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January 31, 2019

My new health regimen left me without my favorite foods

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:36 am

I have not had much to drink in ten years, but I love to eat, and fatty foods are not a popular choice for my liver and gall bladder which regularly complain. Finally I went to the doctor after feeling not exactly dizzy, but having a feeling that my head was not completely connecting to my body and feeling heaviness in my arms and legs. I was sent to get ultrasound and the results were that (no, it was not a boy.) I had a stone in my gall bladder and a fatty liver. Gulp. The doc said it was time to eliminate deep fried foods and lose weight.

I have had a rule against french fries for the last ten years because my gall bladder cannot stand them. But, now I had to get rid of a bunch of other things on my list. Don’t get me wrong, I have salads, fruits and good things too, but, here are the culprits in my health condition.

Indian curries — too much grease in the sauce
Pakora — deep fried, so that is out.
Fried Chicken — too greasy.
Ice Cream — But, I used to have that several times a week and loved it.
Wine — My two glasses per week are out because it upsets the liver a little bit.
Meat — too much cholesterol and fat.
Soy Milk – too much estrogen and bad hormones and other bad things that I don’t completely understand.Only had it once per week.

So, what would I replace the wrong things on my diet with.

Curries replaced with Aloo Gobhi. (is it Ghobi or Gobhi? I know there is an h, but where is it the Hindi word for cauliflower?)
Pakoras replaced with samosas. Still a little bit greasy, but not as bad
Fried chicken and rotisserie chicken off the list completely replaced by an apple and bread.
Ice Cream — I thought I would die without it. Dessert is replaced by smoked almonds and mango lassi’s or mango juice.
Wine – There is no substitute for wine other than cherry juice. It’s just not the same.
Meat — I am having more fish and more squash and veggies and smaller less frequent portions of meat.
Rice — I am having less carbs too. More oats, less rice. I’ll have more veggies and potatoes with skins on instead of lots of rice.
Soy Milk — Replaced with fruit and/or bread.

Questions
1. An Irishman went into an Indian restaurant and asked why the had mango lassi’s but no mango lads.
2. My new favorite food is mango juice. Instead of missing the old foods I love, now I look forward to my newly discovered favorite of mango juice and smoked almonds. But, today I am juice fasting and mango juice has pulp, so I am really missing it today. The Indian stores sell it pure, but the American stores mix it with apple and other juices. I don’t want Mango Tango — I want just mango!
3. How long to revive the liver and gall bladder? Perhaps a year or two for the liver if I behave. Gall stones are hard or impossible to dissolve, but I am taking peppermint extract and pear juice to soften and dissolve my single stone. My guru says it will work but will take five years. Just as long as it is less than 1cm, then it is not dangerous anymore, so let’s hope we get to that point soon.

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January 30, 2019

How I succeeded creating an online business

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 11:42 am

Many people try to create an online business, but most don’t get anywhere. The costs are high, the complications are endless, the talent you need is hard to fulfill, and then, everything changes the minute you have learned the game.

When I first started 123notary, I put a bunch of names on geographically distinct lists. Different counties, states and zip code areas had lists of Notaries. I knew at that point that a directory is more than just a list of names. So, I made sure people were still in business as I had seen many other directories where many had dysfunctional phones, etc.

I wanted listings to look good, so I made sure that people had notes about their service, extra counties and a lot of information.

Next I had to get my directory seen, so I had to invest heavily in online advertising, and call a lot of title and signing companies who used Notaries. We also had many campaigns to have a lot of incoming links. The work was hard, but in those early days, advertising on Google Adwords and Yahoo was cheap. The cost went up and then my struggles changed.

Google Adwords went from 5 cents a click up to more than a dollar. I had to think, otherwise I would be put out of business by a changing tide of economic conditions that happened all of a sudden. So, my SEO specialist / programmer taught me Zen and the art of getting organic clicks. We also expanded our list of keywords that we paid for to over 1000, so that we could big less on each word, but still attract a lot of traffic. This strategy worked and made staying afloat affordable.

Then, the social media revolution came. I had to learn to blog, do Facebook and Twitter. It took many years to get good at each of these skills. I may not have started out with any talent, but I acquired some over time. Imagine how hard it is to please a crowd of highly critical Notaries day after day, year after year. I had to think of new ideas for articles at least twenty times per month. Can you do that?

