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March 24, 2017

Sharktank: Self-Driving Notary

Filed under: Sit-Coms — admin @ 8:02 am

DO YOUR JOB OR YOU COULD SEE THIS ON SHARK TANK!

First into the tank is a notary who plans to eliminate the competition.

CONTESTANT: Hello, sharks. My name is Jesse and I’m seeking $200,000 for 10% of my company, Self-Notary! Imagine eliminating the hassle of human beings showing up late for signings. Of making fun of your driver’s license picture ID. Well imagine no more! Self-Notary brings the future of automated transportation to your doorstep! So sharks, who’s ready to sign… on the dotted line?

MR. WONDERFUL: You’re talking about putting your fellow workers out of business. I’m sure they’ll want to sign all right. Your death certificate! How does this job-robbing invention of yours work?

CONTESTANT: A self-driving notary vehicle shows up at the client’s door. The signer puts his ID in the slot, scans his document, signs the online journal, puts his money in the dollar feed, and the machine sends the document.

DAYMOND: How does it get an oil change if it’s driverless?

CONTESTANT: An automated mechanic drives out to change it.

MR. WONDERFUL: You’re valuing your company at two million dollars. I assume there are SALES to report about. At least there better be.

CONTESTANT: We’re in pre-launch.

MARK: Oh. brother. And you expect us to pre-pay before we even know if it works?

LORI: What does it cost you to make, and what does it cost the client?

CONTESTANT: $100,000 a unit. And it costs the client a fee per signature plus a travel fee.

MR. WONDERFUL: That’s terrible. That’s a big nothing-burger. The day I get my money back on a deal like this is the day I need a haircut – which I haven’t needed since I became BALD! I’m out.

DAYMOND: After the notarization is finished, does the driverless car give the client a flourless cake as a thank you gift?

CONTESTANT: No, but that’s a great idea! My wife is a terrible gardener. We could eat the cake in her flower-less garden.

DAYMOND: It was MY great idea! I’m out.

BARBARA: I’ve been watching your presentation, and I think you’re a lousy salesman.

CONTESTANT: Would you swear to that?

BARBARA: Yes. But you wouldn’t be a credible witness.

LORI: So are you in, Barbara, or are you out?

BARBARA: I’m gonna make him an offer.

MR. WONDERFUL: You’re insane. I forbid you from murdering innocent money like that.

BARBARA: I’ll give you half the money you want, but you’re gonna need a lot of my help. I want 20% and I want another shark to go in on the deal.

LORI: I’ll go in on that deal with you, Barbara. 20% each. I deal with notaries who show up late all the time. I think there’s a market for automated notaries. And the human ones they put out of business can learn from the embarrassment of it and beat the automated notaries at their own game by signing up with the best of them on 123notary.com.

MR. WONDERFUL: What is this, product placement?

LORI: I get a few extra bucks for it. They don’t call me a shark for nothing. You better sign up on 123notary.com before the automated notaries do.

MR. WONDERFUL: You did it again?

LORI: Cha-ching.

Just then, the shark’s worst nightmare rolled in before their eyes!

MR. WONDERFUL: What is that monstrosity?

CONTESTANT: Oh, that’s the other product I’m working on. That’s automated you, Mr. Wonderful! Self-driving Shark!

BARBARA: Looks just like him. Especially the chrome dome.

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March 17, 2017

A guy dressed up as a Notary for Halloween

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 6:57 am

A guy dressed up as a Notary Seal kept saying, “Trick or Treat.” He went around stamping everything. Then he bumped into someone dressed up as a Signing Company who was also saying, “Trick or Treat.” The Notarygave the signing company his seal impression on some fake loan documents.

The signing company impersonator said — trick!
The Notary asked what the trick was.
The signing company said — we’re not paying you

So, the Notary got even and smeared edible chocolate ink all over the signing company impersonator’s outfit and said — treat!

