Stories Archives - Notary Blog - Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice -

Notary Blog – Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice – Control Panel

July 21, 2019

Sciatic Notary Pain

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 4:45 am

During my last sciatic episode I decided to write about this topic. Notaries by and large sit too much, and if you do sit too much, you are in danger of aggravating what the Chinese call your “sitting bone nerve” (zuo gu shen jing) which means your sciatic nerve. Once you have sciatic pain it very rarely permanently goes away. You might get acupuncture, but similar to a lost dog, it always comes home to its rightful owner. So, what to do?

There are two common underlying (or undersitting) reasons for sciatica. One is sitting too much putting pressure and degenerating tissue in your rear end (above the tail gate). The other reasons is that sitting or general degeneration has eroded the tissue in your discs in your lower back which puts pressure on the nerve causing pain.

This situation is painful, unpleasant and dangerous as it can lead to crippling effects and affect your bladder function after more degeneration. Surgery is sometimes an option as well as injections of stem cells.

A more holistic way to regenerate your discs is hanging several minutes a day from your arms or on a teeter machine which hangs up upside down. This way the discs can stretch and blood can get in for a few minutes and give nutrients to the struggling disc. Standing more or sitting less is another solution. Acupuncture helps a lot but you need to keep having it. Hot baths help too. Exercising your back helps as well as strong muscles in the back help keep the vertebra a little father apart from each other so that the nerve doesn’t get pinched. Stretching a few minutes each day is helpful and your chiropractor can tell you exactly hot to do it.

The main thing is that sciatica is a pain in the butt. But, the problem with my job is that I spend all day sitting — I cant stand sitting. But, how do you get up if you work at a computer? I hate standing desks.

The pain was so bad one day I started thinking of alternate careers.
I could be a stand up comedian – the stand most of the time, at least when they are not writing material.
Or I could watch stand up comedians and give them a standing ovation.
Or I could go to the dairy section and by a half dozen eggs in a standing ovulation (not sure if it works that way.)
Working as a host at a restaurant would work — they do a lot of standing and walking, but it might look funny doing my stretches at the front podium… hmmm.

The basic message to notaries is, you sit too much and you need to do more:
Stretching, walking, standing, going to the gym, and then you will probably live longer and better. Try doing loan signing standing up. “Would you like a seat?” “No, I’ll stand… I am protecting my sciatic nerve.” And one more tip — don’t watch Happy Days because they always say, “Sit on it!”


July 18, 2019

A slogan for a notary on board with 123notary

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 4:37 am

We have a Notary called Terrie Gillett.

Here is my slogan:

“For a closer notarization every time!”

But, maybe this Notary can come up with a politically correct television commercial too that has nothing to do with Notary work. Perhaps there could be white guys flirting with women and then black men telling them that it is not cool And some men shaving and little boys play fighting and some adults who decide that boys must not be boys. We can challenge the whole concept of natural primate behavior and decide that God was wrong the way he designed us and that we know better. There are so many possibilities for this commercial. And then at the end of the commercial the idea of Notary work could be discussed.

The commercial idea might sound convoluted, but when you appeal to millennials, you have to address their ideas of social justice and then cringe when you think about what the world will be like when they run the senate if there is an America at that time any more.

On the converse side, you could have notaries fighting over a Notary seal and then say, “Notaries will be Notaries!” I think that would be more fun!


July 15, 2019

Notarizing for a “white” ethnostate

Right wing bloggers talk a lot about having a white ethno-state. The left considers it to be “racist”, yet never objects to the fact that most Asian countries and Indian reservations are racist ethno-states too. Why the double standards? Do those groups have a pass card when it comes to only being with their own people?

In any case, the notary was called in to a signing in Florida regarding transport of some goods to the ethno-state. There was an inventory of tractors, and some other farm equipment and seeds that were being shipped. However, the signer told the Notary a story about the history of the ethno-state. This story supposedly takes place in 2032 which for those of you who don’t keep track of time is in the future.

A bunch of white guys back in 2020 wanted to make their own state so they would have a comfortable place to raise their kids. But, the U.S. government did not afford them a reservation or make any allowances in their favor. So, they lobbied, and got together a larger group of people to see if they could get anywhere. Still, the answer was no. So much for white privilege. They had long discussions of how they defined “white” and how white you needed to be, whether or not you needed to be Christian, how Christian, and what percentage of non-whites would be allowed into their non-realistic little kingdom. There was also no agreement as to where this tiny kingdom would be although Vermont, Idaho, and Kentucky were mentioned Nobody could agree on anything. But, it didn’t matter because the government would not cooperate with their seemingly unreasonable request.

