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October 13, 2016

Notarization done at jail for vehicle release rejected at the Police station because Notary #1 used the wrong ack!

How is this possible? How can you use a wrong Acknowledgment? I heard this story from a Notary Public in some other state. But, what was wrong with the Acknowledgment? Was it from the wrong state? Was it filled out improperly? Or was the Acknowledgment labeled for a different document? I guess the Police don’t miss anything. In any case, if you are notarizing for a document that is to be submitted to a government authority, don’t miss anything, and make sure your stamp impression is clear as a bell.

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When to ask for ID over the phone & fees at the door

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September 25, 2016

Foreign Intrigue

Foreign Intrigue

Chances are 95% of your notarizations are for use in the USA. Every now and then along comes a request to notarize a document destined to be used in a different country. Documents prepared outside of the USA present special requirements. I have processed many. They range from being in a foreign language, to ones in English. They virtually never have a useable notary section. The usual procedure is to slap on an acknowledgement, the wording taken from the state notary manual. That’s fine; it’s certainly a legal notarization. But will it fly in the destination country?

A State issued Apostille is generally added, procedures vary by state. They either issue an Apostille or a Certification; depending on the target country’s ratification status with The Hague. Is it complete? Perhaps, but often there is more work to do. China, for example requires the addition of their “tax stamp” for the document to be used in their country. That procedure entails, at the NYC location; an application form, a complete (and they do a page by page check) copy of the document. As the NY State added Apostille is affixed with a tamper resistant “grommet” it’s hard to photocopy the underlying pages. It’s best to, just prior to the Apostille step; photocopy everything – then when the Apostille is added – photocopy the top page. China offers a variety of “service levels”, same day, three day and a week; with varying fees. I have gone there to find them closed; causing my prior commitment for delivery to be thwarted; I did not know they had both US and China holidays “off”.

Another example is Brazil. They are very strict as to how the document is bound. One of my projects was over two hundred pages. I could not find a stapler with that capacity. My submission for their “tax stamp” was rejected initially. The document had to be bound, just like a book; for them to accept it. Sometimes there are genuinely nice surprises. The waiting room at the Brazilian Embassy has an urn with the most wonderful coffee, no charge. Hope you like your coffee without milk or sugar – none is available.

Other countries have their own specifications. Some want every page to have a notary stamp, bound or not. Some go a step further and require embossing on each page. At least one requires the original passport of the affiant to be shown, actually left with them till the time of pickup. Some folks just don’t like leaving me their passport for a few days; but unless they go to the Embassy, they have no choice.

One has to start with a state compliant notarization to obtain a state issued apostille. But how about the notary section on the original document? Many destinations also require their “notary section” to also be completed. This can be a real problem. I often run into this situation with European “proof of life” documents whereby pensioners must annually submit proof they are still alive. This is a bit of a dilemma. For the German authorities to accept it – their “notary section” must also be completed. But, I am not fluent in that language. It’s quite a leap of faith to sign on a line, when the above text; and the writing under the line are in German! Am I declaring that I am an attorney? Or worse? Scanning the document and using translation software is one approach. Or, an impartial translator; but not the affiant!

There are 190+ sovereign countries in the world. I have been handed what the affiant purported to be a Latvian divorce application and asked if the form met all requirements for use in Latvia! Clearly way above my pay grade. The key point is to document your responsibilities, in writing; clearly stating that you are unable to guarantee suitability for purpose. Also, clearly state what you are able to do. Refer them to legal services where the document is destined to be used. Don’t assume, don’t guess. Either have your client explicitly state your duties, in an email; or offer to research, for a fee; what is needed.

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September 23, 2016

The Seal Fixer

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 11:00 pm

The Seal Fixer is/was a Notary who went back into time to fix what was wrong and make it right — at least as far as notarizations are concerned. Our Seal Fixer’s first assignment was to go back to ancient Rome to fix a botched notarization. The Notary apparently botched a sales contract for half a million bushels of olives which affected the entire empire. So the Seal Fixer got into his time machine set it for the correct year and GPS coordinates and arrived in ancient Rome.

