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November 1, 2018

Comedic suggestions for slogans for particular names of notaries on our site

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 8:05 am

Every time I look at a Notary’s name, I get ideas for slogans. Sometimes I tell Notaries these slogans. Look for your name here. I am only listing a small percentage of our Notaries, but you might be there.

Carmen Bland — “Call me if you want a truly tasteless Notary.”

Sally Cripps — “Call me for drive by signings.” (I changed the first name so as not to offend anyone.)

Robert Burger — “Over 1 billion signed.”

Sheila Mabry — “Yes, No or Mabry Notary Services.”

Charles Cook — “Kiss the Notary” or “Well-done notarizations with Charles Cook.”

Carmen Towles — “Throw in the Towles Notary Service.”

Jenny Kong — “Queen Kong Notarizations.”

Mary Potter — “Get notarized by me and I’ll use my brother’s magic Notary seal.”

Shirley Silver — “Not quite gold standard mobile notary.”

Mary Jane Jock — “Tired of being notarized by nerds? Call me!”

Catherine Minor — “Have you ever wanted to be notarized by a minor? Now’s your chance!”

Vene Moses — “Let me lead you out from being lost in the Notarial desert.”

Ann Dye — “A Notary Service to Dye for.”

Donna Mooney — “Looney Mooney Notary Services.” or “Full Mooney Notary Services.”

Robert Crouch — “Crouch ain’t no slouch.”

Sharon Wolf — “A Notary service in sheep’s clothing.”

Christine Loya — “You don’t need an Attorney, you need a Loya… Loya Notary Services.”

Kathleen Spies — Shaken not Stirred Notary Services.” or “007 Notary Services.” or “Double Agent Notary Service.”

Paige Borel — “You can’t replace this Paige.” or “Call me and we’ll be on the same Paige.”

Yvonne Blankenship — “My ship might be blank, but I do not notarize documents with blanks.”

Jennifer Winkler — “Get Notarized by the Fonz’s sister and say — eyyyy…”

Leslie Worth — “When you’re tired of those other worthless Notaries, call me!” or “Looking for a Notary where you get value? Look no further.”

Eva Sommer — “All Season Notary.”

Kathryn Reynolds — “The Notary who wraps things up.”

Shelly Booth — “The Notary Booth Notary Service.”

Tresia Burrow — “Ground hog Notary services.” or “A Notary who digs deep into Notary issues?”

Debra Wise — “Wisdom Notary Services — we never wise off to our customers.”

Wendy Gray — “50 Shades of Gray Notary Service.”

Robert Hyatt — “We notarize even after check out time.”

Etta Bell — “A Notary with a nice ring to it.” or “The Notary whose name rings a bell.” or “Heard of Etta? No, but the name rings a bell.”

Pearl Champaign — “Bubbly Notarizations.”

Robert Pratt — “A notary who never falls or clowns around.”

Dorothy Holmes — :Holmes equity line of credit Notary Service.” or “Mortgage your home with Holmes!” or “Your Holmes or mine Notary Service.”

Barb West — :Your business will never go South with me.” or “Call me for a Notary who is the best in the West.”

Tammy Mello – “Call me for a relaxed signing.”

Lucille Frost — “Chill Out Notary Services.”

Brian Quick — “Quick Signings Notary Service.” or “Call me for a quick signing!” or “Call me for the fastest Notary anywhere!”

Denise Lytle — “A lot from a Lytle Notary Services.” or “Call me for a Notary who works a lot, but only charges a Lytle.”

April Risley — “Spring Notary Services, let us spring into action.”

David Love — “You’ll like my work but you’ll love my prices.” or “You’ll love my work. or “For a Notary you’ll love.” or “I love you, man – Notary Services.” or “All is fair in love and Notary work.”

Sandy Moose — “Antlers in the head lights Notary Service.” or “Call me for a Notary who spends three hours parked in the middle of the road blocking traffic for no apparent reason.”

Julie Key — “Let me be your key to a successful notarization.”