Then, the conversation continued by networking with White South Africans who are being persecuted for committing the crime of being white. No, not driving or walking while white… Farming while white. There are lots of youtube videos on this topic by the way. Whites were being murdered, raped, and tortured as a way to terrorize them into leaving their land so that lower income blacks could inherit this land which supposedly was theirs first contrary to actual history. The click speaking tribes were indigenous to the area. but, the Zulu’s and other tribes came from up North at the same time the Whites came up from down South in South Africa in the 16 and 1700’s. The Americans decided it was too dangerous to join hands with their South African brethren and decided to seek other options.

Then they decided to talk with members of an already existing white (or off-white) ethno-state… Israel. The Israelis filled these American’s minds with lots of realistic thoughts about what they needed to do, what they could do, what problems they would face, and how to deal with the problems. The basic message was to have a thriving economy, a great military and most important — lots of chutzbah. But, the Israelis said they could not help out as that would be bad for public relations. The Israelis recommended that the Americans find a donor and try to buy part of a Caribbean island near America and set up a state there. Somewhere with good Farmland, a seaport, airport, and good places to build properties.

So, a group of about 4000 Americans found a donor, bought some land in Haiti which was very fertile, set up shop, and created their own state. Life was exciting while people were setting up shop. Word on the street was, “We finally did it… I can’t believe we really did it.” But, then soon after, problems ensued. Many people wanted to have sushi, but nobody knew how to make it. So, they had to have someone from Japan come over. Next, they wanted Mexican food because they couldn’t live without it. So, they had Jose come over from California. Next, they realized that they could not operate their businesses efficiently without computer support, and none of the whites knew anything about computers, so they had some people from India come over. After that, people needed help with building new housing units and had to have several thousand people come from Mexico to help with that. Farm labor was needed to , so another several thousand people came over from bankrupt Haiti. As time went on, a profitable and popular resort was built near the seaport and an even greater demand for labor was created once again to be filled by people who did not meet the ethno-racial standards of the ethno-state.

The economy was going great, but at this point the population had gone from 100% white down to 12%. So, the whites had a discussion. They decided that since whites as a group had such a limited skill set that they couldn’t survive in the long run without all of the other cultural groups. They also decided that to attain their goal of being with their people, they would be better of going to a place like Poland, Ireland, or Wisconsin.

After a few more years, the whites felt discouraged, and found others to manage their businesses which were somewhat profitable, and the donors were making nice dividends on their investment for land in Haiti. The remaining whites decided that they would have their own segregated little part of town where whites could be with whites. After another year, there were only three whites left, and they were only seasonal as well.

The next year a census was taken of the state to see who was living there.

Women 6013
Men 8063
Blacks 8548
Mexican or Hispanic 5422
Asian 103
Whites 3* (the * means that they are seasonal residents)

So, due to these demographics (which make it hard to get a girlfriend), they changed the name of this country from being the Hispanola White Ethnostate to being the Hispanola “White” Ethonostate as there were less than .02% whites living there. And there were no Notaries there either, so you had to go to Florida whenever you wanted to get notarized which was a real pain.


July 3, 2019

Astrology of America good for business but not for relationships

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 2:30 am

My astrologer used to tell me that the chart of America is all about business which gives rise to the phrase that: “The business of America is business.” I guess we incorporated at a lucky date, time, and geographical place. It all makes sense. But, America is terrible for relationships, unless you have a relationship with your business partner.

Look at how we live. We work all the time. We are always chasing dollars. And our relationships are falling apart. When we are in our early twenties, we might spend time chasing relationships then since we value it so much. But, after that, we get fat, forget about relationships unless we already have one, and just work work work. I’m happy that we live in America and not Venezuela which is completely bankrupt and people are rioting on the streets starving and without services. But seriously, we are out of balance. We need to invest more in social cohesion and health, and less on work.

This is a problem for me too. I used to be a very social person. Now I am grumpy. I hardly ever go to parties, and if the party isn’t up to my finicky
standards, I leave very quickly. My patience for chasing something that is never going to happen has worn out — possibly for the better. But, without being open to a social life, you won’t have one, and that is my situation now. My relationships have dried up. And with my new and unreasonable standards it is hard to find new friends. I have these odd demands that you should be a decent person, not do drugs and not hang out with unsavory company — that narrows it down around here. No wonder I have no friends.