The Roman Notary was going to affix his seal, but our American hero blurted out, “No!!! You wrote the wrong date!” The Roman Notary retorted, “Hey, those are Roman numerals buddy, they might look funny to you guys.” The Notary said, “No, listen you’s guys, even though it looks wrong, it’s STILL ain’t right, capiche?” The Roman took a closer look and realized that one of his V’s was supposed to be an X and thanked our American friend and then said, “Fugetabout it!” Then the American told him to use his seal a little more carefully as not to smudge the document like it came out originally before the time travel. All went well. The Notary patted himself on the back, walked out of the building and was attacked by a wall of water. A local aqueduct had burst and there was water everywhere. Fortunately, the contract signed was on the second floor of a building, so it didn’t get soiled. The Notary eventually freed himself from the river of water and got back to his landing pad to go back to the present.

Our Notary friend’s next job was much more serious. The Notary was assigned to notarize the declaration of independence had gotten drunk on colonial ale the night before and was badly hung over. He would botch the notarization if nobody intervened. So, our American Notary friend set the time dial to 1776 and set the GPS coordinates to Philadelphia. The Notary assigned for the job lived over the river in New Jersey and didn’t find out until the last minute that he couldn’t use his seal to notarize out of his colony. The next problem is that not all of the signers signed on July 2nd. Some signed on the 3rd. Anyway, The Seal Fixer found another Notary who could get the job done correctly and didn’t mind going back a second time. But, the Notary put up quite a fuss and wanted to know when he would get paid?

“We’ll cut a check out the minute the declaration funds.” was the answer.

In any case, our Seal Fixing friend decided to lighten the mood and crack a joke.

SEAL FIXER: Hey guys, do you like jokes?

COLONIAL GUYS: Sure, why not.

SEAL FIXER: So, anyway, this is a great crowd. In any case, I’m from the future… Or the present I guess, but the future from your point of view. I came here in my time machine.

COLONIAL GUYS: We’ve never heard of such a thing as a time machine. But, we can tell by your clothes that you are a futuristic being of some sort.

SEAL FIXER: Anyway. I was standing outside of my house and then walked into my huge backyard which is more of a meadow than anything else. Then all of a sudden this huge flying object came out of the air. It was so futuristic,that even by my standards it was futuristic. It was a circular flying craft and it landed in the meadow. Then some little green men from another planet got out. I asked, “Are you going to abduct me?” They replied, “NO, but can you LIKE US ON FACEBOOK? So, what did you think of this joke?

COLONIAL GUY: They joke was good, but your timing was off.

2nd COLONIAL GUY: Yes, about 240 years off if you counted them.

3rd COLONIAL GUY: What is this thing Facebook you speak of. Is it like town hall in any way?

SEAL FIXER: It is probably the closest equivalent. Just think of it like town hall with everyone in the world connected to it on a futuristic device where you can see their photos and comments.

COLONIAL GUY: Wow, that sounds like fun.

2nd COLONIAL GUY: I bet the Tories would like it. Burn him at the stake!!!

3rd COLONIAL GUY: Run!!!!

So, our seal fixing friend ran for his life as he was mistaken for a futuristic Tory by an antiquated Whig. He ran for his time machine and got away just in the nick of time. Our Seal Fixer’s only regret was that he didn’t have time to bring back an authentic colonial Notary Seal as a souvenir. Oh well, maybe next time once those Whigs calm themselves down.

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September 18, 2016

He, She, or They?

He She or They

Jeremy and others have often mentioned the “requirement” (in quotes because the laws regarding this issue probably vary by state) to cross out the irrelevant sections in a notary section. They reason that the notary is responsible to redact entries that do not “match” the person being notarized. I disagree.

