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December 31, 2016

2016 Notary Timeline – a year in review

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 11:13 am

2016 was a great year for Notaries. Here are some of the highlights of what happened at 123notary and in the Notary industry in general.

Jan 2016 — The Notary industry was slow for most of the year, but worse in the last quarter. To the point where some short of change for the laundry didn’t even have a last quarter.

Feb 2016 — Snapdocs becomes a force to be reckoned with and Jeremy writes many snappy blog posts over the next several months about them. Snap becomes jealous. Crackle & Pop couldn’t care less.

June 2016 — Jeremy visits Facebook headquarters to see where his Facebook advertising money is going. But, Facebook refuses to give him a tour after a seven hour drive, which Jeremy tells them he didn’t like. Since they’re used to seeing a thumb down instead, they have no idea what he’s saying.

Sept 2016 — 123notary introduces mobile pages for city and state search results pages. The pages still need to be tweaked.

Nov 08, 2016 — Trump elected. Half of Americans made America great again while the other half made America grating again.

Nov 09, 2016 — 3253 of Minnesota Notaries applied for a Notary commission in Saskatchewan. The Somalis in MN wanted to make America great for the first time by legalizing Shariah law, while Notaries in Colorado are staying put as notarizing while stoned remains legalized.

Nov 10, 2016 — 123notary removes many reviews in an attempt to motivate people to get new reviews.

Dec 10, 2016 — 123notary puts old reviews back online as many Notaries got upset and Google rankings fell.

Dec 11, 2016 — Carmen stubs her toe on way to Affidavit signing, and feels better after the ID for the signer had a really funny photo where the lady looked surprised and her hair was a mess. When Carmen diplomatically told the lady she took a nice picture, the lady looked surprised and her hair stood up just like her picture.

Dec 14, 2016 — Interest rates go up a quarter of a point and are expected to go up two to three times more. We could be looking at a very slow 2017. Which is good news for people living paycheck to paycheck and can’t believe how quickly the next month’s rent check is due.


December 30, 2016

Home a Loan

Filed under: Movie Themes — Tags: — admin @ 9:41 pm

Most of us have seen the movie Home Alone, but have you seen Home a Loan? A ten year old kid’s parents foolishly signed a loan that would ruin them financially. The kid intuitively knew it would be a disaster, but his parents ignored his protests. The rates were too high, the APR made no sense, and the items (fees) on the closing disclosure were completely unreasonable.

One night, the child’s parents went out for dinner and left him all alone. Little did they know what would happen. There was a terrible earthquake that divided the city in half. They had no way to get home, and no way to call. Meanwhile on the home front, the creditors were trying to invade the house like zombies in a horror movie. Mr. Smith who worked for Fidelity National parked his SUV, and was walking towards the house with his arms held forward. The little boy was terrified, and locked the doors and windows. Then, Mrs. Finkle from Wells Investments came — also in a transe and her face was completely gray. After forty minutes, there were twelve vehicles parked in front of the house, all SUV’s, and all with zombie loan officers or lenders.

The little boy was very brave. He grabbed a samurai sword his parents had purchased during their trip to the East. He went after those crazy lenders and threatened to cut their heads off if they didn’t beat it. Luckily for the little boy, the lenders walked back to their SUV’s and drove off.

What actually happened was that a voodoo priestess had done a magic spell and put it in some ashes in her house not far away. The spell on the ashes was to bring terrible luck to any Lender who had acted in a corrupt manner, and that they would all be turned to zombies. After walking around town, the little boy heard a rumor about the magic spell. He went to the priestess’ house and begged her to reverse the spell or do something so that these zombies wouldn’t come back.

She said that the spell was irreversible. The boy panicked. But, on a brighter note she said that she could round up the zombies and put them in her basement. At this point, the zombies were wandering around in their SUV’s completely lost, and unable to get passed the broken roads that were damaged in the earthquake.

