The following is a phone call between Michael Cohen and a possible notary:
Notary: Thank you for calling D.C. Notary Service, how can I help you?
Cohen: Hi, uh, I need a notary, to uh, sign something…
Notary: Well you’ve come to the right place, notaries sign stuff. Can I ask what part of D.C. you’re calling from?
Cohen: The White House–uh I mean, uh MY house! In D.C….
Notary: (Pause) Okay, well what part of D.C. do you live in?
Cohen: In the Downtown area…Near Pennsylvania…(beat) I mean, I can’t hear what you’re saying-a?
Notary: (beat) Alright, we have an office near Pennsylvania. I could give you that address and phone number, if you’d like?
Cohen: Okay, yeah, but do you typically deal with high level clients?
Notary: I’m not at liberty to say…
Cohen: Well, I need someone who can work with highly important officials, like you know, important people…Like Presidents… OF COMPANIES!! Not like the President of the United States or anything!..
Notary: Right… We can handle larger documents.
Cohen: Great. My client will be just peachy to hear this.
Notary: Don’t you mean orangy! Haha.
Cohen: Excuse me?
Notary: The client, it’s Trump isn’t it?
Cohen: How did you know?!
Notary: Attorney-Client Privilege isn’t your strong suit…I mean, you gave away every hint…
Cohen: (nervously) Hey, I know the law! I understand what that client-attorney privilg-y thing is…But quick question, can you forge some signatures? The President doesn’t want the porn start to actually sign–
Notary: (Hangs up).
Cohen: Hmm, that’s the third one…Wonder what I’m doing wrong.
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