So, the Notary got even. If that Notary impersonator had been a little smarter, he would have looked up the signing company on 123notary’s list of signing companies i-phone page www.123notary.com/s and said — I can’t take that job! However, this fake Notary had a handheld printer and queried 123notary’s resource page to find our demand letter from hell (very appropriate type of letter for halloween.) He gave the signing company a demand letter. The signing company gave him a threatening letter from someone dressed up as an Attorney (with blood coming out of his left eye.)

Finally the Notary said — you people will be a pain in my rear for the rest of my life — if I should live so long! Happy Halloween!!!!

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March 10, 2017

What’s your sign? Notary horoscopes…

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 6:55 am

Capricorn
Today’s a good day to apply for your renewed Notary commission. Don’t wait until the last minute or you’ll experience a lapse in your term(s) as well as in your judgement, and you’ll come across as Capri-corny.

Aquarius
Tonight around 7pm will be an ideal time to renew your listing on 123notary.com. Go for the highest level listing no matter what it costs. The planets are with you and will enhance your ROI on whatever you buy from 123notary this evening. Avoid interactions with unicorns until 8am tomorrow or until a Mexican Trump supporter is spotted in your neighborhood.

Pisces
Today is an auspicious day to re-ink your stamp. Don’t fish around searching for any old cheap ink. Buy the top notch stuff the NNA sells if you want to make a good impression.

Aries
Sign up with some new signing companies, but watch your step and don’t be an Aries-head. Trouble could lie ahead if you don’t background check those companies first on the 123notary list of signing companies with reviews.

Taurus
If you want to bully some signing companies into paying you, just use the 123notary demand letter from hell on our resource page. But, do so before the cusp of Orion which will happen after midnight.

Gemini
Today is a day you should make sure your signatures are genuine, not Gemini. And one of our customers calls me Gemini. It’s not Gemini — it’s Jeremy!

Cancer
Today is the best day to backdate and not get caught as long as the moon is in Scorpio. But, watch out, because at 1am (which is tomorrow assuming you don’t backdate) it will exit Scorpio and go into its new phase called Stage 4.

Leo
Take a nap between signings today so you don’t get too overwhelmed. And don’t swallow your pride otherwise you’ll have no family. Roar at people who don’t pay you – that’s the mane thing.

Virgo
Take the day off because the way the planets are configured, you’ll get stuck in traffic and probably won’t get paid either — unless your name is Jane the Virgo.

Libra
Brush up on your new 123notary certification course. You’ll need it to compete with all of the other smart Notaries in your area. Besides, being certified a very Libra-ating experince.

Scorpio
Identify your signers a little more carefully today because you are destined to meet a fraud who specializes in identity fraud which would mean that you would get stung instead of vice versa which is the way it is supposed to be.

Sagittarius
If you are a Real Estate investor with 12 houses. Expect trouble if Leo is in your 11th house. On the other hand, since you are the happiest sign in the zodiac, celebrate by going to the happiest place on earth — Notary Disneyworld!

And more thing — don’t forget to have your sign notarized!

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March 3, 2017

Notary Fish Market

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — admin @ 9:35 pm

As Notaries, we normally think about our commissions, our fax machine and our jobs. One thing we don’t think about is where we purchase our fish which is actually quite important. Fish is brain food, and nothing beats keeping your brain up to par. Thinking about a wide variety of subjects including language learning, math problem solving, business problems, politics, and gossip also can strengthen your mind. Memorizing the contents of your state’s Notary handbook however is the ideal way to exercise your brain. In any case, here is what you are missing out on by not going to the fish market.

Juneau where she said the fresh wild caught salmon is from?
I dunno, A’ll-ask-kah
Remember the Alaska Notary Public in one of our satirical blogs whose price was one piece of salmon if you wanted an accompanying Oath to an Acknowledged signature? His price went up, now he’s asking for brand names like Sockeye salmon. Boy, the nerve of these Notaries.

