring terrible luck to any Lender who had acted in a corrupt manner, and that they would all be turned to zombies. After walking around town, the little boy heard a rumor about the magic spell. He went to the priestess’ house and begged her to reverse the spell or do something so that these zombies wouldn’t come back.

She said that the spell was irreversible. The boy panicked. But, on a brighter note she said that she could round up the zombies and put them in her basement. At this point, the zombies were wandering around in their SUV’s completely lost, and unable to get passed the broken roads that were damaged in the earthquake.

MOM: Wake up Brian

BRIAN: Mom, there was a terrible earthquake, and you couldn’t get back home and…

MOM: It was a small earthquake and we came right back home to make sure you are okay.

BRIAN: And what about the zombies?

MOM: You were just having a bad dream. You left the heater on and all that heat can cause nightmares.

BRIAN: So, your loan is okay?

MOM: We’re a month behind on payments, but we will be okay!

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December 29, 2016

Are eDocuments history?

Filed under: General Stories,Popular on Facebook (A little) — Tags: — admin @ 12:39 am

I remember the good old days when documents came to you by Fedex. After some time past, eDocuments became popular. More time passed and electronic documents became the norm. Next, eSignings started catching on, but Notaries didn’t like them because it was too hard having three people looking at one little screen of a laptop.

But, now the wheels of time are turning backwards. Now, eDocuments are getting fewer and fewer and there are more Fedexed packages. I wonder why this trend is happening? I guess there is less that can go wrong when you Fedex a package to someone. You don’t have to worry about their printer breaking.

Rock & Roll is dead.
eDocuments are history.
What is the world coming to?

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December 15, 2016

Thanks Arabs!

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: — admin @ 12:02 am

We are getting a lot of commentary in Arabic on our blog. Unfortunately, my Arabic reading skills are a bit rusty and as a result, I cannot publish the content. Or perhaps it’s Farsi. It’s hard to know the difference unless you find a “P”. The Arabs don’t have a “P” in their alphabet. They think they don’t need one. All I have to say is, try spelling the word, “Pumpkin” without a P. — got ya thinkin’. In any case, readers, let’s keep the commentary in English if possible.

But, the place I like foreign languages is when I go to Toyota and the welcome wall has the word “Welcome” translated into Swedish, Japanese, Arabic, Swahili, etc. Very cool.

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September 28, 2016

Notary Airport

NOTARY: One day there will be a Notary Airport

SAM: When pigs can fly.

NOTARY: Well actually, it will be seals flying. The airplanes will look like giant seals, whiskers and all.

SAM: Maybe they should make a Notary submarine that looks like a seal instead of a flying seal.

NOTARY: The good part is that when Notarizations are done on the plane, the prices will be sky high!

SAM: Yeah, and if you notarize in the air, you can join the Notary mile high club.

NOTARY: Yes, but wait until you find out what the airport layout will look like….

The terminals will be shaped like Notary seals. Each terminal will have a coffee house and bar with a Notary bartender. The newpaper store will sell NNA’s newsletter in addition to the Wall Street Journal. The parking lot will have a special section for Notaries that is closest to where the shuttle picks you up. And when you go to check in your bags, they make you sign the journal and thumbprint. How cool is that?

Scene from aiport security.

OFFICER: Sir, please remove any metal objects from your pockets and step forward slowly.

SAM: Okay… should I take off my belt too?

OFFICER: Just wait for us to put on the saxophone music before you do that please sir.

SAM: Got it.

OFFICER: Our scanner found a metal object in your bag that resembles an embosser?

SAM: Is that a problem, officer?

OFFICER: Well, not necessarily. Is this a registered embosser?

SAM: Does it need to be?

OFFICER: Step to the side sir.

SAM: Uh-oh.

OFFICER: I’m going to need to pat you down. Please stand still.

SAM: Wow, you’re good at that.

OFFICER: I know… I get that a lot. I used to be a Priest for 30 years, a ballet teacher for 3 years, plus I worked in the airport for 4 years.

SAM: Oh, it all adds up now. Now I know why that comes so naturally to you. The embosser was authorized by my state. I have the paperwork at home.

OFFICER: Great. Let me just check your commission number on our computer system… Uh huh. Okay, no unauthorized used on our database. The waiting areas are in front of you or have a drink at the flying embosser. Just don’t use your embosser under the influence of alcohol or heavy medication per airport regulations. If you get bored in the waiting room, you can read Notary Handbooks from all 50 states plus DC.

SAM: I’ll get bored, but not that bored. Thanks.

OFFICER: And may God bless you — if there is a God.

SAM: Some Priest you are/were.

OFFICER: Well, I stopped being a Priest because I stopped believing in God.

SAM: Hmm. Well, I stopped being a Mortgage Broker in 2009 because I lost interest.

OFFICER: Forgive me father for I have rescinded — that was a good one! I’m just kidding, I still believe in God, I quit the church to run for the senate because things at the church got too — political.

SAM: Gotcha!

You might also like:

Notary Happy Days goes to China
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16536

Fly Juratlantic Air
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16527

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September 14, 2016

The Notary Diety

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , , — admin @ 11:25 am

Notaries across the country are frustrated and need something to believe in. The low-balling, the micromanaging, the hand holding, the late edocuments, and the non-payment. It’s exasperating. But, what is the solution besides reading the 123notary forum to find out which signing companies are just not worth it? The solution is believing in a higher power. A Notary diety.

Sure, believing in false gods is forbidden by Judaism, Islam and other monotheistic faiths. But, in this case, I feel we should make an exception. Notaries need a God, and a God who will protect them from signing companies.

NOTARY DIETY: You have been bad, and have not prayed to me.

NOTARY: I prayed to you last Friday

NOTARY DIETY: Not good enough. You need to pray to me at least once per day, or terrible things will happen.

NOTARY: Like what?

NOTARY DIETY: I will let the signing companies have their way with you! (thunder and lightening in the background)

NOTARY: No — not that !

NOTARY DIETY: Yes — that! And you will deserve it too you little ingrate! And when was the last time you gave to charity?

NOTARY: I gave two dollars to a bum three days ago.

NOTARY DIETY: That doesn’t count. Real tything is when you give to a large and reputable organization.

NOTARY: Like the National Notary Association?

NOTARY DEITY: Well, they are reputable, but they are not a charity, at least until they give free journals to starving Notaries. You need to give to the Salvation Army, Homeless Shelters, The American Red Cross, etc. Those are real charities.

NOTARY: Oh boy. So if I don’t shell it out, then you’ll let the signing companies not pay me?

NOTARY DIETY: Worse than that. You won’t get paid, and then you’ll end up in Notary Hell where you won’t burn, but your journals will.

NOTARY: My journals? All my hard earned signatures and thumbprints up in smoke.

NOTARY DIETY: Yes. So from now on, 10% of your net income to charity and pray by saying, Heil oh Notary Diety, for you are my supreme Master in heaven.

NOTARY: Okay, (raising right arm like a Nazi) Heil oh great…

NOTARY DEITY: Hey! I’m not Hitler. I’m a God. Do you mind? Knock it off with the raising the right arm. That stuff is offensive.

NOTARY: Sorry, force of habit. I’ll look up the American Red Cross online. I wonder if they need a TEA agent to deliver blood samples.

NOTARY DEITY: Only I know, but I’m not telling!!!!

.

You might also like:

Jesus the Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16518

Witnessing intake forms for Notary Heaven
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8832

Best humorous posts
http://blog.123notary.com/?cat=3241

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