Elizabeth Lock — “Lock & Key Notary Services.” (Maybe she should do a merger with Julie Key…)

Amanda Deel — “Deel me in Notary Services.” or “Great Deel Notary Services.”

Cheryl Bass — “There’s nothing fishy about this Notary.” or “For a Notary who is low key.”

Kelly Ruble — “Dollar for Dollar Notary Services.” or “You’ll never get a bad exchange rate with us.”

Heather Day — “Day or Night Notary Services.” or “24 hour notary services.”

Brittni Couch — “Coach Potato Notary Service.”

Gina Sas — “The Notary Service That Never Talks Back.”

Amber Dates — “Amber Alert Notary Service.” or “Blind Date Notary Service” or “Dates & Times Notary Services.” or “Medjool Notary Service.” or “Get notarized by pitted Dates with us.”

Pamela Knight — “Day or Knight 24 Hour Notary Services.”

Karla Hand — “Lend me a Hand Notary Service.” or “Hands on Notary Service.” or “Witness my Hand and official seal Notary Service.”

Angela Ma — “Not just another Ma & Pa Notary Service.”

Judy Weddle — “Don’t Meddle with Weddle.”

Verna Wright — “Get the Wright Notary at the Wright Price.”

Stephanie Story — “Chapter and verse Notary Service.” or “Once upon a time Notary Service.”

Coleen Ho — “Who you callin’ a Ho Notary Services.” or “Call me for a Notary who is gung ho.” (we changed the first name so as not to offend anyone too badly.)

Karen Wynn — “Wynn Wynn Notary Services.”

La Donna Penny — “Pennies on the Dollar Notary Service.”

Edwin Forte — “Notarizing is my Forte!”

Julia Hill — “Up Hill Notary Services.” or “Over the Hill Notary Services.” or “It’s all down hill from here Notary services.”

Robert Getter — “Getter is Better and will notarize your document or Letter!”

Ricky Salmon — “Wild Alaskan Notary Service.” or “Omega 3 Notary Service.”

Frank Tabacca — “Pipe Dream Notary Service”

Liz Demera — “I’m Liz Demera of Madera County.”

Stoney Wright — “Looking for Mr. Wright? Look no further.” or “Mr. Wright Notary Services.” or “Wrights and Responsibilities Notary Services.”

Julie Sleep — “I’m so experienced I can sign in my sleep.”

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You might also like:

The Noterator
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19116

Names for Notary businesses that can get you trouble
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19064

Geographic Notary Business Names
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19060

One person, many names, quite legal!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3933

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October 28, 2018

Notary Tips vs. Notary Burnt Ends

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 10:20 am

At 123notary, we give lots of Notary tips. People browse our blog and learn something. Some people find it entertaining. But, what is the difference between a Notary tip, and a Notary burnt end?

Say, you are notarizing for people at a BBQ joint, (or a Notary BBQ joint which actually exist, but only in my blog articles). They don’t know what to do, but you are the expert. They ask, “How do you explain the APR to a non-borrowing spouse?” If you go through the procedure of explaining how the APR is based on the monthly payments compared to the amount borrower after certain fees and closing costs have been deducted, and calculated on a compounded basis — that is a Notary tip. But, if you start yelling at them that you are not an Attorney and cannot discuss loan term and how dare they ask, that would be more of a Notary burnt end.

On the other hand, if you had a good career as a Notary back from 2004 to 2013 and now left the industry because you couldn’t make a living — that is a bad way to end your career, but is it a bad end or a burnt end?

What if you give your Notary tip over and over to the point where your client is burned out hearing it and then you add a little Mama Sue’s Kansas City sauce to it. Does that make the Notary tip a burnt end?

The last scenario is if you take a notarized document and put it in one of those oil barrel cut in half type of BBQ grills. Is that destroying evidence, or turning a notary tip into a burnt end, or turning a notary document into a burnt end. I am not sure what it makes it, but I don’t know if it is legal to grill an Oath. You can grill an Affiant, but can you grill an Affirmation? Try it and find out.

.