Notarial Squid — You can get high quality Notary ink from a squid. Even if you don’t use it in your seal, you can use it in a feather pen. In Chinese the name for squid is “you-yu,” but I just learned in Taiwanese dialect it’s, “tou-chou.” Why such a huge difference?

Norwegian Notary Halibut — Try some just for the halibut.

Crabcakes — Not something you call your girlfriend. But, due to new law changes, a Maryland crabcake can be dual commissioned in Washington D.C. and Virginia.

Diets — Garfield was once on a Seafood diet. “I see food and I eat it.”

Snails — Some Notaries are so slow, they notarize at a snail’s pace. Well, now you can get a vehicle to match at the Notary Fish Market called an S-car that will get you going where you’re going really slow. Look at the “S-Car-Go!”

Lobster — The signing company owners are all out getting lobster while they are not paying you! The nerve! So, if you want to collect from signing companies, just hang out in the lobster section. We ID them, so we know who is who.

Swordfish — I asked if they also had a daggerfish. Can’t have a swordfish without a daggerfish. They responded that they did not, but they just got an import of some Japanese Samurai Swordfish!

Tilapia — This fish is good for Notaries on a budget who only get $40 signings. You can work your way up from there.

Bass — For Notaries who are low-key. Good if marinated in miso by the way — just don’t over do it.

Clams — for Notaries who have a hard time opening up and making small talk at signings.

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February 24, 2017

Notary with Tourettes Syndrome

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 6:52 am

NOTARY: Do you swear under Oath?

SIGNER: I do

NOTARY: Well you should hear me swear under Oath. I swear whether I’m under a &%?-ing Oath or not.

SIGNER: So, what do I sign first?

NOTARY: Go to hell — here!

SIGNER: I’m signing this Affidavit that I swore to.

NOTARY: Have sex — that’s perfect!

SIGNER: I’m very fond of this document.

NOTARY: Fondle it!

SIGNER: My wife made me sign this.

NOTARY: Kill her. I’ll kill her!

SIGNER: That’s one way of solving my marital problems.

NOTARY: Having sex is another.

SIGNER: Just as long as it’s not with another.

NOTARY: So, what’s the next document — pervert!

SIGNER: My next document is a civil action.

NOTARY: There’s nothing civil about your two middle fingers.

SIGNER: Leave my fingers out of this.

NOTARY: Okay — have sex without fingers.

SIGNER: In that case I won’t be able to provide a digital signature.

NOTARY: I think we all know what I’m going to say next and where this is going.

SIGNER: You mean digital sex?

NOTARY: I’m rubbing off on you.

SIGNER: Kill a Notary

NOTARY: Am I that bad?

SIGNER: Go to hell. But, I’m an athiest and don’t believe in hell.

NOTARY: (Sneezes)

SIGNER: Nobody bless you!

NOTARY: Why Nobody?

SIGNER: Because I don’t believe in God or blessings. So I give non-blessings.

NOTARY: Okay, then go to non-hell.

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February 17, 2017

Notaries in cars getting coffee

Filed under: Sit-Coms — admin @ 9:07 pm

What type of car would fit the personality of a Notary? There would have to be room for the Notary’s bag where they keep their seals, certificate pads, mace, and other tools of the trade. But, most cars have room for a tiny bag, don’t they? Next, the car would need a good GPS system since Notaries are notorious for having trouble finding the houses of new clients (which they do multiple times per day.) Finally, the car would need good fuel efficiency and be easy to park, because you never know where you’ll have to park.

Another critical point is that others would avoid having an accident with this car (or near this car) since the Notary would make such a good witness. And what better car to greet today’s guest in, none other than the world’s greatest ex-Notary — Jeremy.

NOTARY: Wow, what a great car! What’s the Power of Attorney on this thing? I hope it does well in reverse, because I do a lot of reverse mortgages. How many pages per gallon (or minute) can it print doing eDocuments? Does it have a plugin for electronic signatures?

SEINFELD: If you drive it as an electric vehicle, you won’t need Errors & Emissions insurance. What’s the deal with a digital signature? If it is anything like the digital exam the proctologist gave me last week, I just hope you have plenty of rubber of gloves in the glove compartment.