Facebook changed its algorithm, and now to do well on Facebook, it is only your winning content that will do well at all. The other junk you write will just not get seen much. The secret is figuring out how to create hot content consistently and then you will dominate market share on Zuckerberg’s wonder engine. This algorithm change was a monumental challenge to promoting our business.

Google also changed its algorithm a few years ago. Blog writing was promoted highly on Google for a while, and then they did not give as favorable placement to blogs after that. Only the good blogs survived.

Finally, once I had mastered the game and learned to adapt to all of the algorithm changes of the various internet Gods who I was trying to please — the bottom dropped out of the Notary industry. And Snapdocs gained popularity. I tried so hard to compete with SnapDocs. I tried screening our Notaries for quality. I tried adding more quantity. Nothing was working. I will try some new algorithms for my search results in the future. We will see how those work out.

So, that is what creating an online business was like for me. An uphill battle that is never ending. Thank God I survived, but it was through pure determination and a skill set that I had to keep evolving.

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December 31, 2018

Have you ever broken down on a busy street with no shoulder?

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 12:21 am

This is a tip for mobile Notaries, pizza delivery people, and others who are on the road a lot. I am no longer a Notary Public, but I still drive a fair amount. I drove to the beach at night to enjoy the relaxing environment at Pacific Palisades. I do this once a week unless I am out of town or busy. The negative ions from the Pacific ocean are really theraputic and I always feel much better afterwards.

My plans were ruined
But, this time, I was going to rush to a bar to hang out with people and enjoy some root beer (sorry, no alcohol folks). I took Sunset Blvd to drive to West Hollywood to hang out at Genghis Cohen Chinse Restaurant & Bar in hopes of seeing old acquaintances. So, as I was driving down Sunset, my car lots all connection to the transmission and started making horrible noises when in gear. I pulled over in thick traffic and tried to figure out what was wrong. The engine sounded super in neutral. But, when in any gear I heard this noise that sounded like gears treading on gears making a drill type noise. Ugh. In any case, it sounded like I broke a timing belt or some other belt, or perhaps snapped a gear if that is possible. I am not a mechanic, so I am just making reasonable guesses based on the conditions.

Sunset Blvd goes far too fast
Sunset Blvd. is a street where people are going 30-50 miles per hour on a street with two lanes on each side, generally no shoulder, and lots of curves that impede visibility. It is easy to have a head on collision going around curves if there is another car next to you going the same direction and someone drunk on the other side coming at you. People in that area are always impatient and in a huge hurry. It is not uncommon to see deadly accidents in that part of town on hilly or windy roads because people go far too fast. Although the local houses are all worth more than a million, you are in a lot of danger in that area due to the culturally ingrained road rage.

No breakdown lane or shoulder
So, I was broken down. I tried to get into the right lane weaving through other cars with my blinkers on. I managed to get to the curb, but since the car stopped moving, I could not get as close as I wanted. My rear was about two feet from the curb and my front was six inches. Cars were whizzing around and came within inches of my car. The cars in the right land could not get into the left lane if there were other cars in it which made the situation very dangerous. I felt terrified as I decided to get out of the car and call AAA. The lady at AAA was very nice to me. They called the police and a tow truck. But, neither came for the longest time. The AAA lady said she would stay on the phone with me as long as I liked which was comforting.

Directing traffic.
I stood in the middle of the right lane pointing cars to slow down or stop and get in the other lane. But, they ignored me and almost ran me down and still almost crashed into my 2004 Corolla which I love. I didn’t want to get a new car because the transmission in the older cars is more agreeable than the seven speed in the newer Corollas which changes gears every three seconds which is really annoying. Then, I got a better idea. I got my military flashlight from the car. That way cars would see me from further away. But, since they were coming around a curve and then hitting a light before they saw me, they still ignored me. They still were coming within inches of hitting my precious old car that I love so dearly. Maybe I should have shined the light directly in their faces like some obnoxious lady cop was doing at the airport. It is the only way to get people to stop ignoring you. Great idea!

Security finally showed up
A security car that looked like a police car finally showed up. He had bright orange lights on the top of his vehicle that made my break down more visible. Ten minutes later my tow truck came. He was very experienced and got me loaded up within thirty seconds and sped away at break neck speeds. He got me into my parking spot at home beautifully as well. I told him how impressed I was, because backing up with a trailer is a skill.

Precautions
To all of you people who are on the road a lot, it might make sense to practice dealing with dangerous situations ahead of time so you don’t freak out. Here are some suggestions.

1. Practice changing a tire, and make sure your spare has air in it after sitting in your trunk for years. Inspect it regularly.