MOM: Wake up Brian

BRIAN: Mom, there was a terrible earthquake, and you couldn’t get back home and…

MOM: It was a small earthquake and we came right back home to make sure you are okay.

BRIAN: And what about the zombies?

MOM: You were just having a bad dream. You left the heater on and all that heat can cause nightmares.

BRIAN: So, your loan is okay?

MOM: We’re a month behind on payments, but we will be okay!


December 29, 2016

Are eDocuments history?

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: — admin @ 12:39 am

I remember the good old days when documents came to you by Fedex. After some time past, eDocuments became popular. More time passed and electronic documents became the norm. Next, eSignings started catching on, but Notaries didn’t like them because it was too hard having three people looking at one little screen of a laptop.

But, now the wheels of time are turning backwards. Now, eDocuments are getting fewer and fewer and there are more Fedexed packages. I wonder why this trend is happening? I guess there is less that can go wrong when you Fedex a package to someone. You don’t have to worry about their printer breaking.

Rock & Roll is dead.
eDocuments are history.
What is the world coming to?


December 15, 2016

Thanks Arabs!

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: — admin @ 12:02 am

We are getting a lot of commentary in Arabic on our blog. Unfortunately, my Arabic reading skills are a bit rusty and as a result, I cannot publish the content. Or perhaps it’s Farsi. It’s hard to know the difference unless you find a “P”. The Arabs don’t have a “P” in their alphabet. They think they don’t need one. All I have to say is, try spelling the word, “Pumpkin” without a P. — got ya thinkin’. In any case, readers, let’s keep the commentary in English if possible.

But, the place I like foreign languages is when I go to Toyota and the welcome wall has the word “Welcome” translated into Swedish, Japanese, Arabic, Swahili, etc. Very cool.


September 28, 2016

Notary Airport

NOTARY: One day there will be a Notary Airport

SAM: When pigs can fly.

NOTARY: Well actually, it will be seals flying. The airplanes will look like giant seals, whiskers and all.

SAM: Maybe they should make a Notary submarine that looks like a seal instead of a flying seal.

NOTARY: The good part is that when Notarizations are done on the plane, the prices will be sky high!

SAM: Yeah, and if you notarize in the air, you can join the Notary mile high club.

NOTARY: Yes, but wait until you find out what the airport layout will look like….

The terminals will be shaped like Notary seals. Each terminal will have a coffee house and bar with a Notary bartender. The newpaper store will sell NNA’s newsletter in addition to the Wall Street Journal. The parking lot will have a special section for Notaries that is closest to where the shuttle picks you up. And when you go to check in your bags, they make you sign the journal and thumbprint. How cool is that?

Scene from aiport security.

OFFICER: Sir, please remove any metal objects from your pockets and step forward slowly.

SAM: Okay… should I take off my belt too?

OFFICER: Just wait for us to put on the saxophone music before you do that please sir.

SAM: Got it.

OFFICER: Our scanner found a metal object in your bag that resembles an embosser?

SAM: Is that a problem, officer?

OFFICER: Well, not necessarily. Is this a registered embosser?

SAM: Does it need to be?

OFFICER: Step to the side sir.

SAM: Uh-oh.

OFFICER: I’m going to need to pat you down. Please stand still.

SAM: Wow, you’re good at that.

OFFICER: I know… I get that a lot. I used to be a Priest for 30 years, a ballet teacher for 3 years, plus I worked in the airport for 4 years.

SAM: Oh, it all adds up now. Now I know why that comes so naturally to you. The embosser was authorized by my state. I have the paperwork at home.

OFFICER: Great. Let me just check your commission number on our computer system… Uh huh. Okay, no unauthorized used on our database. The waiting areas are in front of you or have a drink at the flying embosser. Just don’t use your embosser under the influence of alcohol or heavy medication per airport regulations. If you get bored in the waiting room, you can read Notary Handbooks from all 50 states plus DC.

SAM: I’ll get bored, but not that bored. Thanks.

OFFICER: And may God bless you — if there is a God.

SAM: Some Priest you are/were.

