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December 8, 2017

The Notary Police

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:22 am

Have you ever been pulled over by the Notary police? The problem is that there is no such thing. But, if there were, then there would be one more thing to gripe about. Can you imagine if there were Notary police? If you gave an Oath the wrong way or forgot all together, you might get a citation — I swear it. And if your seal was smudgy you might get a warning. What if you identified someone incorrectly because the ID did not match? You might have to spend the night getting booked at the Notary jail.

I think that the Secretary of State should pretend to be a customer and see how many things you do wrong and then book you. That is my idea of what the Notary police should be like. California used to audit people’s journals. That was the one type of Notary procedural checks and balance that they had. I am not sure they are still doing that.

I do a little Notary policing to make sure people know their basics. The sad part is that only 5% of our Notaries on 123notary are up to my standards for minimal Notary knowledge acceptability. That is really sad. But, what can I do? I can’t force people to learn who refuse to know their job (yet brag about how great they are because of how many years they have been doing their job probably incorrectly.)

In the mean time — licensed and commission certificate please. Keep both hands on your seal.


December 7, 2017

You’re putting me on! No, I PUT you on!

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 3:51 am

I put hundreds of new listings on 123notary every month. I call them and they don’t know they are listed on 123notary. They say, “I’m not on 123notary, you’re putting me on!” Then, I inform them that I put them on. The sad thing is that 95% of these people don’t know how to be Notaries, so I have to put them off by taking them off. But, don’t be put off by that. They can always study and learn to be a real Notary. It’s not rocket science. NNA has a Notary essentials course that is quite popular.

The problem is that now I am testing people on certificates. If you don’t fill out certificates correctly, you can put a loan on hold. Therefore, that type of knowledge has to be mandatory which means I have to remove most free listings from the site. On the other hand, having a few mandatory questions makes my life easy because I don’t have to ask ten questions which is time consuming. I can just start with one, and you get that wrong, and I remove you — easy!

Notaries need to be aware of the dangers they can cause by filling in a certificate incorrectly.

In any case, some of the better people I put on, get elite certified right away and get promoted to the top of the site if they are any good. This is how we have always found our winners. Free listings turn into top level listings and sometimes ten years later they will still be there.


November 29, 2017

Creating a root from nothing

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 3:45 am

How do you create something from nothing? How do you create vast prosperity where there is nothing? Sometimes I ask myself how the native people’s of South Dakota can create a prosperous economic ecosystem where there is 90% unemployment. Can they do it? It starts with a seed.

Notaries can start from nothing and thrive too. It is a matter of getting knowledge and connections. When I started as a Notary, I did not know the right people to help me. However, as a resource, 123notary helps tens of thousands of Notaries get off on the right foot. With us you can go from nothing to thriving in a very short period of time.

You basically need to become an expert at all parts of notary procedure, loan documents, following directions, scheduling, and then grow your clientele.

Nothing starts from nothing. You need a seed, and fertile ground to grow. By connecting to resources out there like 123notary, Notary Rotary, the NNA, etc, you connect your root to nourishment that gives you knowledge and connection. If you plug yourself into the right outlet and study, you can thrive easily.

Unfortunately, most Notaries want to refuse to study enough and do a lot of complaining. That does not lead to good results. Don’t be like that. Stay positive and disciplined!


November 9, 2017

Notary re-education camps — cold war style

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 1:30 am

After the communists took over China they had a comprehensive cultural revolution and reeducation program where people were sent to camps to be brainwashed. They were told that evil bad capitalist governments lied so they could make more money through corrupt means while communist governments never lied because they had no reason to lie as their purpose in existence is for the benefit of the people.

Right now in communist China, the poor which consist of 90% of the population are being turned away for medical care unless they can pay some exorbitant rate. Additionally 100,000,000 Chinese are being uprooted from their homes and forced to live in smaller cities throughout the country where they have no jobs. So much for acting on the benefit of the people. It looks more like they are destroying the lives of their own people. I call it inverse-communism. Whatever the opposite of communism is, is exactly what China is doing these days. Perhaps they will come to their senses and be a little more helpful to the people.

In any case, in 2025, America is taken over by very meticulous Notaries led by Jeremy. Jeremy is so fed up with poor standards for Notaries that he requires all Americans to be reeducated. People are taken away from their families sent to camps in the countryside and taught the value of hard work, being at one with “The people” and the value of using an NNA inkless thumbprinter and non-ink embosser. Chairman Jeremy will teach the people that his government is honest and has no reason to lie as it represents the integrity of business transactions with thumbprints, biometrics, digital signatures, and lectures if anyone does anything Jeremy doesn’t like.

Chairman Jeremy will have everyone call each other “Notary Comrade”, and abide by all Notary rules at all times. Just don’t say anything about the regime or the Red Guards will be at your front door. Remember, the walls have ears!

Speaking of reeducation camps, at the end of the Vietnam war, a South Vietnamese commander was sentenced to three days of reeducation. They did not release him for 17.5 days. I think that a four day course taught by your state with hands on training for all possible Notary scenarios would be sufficient for Notary reeducation. But, what do you think?