2. Know where your flares are. A flare can save you from getting hit.

3. Have a few flashlights in the car, and perhaps some batteries that fit them. I have a hiking head flashlight (miner style) and a military flashlight and a regular flashlight.

4. If you break down on a busy road, stand 200 feet behind the vehicle on the curb and tell the drivers to slow down and use a flashlight if you have one. Rehearse this in your mind ahead of time so you will be ready when you are frazzled.

5. Know where your AAA card is. If you don’t have Triple A, consider getting it because they are life savers and also you can get discounts on hotels, maps, and other services with AAA.

6. Know the schedule of your reliable repair people. I prefer Toyota, but I had bad luck with the new owners of downtown Toyota, so I will have to try a new branch. They are not normally open on Sundays, so that creates an issue because today is Sunday and I am broken down in my parking spot at home. Hmmm.

7. If you are in an unsafe or remote area, having a gun is not a bad idea. I would never carry one until the world goes to hell, but you might consider it.

8. Make sure your cell phone is charged up at all times because you never know when you are going to need it.

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December 25, 2018

A funny name for a Notary business

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:22 am

I got an email from someone named Dockery. But, we have two Dockeries on our site and her first name did not match either, and neither did her email address. It would be easier if we could search by business name. What about Hickory Dickory Dockery Notary Service — where the notary is always running up the clockery, but not the bill.

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December 23, 2018

Administering an Oath to a psychic

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:45 pm

If you are administering an Oath to a psychic, should you have them swear on a stack of bibles, or a deck of tarot cards? If you use tarot cards, put the death card on top to make the Oath look more serious. Just my take.

If you want to know their intentions about the Oath, pick a card. If you get the devil card, you might not want this person to be a repeat customer. Or you might get the fool card in which case you might get paid more as fools and their money soon part. Watch out for the hang man card. You don’t want that if doing notary acts otherwise your payment might end up hanging.

One Notary always has his affiants sign on a deck of tarot cards. Some say he is not playing with a full deck. Personally, I just think he is missing a few signatures!

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November 30, 2018

Good Notarial Bacteria vs. Bad.

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:30 am

We all have read that there are different types of bacteria in our gut. There is good bacteria and bad bacteria. The bad bacteria thrives on junk food, creates stagnation in your colon and leads to obesity not from the calories, but from the conditions it creates. Good bacteria creates flow in your colon and kills the bad bacteria. The idea is so simple, even a three year old could understand it.

But, now researchers are finding a new type of bacteria that only Notaries have in their gut. There is the Predatella, and the Notaroides Fragilis. These types of gut bacteria are so numerous in the bellies of Notaries, that they influence the thinking patterns of Notaries. You are probably thinking — how can a few bacteria affect your thoughts? Ever get a gut feeling? Sometimes the ganglia in your gut make better decisions than the ones in your brain. And your bad bacteria tell you that you want to eat ice cream rather than an apple — scientifically proven.

In any case, these bad bacteria, in particular, the Predatella strain of large intestinal bacteria sent messages to the Notary telling the Notary to backdate to satiate their feelings of satisfaction while, the notary himself would not have this urge if he had healthier bacteria.

The solution is not what you would think. Fermented foods feed good bacteria. Foods like yogurt, kefir, wine, South Indian dosa (type of fermented pancake), Korean Kimchi, kombucha, etc. These foods are readily available and are the best thing for gut health which is a neglected aspect of health. It is not so much how many calories that go in that affect obesity, but the nature of what you are putting into your body.

So, yesterday I went to have a masala dosa. The meal was great, but when I got my bill, the waitress put the wrong date on it. I think that perhaps she is not eating what she is serving — just a gut feeling.

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November 14, 2018

What are my best memories of 123notary?

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:18 am

I have many memories of 123notary going far back.

I remember not being able to transfer the name notarywilltravel.com back in 2000. That is why I had to register the name 123notary. That changed my life. I think angels were involved and had a plan for me. Or perhaps I’m watching too much Joel Osteen.

I remember when my father built a system for updating listings back in 2001. He had to teach me a little bit about the FTP process for me to be able to use it. It was very primitive, but got the job done.

I remember when I first met Carmen back in 2003. I taught her about loan signing and then begged her to work for me. I still have the contract she signed about commissions.

I remember learning SEO from Mark at eMarketing Associates back in 2008. Mark changed my life. He taught me about breadcrumb links and a lot more.