OFFICER: Well, I stopped being a Priest because I stopped believing in God.

SAM: Hmm. Well, I stopped being a Mortgage Broker in 2009 because I lost interest.

OFFICER: Forgive me father for I have rescinded — that was a good one! I’m just kidding, I still believe in God, I quit the church to run for the senate because things at the church got too — political.

SAM: Gotcha!

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September 14, 2016

The Notary Diety

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , , — admin @ 11:25 am

Notaries across the country are frustrated and need something to believe in. The low-balling, the micromanaging, the hand holding, the late edocuments, and the non-payment. It’s exasperating. But, what is the solution besides reading the 123notary forum to find out which signing companies are just not worth it? The solution is believing in a higher power. A Notary diety.

Sure, believing in false gods is forbidden by Judaism, Islam and other monotheistic faiths. But, in this case, I feel we should make an exception. Notaries need a God, and a God who will protect them from signing companies.

NOTARY DIETY: You have been bad, and have not prayed to me.

NOTARY: I prayed to you last Friday

NOTARY DIETY: Not good enough. You need to pray to me at least once per day, or terrible things will happen.

NOTARY: Like what?

NOTARY DIETY: I will let the signing companies have their way with you! (thunder and lightening in the background)

NOTARY: No — not that !

NOTARY DIETY: Yes — that! And you will deserve it too you little ingrate! And when was the last time you gave to charity?

NOTARY: I gave two dollars to a bum three days ago.

NOTARY DIETY: That doesn’t count. Real tything is when you give to a large and reputable organization.

NOTARY: Like the National Notary Association?

NOTARY DEITY: Well, they are reputable, but they are not a charity, at least until they give free journals to starving Notaries. You need to give to the Salvation Army, Homeless Shelters, The American Red Cross, etc. Those are real charities.

NOTARY: Oh boy. So if I don’t shell it out, then you’ll let the signing companies not pay me?

NOTARY DIETY: Worse than that. You won’t get paid, and then you’ll end up in Notary Hell where you won’t burn, but your journals will.

NOTARY: My journals? All my hard earned signatures and thumbprints up in smoke.

NOTARY DIETY: Yes. So from now on, 10% of your net income to charity and pray by saying, Heil oh Notary Diety, for you are my supreme Master in heaven.

NOTARY: Okay, (raising right arm like a Nazi) Heil oh great…

NOTARY DEITY: Hey! I’m not Hitler. I’m a God. Do you mind? Knock it off with the raising the right arm. That stuff is offensive.

NOTARY: Sorry, force of habit. I’ll look up the American Red Cross online. I wonder if they need a TEA agent to deliver blood samples.

NOTARY DEITY: Only I know, but I’m not telling!!!!


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September 8, 2016

Notary University

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , , , — admin @ 11:23 am

Many Notaries just don’t get it. They sound so illiterate…

“I have my Notary,” she exclaimed.

There is no such thing. You get a Notary commission. Then, there are the customers who want to find a Noterizer. Sounds like what they really want is Arnold Schwartzenager to be their Notary or Noterator. But, what if there were a place you could get a real Notary education? Like a Notary University.

SAMANTHA: “Like, I’m so excited about ID 101, I’m taking that my very first semester.”

GARY: “That’s so cool. I’m taking borrower psychology 203 to understand what’s going on in their head when they read the Closing Disclosure.”

SAMANTHA: “Like really, like if they’re actually understanding a single word of it.”

GARY: “What do you think about taking Spanish for Notarizations 104. You learn how to say Notario, but then they tell you that you aren’t allowed to be one. What’s up with that?’

SAMANTHA: “Well, maybe they don’t want you impersonating an immigration expert or Attorney Notary. In other countries, being a Notary is like a high class thing.”

GARY: “Well it would be a lot more high class here if you could get a Masters in it.”

SAMANTHA: “Like yeah!!! But, check out my stamp thing. Do you actually know how to use this thing?”