Most Notaries don’t know what they are doing, so education is the key, not re-education.


November 1, 2017

One of our Notaries help put three dangerous felons away!

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 1:05 am

Most Notaries aspire to the most minimal standards and will not take an action unless required by law. Some Notaries don’t even do the legal minimum while a few will go slightly above the legal minimum when there is much more that they can do. As far as journal entries go, most states do not require a journal. However, the journal is your only evidence in court of what happened at your transaction. Additionally, the journal thumbprint which most of you refuse to ask for is your only ammunition to catch identity thieves. If someone uses a false ID, you will not have a paper trail leading to them. However, with a thumbprint, the authorities can catch the bad guys in many cases. Most of our Notaries say, “I’m not legally required to keep a journal, so since I keep one, that is good enough for me.” But, without a thumbprint or proper journal keeping, the Notary can be named as a suspect in an investigation which would be a huge nightmare.

One of our Notaries in Northern California helped the FBI catch three dangerous frauds! She did not catch them by doing the minimum like most of you out-of-state Notaries do. She kept journal thumbprints of almost all of her transactions. California requires a journal thumbprint for Deeds affecting real property and Power of Attorney documents. However, this Notary went above and beyond the law and kept thumbprints for most of her other acts as well.

The worst criminal caught by the FBI was involved in a Ponzi scheme who got 15 years. The FBI came to the Notary’s house, borrowed her journal with a warrant for seach and seizure, and gave the journal back after it went to forensics for a few days. It was the thumbprint that was the piece of evidence that nailed the bad guy.

The next criminal was an identity thief who got two years of hard time. Once again, this guy was caught based solely on a thumbprint.

There was a third fraud caught who I do not have information about. But, the cases I am writing about were documented in newspapers and were famous. I feel proud that one of our Notaries helped catch bad guys. But, what about the rest of you who negligently shrug their shoulders when ask to take journal thumbprints.

The common excuse is that the companies they work for or sometimes their states object to Notaries asking for thumbprints as it is invasive or upsetting to the signers. But, without a thumbprint, someone could drain the equity out of your home and not even get caught so easily. So, do you want identity thieves to rob you blind or would you prefer to have better record keeping practices? Without those thumbprints, those frauds would still be wandering around victimizing hundreds of other unsuspecting victims. The next victim might be you. So, start taking thumbprints even if your law doesn’t require it.


October 26, 2017

My bad karma from testing people by phone

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:53 am

Ever since I have been bothering hundreds and thousands of Notaries by testing them by phone, I have had bad karmic consequences. All I want is quality control, and all I get is flack. I called more than 1000 Notaries to ask basic notary questions and document questions to see if they knew what they were doing. I got mostly complaining and wrong answers.

The results were that bad things kept happening to me.

The building maintenance guys came knocking on our door and insisted that the smoke detector was inspected. So, they decided to change it and now I am stuck with a much more attractive and shiny new smoke detector. What a bummer.

Next was that the building maintenance guys started knocking on our door again They claimed that our carpet was torn in the hall and that is was manditory that it was replaced. The next thing you know they put in this beautiful new carpet in our hall which doesn’t match the ugly beige carpet that has turned almost black from not being steam cleaned in a while. More bad luck.

Then, I went to New Mexico to receive the healing work of very benevolent shaman spirits who care for me. But, they did a little too much and now I wake up in the morning feeling ready to work for the first time in 33 years. No more sleeping late! I used to sleep until 1pm and could not fall asleep at night. That problem is over.

Next, a maintenance guy with a cocky attitude put new and beautiful caulk in my bathroom.

Then, another maintenance guy finally bolted my toilet down. It had been rocking for years.

And finally, maintenance finally fixed my squeeking door and greased the hinges.

Of all the bad luck. I guess that me fixing all of my Notaries (or kicking many of them off who are beyond help) is causing me to have the bad luck of other people fixing my broken things. But, what’s next? I can’t take this any more!


September 6, 2017

A Notary finds a document notarized by Jeremy in 2001

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 10:11 am

How bizarre. I got an email from a Notary on our database who lives in the Los Angeles area. She claims that she came across a document that I notarized back in 2001. It was a Deed of Trust for 4811 South Alamada (Alameda?) Partnership. That was a long time ago. I don’t remember the signer who’s name was Hannah Kelly. I filled up about 50 Notary journals during my career mostly with loan signings.

The signings I do remember were for a guy in jail who blew up his apartment experimenting with explosives. I also Notarized his jurors as a matter of coincidence. I remember doing 40 sets of fingerprints in Pico Rivera for a room of people mostly from Puebla Mexico. I remember an Attorney in Arcadia who had really long Health Directives for middle aged Chinese families who were thinking ahead. I remember a signing in South Central at a hospital where they made me wait forever while they slowly filled out their power of attorney forms and then the lady asked, “Do you like your job?” I told her that she was supposed to have her documents ready BEFORE she called me. I really enjoy scolding people who disrespect other people’s time.