NOTARY: I’m going to call it the stamp compartment, so keep your filthy gloves out of it.

SEINFELD: You are the funniest Notary I know.

NOTARY: Is that why you have me on your show?

(In coffeeshop)

SEINFELD: I’d like eggs over easy.

NOTARY: And make sure they’re on time, otherwise I’m charging you waiting time.

SEINFELD: Well, she is a waitress, that’s what she does.

NOTARY: Yeah — she gets paid for waiting, but I need to get paid for waiting too, especially if I get a four minute egg that takes forty-five minutes to arrive.

SEINFELD: Yeah, and the eggs better have their ID ready when they arrive, because I don’t think the Notary will let me eat them if they don’t have identification.

WAITRESS: No problem, I’ll just send the eggs to the DMV in the meantime to get an ID. But, I can’t get one without a birth certificate which will be a problem since none of the eggs have been born yet.

SEINFELD: Well, can’t they get born, and then somehow be shoved back into their shell?

WAITRESS: They might not taste so good if you did that.

SEINFELD: What type of coffee would a Notary drink?

NOTARY: It doesn’t matter just as long as we know the expiration date of the beans.

WAITRESS: What type of document would you use to prove that a brand of coffee was decaffeinated?

NOTARY: A decaffidavit.

SEINFELD: That figures (and rolls his eyes.) So, what type of coffee do you guys drink?

WAITRESS: Some prefer Chock Full o’Notaries while some prefer Antigua Affidavit.

NOTARY: Okay, thanks a latte. If I order that, will I have to pay a “latte fee?”

WAITRESS: Not if you sign your tip on time.

SEINFELD: With all thie caffeine racing through my veins, this is the first time I’ve been awake with a Notary.

NOTARY: In case you say something funny, I’ll be sure to acknowledge that it was indeed a joke.

SEINFELD: What’s that? Sorry, I was nodding off there. I want to ask you something. When you were a little kid, and your little friends were dreaming of being spiderman or a cowboy, what made you dream of executing a document?

NOTARY: Right now I’m dreaming of executing a comic.

SEINFELD: You know what? That was actually funny? I’ll give that joke two thumbprints up! Look at that elderly couple. They must have been married for fifty years. They haven’t said a word to each other in twenty minutes. After twenty years of marriage they must run out of things to say.

NOTARY: Yeah, and they run of of things to Notarize too.

SEINFELD: Can’t you ever get your mind off of work?

NOTARY: Well I think I was thinking more about your work, since I was making a joke about Notarizing!

(walking outside)

SEINFELD: Look at that sign — it says Notary Public, and then another sign that says back in an hour. I wonder if that means back in an hour from now, or back in an hour from when the sign was hung.

NOTARY: Is the sign hung or hanged?

SEINFELD: A jury is hung, the guy they convicted is hanged, but when it comes to signs, I haven’t the foggiest.

NOTARY: Well, if the sign was convicted, then I know what the correct verbiage would be. Thank God you can’t hang a signature otherwise my whole career would be on the line.

SEINFELD: Sorry to leave you hanging, but we need to get back in the car.

NOTARY: This was actually fun.

SEINFELD: Fun is a very foreign experience for someone in your line of work.

NOTARY: But, I don’t think of it as work.

SEINFELD: (Nodding off) What’s that?

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February 10, 2017

A Notary goes Public on Shark Tank with Shazamdocs!

Filed under: Andy Cowan,Sit-Coms — admin @ 9:06 pm

First up into the tank: A way to keep records on how long companies take to send electronic documents.

NOTARY: Hi, Sharks. I’m Jeremy. And I’m asking for $200,000 for twenty percent of my company, Shazamdocs. Sharks, there’s one thing that matters in life more than looking as dapper as Mr. Wonderful here.

MR. WONDERFUL: He knows of what he speaks.

