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January 24, 2020

What hobbies could a mobile notary have?

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 10:52 am

Most Notaries work a lot, or complain that they don’t get enough work.
But, if they had time for hobbies, what would they do?

1. Finding new mechanics
Being a mobile notary puts a lot of wear and tear on your car. Trying
out new mechanics for fun seems like a great past time for Notaries.

2. Eating on the road.
If you like to try out new restaurants and cafes, being a mobile
notary puts you in lots of different neighborhoods. Starbucks has some
new sandwiches that I just tried with arugula which were not bad.

3. Reading blogs
If you want to be a better notary, read blogs, take notary courses,
and know your stuff. You can join forums too and chat not to mention
Facebook groups.

4. Editing your profile on 123notary
Sounds like a lot of fun, but your # of loans signed goes up daily,
but do you edit it daily? Change it from 87 to 89 please — let’s stay
current.

5. Reading articles on your iPhone
Between signings you have free time. Check out your stock values on
your iPhone and read a few articles too. See what Xi Jin-Ping and Kim
Jong-Un are up to. Maybe they will invite Trump for some kimchee or
kung pao – you never know!

6. Notary Monopoly
Notary monopoly is a little different. Instead of buying properties,
you buy relationships with signing companies. Some are high paying and
others require fax backs and take three months to pay. If you
backdate, you might get the “go to jail” card. Lots of fun for mobile
notaries.

7. Cooking dishes that can be interrupted.
There is a special cook book filled with dishes that you can abandon
in the middle of cooking them when you get that call for a last minute
signing. This is the only way to go because you never know when you
will get that call.

8. Having a “stamp” collection
But, what type of stamps are we talking about? Can you buy them on eBay?

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January 13, 2020

Used notary journals for sale on eBay

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 9:26 am

Just kidding. But, what a great joke. Can you imagine someone’s
partially filled out journal on sale on eBay? What a security
violation! How illegal! Fortunately for the privacy of the signers,
most Notaries don’t bother with taking thumbprints, so their biometric
information would probably not be violated if their journal entries
go into the wrong hands.

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January 12, 2020

A Starbucks signing with two deaf girls

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 9:25 am

A Notary wanted to meet clients at Starbucks for a caffeinated
signing. I guess the Notary didn’t want to go to their messy home. The
Notary showed up early, the signers showed up late, and the signing
was uneventful.

But, at the next table over, there were two black girls who were deaf,
and a white guy who could “speak” sign language, but could also speak
verbally. Girl #1 moved her hands around to express a thought. Girl #2
opened her mouth in shock. The Notary who saw the whole thing asked
the speaking guy what deaf girl #1 had just said. The speaking guy
translated the sign language used to mean, “Girl, you sign like a
white girl.”

Then the Notary asked if there was a black way of signing and the
speaking guy shrugged and said he didn’t know, although he found the
situation very comical. I bet Oprah would find it interesting too!

JOKE: What language do signings agents speak? Sign language!

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January 8, 2020

Being a comedian is similar to being an athelete

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 9:22 am

Being a comedian is similar to being an athlete. An athlete could fall
and have an injury which might takes months to heal. But, a comedian
might tell a bad joke and his pride could be hurt for years. A Notary
is in a similar situation. For California notaries, the test you have
to take every four years keeps getting harder. Some keep failing it
time after time. It looks like all of these professions have more in
common with each other that we previously thought.

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January 6, 2020

The Notary Dating Show — notarized edition

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:16 pm

Welcome to the Notary Dating Show. I’m your host Jeremy! Tonight we have a fun crowd. Sam wants to meet a nice female Notary, and we have three choices for him tonight. We have Shelly, Vicky, and Cathy. All of these ladies are Notaries and have a lot of experience as well. Let’s introduce Sam!

JEREMY: Sam! Welcome to our show!

SAM: It’s great to be here. I have never been on TV before. I’m so nervous. I cannot meet a nice girl to date no matter what I do. I just have nothing in common with anyone.

JEREMY: Well you have come to the right place! Because the girls we are introducing you to are all (pause) Notaries!

SAM: I’ve always wanted to date a Notary. I’ve heard so many good things about Notaries.

JEREMY: You’re also a Notary, right?

SAM: Yes, but I never meet other Notaries, only signers. You know how it is.

JEREMY: Good point. Well anyway, here is our first contestant — Shelly!

SHELLY: Hi Sam, I have my first question for you. Have you ever notarized anyone in a helicopter?

SAM: No, but I’ve heard that the motion of the propellers would make the notarization a lot smoother.

SHELLY: Well if you go out with me, you can try notarizing me in a helicopter on our way to Catalina Island.

SAM: What county is that? I need to know for the venue.

SHELLY: That is still Los Angeles County — don’t let the buffalo fool you.

SAM: You can pay me back by buying me a buffalo burger after the show.