You might also like:

Tips for avoiding liability with the elderly
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20040

Ken’s tips for the Closing Disclosure
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17116

Hospital Notary job tips from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=76

Ken’s list of things Notaries goof on
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19427

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October 20, 2018

A trip to a metaphysical bookstore

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 10:34 am

I read about Bodhi Tree metaphysical bookstore, a popular place in Los Angeles that is now only an online store. But, while they had a physical location, I called them up and asked what type of bookstore they were.

JEREMY: (ring-ring) Hello? Bodhi Tree? What type of bookstore are you?

BODHI TREE: We are a metaphysical bookstore.

JEREMY: Super. I’ll be right over.

So, I went into a transe, got my gatekeeper spirit to come… he guards the entry point to my body so that evil spirits do not enter my body while I leave my body. I leave my body, go to a metaphysical car rental place in the astral plain, rent a car, drive over to Bodhi Tree’s metaphysical location and find out that they are not there. What an ordeal! I come back into normal consciousness, and call Bodhi Tree again.

JEREMY: (ring-ring) Hi, Bodhi Tree?

BODHI TREE: Didn’t we hear from you an hour ago?

JEREMY: Yes, um… I went into the astral plain, and try to find your store on a metaphysical level, but it was not there. I rented an astral car and drove all over the metaphysical universe, but you were nowhere to be found.

BODHI TREE: Oh, no. We are a physical store.

JEREMY: Then WHY did you say you were a metaphysical bookstore?

BODHI TREE: Oh, because the books we sell are metaphysical.

JEREMY. (pause…) Oh! So, I need to drive my physical car to your physical store, which will have bookshelves that are all empty because your books are all metaphysical???

BODHI TREE: Ummm, well not exactly. Our books are physical books about metaphysical topics.

JEREMY: (pause…… ) Oh! ….. Now I understand. But, I can’t come this week.

(next week)

JEREMY: (ring ring) Bodhi Tree???

BODHI TREE: Sorry, but we have closed. But, visit our website if you want to order online. We are now an online store.

JEREMY: Looks like I will have to go to the underworld to visit their cyber store. Where is my gate keeper spirit??? I think it would be easier if their store really was a metaphysical store. But, then the lady at the counter might be a talking alligator. That is how the underworld is. Animals that talk, people who have faces that morph into other beings. Really weird. And then you come out of your transe, and everything is normal again. At least the way I do it. But, the way people do it in Peru is a little different. I’ll leave that to your imagination.

NOTARY: Hello, I am a metaphysical notary. Would you like me to notarize something?

JEREMY: Yes, I have a metaphysical document.

NOTARY: Sorry, I can’t notarize it because the certificate has out of state wording.

JEREMY: Darn!!!! At least the document is within our realm of consciousness though — just put that in the venue.

NOTARY: It doesn’t work that way, not if you are an m-Notary.

JEREMY: I’ve heard of an eNotary, but not an mNotary. I guess that is a metaphysical notary.

NOTARY: Yeah. Just make sure your commission doesn’t get terminated down here because that would be an eternity.

JEREMY: I’ll keep that in mind. By the way, there are no counties in the astral world. Only talking alligators!

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October 19, 2018

The pro choice movement in the Notary industry

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:41 am

Notaries are so pro choice these days that they can’t even do their job. I asked a question where the notary was asked, under a particular situation, which type of notary act could you do? The answer typically given by notaries who don’t know their job was that the Notary could not choose the act for the client. I never asked them to choose, only to identify which act would be legal in their state. That is very different. It seems that Notaries are so pro-choice that they cannot see straight.

But, should a signer have the right to abort their notarization, after the right to rescission is in the second quarter or trimester? Would that even be moral? Personally, I think that the signer should have the right to choose, unless they are a man. In America, men aren’t allowed equal rights. The woman has the right to choose, and the man has the responsibility to pay. I think this should be reversed, after all it is part of the man’s body involved in the pregnancy, even if it is a microscopic excretion, right?