LAURIE: He’s kissing up and I’m throwing up.

MR. WONDERFUL: Hush. Grab a breath mint.

NOTARY: What matters in life, whether you’re sharks or whether you’re a notary, is knowing when you’ll be paid!

MR. WONDERFUL: You’re speaking my language, son. The language of luv… of money.

NOTARY: The database on Shazamdocs monitors how long companies take to send electronic documents, and… by virtue of our exclusive algorithms… computes the average amount of time it takes to get paid. No longer will you have to waste your precious time and resources hitching yourself to companies that drag their feet when it comes to upholding their end of the transactions.

DAYMOND: Feet dragging is a drag.

NOTARY: We’re like Yelp for notaries. With your help, sharks, we’ll get this in the homes of notaries throughout the country, and after that, the world! Who wants to show this notary their own seal… of approval?

ROBERT: You, yourself, said you’re like Yelp for notaries. There’s nothing proprietary about that.

NOTARY: I’ve applied for a utility patent.

CUBAN: You’ll never get it.

LAURIE: Mark.

CUBAN: What? He’s living a pipe dream. What’s to stop anybody from charting the records of companies to see how quickly they pay their bills?

NOTARY: Nobody does it like we do.

CUBAN: I’m out.

MR. WONDERUL: Ouch.

CUBAN: What about you, Kevin? You said the guy knows of what he speaks.

MR. WONDERFUL: That’s when he was complimenting my impossibly dapper qualities.

LAURIE: You got the impossibly part right.

ROBERT: What do you sell the program for and what are your sales?

NOTARY: I sell it with an annual subscription rate of 19.95. And we’re in pre-launch.

DAYMOND: Uh-oh. So you’ve made bupkis.

ROBERT: Daymond, I didn’t even know you were Jewish!

MR. WONDERFUL: I’ll make you an offer. I don’t know what you’re worth, I’m taking a heck of a risk, but I’ll go on the ride with you. There are plenty of notaries who need greater assurances they’ll get paid faster. But $200,000 at twenty percent assumes a value of a million dollars. You’re not there yet. I’ll give you the $200,000. But I want forty percent of the business.

CUBAN/DAYMOND/ROBERT: Oy.

LAURIE: You’re all Jewish now.

MR. WONDERFUL: I hear the other sharks flapping their gums, but I don’t hear anyone putting their money where their yappers are. I made you an offer, Jeremy. What do you say?

NOTARY: I appreciate the offer, Mr. Wonderful.

ROBERT: If I brought a notary in, would you swear to that?

NOTARY: But with all due respect, that’s giving up too much equity. I’d like to hear what the remaining sharks have to say.

LAURIE: As you know, Jeremy, as I’ve said many times on Shark Tank. I can tell when something’s a zero. And I can tell when something’s a hero. And this… is most definitely… a thirty. Better than zero, but nowhere near a hero. I’m out.

ROBERT: Laurie, you were toying with the man.

LAURIE: No, I wasn’t. I’m just being honest.

ROBERT: Well, Jeremy, I see nothing proprietary here. And I’m not a big notary guy. If I ever need you to witness something, I’ll be a customer. But I don’t see it as an investment. I’m out.

CUBAN: So that leaves Mr. Wonderful’s less than wonderful offer. And Mr.Daymond.

DAYMOND: I hate it when companies drag their feet before paying somebody what they’re owed, so I’m with you there.

JEREMY: Would you consider joining up with Mr. Wonderful?

DAYMOND: As much as it pains me to say it, I might do the deal with Kevin, if he’s up for it.

MR. WONDERFUL: I’d do that deal. But, Jeremy, you’d be getting two sharks.

JEREMY: Would the both of you consider the deal for… thirty percent equity?

DAYMOND: 100 K each at fifteen percent each? What do you think, Kevin?

MR. WONDERFUL: I’ll do it with one contingency. That we test the accuracy of your program on us. If your program can tell us how long it’ll be before we pay you the 200 K, I’m in.

