ANNOUNCER: Next in the tank is an invention that can help busy time-strapped and soon to be clean executives get notarized in the shower so that they can save time.
FRANK: Greetings, contestants. I am Frank and I’m asking for $500,000 for 10% of my company called Shower Power Notarizations. How many times have you taken a shower and thought, man, I wish I could be multi-tasking while I were here. I wish I could get my such and such notarized. Well now you can, with my brand new Notary in a Tub business model, Shower Power Notarizations — “All the more shower to you.”
At Shower Power Notarizations, we are a service, with specialized dispatching of Notaries, and special patented waterproof Notary seals, documents, pens, and clothing, so that we can shower the executives of the nation with outstanding services while they are in the shower. We cater to the highest ethical standards. But, we do recommend to our clients who engage in fraud to start practicing now — the art of not dropping the soap. We also do jail notarizations, because we want a 10 years to life relationship with our clients, even if they are not the most ethical.
Mr. WONDERFUL: You’re telling me that I have to pay you half a million dollars for the insane hope that someday I make my money back on an invention that allows perverts who watch me take a shower and ask me to sign something afterwards?
FRANK: Well the perverts don’t watch you take a shower, they watch the executives take a shower, and normally the signing happens behind a curtain so that the Notary doesn’t see the signers’ other pen (if you know what I mean). And if it makes you feel any better, we throw in a free rubber ducky with every signing.
ROBERT: So, can I try your invention?
FRANK: Sure, just get into these swimming trunks and hop in. Here’s your notarized document.
ROBERT: I don’t wear trunks when I shower.
MARK CUBAN: Quick, activate the pixelation.
FRANK: Okay, I’m handing you the waterproof Notary journal. Sign here. In our state, they require wet signatures anyway.
ROBERT: Okay, I’m signing the journal and I already signed the document. That’s okay right? By the way, am I signing my life away with that document?
FRANK: No, it’s an affidavit saying that you like Donald Duck.
ROBERT: Well, just as long as it’s not Donald Trump.
FRANK: Okay, I’m stamping the document… Done!!! One minute and forty-three seconds. How is that for saving time in your executive life? Here is your complimentary rubber ducky with our company branding on it.
ROBERT: I’ll let you clean my body, but you’re not going to clean out my bank account. I’m out.
Mr. WONDERFUL: Deactivate the pixelation!
MARK CUBAN: If we buy 10%, could you throw in a few rubber duckies to sweeten the deal? Strike that. Your invention is all wet, in more ways than one. I’m out.
LAURI: I’m sorry to say this, but this is a rare incident where I would have to say — The Notary is a Quack. I call them when they’re zeros, and I call them when they’re heroes. And this one is a hero!
BARBARA: Are you nuts?
LAURI: I could sell this on QVC. We can demonstrate it with you in the shower. But, I’m going to need a lot more equity. 10% doesn’t get me excited.
Mr. WONDERFUL: What about watching Frank naked in a tub? Would that get you more excited?
LAURI: More excited than looking at your naked head.
ROBERT: How are your sales?
FRANK: Year to date, we have been flooded with orders and none of our overhead went down the drain. We grossed four million our first year. You cannot underestimate the severe time depravity and time poverty of executives. Saving them even one minute will make their day. These people all have assistants that make more than $100,000 per year by their side who will vouch for that fact. We sell to people who have more money than time with a very specialized service with a very high profit margin and strong popularity. Don’t throw cold water on us just yet.
LAURI: I’m going to make you an offer, Frank. But, I want a lot more equity. I’ll give you the $500,000, but I want 50% of your business.
ROBERT: Shazam!!! She’s really throwing out the baby with the bathwater, Frank.
Mr. WONDERFUL: This is the biggest nothing burger I ever saw. You should take it back behind the barn and shoot it.
FRANK: You don’t have to get all in a lather about it.
Mr. WONDERFUL: I’m out.
FRANK: Okay, 50% is a little steep.
LAURI: Do you have a counter?
FRANK: I stick to bathrooms not kitchens, so I don’t have much of a counter. But, how about 25%.
LAURI: No, I have to stay at 50, it’s going to be a lot of work getting this out there.
FRANK: I don’t like your conditioner… I mean conditions. I’m out.
LAURI: You can’t be out, only we can say I’m out.
FRANK: This whole experience has left me feeling dirty. I’m going home to take a shower.
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