Maybe there needs to be a Federal Court case to determine whether or not the signer should have the right to choose. But, how do you decide of the notarization is a fully independent life form? Does it even matter? Christian Notaries are very against the right to abort a Notarization. But, if you look at the situation from alternate points of view, that is exactly why society has so many fatherless documents running around with no guidance causing routine disruptions to society, court cases, and even murder.

Is it worth it to save the life of a document, even though statistically that document might take the life of another? I guess these questions are far too deep for me to ponder.

Next thing you know, thousands of female Notaries will be marching the streets of Washington DC demanding new legislation that will protect female signers right to choose anything from pen color, which notary act to use, and the right to abort a botched notarization. You will hear about the pro choice movement in Notary newsletters throughout the land, and in conversations in forums everywhere. The movement will breed controversy between men and women, liberals and conservatives, parents and their children. On the other hand, it isn’t the 60′ anymore, so maybe people will stick to knocking down statues of our nation’s not so equal heritage instead.

In any case, next time you need another fellow notary, ask them if they are pro choice.

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October 12, 2018

Notary insurance – it happened to us before and we covered it

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — admin @ 11:43 am

We’ve seen almost everything so we cover almost everything.
We know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two.

NOTARY: Am I covered if a pack of reindeer trample my car on the way to a signing?

INSURANCE GUY: We had that happen to a client before and we covered it.

NOTARY: What if I accidentally swallow my Notary seal before I notarize a loan?

INSURANCE GUY: Ummm, you probably won’t get paid for that transaction.

NOTARY: My teenage son stole my Notary seal and vandalized his school’s basketball court with it.

INSURANCE GUY: You’re on your own buddy.

NOTARY: What if I notarize a guy as John W Smith whose ID only says John Smith, find out I notarized an imposter who embezzled all of someone’s life savings that they had as equity in their home and get sued.

INSURANCE GUY: We’ve seen that before and we covered.

NOTARY: What if a meteorite crashes through the roof of a living room while I am doing a signing and that damages my Notary seal.

INSURANCE GUY: We cover that unless the meteorite falls during a war or natural disaster that is registered with the registry of natural disasters. If it is a disaster of natural causes that is not registered as a natural disaster than it would be classified as a natural non-natural disaster if that makes sense.

NOTARY: (thinking…) Um… I think that makes sense, kind of. What if I’m playing catch the embosser and it hits my friend on the head and he goes into a coma.

INSURANCE GUY: We cover that.

NOTARY: Thanks

INSURANCE GUY: Don’t worry, you’re covered!

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October 3, 2018

Have you ever had a Notary burger?

What is a Notary burger? Sounds good.

It has certified Angus beef
An embossed flat bread bun
Onions from Affianto Farms
Mortgage-sturd, ketchup and a little mayo.
Lettuce from a commissioned farm
You can have the option to add bacon

But you can get a special type of mushroom that looks like a Notary seal. It is rectangular on top.
Don’t forget to order a drink or you’ll really be in a pickle
You can also get a small fries if you are a small fry.
After you order, don’t forget to put down in your journal that you ordered a Notary burger, it’s considered a Notary act in some states. Except you pay the fee instead of receiving a fee.

Finish off your meal with some ice cream from Jen & Sherry’s like some Rescinded Rum Raisin, or Vanilla Venue.

I’m sure you’ll love this burger so much that you will swear (or affirm) by it.

Also see — Notary Restaurant Posts Compilation

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September 25, 2018

The glass Notary seal-ing.

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:36 am

Women in the Notary industry have been complaining about the glass Notary seal-ing. They feel they can never get ahead in this industry. The high paying title companies won’t hire them enough and they get too much low-balling work from $50 signing companies who require fax backs. What can they do?

One Notary made a statement by purchasing a glass, see through Notary seal to protest this glass ceiling. Another took to the streets and picketed the Secretary of State Notary Division’s office. A third rebelled by passing the 123notary Elite Test and got elite certified. That last Notary started getting a lot more work.