SHELLY: Deal. They are high in protein, just like me!

VICKY: Hi Sam, I am Vicky. I wanted to know if you have ever notarized an arsonist.

SAM: Funny you should mention that, although there is nothing funny about arson. I notarized a guy multiple times who blew up his apartment. Then I got a call from a young Asian couple. They said they had to serve on Jury duty for a guy who blew up his apartment. I said it wouldn’t happen to be Fred, would it? Their jaws dropped. Small world. I could count the number of times I notarized him on one hand — but, not one of my hands, one of his hands, because he is missing a few fingers.

VICKY: Wow! That is so messed up, but intriguing. I have never heard a story like that before. So, how did you thumbprint him?

SAM: I had to use an index finger and document that fact in my journal. Too bad we can’t do retinal scans, although I think he blew out the sight in one of his eyes as well.

VICKY: Good God. I guess mama was right when she told us not to play with matches.

SAM: My mama always said — don’t play with matches or Notary seals. You never know what the consequences might be.

CATHY: Hi Sam. I have a question for you. Have you ever notarized someone in the back seat of your car?

SAM: I think you could get arrested for that, especially if your windows are not tinted. I notarized a bunch of people on the trunk of my car. One was pissed off at me, but I couldn’t find a parking place, and was in a hurry. I said if you want it notarized, this is how it is going to get done.

JEREMY: Very good Sam. You did an excellent job answering everyone’s questions. Now you can pick your favorite girl and ask her a question.

SAM: I pick Shelly. Shelly, have you ever notarized someone on the floor?

SHELLY: I’m not that kind of a Notary! But, someone asked me once. I was not easy kneeling with the journal out on their dirty floor. I had to move the signing over to the kitchen counter which was even more filthy. Some people ain’t got no class. I mean really.

SAM: I had an experience like that once. Have you ever gone out on a blind notarization?

JEREMY: Sorry, Sam. It is one question per contestant in the second round. But, if you want to ask more questions, write down a list of questions and ask Shelly out on a date. That’s right, because your first non-blind date has been scheduled for May 15th at a restaurant called Affiant. They specialize in comedic French food that is a little tongue & cheek, and your first course will be Japanese inspired robata beef tongue (seasoned & grilled to perfection) with a side of pork cheek cooked in a wine sauce slowly for 24 hours since you both have a 24 hour Notary service. Hope you don’t get called for a last minute job in the middle of your cheek. Then, you will have a free pass to West Los Angeles’ rock climbing gym where you can both make fools of yourself and have lots of fun doing it. See if you can pass for spiderman — we can supply outfits upon request. Just don’t pull a tendon, if you lack experience that is a common injury — oh, and bring plenty of chalk.

SAM: That sounds like a wonderful plan Jeremy. I think that unlike my previous relationships, it is better to start my relationship on the rocks, and then work it out from there rather than ending up on the rocks after a smooth beginning.

SHELLY: My thoughts exactly. I challenge you to a 5.11

SAM: A what?

JEREMY: That’s a particular level of climb. You’re not going to make it buddy, but enjoy it. Don’t worry, she’ll show you the ropes!

You might also like:

Notary dating & romance from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17451

Will & Grace – the mini notary seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21165

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January 3, 2020

A notary and his grandfather order lunch

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:08 am

A Notary and his elderly grandfather meet up for lunch.

NOTARY: Um, I’ll have the grass fed hormone free burger with a whole grain pesticide free bun, organic tomato, lettuce and onion, a cage free egg, and a cruelty free side of bacon.

GRANDFATHER: Bacon and eggs please with a side of sour dough.

WAITER: Yes, would you like the omega-3 egg, Netherlands raise egg which is high in K-2, just a hormone free egg, or just a conventional egg?

NOTARY: Why do you have to make this so complicated? Omega-3 is supposed to be good, right?

GRANDFATHER: That will regulate your triglycerides if you still have any.

WAITER: I can’t choose for you, as that would be like you choosing the Notary act on behalf of your client. It’s just a no-no.

GRANDFATHER: While you’re still here. I’d like my sour dough toast to be cruelty free as well. I just can’t stand cruelty to grains or to bacterial culture.

NOTARY: Being a Notary Yuppie isn’t as easy as you think. I have to read up on what all of these health food terms mean. The cage free chickens still run around practically on top of each other like ants in an ant farm. If one gets sick, they all get sick, so they need anti-biotics which is really unhealthy for me to eat.

WAITER: Would you like the anti-biotic free cage free egg? Those are more like free range. They get to run around outside in shifts for 20 minutes a day.

GRANDFATHER: It sounds like being in jail when you get an hour in the yard for fresh air.

WAITER: I can’t believe people eat this. Perhaps we should all be vegan.

NOTARY: Now, you’re talking.