Maybe we all need to live more simply and eat more cabbage and potatoes. Maybe we need to live in communes and grow our own cabbage and potatoes… and possibly tomatoes as well although I am divided on that point. Maybe a simpler, semi-tribal communal life would be better for the planet. Less polluting, less crime, less loneliness, and less traffic.

But, the bottom line as always is that Notaries need to take charge of their finances. Even though you are in the best country for business in the world, you are almost all broke because you mismanage your money, and your lives. Learn to save, invest, and also invest in your notarial future by getting more skills, more certifications and more knowledge. Some people do this, but few people do this up to my standards. Conversely, I think I need to slow down and do more for my social life and for my health. I tend to over do when it comes to work, and that leads to less time for the things that really matter.


June 27, 2019

Old enough to vote, but not old enough to accompany mom to a signing?

Filed under: Drama & Tragedy — admin @ 12:14 pm

I’m sure you have read the blog article about bringing your three year old or twelve year old to the signing. Well, after reading some commentary on my blog, I heard about a lady who brought a twenty-one year old to a signing and lived to regret it.

She brought her 21 year old son to the door. She asked permission to the home-owners if the young man could come in, sit and watch television. The son was very mature, quiet, well behaved and did not disturb the signing in any way. The Notary completed the signing, left, and then the signers proceeded to call the signing company and complain.

FYI. Borrowers have the same psychology as women. They say, “Oh, that’s okay” when you ask if it would be okay for you to do some particular thing which you are not sure about. And then after the fact they say, “How could you do that?” Being civil and asking permission and getting approval works in the corporate world and with men, but not with borrowers. So, get that through your head. But, it’s not their fault. Borrowers have chromosomes that are a little different which cause them to react to things differently. you understand, right?


June 23, 2019

Delayed because of a bunch of escaped cows

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:19 pm

She was on her way to a Notary signing. All was going well. She made that left turn into the pasture and then, whammo! She couldn’t move forward due to a herd of escaped cows. Don’t you hate it when that happens? So, like a good and patient Notary, she waited for the cows to drift on. But, that is not how I would have handled the situation.

First of all, when God deals you a cow problem, you need a cow solution, and that generally implicates tuning into cow consciousness. Let’s close our eyes and meditate. Instead of saying ohm, we will say moooooooo.

I would go up to the cows and have a conversation with them about what’s going on and don’t they have a home somewhere? Then, I would use my shamanic mental powers and convince them that they want to travel in a particular direction.

If the spiritual mumbo jumbo didn’t work, I would resort to linguistic methodologies.

mmmmmmmmmmm-oooooove over please. Please mooove over. And by the way, is it true that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence? Mooooooooooooo!


June 20, 2019

When are you at your best mentally?

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:22 pm

Many Notaries complained about me in blog comments. They complained about me trying to test them at 8:30pm when they were not at their best mentally. I call late because I am not awake in the morning due to a sleep disorder, plus most of you are on other coasts which compounds the problem. Yet, I survive somehow.

The fact is that to pass my test you have to know something, and if you know it, then you know it, and that is all there is to it. The real problem is that you don’t know your stuff and don’t want to embarrass yourself during your low brain function hour. I want you to know your stuff so well you can spout it off in your sleep, so 8:30pm seems like an optimal time to call as you are probably half way to being asleep.

But, when are people at their best mentally? For me, 10pm at night I am quite clear. And I like to meditate around 2am because the atmosphere is more transparent and clear. That way I can be at one with the universe… and perhaps the galaxy too. I cannot do intellectually challenging tasks too early on. My concentration just isn’t there. 7pm is the earliest I can do anything cerebrally demanding.

But, what about you guys (ewe’s guys), when are you at your best mentally? And if I tested you earlier in the day, do you think that would make a difference? (and do you think actually knowing the answers might possibly help as well?)


June 17, 2019

Some folks feel more relaxed with a strange female in their house than a man

Filed under: Drama & Tragedy — admin @ 10:17 pm

Do you feel more comfortable with a strange female in your house than a strange man? All I want to know is how strange are we talking about? Tongue piercings, neck tattoos, spiked hair? It can get pretty strange. Oh, no, that’s not what I meant by strange, I meant a woman who you didn’t know from before….. Oh, now I see. I think that women are universally seen as being less threatening, unless you live near a college campus with a large feminist following (and most of them do.) But, putting feminists aside (and I put them aside as much as humanly possible) I think that biologically, women are less likely to commit crimes, or physically harm someone, and try harder to get along with people than men. Although female cats may be the exception to this rule, maybe I’ve been scratched one too many times, but I digress.