The secret here is to become a master of your skill set instead of letting the industry drag you around like a prisoner handcuffed to the back of a train. Study more and be the best Notary you can. And one more thought. Instead of complaining about a glass ceiling, have some glass noodles at a local Chinese spot.

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September 24, 2018

Want to stay in shape as a Notary? Try Notar-cizing

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:36 am

What is Notar-cizing? It is a way Notaries can get their exercise in. They can read the Secretary of State’s handbook over and over while jogging in place. They can practice lifting their seal up and down. Or they can staple certificates to documents again and again. It sounds kind of lame and insane, actually, but many Notaries claim they have lost weight doing these exercises.

Another suggestion is to answer Notary questions while walking. You could have your friend call you while you are doing your daily five miles and think your way through dozens of Notary questions.

If you really want to get in shape, job down to the Secretary of State’s office in your state capitol. You will be just like Forrest Gump jogging day after day. If that doesn’t get you slim, then it’s time for a visit to the Notary gym.

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August 31, 2018

Shark Tank — Notarizing in the shower for executives

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: — admin @ 9:15 am

ANNOUNCER: Next in the tank is an invention that can help busy time-strapped and soon to be clean executives get notarized in the shower so that they can save time.

FRANK: Greetings, contestants. I am Frank and I’m asking for $500,000 for 10% of my company called Shower Power Notarizations. How many times have you taken a shower and thought, man, I wish I could be multi-tasking while I were here. I wish I could get my such and such notarized. Well now you can, with my brand new Notary in a Tub business model, Shower Power Notarizations — “All the more shower to you.”

At Shower Power Notarizations, we are a service, with specialized dispatching of Notaries, and special patented waterproof Notary seals, documents, pens, and clothing, so that we can shower the executives of the nation with outstanding services while they are in the shower. We cater to the highest ethical standards. But, we do recommend to our clients who engage in fraud to start practicing now — the art of not dropping the soap. We also do jail notarizations, because we want a 10 years to life relationship with our clients, even if they are not the most ethical.

Mr. WONDERFUL: You’re telling me that I have to pay you half a million dollars for the insane hope that someday I make my money back on an invention that allows perverts who watch me take a shower and ask me to sign something afterwards?

FRANK: Well the perverts don’t watch you take a shower, they watch the executives take a shower, and normally the signing happens behind a curtain so that the Notary doesn’t see the signers’ other pen (if you know what I mean). And if it makes you feel any better, we throw in a free rubber ducky with every signing.

ROBERT: So, can I try your invention?

FRANK: Sure, just get into these swimming trunks and hop in. Here’s your notarized document.

ROBERT: I don’t wear trunks when I shower.

MARK CUBAN: Quick, activate the pixelation.

FRANK: Okay, I’m handing you the waterproof Notary journal. Sign here. In our state, they require wet signatures anyway.

ROBERT: Okay, I’m signing the journal and I already signed the document. That’s okay right? By the way, am I signing my life away with that document?

FRANK: No, it’s an affidavit saying that you like Donald Duck.

ROBERT: Well, just as long as it’s not Donald Trump.

FRANK: Okay, I’m stamping the document… Done!!! One minute and forty-three seconds. How is that for saving time in your executive life? Here is your complimentary rubber ducky with our company branding on it.

ROBERT: I’ll let you clean my body, but you’re not going to clean out my bank account. I’m out.

Mr. WONDERFUL: Deactivate the pixelation!

MARK CUBAN: If we buy 10%, could you throw in a few rubber duckies to sweeten the deal? Strike that. Your invention is all wet, in more ways than one. I’m out.

LAURI: I’m sorry to say this, but this is a rare incident where I would have to say — The Notary is a Quack. I call them when they’re zeros, and I call them when they’re heroes. And this one is a hero!

BARBARA: Are you nuts?

LAURI: I could sell this on QVC. We can demonstrate it with you in the shower. But, I’m going to need a lot more equity. 10% doesn’t get me excited.

Mr. WONDERFUL: What about watching Frank naked in a tub? Would that get you more excited?

LAURI: More excited than looking at your naked head.

ROBERT: How are your sales?