You might also like:

Notaries over 50
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21262

Grandma’s Notary Service
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4231

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December 31, 2019

The Loan Ranger

Filed under: Sit-Coms — admin @ 11:03 pm

The Loan Ranger and Tonto ride in after a long morning chasing bandits, only to discover that there is a problem at Johnny’s signing.

JOHNNY (THE NOTARY): There’s a problem at the signing!

TONTO: What type of problem kimosave.

JOHNNY: The interest rate is too high.

TONTO: That is none of your business. Refer them to their lender. Now, Loan Ranger and I need to ride off into the sunset. Ooops, forgot that daylight sayings doesn’t start until next week — we ride off into non-sunset!

—————–

SALLY: The ID doesn’t match the signature, what will I do?

LOAN RANGER: No problem kimosave… Hey, he got me started on that — it’s an Indian thing. Okay, just ask for another ID. If they don’t have one, then call in. This is a problem for the Lender and not us. Now, we ride into the day.

SALLY: Wouldn’t it be more romantic to ride off into the sunset.

LOAN RANGER: Yes, but that would mean waiting around for three hours and fifteen minutes and neither one of us has time for that unless we took a really long break at Starbucks.

SALLY: Good Point.

———————

GARY: Hey, the signing company won’t pay me.

TONTO: Use letter from hell from 123notary reference page. Ain’t nobody — does it betta!

GARY: Thanks Chaka-Tonto

TONTO: You are welcome kimosave — and remember — Through the fire, through whatever, come what may… for a chance at loving you…

GARY: Do you know the dance moves too?

TONTO: In my tribe we have our own dance moves when we dance to Chaka Khan with many feathers and chanting.

GARY: Gee — I wish I could be an Injin.

TONTO: You watch film — Boys on the Rez — you learn real story. Spend time on rez — get real picture.

GARY: Oh, you mean poverty, fry bread and green chili?

LOAN RANGER: It is more than that. They have stories that they use to teach their children how to cope with life.

GARY: I like stories, especially with green chili. What if you meet a girl you like, what do you say?

TONTO: My teepee or yours! Just kidding. Now we go kimosave!

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December 30, 2019

Notary Jive Turkey

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:03 pm

A Notary gets assigned to sign a document written in Jive. But, let’s remember the movie Airplane.

I was in the supermarket and the fish market clerk and I were calling each other jive turkeys. The next thing we knew (coincidence?) the actor (now really old but still handsome) waltzed in and the fish market guy knew that this particular guy was the star in Airplane who spoke Jive and needed a translator to talk to the stewardess.

SIGNER: Hey man? Can you notarize this document my brother?

NOTARY: Hmmm, it seems to be written in Jive. I don’t speak Jive.

SIGNER: You jiving me man. It don’t matter if you jive or if you don’t jive just as long as the notarization feels right and will cut it with the recording office — you dig?

NOTARY: I dig. And one more thing. You ain’t nothin’ but a jive turkey!

SIGNER: Hey man… Ken is the one who likes turkeys, not me. I might talk some jive, but I ain’t no turkey my man.

NOTARY: All…. right… Outa sight! But, I will have to fill out the notarial wording also in jive my brother.

SIGNER: I’m afraid that that will not do… you see, certificates must be written in the language of the state. La langue d’etat for those of us who speak French — the language of love.

NOTARY: That’s French? You jiving me.

SIGNER: Au contraire, mon frere. That’s the real deal homie, over there. And you can believe that as a verified fact. Hot dog — and where!

NOTARY: Okay, you win. I will fill out the certificate in English, cause I ain’t no jive turkey! Hell no. If the certificate is filled, you must… be thrilled.

SIGNER: Amen to that brother. Now sign and weep so I can get my derriere out this place… you dig?

NOTARY: Hallelujah. There you go. One notarized document that jives with everyone.

SIGNER: I heard that. See you soon Notarial jive turkey!

NOTARY: Gobble gobble — ha.. haaaaaaa! Can’t wait until Thanksgiving when I will be the guest of honor.

You might also like:

Good Times – a trip to burger king with JJ
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22556

Kenny Rogers’ Notary Song
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22582

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December 15, 2019

Juratsic Park – Notary Version

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 9:05 pm

Back in 1990, an attempt was made to create a park to create bigger and better Notaries. But, the results were disastrous. Scientists discovered the genes of some giant human beings who had lived thousands of years ago. Some had dual rows of teeth. But, were these creatures really human, or were they semi-humans from outer space who settled here? The scientists found out how to recreate these creatures, and identified the genes that make them bigger as well. After a few years, a camp of several dozen huge people was born.

The people were given training to be Notaries, and huge Notary seals were made to suit their stature. They were given Notary commissions by their respective states and then let loose. That is when the problems
began. Thor did a signing for a particular signing company. He didn’t get paid. So, he went to the signing company to demand payment. He drove 1000 miles to Orange County, CA. He did not fit in the tiny door as he was 15′ tall, so he did some structural damage to the building, barged in and then held the signing company boss by his neck — Darth Vader style.