In the thousands of notary sections that have my signature and seal, over a decade of doing this; not a single one has had the redactions. Not one. And, I have never been “called to task” for not completing the section properly. There is no mention in New York State law requiring such action. The model for the Acknowledgement that I use has both “he she they” and “his her their”; and is taken directly from the handbook for NY notaries. My Jurat is even simpler: Sworn to and subscribed before me by _____.

Long before “gender identity” was a news topic I concluded that I was not the person to determine the gender of affiants. If I am not the one, who is? Well, the best answer is probably the affiant. However, some may consider a medical doctor more appropriate. It could also be a Judge. I do not see it as my function, in MY statement, to declare the gender of the affiant. Now the gender identity issue has become a hot topic in the media. To me it’s a personal issue, one for the affiant to declare or not declare as they see fit. Whatever gender identity THEY say, outside of the notary section; is fine with me.

My sharp eyed critics, and they are legion; will have noticed I included “they and their” as items that I do not redact. They are thinking “surely you should delimit the notary section to one individual when multiple names are not being notarized”. Perhaps, but I offer two defenses to leaving it as is. First, the sole name, when there is only one affiant signing, is clearly entered in the notarization. Secondly, and admittedly this is a bit of a “reach” – the affiant might identify as being of dual identity. One ID, but they consider themselves two persons. Possibly one gender sometimes, different other times. Technically it’s proper for me to enter two names in the notary section when only one person is before me and taking the oath. This comes directly from the NY County Clerk office. If the affiant has two passports with a different name on each document – they have “proved” both names and “they” have the option of having each name entered on the notary section.

With the rampant rise of identity theft and similar crimes; the role of the notary has become more, not less, important in commerce. More important yes, but not of greater scope in our basic function. Many are the “notary signature only” documents I have seen included with the packages. Fortunately for me it is illegal in NY as a notary; to make statements of fact. The most common being for me to state that I have determined the identity of the affiant(s) to an absolute certainty. The State standard is to view “adequate proof” – not absolute proof. These statements by the notary will only admit you to the litigation chain if, in fact, you were conned by a good looking forgery of the ID.

But, let’s get back to the gender issue. A person is a person, nobody will refute that. We notarize people, they come in a wide variety – and it’s our job to accommodate all of them; within the bounds of our respective state codes. I leave my notarizations “open” to be all inclusive. It’s for others to decide issues of gender. It’s so easy to make false assumptions. I have asked the Sister of the affiant to sign on the Spouse line. Ouch, that was awkward for a moment. Clearly including the name, as taken from the ID is what works for me. Of course care should be taken to not provide an “open ended” notarization to which some additional name(s) can be added at a later date. As the County Clerk told me: “You notarize the name as on the ID, nothing else”. Thus, I make no determination as to he, she, or they, and leave the form alone.

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August 18, 2016

Notarization at a liquor store

It was a cold, dark evening and the Notary was called in to do a signing at the Notary liquor store

MANAGER: So what’ll it be pal?

NOTARY: Oh no, I was called here to do a notarization.

MANAGER: Oh, you’ll need to talk to Tony. Hey Tony!!!

TONY: Oh, you must be the Notary. Yes, I need you to notarize this paper for me. I’ll be right back.

NOTARY: Boy, I’m so sleepy. (snooze…)

The Notary Public fell asleep in a chair after staring at all the bottles in the store and had a wild dream. There were a few bottles in front of him that came to life and started having a conversation with him.

JACK: I need a Notary. My name is Jack Daniels. Can you notarize me?

NOTARY: Sure, if you let me have a ride on your bike.

JACK: Sorry pal, we have rules here. You have to wear a black t-shirt and a leather vest to ride with the gang.

NOTARY: Okay, no notarization for you.

STELLA: Hi, I’m Stella from Belgium and this is my boyfriend Boris — Boris Stolichnaya. I know what you’re thinking, but he’s straight, although he’s not really that neat. Our relationship is on the rocks right now and he’s a bit shaken up which is good because he hasn’t stirred — or been stirred in a while.