Is it that women are often more personable, or is it that they are less threatening? Is it their more agreeable demeanor? What is it about women that men and women both like. Are women more gentle? A lot of time cats prefer to be held by women humans simply because women are more gentle, and they like it if you talk to them in a squeaky voice too which women do quite well (and so do I.) Women don’t think it is very masculine of me to talk to animals in a squeaky voice, but then, if I do so, I am not trying to impress the human ladies, but the animals with what a kind and wonderful human friend I am.

When all is said and done, I think it depends on the individual who I would like to have in my house. But, I would agree with the others that I would prefer to have a lady visiting my house as a general rule, providing she is not a UCLA student.


June 14, 2019

Do you have a snappy personality?

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 10:26 pm

Do you have a snappy personality? What does that exactly mean? And what are the rewards or detriments of having a snappy personality? You won’t be rewarded at Notary Rotary or 123notary for this character trait. 123notary values reviews, knowledge, and regular maintenance of your listing. But, this is one Notary organization that will reward you for this trait… SnapDocs.

If you are fast on the draw, answer texts in a snappy way, and return phone calls faster than humanly possible – you have met your portal! Yes, ladies and gentlemen… SnapDocs is your place!

On the other hand if you create a lot of typos and you have a “Sappy” personality, you might not do as well there… or here either. But, that’s a topic for a different article, not isn’t it?


June 10, 2019

Traditional knowledge vs. Modern knowledge

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 10:44 pm

For those of you who don’t know, I got very sick in March of 2019 to the point where I could not stand up for long without extreme fatigue. It was a stomach flu that initiated with two bouts of severe vomiting 45 minutes from each other subsequent to some tikka masala which I might add that I complained about because it was “not spicy enough.” Maybe I should thank those losers for never spicing their food up to Indian standards instead of complaining because my intestines were having a 5 alarm fire for hours and no amount of Advil would help. (Disclaimer — Advil is a wonderful product that I use regularly and I wish not to dis-quantify or invalidate its effectiveness in any, way shape or form other than perhaps the gel-capsule form.)

I foolishly was concerned that the next day I might not be able to get much done because I would be too tired. I did not realize it would be five days of being an invalid only able to toss and turn in bed and having only four hours per day to be doing work, going to appointments, taking my walk, or doing anything of value.

In any case, I thought that I needed electrolytes since I had vomited so I got coconut water. My doctor said Gatorade is better than fruit juice since it has less sugar. The internet articles by big medical establishments agreed with my doctor (but didn’t nod their head in an assuring way because they were articles and not people.) The truth is that coconut water is lower in sugar than Gatorade, yet seemed to irritate my intestines.

Traditional Indian wisdom is that if you have had too much to drink, are dehydrated or have vomited, then have coconut water. I normally follow this line of thought as coconut water has a generous supply of five of the minerals that you need. Modern knowledge says Gatorade, and Gatorade did the trick and was easier on my intestines. Also, I stopped feeling dehydrated after consuming Gatorade regularly when coconut water (similar amount of sodium & potassium) did not make me stop being dehydrated — beverage for thought.

Traditional Jewish knowledge points to the fact that chicken soup is the cure for the common cold and a long list of other ailments. However, I tried different brands of chicken soup and found that Progresso had magical effects on making me feel good while the other cheaper brand actually made me feel worse. And by the way, Wolfgang Puck’s chicken soup with rice and wild rice was good too, but I still prefer Progresso. So, on night six I went from being bedridden to being able to sit up and work at least a few hours at night for the first time in days.

The irony of the Jewish knowledge is that according to traditional Chinese knowledge chicken and rice are both good for the lung meridian, and when you are sick, your lung meridian normally needs a bit of stimulation. The Jews figured out what to do, but the Chinese figured out the “why” part. Jews are always asking, “why”, but Chinese doctors are always the ones who give the “because.”

So, now is day seven. I am still napping, but am working as industriously as on a regular day… well almost.

I’m not sure if Jewish mothers in law in the 1800’s knew about Progresso, but if I could go back in a time machine with Google translate and use the Yiddish application, I would transmit this very important piece of knowledge. And while we’re on that topic. How long before there is such a thing as Google Time Travel. I think they’re working on it but I never got the memo., at least not when I was supposed to…

So, now is day nine and I feel 95% better. I am fully functional, walking, eating normal food again, and feeling relieved. Because, with that illness I thought I’d never recover and I had no idea how long it would take to recover. I am just so thankful that my body recuperated with the help of sleep, vitamin C, acupuncture, garlic, Gatorade, and of course — chicken soup!

Older Posts »