THOR: Give me the check. It must go to its real owner.

BOSS: But, we are behind in collecting from our customers.

THOR: That’s your problem, punk!

KELLY: Like, excuse me? Did you just call him a punk?

THOR: Stay out of this (he says to Kelly). Search your feelings, Sam. You know where the check is. Hand it over. Give in to your desire to fulfill obligations.

BOSS: The force is strong within you Thor. Wait a second, is this Star Wars or Juratsic Park?

THOR: Um, perhaps a little of both, it’s just the way I’m holding you by the throat is identical to a scene in Star Wars.

BOSS: Got it. Kelly, please call the storm troopers, I mean the police.

KELLY: Right away sir.

POLICE: (arrives shortly) Put your hands in the air sir.

THOR: Okay.. (does some ceiling damage because he is so tall.)

POLICE: Oh shoot, wrong choice of words, I can’t see anything because of all the dust from the ceiling damage. Hey, he’s getting away!

THOR: See you, cause I’d never want to be you.

POLICE: Too late. He got away. And we didn’t even get a good look at him. All we know is that he is tall. Why was he mad at you?

BOSS: Because we didn’t pay him for the signing he did three months ago.

POLICE: Oh, so you’re the bad guy. Would it kill you to pay people, because our department is already overbooked and we really don’t have time for this type of unnecessary nonsense.

BOSS: But, we haven’t been paid yet either.

POLICE: Then set some terms for when people should pay you, and don’t do business with people who take to long or fine them.

KELLY: We’ll look into that.

(meanwhile in Kansas)

SAMPSON: I’m here for my Notary signing.

BORROWER: I’m not sure this is going to work. The Notary seal is as big as a loan document.

SAMPSON: No problem, we’ll just use this Juratsic sized Jurat which has room for my giant seal.

BORROWER: Oh cool, let me take a photo of that and post it on Instagram.

SAMPSON: Can you get me in the photo too?

BORROWER: We’ll try. Do you think you could shrink?

SAMPSON: My genes have not exactly been designed for shrinking, sorry.

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http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18952

New apps for the iPhone 7 you’ve never heard of
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10977

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December 14, 2019

Notaries and the City

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:38 pm

Four single girls are out on the town looking for Notaries to date.

KARRIE: It’s just not easy to find the right Notary in this city. Where are all the good Notaries?

CHARLOTTE: I can’t find any Notary in this city.

SAMANTHA: You didn’t even look. You should try 123notary.com

MIRANDA: Yeah, but are the Notaries on that site cute?

KARRIE: After I broke up with Mr. Big, I felt so stranded. I never met anyone else who measured up.

CHARLOTTE: Well, how well did he measure?

SAMANTHA: Oh please. Hey look! A Notary is coming out of that bar.

KARRIE: How do you know he is a Notary?

MIRANDA: He has a shirt with his commission number on it, that’s how she knows, right?

SAMANTHA: Aren’t you supposed to notarize sober?

CHARLOTTE: You’re one to talk. Haven’t you been with every notary in town yet?

SAMANTHA: Only the ones that were authenticated and had a good venue.

MIRANDA: And were well sealed, right? Hint hing?

SAMANTHA: Oh, and if they had a nice instrument.

KARRIE: An instrument is a document. They notarize documents, they don’t have documents.

SAMANTHA: That’s not the type of instrument we were talking about. Hey, Mr. Notary, over here!

NOTARY: Hi, ladies. I just finished a signing and wanted to get a drink.

SAMANTHA: Can you sign my breasts Mr. Notary?

NOTARY: Umm, I can’t do that if I’m sober.

KARRIE: I’ll drink to that. But, why don’t we just say that you aren’t sober?

NOTARY: I’m not. I just has two pints. I’ll do anything now.

SAMANTHA: Anything?

NOTARY: Just about. I might even get a tattoo of my notary seal on some special part of my body.

KARRIE: How about signing, sealing and delivering us?

MIRANDA: Would the tattoo be done using Notary ink?

NOTARY: I never thought about that? I’ll have to ask. That would make it more authentic.

CHARLOTTE: Can you introduce us to your notary friends?

NOTARY: I am a notary, I have no friends. Only signing companies who pay late.

MIRANDA: At least they pay you. I’m out of work right now. And out of a boyfriend too.

NOTARY: Looks like I will have to satisfy you all. How would you like to be part of my harem.

CHARLOTTE: Well you know what they say, two’s company, three’s a
crowd, but five’s a harem.

NOTARY: Well why don’t we all go to my house? And if you want any other Notaries, use 123notary.com, and use the cute filter.

MIRANDA: Cool.

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Compilation of posts about notary dating & romance
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17451

How to effectively pick up notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22580

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