JIM: Hey buddy, I need a Notary.

NOTARY: Can I see some ID?

JIM: Right here.. It says Jim Beam. And yes, I’m over 21.

NOTARY: Beam me up Scotty. Okay, I’ll get my Acknowledgment forms. Where is the document?

JIM: It’s not a document, it’s a case of bottles we’re loading into the truck.

CAPTAIN: Arrr laddie. Me needs a notarization, and fast. Me ship is stranded out at sea, and before someone else claims it, the local government will help me if I can only get this signed.

NOTARY: I’d shake on it, but your hook may cause us to be blood brothers against my will.
Let’s take a look at your ID. Jack Morgan.

CAPTAIN: That’s CAPTAIN Jack — CAPTAIN Jack Morgan — arrrrrr!

NOTARY: I can only notarize you if you are sober, have a low BAC, and are in a good state of mind.

CAPTAIN: I’m in as good a state of mind as I’ll ever be. Maye I wouldn’t have crashed into the rocks if I had been sober though. But, I’m only sober for a few hours on the lords day atoning for me multitudes of sins such as rape, pilage, plunder, embezzlement, fraud, murder, maiming, torture, kidnapping, forgery, racketeering, and operating a sailed vehicle under the influence lad.

NOTARY: Wow, that’s quite a list. Terrible sins aside, thanks for making me feel young by calling me “lad.” You must spend a lot of time atoning. Anyway, I can only notarize you as Jack Morgan, not ….

CAPTAIN: That’s CAPTAIN, CAPTAIN Jack Morgan to you lad. And by the way, I neet a sail document notarized. I’m having a sale of a sail that’s too slow and moves at the speed of a snail, lad…”

HARPER LEE: This line is moving at the speed of a snail. Tequila, please.

NOTARY: Tequila Mockingbird?

HARPER LEE: Like me to sign a copy of the book?

NOTARY: I do all the signing around here, ma’am.

DEAN MARTIN: Hey, what should I take for a hangover?

NOTARY: If you’re driving, don’t take the wheel!

DEAN MARTIN: Look pal, I’m not drunk. I’m just planning ahead.

NOTARY: Do you affirm under penalty of perjury that you’re not drunk?

DEAN MARTIN: “I do.” We didn’t just marry each other then, did we?

NOTARY: There are only three states that allow notaries to perform weddings. Florida, Maine or South Carolina.

DEAN MARTIN: Good. Since you’re seeing me and other dead people, you’re only in a state of delirium.

The Notary wakes up and is handed a document.

TONY: Wakee wakee. Did you enjoy your snooze?

NOTARY: I had this amazing dream about pirate ships, and the author of To Kill a Mockingbird, and Dean Martin, and talking bottles. So, what is the document about?

TONY: You’ll never guess. I need you to notarize an Affidavit regarding 20 cases of Captain Morgan.

NOTARY: That’s CAPTAIN — CAPTAIN Jack Morgan to you lad.

TONY: Well shiver me timbers. Here’s my ID lad.

NOTARY: Tony Daniels. No relation to Jack, right? Anyway. Sign my journal & the document please… Swear under Oath.. (stamp) Your notarization is complete.

TONY: Thanks — (Tony sticks out his hand to shake the Notary’s hand, but there is only a hook where his hand should be.)

NOTARY: Time to give the guy who wrote this the hook.


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July 22, 2016

Notary Happy Days Goes to China!

Intro Joke:
A New Yorker was in the middle of downtown Shanghai with his wife and
kid. They walk into a restaurant where everybody in sight is Chinese
and nobody speaks a word of English.

The wife asks, “Where’s the bathroom?”
His kid asks, “Do you have egg rolls?”
And the guy asks, “Is the food authentic?”