DAYMOND: Me too.

JEREMY: Right away?

MR. WONDERFUL: Sorry. I would’ve paid you after hell freezes over.

DAYMOND: Me too.

MR. WONDERFUL/DAYMOND: I’m out!

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February 3, 2017

Comedic Notary Pricing from Apo-steal-of-a-deal to Zilch (not getting paid).

Filed under: Andy Cowan,Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 9:04 pm

Comedic Notary Pricing from Apo-steal-of-a-deal to Zilch (not getting paid).

Getting paid is serious business. But in this blog, we’re going “goofy.”

REVERSE MORTGAGES

Segagtrom. So much for literally reversing “mortgages.” In the reverse mortgage I’ll be referring to here, you get paid before you do the signing. If they don’t pay you ahead of time, charge 150 bucks. If they don’t pay you that, reverse the charges on the UPS. You can also drive in reverse to the signing. Unless you happen to be in a parking lot, in which case backing up causes serious tire damage. I can back that up in a notarized statement.

INSPECTIONS

When you inspect a house by taking photos, if it’s cheesy looking, tell it to smile and say cheese. If there are lines from broken plaster on the wall they don’t want you to shoot, charge them extra to Photoshop the lines out. Charge twenty to thirty dollars for inspection, unless the photos need touchup. When you visit their restroom and inspect their medicine cabinet, charge them a snooping fee.

REFINANCING

When getting signatures for mortgage signings, charge them a
re-re-re-re-re-refinancing fee if the signer stutters.

EDOCS OR DOCUMENTS

Ink is to a printer what cocaine is to a dealer. The first sample is free, and then they have you hooked on a very expensive habit. So be sure to charge accordingly for depleting your ink supply as you type out documents. Make sure they don’t pay you with money they printed out on their printers. Although the ink would probably be worth more than the money.

TRAVEL FEE FOR MOBILE NOTARIES

It’s been years since doctors made house calls. If you’re making a house call to notarize something, you better make sure you’re compensated for such service. Some charge by the mile, some charge by the amount of time to get there. As for the comedic price list, charge them like Dominos Pizza. They’ll get a free signing if you don’t arrive within thirty minutes or less. And when you do arrive, make sure you act extra cheesy. And top it off with an extra signature. If the signing is late at night, charge them a surcharge. If they treat you with disrespect, charge them a you-forgot-to-call-me “sir” charge.

LATE FEES

If they’re not ready for you when you arrive for the signing, charge them a late fee. If they’re not ready for you when you arrive because they’re dead, charge the next-of-kin a late, late fee. If it’s so late that it’s technically the wee hours of the morning, charge them an early fee. If they can’t pay you till tomorrow, charge them a late fee for the early fee. If they can’t pay you till after the both of you sit down and finish watching an old movie on TV, charge them a late, late show late fee for the early fee.

WAITING FEES

The more you wait to be paid, the more you charge them. If you wait till hell freezes over, charge them a waiting/defrosting fee. You’re like a taxi stuck in park with the meter running. If they haven’t reached the destination yet but they’re still your client, that will cost them. That should give you a lift. (Or for the cabbie and Uber haters out there, “Lyft”)

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January 27, 2017

Notary Space Station; In Space, Nobody Can Hear You Sign!

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , — admin @ 12:38 am

Some Notaries were sent into space for an experiment. They were there to see what the realities are of notarizing in space. Sam tossed his Notary seal in the air, and it floated to the other side of the shuttle. Samantha wanted him to get that Notary seal “down”, but which way was down? Eventually Sam recovered his instrument of destruction, but Samantha wasn’t amused. They were waiting for a replacement part for a high tech to be sent from Earth along with some other goodies. A TEA agent was to be sent in the ship to assure that delivery was successful.

Sam, Samantha and the others were practicing using all types of futuristic Notary seals. Of course to them it was not futuristic as they were living in 2040. Sam was happy that he could live a year in 365 days 23 hours and 57 minutes because they were traveling faster than the speed of the Earth up there do the warp in the time-space continuum. Not only was space warped, but Sam’s choice of humor was also a bit warped.