FRANK: Year to date, we have been flooded with orders and none of our overhead went down the drain. We grossed four million our first year. You cannot underestimate the severe time depravity and time poverty of executives. Saving them even one minute will make their day. These people all have assistants that make more than $100,000 per year by their side who will vouch for that fact. We sell to people who have more money than time with a very specialized service with a very high profit margin and strong popularity. Don’t throw cold water on us just yet.

LAURI: I’m going to make you an offer, Frank. But, I want a lot more equity. I’ll give you the $500,000, but I want 50% of your business.

ROBERT: Shazam!!! She’s really throwing out the baby with the bathwater, Frank.

Mr. WONDERFUL: This is the biggest nothing burger I ever saw. You should take it back behind the barn and shoot it.

FRANK: You don’t have to get all in a lather about it.

Mr. WONDERFUL: I’m out.

FRANK: Okay, 50% is a little steep.

LAURI: Do you have a counter?

FRANK: I stick to bathrooms not kitchens, so I don’t have much of a counter. But, how about 25%.

LAURI: No, I have to stay at 50, it’s going to be a lot of work getting this out there.

FRANK: I don’t like your conditioner… I mean conditions. I’m out.

LAURI: You can’t be out, only we can say I’m out.

FRANK: This whole experience has left me feeling dirty. I’m going home to take a shower.

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You might also like:

Shark Tank Episodes including: Self-Driving Notary, Shazamdocs, 123notary wants to sell 10% of its shares, Notary EscrowPal, A Notary enters the Shark Tank, and more…
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=shark-tank

Snapdocs’ Business Model doesn’t add up!
http://blog.123notary.com/?s=snapdocs

Notary Sexual Harassment Issues
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19698

Compilation of posts about Notary themed restaurants such as Notary Italian Restaurant, Sam’s Notary BBQ, Notary Nook, Tandoori, Sushi, Tqaueria El Notario, Notary Starbucks, Wine Country Notary, and more…
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17442

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August 17, 2018

The Emergency Button

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 11:47 am

JOHNNY: I’m doing a Notary in the hood, but every time I go there, I get followed by these characters. The harrassment never ends.

WIZARD: No problem. We developed this device. Just press the button and we will teleport ourselves to wherever you are and show up in our klan outfits to protect you.

JOHNNY (White Liberal Notary): Hmm, I don’t know. I don’t exactly approve of your organization.

WIZARD: Well when the police are nowhere to be found you might reconsider.

DARIAN (Confident Black Notary): Hey man, don’t worry about these guys. They ain’t no problem. I ain’t afraid of nothin’.

(The next day. Johnny walks through the hood and gets followed.)

THUGS: What are you doing in our hood, white boy?

JOHNNY: Uh -oh… (presses button)

WIZARD: Stop following my friend Johnny, or I’ll be back with my boys!

THUGS: Hmmm. We better see our connections about this.

(The thugs go to see their contact who gives them an emergency button for backup.)

THUGS: We need an emergency button!

SALESMAN: Just watch this video. “When I have thug back up, it doesn’t matter if I don’t know where I am… THEY know where I am. It detects if I fall, and they have a file on what my medical (or legal) problems are.

THUGS: Sold!

(The next day. Johnny has another notary appointment in the hood and once again gets followed.)

THUGS: So, you came back to our hood. What brought you back?

JOHNNY: Work. (presses button several times)

WIZARD: (appears out of thin air) Okay, I’m here with my gang of six. Back off and don’t bother our friend Johnny.

THUGS: Well we have a little surprise for you. (presses button and twelve more thugs show up and beat up the klan guys). Take that (bash) and that (clash). You guys are a bunch of racists.

WIZARD’s ASSISTANT: Well we wouldn’t be here if you weren’t racially harassing and beating up OUR people.

THUGS: Good point.

WIZARD: When we defend our people it’s okay, but when you do your business, it’s racist.

THUGS: What a double standard!

WIZARD: Uh-oh. Time to leave. (presses button and disappears.)