GARY: “I’ve taken twelve courses at the Notary University over the last two years, and you know something… I haven’t gotten to the course where they tell you how to use a seal. Shouldn’t that come first?”

SAMANTHA: “Like, maybe they want you to like know what you’re doing before they hand you one of those. Otherwise you might use it wrong, right?”

GARY: “Right… Well anyway, time for PE class. We’re playing seal ball. You have to balance the ball on your nose like our school’s mascot Tony the Notary Seal does. Wish me luck.”


September 7, 2016

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

Yes, at Main Street Bank, things got a little out of hand. The politically correct people were furious when they found out about the scandal. They found out that Notaries were being shunned and not hired unless absolutely necessary. For a while Notaries were required by company policy to disclose if they were Notaries in the application and that an omission or misstatement in the application could lead to immediate and permanent termination (or revocation.)

Although Notaries were needed at the bank, so many of them were so bad at other tasks like answering the phone correctly, billing, and requiring companies to send documents on time that the banks got Fed up and decided that they could do without Notaries. Additionally, all of the constant complaining the Notaries did was just too much.

So, people started protesting. First of all, you could no longer use the word “Notary” because it was insentivie and also outdated. You have to use the term Notarial-American to be politically correct (and notarially correct.) You can’t use Notario either since that is illegal in many states as in Latin countries a Notario has special powers that only Attorneys have. It got to the point where you couldn’t say anything at all.

Jurats got renamed Jurat Statements, and Acknowledgments became Ackastatements. Mortgage Brokers got renamed — Agents whose clients are broke(r).

Finally, the bank caved in after much pressure. They announced a new policy of non-discrimination and non-harrassments towards Notarial-Americans. Don’t ask don’t tell. You were no longer forced to reveal to the bank if you were a Notary Public. Now due to the politically correct folks, they were forced to hire Notaries in order to protect their reputation.

But, how did this whole fiasco get started? It was when a janitor overheard the HR department talking about how bad Notaries are. The janitor snitched on them and told the Notary Protection Agency (The NPA) all about it. Once the NPA got word, that is when the protests got started. The bank president suspected the janitor had snitched all along, and the day after the first protest the bank president said —

I smell a Jurat!!!

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September 1, 2016

The Notary Corporation

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , , , — admin @ 11:18 am

Why can’t there be a Notary Corporation? Well, now there is one. The Notary Corporation sells seals, forms, embossers, insurance and more. But, you can buy stock in their company. The catch is that you have to buy stock for a term of four years just like a Notary commission. So, maybe the stock is more like a stock option. Then, there are dividends.

One Notary claimed he got his dividend every 90 days But, Shellie said she kept billing the company and billing them and got nothing. Tammie said she got disconnected phones and the runaround.

Can you imagine if a Corporation behaved the same way signing companies sometimes do? They would be shut down by the authorities. There are rules for how financial institutions can behave and what they can do. But, Notary companies are like the wild wild west and can get away with anything. Why? Because Notaries let them get away with anything.

If all Notaries had standards for who they worked for, how fast documents arrived and how fast they got paid, there wouldn’t be this type of problem.

Earnings were down during the 1st quarter as seal sales went down, but analyst expect that purchases of embossers in the 2nd quarter will be brisk. Then, their stock price took a dive after they got a HELOC to finance a buy-back strategy. Whether or not the Notary Corporation is a good investment, analysts say they will get bought out in the next few years, or go out of business if there is a sudden lull in demand for Notaries. Are you in good hands?


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August 31, 2016

A Notary who feels good

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 11:17 am

After years in this business, I finally found a Notary who feels good all the time. His name was James Brown (no relation to the famous one.) I would like to suggest to him a business name of — Feel Good Notary. Do you want a Notary who feels good, and knew that he would? Or perhaps a Notary whose work is so good that you feel good too. Well, you came to the right place!

Maybe he could create a song and publish it on youtube to market his notary work.

I’m on the scene
I’m a notarizing machine
Check out scene
Notarizing machine

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