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August 25, 2018

Michael Cohen and the Notary

Filed under: Other Guest Bloggers — Tags: — admin @ 11:11 am

The following is a phone call between Michael Cohen and a possible notary:

Notary: Thank you for calling D.C. Notary Service, how can I help you?

Cohen: Hi, uh, I need a notary, to uh, sign something…

Notary: Well you’ve come to the right place, notaries sign stuff. Can I ask what part of D.C. you’re calling from?

Cohen: The White House–uh I mean, uh MY house! In D.C….

Notary: (Pause) Okay, well what part of D.C. do you live in?

Cohen: In the Downtown area…Near Pennsylvania…(beat) I mean, I can’t hear what you’re saying-a?

Notary: (beat) Alright, we have an office near Pennsylvania. I could give you that address and phone number, if you’d like?

Cohen: Okay, yeah, but do you typically deal with high level clients?

Notary: I’m not at liberty to say…

Cohen: Well, I need someone who can work with highly important officials, like you know, important people…Like Presidents… OF COMPANIES!! Not like the President of the United States or anything!..

Notary: Right… We can handle larger documents.

Cohen: Great. My client will be just peachy to hear this.

Notary: Don’t you mean orangy! Haha.

Cohen: Excuse me?

Notary: The client, it’s Trump isn’t it?

Cohen: How did you know?!

Notary: Attorney-Client Privilege isn’t your strong suit…I mean, you gave away every hint…

Cohen: (nervously) Hey, I know the law! I understand what that client-attorney privilg-y thing is…But quick question, can you forge some signatures? The President doesn’t want the porn start to actually sign–

Notary: (Hangs up).

Cohen: Hmm, that’s the third one…Wonder what I’m doing wrong.

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August 5, 2018

An Ode to Notaries

Filed under: Other Guest Bloggers — Tags: — admin @ 11:14 am

An Ode to Notaries

O, a debt of thanks we do owe,
to those who hold title notary,
for signing our papers without woa,
for helping us do things legally.

Signing and stamping, all to certify,
The authenticity of the paper,
Making sure that we do not lie,
That we truly are their author.

You take and legalize our affidavit,
For the government will only trust your mark,
So stamp away with your whatchamacallit,
We need these papers signed before dark!

Now, move along and hurry,
We called you here, but now you must scurry!

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