I grew up watching Happy Days. I loved Richie, Potsie, Chachi, and
the gang. But, a Notary recently had to fly to Shanghai to do a
notarization for the Chinese version of Happy Days called “Yu-Kuai
Tian” which loosely translated means cheerful or happy day(s).

A Notary was called in to do a notarization for the staff of Yu-Kuai
Tian. He thought the notarization would be for a screenplay or a
writer’s contract. Boy, was he wrong.

NOTARY: Hi, I’m here for the notarization.

MANAGER: Solly no Yingrish! You wait!

ASSISTANT: Oh yes, we have been expecting you.

NOTARY: So, who am I signing for? One of the managers or the writers?

ASSISTANT: Oh, they didn’t tell you? You’re signing for the Chinese
Henry Winkler — “The Fong.” He’s late today because he was out last
night with one of his lady friends. One of his classier girlfiends who
doesn’t slurp when she eats her shark fin delight of three soup.

NOTARY: Sounds like an Ayy! One gal.

ASSISTANT: He’s out in back finishing repairing the transmission in a
rickshaw. He won’t be ready for you until 3pm. You can try one of our local restaurants.
They are quite good.

NOTARY: Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll try the one with the green
sign. I’ll just hope for the best.

ASSISTANT: But, before you go, please meet Mr. Yu and his guys. We
call them Yu’s guys!

NOTARY: Okay, how Yu’s guys doin’? This is how we talk in New York by the way.

(At the restaurant with the green sign. All of the staff are Chinese
and speak almost no English and all of the customers without exception
are Chinese as it is in downtown Shanghai.)

WAITER: Hello, I your waiter. My name Cha-Chee Wang.

NOTARY: You’re kidding. Cha-chee, like in Yu-Kuai Tian?

WAITER: Yes, I work there on my off day as wing man for The Fong. With my husband, Jo-Nee.
Jo-Nee love Cha-Chee.

NOTARY: I don’t care what I eat, but there is one thing that matters to me.

WAITER: You like dish called Potsie Sticker. It kind of dumpling.

NOTARY: Well, what I wanted to know is — is the food authentic?

WAITER: Yeah, food authentic all right. Half hour after you eat, you hungry to breathe
Oxygen. We in China after all. No Americanized food here. We don’t even know what that mean.
But, today long day. Potsie also work here. He having worst day in life. He so
out of it, it take him half hour to make “minute fried rice.”

NOTARY: Well maybe you should have Joannie come and help him.

WAITER: We try, but Joannie Chan busy. Anyway, one order of Potsie
Sticker coming up. By the way, last week was Chinese New Year – year
of the monkey, but sorry, we not serve monkey here. Try down street.
Delicacy — very expensive.

NOTARY: Thanks, but when I said authentic, maybe I had no idea what I
was getting myself into.

(30 minutes later)

NOTARY: Thanks for the great meal. Let me give you 40 ren-min-bi,
that should cover it. Back to the set.

THE FONG: Heyyyyyy!!!!! (with two sexy Chinese girls: one on each
side of him in cheerleader outfits.)

NOTARY: Wow, I get to meet the Chinese Fonzie in the flesh.

THE FONG: No, don’t touch the leather. Just got it restored at Wing’s
leather repair down street. And don’t touch the hair either.

NOTARY: Okay, I promise not to.

GIRLS: We promise not to either! hee-hee-hee…

THE FONG: Eyyyy!!!!! (puts two thumbs up.)

NOTARY: Good thing we’re not doing thumbprints.

THE FONG: If we did, you not need ink, plenty of grease already on
thumbs from mechanic work not to mention coconut oil on hair for good

NOTARY: Okay, I’ll need to see some ID.

THE FONG: Okay, legal name Fong Xiao-Leng, similar to Bruce Lee’s
Chinese name. But, people call me The Fong!

NOTARY: In real life I am not allowed to notarize outside of the State
of New Jersey where I am legally commissioned as a Notary Public, but
since this is a fictional comedy blog, I will take some liberties and
illegally use my stamp here in Shanghai.