In 2009, an irate Notary from Louisiana made some B.S. excuses for not getting back to me about a complaint. She claimed to be in a hospital, and then raised holy hell when I asked for evidence that she was in the hospital.

Mitch got me started on blogging in 2010. My first blogs mostly didn’t fly with the audience, but some of the articles I wrote in 2010 are the most popular that I have ever written. Beginners luck?

I remember 2012 being the most profitable year of my life, or was it 2013? I guess the Mayans were wrong.

Writing Bartender Notary was a great memory. I don’t think the post was that successful, but I really enjoyed writing it along with My date with Jeremy.

Hiring Andy to help with comedy writing was a great memory. We still work together and he really helped add humor to my Notary Public 101 course which the Notaries are still complimenting me on. Lucky! Sometimes comedy backfires.

In 2017 I removed more than 1000 certifications from people who either cheated on their original test or just had no idea what they were doing. It is so sad to see so much ignorance and obstinence. This is my worst memory.

I will remember all the phone quizzes I did and how much people hated it. There were a few happy memories of people I could elite certify, but not that many.

I hope I have some good memories of 123notary in the future. Honestly, I love the work, but I do not like the anger and lazy attitude that the majority of the Notaries have. It really drains the life out of Carmen and myself and it is so unnecessary and counterproductive.

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You might also like:

123notary 2018 Certification Standards
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20120

The History of 123notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17458

123notary behind the scenes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2499

The story of 123notary.com
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=710

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October 31, 2018

Jeremy’s visit to hell

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:08 am

I asked my guru if I could see heaven.
He said that a person’s spiritual condition dictates whether or not they can be let into heaven. After 25 years of meditation, that is not enough. So, for the rest of you who do not engage in regular tything and devoted prayer multiple times a day, heaven is definitely out of the question. But, you will likely end up in Notary Purgatory where your commission will never expire. I wanted to see the mansions, the halls of records, or at least something that looks like heaven. Sylvia Brown and Jesus hyped the place up and got me all curious. Hmm.

Is there Starbucks in heaven?
If I could live in heaven I would want a mansion to share with some nice people in a huge network of gardens where I could get my divine Starbucks without getting in a car. I would want lots of hiking and things to do. My last request for heaven would be Notaries who administer Oaths, and administer them correctly. However, in heaven, people are honest which defeats the whole purpose of having Notaries in the first place. Hmm once again.

The evil spirits
An angel named Michael recruited me and taught me how to fight evil spirits. Every time I go to Arizona, the evil spirits harass me and do damage to my psychological state, my nervous system, and try to intimidate me as well using their methods. Unfortunately I am able to sense these evil entities and have been since about 2005. The evil spirits did some temporary brain damage to me in 2009 which resulted in severe paranoia, but did not affect my work. In 2016 I started receiving training on how to fight evil spirits. Since I am able to see when nobody else can that is 80% of the battle right there. It is called astral vision (look it up in your astral dictionary.) In late 2017 after a trip to central Eastern Arizona which is littered with BBQ joints and evil spirits who would love to make burnt ends out of me, I was marked. Being marked by evil spirits involves them dumping a bucket of astral matter on your head and body. This subtle matter makes you visible to spirits from far away like a homing beacon. These spirits would otherwise not notice me. In any case, I was being bombarded with spirits night and day. I was waking up in the middle of the night in terror. It is hard to fight back when you are so out of it that you see blurry and are not at all on the ball. In any case, the angels decided that the attacks were good for my learning to fight back, but they would end this by disguising me astrally which worked for the most part. But, before I was disguised, the angels had to escort me to a place that I had never been.

Hell
Hell is a place that Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus and Buddhists all believe in. Their ideas about hell might vary, and Buddhists believe in multiple heavens and hells. I think that the Buddhist version is still overly simplified as humans don’t really know how many realms of existence there are in the astral plains.

In any case, I was expecting to see the bosses of corrupt signing companies having a party with all the money they saved from not paying people. This was not the case. There must be a separate hell for them. In any case, during my sleep, some angels decided that I needed a quick visit to hell. So, I went in my spirit body and descended down by floating while being escorted by the protection of angels. Here is what I saw.

There were 50 foot tall conical trellises that got wider as they got higher. These conical structures were made of poles that were covered with embers and littered with human souls that were confined to this inferno. The trellises were open on the top and you could float in, but attached to the ember ridden ground at the bottom. The ground was covered with reddish-black embers and hills as far as I could see into the horizon.