I remember driving to Hemet, Victorville, and Santa Clarita for a Settlement Agent named Emily who gave me steady work. I remember a Real Estate agent who had endless Grant Deeds to sign. That’s about it from my eight year career. Most of my signers were boring as hell, but I had a handful of memorable ones. Jail signings were the most interesting.


August 17, 2017

I was forced to forge my own signature in India.

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:35 am

As a Notary, forgery is illegal. But, what if you are forging your own signature? Why would you need to do that? I was in Mumbai or Bombay in 2005. I was cashing traveler’s cheques and the clerk was really antsy. I had signed slightly differently on one cheque than the others because I was signing a lot and fast. Signatures change over time, and that is fine in America — but, not with this guy.

India is a country where everyone does their work their own way. There is no standardization of anything other than unsanitary air & water. Subsequently I never had any trouble cashing Amex traveler’s cheques. It was a one time thing. And after that I brought lots of C notes with me just in case. It’s easier to convert cash to rupees than traveler’s cheques. Less can go wrong.

So, I was sitting in this office with the fan going, cars honking outside. In India there is always lots of honking sounds. You get used to it. I practiced signing exactly how I had signed. Finally when I knew I had it right, I signed it for real on the cheque and got my money with a 1% commission. Boy, what a headache. It’s one of those experiences that make you not want to go back to India. Dysentery is another one of those special experiences. Thank God that medicine in India is holistic and costs about two bucks with a nice doctor aunty to help you.

So, after this crazy experience, I went to the railway station and hopped on a local train up to Mulund in Northern Mumbai.


July 6, 2017

Monsanto Genetically modified Notaries

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:14 am

I go shopping at Whole Foods, so products are sold as Non-GMO. But, can you request a non-GMO Notary as well? Or would the alternative be a GMO-tary? These new genetically modified Notaries have a newly designed gene that helps them show up on time, and gets them to study a little more so they will know the technical terms on the TRID.

Perhaps a new gene needs to be created to help signing companies pay people on time.

But, based on my experience, a gene that would help borrowers sign.

Speaking of genes. I learned that the indigenous European hunters and gatherers lived in Europe 7000-20000 years ago and all had dark skin and blue eyes. Then waves of people from Russia and Greece populated all of Europe. But the new waves of migrants from 4000-7000 years ago from Russia white skin and brown eyes — until they mixed blood with the hunter folks and the Mediterranean folks. So, I guess I am related to the hunters since I have blue eyes — AND, I like to eat meat right off the bone with my hands and say MEAT!!! really loudly!

But, back to signing companies. I also learned on youtube, that signing companies that pay three months late have a recessive gene that makes them so sluggish — so, there is hope.

The fax-back gene is still being worked on. People are studying this gene which is found in some populations from Croatia. The main gene marker dates back to 3000 years ago when a messenger was shot for bringing bad news. I guess messengers are sort of like archaic fax machines.


June 30, 2017

I have a dream — Notary version

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 10:52 pm

I have a dream that this industry will rise up and live out the true meaning of its purpose: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Notaries are created equal”… except for military Notaries who can only notarize at military bases and Louisiana Notaries who only have jurisdiction in their home parish and reciprocal parishes.

I have a dream that one day in the lobbies of Escrow offices in California, that the sons of former Notaries and the sons of former Loan Officers and Signing Companies will be able to sit down at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that Notaries will live in a nation where they are not judged by the color of their ink, but by the content of the documents they notarize… and whether or not they did well on the 123notary certification exam.

In a sense, we’ve come to our nation’s Secretary of State to cash a check from a signing company (that arrived sixty days late with lots of promises that the check was in the mail.) The check from the signing company was to buy our unalienable rights of a commission with a life of four years, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that the signing company’s check has bounced. America has given American Notaries a bad check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.”

We cannot notarize alone
And as we notarize, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead
We cannot turn to backdate either

Those who ask the devotees of civil Notary rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Notary is victim to the unspeakable horrors of low-balling, micromanaging, fax-backs, or no pay. We can never be satisfied as our intellectual integrity as Notaries is questioned every year by Notary organizations who wish to subject us to the indignity of retesting us. We cannot be satisfied as we have to continually be background screened and treated like potential criminals. We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like rolled fingerprints, and righteousness like a mighty stream of ink.

And when this happens, freedom will ring. We will speed up the day when every Notary that uses black ink or blue ink, every Loan Officer, Escrow Officers and Loan Originators, signing company clerks, and agnostics who refuse to use the word God in their Oath wording will be able to join hands and sing the words of the old Negro spiritual — wait a minute, don’t you mean… “African-American?”

$15 per signature at last! $15 per Acknowledgment at last!
Thank God Almighty, we Notaries are free at last!

Disclaimer: (Conditions and terms my vary by state. Notaries who are not licensed Attorneys may not give legal advice. For more information, please call your state’s Notary division)

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