THE FONG: Okay, so where do The Fong sign?

NOTARY: Right here

(The Fong signs in the wrong place and Notary scolds him)

NOTARY: No not there. You signed in the wrong place!

THE FONG: Wait second. You say The Fong… w-w-w-w-wong? The Fong NEVER wong!!!

NOTARY: Yeah, you were supposed to sign right here, and you signed
down there where the signature of the Notary is supposed to be.

THE FONG: Nobody say The Fong w-w-w-w-w-rong…. Not even The Fong’s mother.

NOTARY: Just admit it… You were wrong.

THE FONG: I can’t say it. I was w-w-w-w-w-w-… I just can’t.

NOTARY: Try one more time. Never mind. We’ll sign this fresh duplicate
I brought. Be more careful this time.

THE FONG: Okay. (scribbles The Fong on document)

NOTARY: No, that’s wrong. Your legal name is Fong Xiao-Leng, not The
Fong. The Fong is your nickname. You can’t legally be notarized using
that name.

THE FONG: Hey, this is blog entry. I do what I want. But, you say I
w-w-w-w-wrong again? We take this outside! NOBODY say The Fong wrong.

(The Fong grabs the Notary and takes him outside behind the garage)

THE FONG: You want on chin? Hurt more — show less. Or on gut? Hurt
more, nobody see.

NOTARY: What are you talking about?

THE FONG: You say The Fong wrong. Nobody say The Fong wrong and live
to tell about it. I punch you hard. You choose place.

NOTARY: Go for the gut. My dumplings weren’t that good anyway. I
think I prefer Americanized Chinese food come to think of it. But, I
have one condition. You can only punch me if you admit that you were

THE FONG: Deal… (punch)

NOTARY: Oh my God… What are you, a Shao-Lin monk? That really hurt.
Ouch. I’ll spend the rest of the day bent over. Now it’s your turn.
You have to keep your end of the bargain and admit that you were
wrong. Fair is fair.

THE FONG: Okay. I keep bargain. I was w-w-w-w-w-w-w….

NOTARY: Yes, this is a Deed for the sale of one of the rick-shaws you repaired.

THE FONG: Do you notarize auto-sale paperwork?

NOTARY: I notarize any documents about anything that starts with a key
and goes vroom vroom!

THE FONG: Eyyyy!!!! That sound like something The Fong would say.
Anyway… I was w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w.

NOTARY: You can do it. Good thing I ate lightly.

THE FONG: I was wr-r-r-r-r… It so hard. I was w-w-w-w…. WONG! I was wong!

GIRLS: I can’t believe he said it. The Fong was wrong!

NOTARY: Okay, now sign this 3rd copy I made as Fong Xiao-Leng and
we’ll be all done and I’ll take the next flight back to America.


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May 20, 2016

Notary Italian Restaurant

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 9:54 pm

Have you been to the Notary Italian restaurant?

The story behind the Notary Italian Restaurant goes back to Palermo where Bruno grew up as a child. He wanted to go out with a particular young lady. But, she would only talk to him if he had his request notarized. After that, she made more demands. Each demand required a Notarization. In Italy, you have to be practically an Attorney to do a notarization, so this was a real task for Bruno to prove-a his love! After getting to know so many Notaries so well in Sicily, he decided to study for several years and become a Notary himself.

Bruno traveled far and wide. He became the Notary of Seville. Then, he went to Greece to notarize the debt crisis. After that he assisted Bashir Al-Assad with some notarizations. And finally came to America where he opened an Italian restaurant with a Notary theme.

Here is his menu.

Pasti y Primi
Affidavit Arrabiata
Linguini with Cancellation Clams — (only available three days a week.)
Rescission Rotini
Purchase Pasta Primavera
FHA Fettuccini

Piatto Principale
Bisteca Certificado
Venue Veal with Vino Fino Reduction
Boar Pappardelle
Spaghetti Juratini
Pasta with squid ink

Locus Sigilli — a sweetened noodle that keeps wrapping around like a signature. Our signature desert.
Hazelnut HUD Gelato.