The purpose of the visit was to get “marked” with some of the astral smell or vibration by the boss of the evil spirits who were bothering me. This boss lived on the other side in hell, but had command of spirits on earth. Sounds scary. It is similar to gang bosses who are in jail yet call the shots as to who gets hit.

Afterwards
After I woke up the following morning I had to call the psychic to figure out what had happened and the angels explained it to me. Being marked with a subtle impression of the most evil entities sent a message out to the other evil spirits not to mess with me. It’s a little like wearing gang colors, or spending enough time in a bad neighborhood until you have their vibration and callousness. The spirits bothered me a lot less after my visit to hell which was only about half a minute. I have not been back since, and hope I never see the place again. Since them, the angels tried a much more reliable strategy of shielding me from the evil spirits by cloaking me astrally which was 99% effective (until I visited Riverside, CA for Mexican food.)

My message to Notaries is that heaven and hell are real. you might never see them in your physical incarnations, but they exist. And if you don’t do a good job as a Notary you might end up in Notary hell where demons burn you alive every day for all the sins you committed as Notaries Public. I’m not sure what happens to bad Secretaries of State who let Notaries run wild doing illegal things, but they might join you in Notary Hell.

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You might also like:

Notary Hell… “Yeah, but its’ a dry heat.”

Notary Hell – “Yeah, but it’s a dry heat”

Compilation of posts about Notary heaven, hell and purgatory

Notary comedy articles about Heaven & Hell

What are Jeremy’s favorite Blog entries?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18837

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October 23, 2018

How many days of education should a Notary have?

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 12:55 am

Since the activities of a Notary public can incriminate themselves as well as their signers, it behooves the states to have a longer educational requirement. Additionally, no state that I am aware of teaches facial recognition and how to spot a fake ID which should be central to the notarization process.

I feel that notary classes should be government mandated and at least four days long since so much fraud is possible. Careless notaries create or allow fraud while a smart and well trained Notary would be able to deter almost all of it. My ideas for a Notary course would be the following.

1. Understanding basic notary acts and law
2. Journal and form filling
3. When to say no and how to handle situations which are hard to tell if they are legal or not.
4. Facial recognition and spotting fake ID’s
5. Hands on practice

Being a good Notary is somewhat hard and requires a reasonable IQ as there are logical distinctions that Notaries need to make that most Notaries are not smart enough to make. An IQ of 95 should be enough, but perhaps I am wrong and it needs to be 110 to be a safe Notary. That should be up to states who are paying careful attention to the quality of their Notary’s work.

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You might also like:

2018 Certification Standards
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20120

Notary Public 101
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19493

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October 22, 2018

Psycho people I find doing welcome calls

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 11:40 am

Thank God I have a new iphone is all I can say. When I do welcome calls, normally I get people who don’t answer their phone or who have trouble giving straight answers to questions.

ME: How many loans have you signed?

NOTARY: Well, I used to be a banker.

ME: Thanks, but I am filling in a form with room for numbers and not sentences. Once again, how many loans have you signed?

NOTARY: Hmm, I’ve been doing this for 15 years.

ME: Once again, I cannot use this information.

If you were hiring a Notary, would you want one who gives straight answers to questions or one who makes you ask the same thing four times and makes you drag the answer out of them?

But, once in a while I get some angry people or even psycho people. I once had a crazy black guy in Michican call me and text me with threatening messages for four days. He sent more than 200 texts or calls. I could not block him because I had old technology. The Michigan police said they would help me, but I had to contact Los Angeles police and get a report from them. LAPD was unwilling to help me as this was too petty for them. I was a victim of terrorism and the police couldn’t care less. Typical. I have to pay taxes to them but they don’t have to serve or protect me. When I did jury duty, the case was for LAPD, and the prosecuting attorney asked me if I had any prejudices against LAPD and I told them multiple examples of how useless LAPD was whenever I needed them.

But, this time I got a psycho lady from Miami who was trlingual in English, Spanish and insanity. She called me back twelve times to ask me why I had called her. I told her she was disrupting my outgoing calls and not to call me anymore, but she would not stop. With my new iPhone I was able to block her. I announce why I am calling people at the beginning of all calls, but some people don’t listen apparently.

In any case, part of why I do welcome calls is to identify the smart people from the mediocre from the insane, and I found a few of each in today’s call list.

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You might also like:

A psycho client goes nuts on me today!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14199

Notary is pushed off stairs by borrower
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1097

Psych – busting the Russian Mafia with help of a Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19963

10 risks of being a mobile notary public
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19459

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