JOHNNY: Uh oh. Time to call 911. (911 comes)

THUGS: Uh-oh, police on the scene, you know what I mean. Time to press the disappear button.

(Meanwhile Darius the other Notary who ain’t afraid of nothin’ got jumped and is currently in the hospital.)

DARIAN: I can’t believe this happened. I felt so secure. And now I’m in the hospital.

WIZARD: I can’t believe I’m in here as well. Can’t we all just get along?

DARIUS: Am I hearing this correctly? YOU want to get along?

WIZARD: Sure.

(Meanwhile, the police confront the gang.)

POLICE: Freeze, we have you surrounded.

THUGS: That’s what you think. (presses button and twelve more thugs arrive and engage in shoot out.)

POLICE: We better press our back up button. (presses button and twenty more police arrive.)

THUGS: We need more backup, but our button is malfunctioning.

POLICE: This is just like the Los Angeles riots of 1992. We better get out of here. It’s too dangerous. We’ll just tell the Korean merchants or whomever is in trouble that we can’t make it and that we hope they have insurance. See ya!

THUGS: Before you go, isn’t confronting danger to make society safer the whole point of your job?

POLICE: Not in our book. Getting home by 6pm to our loving wives and getting paid overtime is the main priority, not to mention getting my damn steering wheel fixed.

.

BACK IN THE HOSPITAL ……

.

WIZARD: If you wouldn’t go to that hood, we wouldn’t have this problem to begin with.

NOTARY: Hey, I’m an equal opportunity Notary. Now you’re being racist.

WIZARD: If those intolerant thugs were not in the hood, you would not have called us in the first place. You can’t change the world, but you can change your habits.

NOTARY: Good point.

.

(The next day after a quick recovery with a few bandages the Wizard goes to one of the thug’s house to protest what happened.)

WIZARD: I am burning this cross as a candle light vigil to protest the unfair racial discrimination that our people have faced due to the thug that lives in this here building. Hey, what are you guys doing here?

JEW KLUX KLAN GUY: Jewish power! I am burning this star of David to protest also. But, because someone else in this complex married out of our faith. Such a disgrace.

ISLAMIC EXTREMIST GUY: I saw you guys and decided to join the party. I’m burning a crescent. It’s our way of doing things. But, I actually have nothing to protest today. After all, Israel didn’t build any new settlements recently.

(Meanwhile a very angry lady from nearby in the ‘hood drove by and started shooting.)

WIZARD: We are being persecuted all over again while having a peaceful protest. The unfairness of it all — ouch, I’m hit. Back to the hospital.

(In Hospital)

WIZARD: Hey, it’s you again

DARIAN: You’re back. Getting beat up wasn’t enough for you, you had to get shot.

WIZARD: I could have died in that there ‘hood. We’re being persecuted (sniffle.)

(Another angry lady from the same ‘hood as the thugs comes to the hospital room and starts shooting, but gets arrested)

LADY: I’m shooting these people because they are racists!

WIZARD: We didn’t do anything racist… at least not in the last few years. We were protesting being persecuted by thugs from your ‘hood, and the result is to be violently persecuted two more times. Do I need to fill out a permission slip to have freedom of speech and expression?

POLICE: How unfair, and especially for these things to happen to you of all people sarcastically). I’m sure a good half a percent of the population in Los Angeles will have sympathy and feel your pain.

WIZARD: Well they should (whimper.) And I’m sure they just love paying over time for you to have donuts.

POLICE: Actually, we switched to bagels for health reasons. It is sort of a culture shift in the department.

DARIAN: Hey man, this guy is just defending his people. Wait. Why am I defending you?

This skit was thought of when watching the commercial for the emergency health button. It detects if you fell, and you can press the button, and help will be on the way.

“I don’t need to know where I am… THEY know where I am. If I called 911 they wouldn’t know what to do, but emergency button has my health information on file.”

.

You might also like:

Notarization in the ‘hood
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1085

Black Notaries vs. White Notaries – The Notary Manual
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19322

Best virtual notary comedy compilation updated to 2018
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17693

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