The most evolved machine could move itself over an ID, scan it for genuineness, inspect journal signatures, and then seal the document with hi-tech ink. But, they needed a replacement part that was coming tomorrow.

Then, the shuttle came. It approached the space station, it slowly adjusted itself. It docked successfully. They opened the connecting hatch happily in hopes of seeing Jim the TEA agent. But, Jim’s body was laying there in pieces with blood all over it. And creatures from the movie Alien were there — three of them. Mom, Dad, and a little one who was munching on Jim’s flesh. Then, there was a loud scream.

Samantha tapped Sam on the shoulder and said, “You were just having a bad dream. Was it a dream about a Notarization?”
Then Sam said, “No, it was a dream about the creature from Alien getting off that shuttle and killing us all.
Samantha said, “Well you know what they say — in space, no one can hear you sign! — or scream…”

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January 13, 2017

The Notary Train

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 12:44 am

Welcome aboard the Notary (choo-choo) Train.
Today is going to be a busy day. We are traveling from Fort Stockton, TX to Tuc (choo-choo) son today. I wish you all a very nice trip. And since this is The Notary Train, if you need anything Notarized, you are in luck. We have in-house or in-train Notaries commissioned in Texas, New Mexico and Arizona just waiting to (choo-choo) help you.

10pm

ATTENDANT: Welcome aboard. May I see some ID please?

RALPH: Here it is. It is an official TX Driver License.

ATTENDANT: I’ll need a blood sample too.

RALPH: I thought you’d never ask. But, I don’t give that out to strangers. But, how about a thumb print?

ATTENDANT: A right thumbprint will do. I was just kidding about the blood samples. After all, a simple retinal scan would be just as good.

12:10am

RALPH: Hi, I need this document signed. And can you backdate?

TX NOTARY: Umm, isn’t that illegal?

RALPH: Never mind. I’ll ask the other Notary. HEY, I need this document Notarized.

NOTARY #2: When do you need it done?

RALPH: Yesterday!

NOTARY #2: No problem, we are about to cross through a time-zone change on our way to El Paso. Once we have passed it, it will be yesterday.

RALPH: So, you can backdate?

NOTARY #2: I won’t have to. In the mean time, let’s get some Notary snacks at the snack bar. How about a crepe with chocolate sauce that is dispensed from a leaky Notary Seal?

RALPH: Cool. Can I get bananas too?

NOTARY #2: Yes, but you cannot emboss them.

RALPH: Oh, too bad. So, who pours the tea around here?

NOTARY #2: Oh, we have an official TEA agent do that along with transporting blood samples.

RALPH: I love this train. I love it even more when you take a plane ride and arrive at your destination before you left your departure point. That’s a real brain teaser.

TEA AGENT: Can I offer you some tea, or a blood sample?

RALPH: Oh no, I stopped being a vampire years ago.

TEA AGENT: I didn’t, now you know why I love my job so much!

SALLY: Why is this train taking so long? I hope we get to Tucson before my commission expires.

TEA AGENT: Your commission never expires on The Notary Train baby! It’s good for life! By the way, you have a pretty neck.

SALLY: What kind of a psycho are you? Oh getting a phone call.

CALLER: I am trying to track down a particular Notary who did a signing for me in 1968.

SALLY: Well, on The Notary Train, we have lots of tracks if you want to do some tracking. But, you might have to call the Secretary of State. Good luck!

RALPH: I just love The Notary Train. It’s the only Notarial entity that is commissioned in one county and expires in an entirely different one. That’s a great concept — almost as good as reverse time travel.

NOTARY #2: Okay Ralph. Time to do your notarization without backdating. It’s 11:30pm Mountain Time on the 3rd now. Whip out those documents! It’s party time!

RALPH: Okay, let’s do the deed — I mean sign the deed. By the way, why is that guy staring at my neck still?

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