Unfortunately for Bruno, his girlfriend broke up with him only to meet up with him by accident years later at his restaurant.After the meal, here was the conversation.

BRUNO: Thanks for everything. Does your credit card have a chip?

LADY: Yes it does. What do you think about having a chip implant in your arm? It’s the way of the future.

BRUNO: I don’t need one implanted in my arm. I already have on on my shoulder!


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April 27, 2016

Notarizing at a blind man’s home & other stories

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 7:21 am

The blind man
I got a call for a notarization at the home of a blind man who lived by himself. When I spoke to him, I asked if he had someone else that he’d like there to help him, and he said, “ Oh no, I’ll be fine.” so I showed up at the signing prepared. I read through the entire document out loud so that he could hear everything in it, and I just put his finger down where he was to sign. His mother had just died, and he was needing to notarize documents so that he could acquire his home. I was quite impressed with his independence and capabilities of living alone. I decided to do the signing as a public service, and I was so happy to help him.

I once had a signing done on two tree trunks outside. The house was so dirty he was too embarrassed to have me go inside. So he insisted on doing it outside. Luckily it was a sunny day with no sign of rain!

Woman’s Jail
I had a really difficult signing to do at the women’s jail. When I got to the facility, the sheriff met me, and took me to a young Latina woman who was signing her life to her child. Her two year old was living with family members, and to make matters trickier, she was pregnant while in jail. It was really heartbreaking to see what was happening to her and her family.

Another time when I was at the same women’s facility, I had a signing involving a woman who had been in the US since she was 6 months old from Mexico. She was now in her 40’s and had gotten in trouble with drugs and was about to be deported because she was an unregistered resident. Prior to her arrest, she happened to also win a large jackpot at a local casino, so her husband was trying to get access to the money to help get her out of jail and keep her in the US. When I arrived there, the husband met me with her id, and the guards were being really awful. They made us wait a really long time before we were able to see her. Her husband was beside himself and was desperate to help her. The release of the jackpot money was in her name and her mother’s name, and the casino had been holding it, so he wanted it to be released to him so that he could hire a lawyer. Unfortunately he stiffed me my signing fee so I never heard from him or about what had ended up happening.

The retired general
I had a signing once with a retired general. He was sharp in mind, but tired, ill, and in a diaper. The entire 90 page document signing was an effort so I told him that I would dance for him if he got bored, which he chuckled at. I felt bad that he had to do the signing since he was so ill, but I did my best to cheer him up and help him get through it quickly so that he could rest.

I had an unusual signing in a house once where the wife was downstairs, and the husband was upstairs and they didn’t want to sit together in one location to get it done. So I got the wife to sign everything first, and then went upstairs and had the husband sign afterwards. The husband had a frightening looking cantaloupe sized boil on his right hand that looked super painful. I had to sterilize everything afterwards after the signing!

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December 16, 2015

The signer who passed out & slid under the table

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: — admin @ 12:19 pm

A Notary did notarization for guy who regularly passes out. He passed out at the signing table during the signing. The wife said he would be up in 2 minutes. But, he didn’t get up for 10 minutes. The wife started to get worried now as he usually woke up long before this point. They called paramedics. Husband was having heart attack. They had to go to hospital as a result.

The lady asked Notary to asked them to come to the hospital or she would complain to the Title company. The loan amount 15,000 — this was the smallest loan the Notary had ever seen. In any case the Mortgage broker came the hospital to finish the signing. The Notary asked if she would get paid if the husband died.

The lady kept calling the Notary every day for 3 days to see if she was going to get her check. She kept calling to tell me that her husband didn’t die. The story ends with the husband living — for now. And yes, they got their measley $15,000 check. But, honestly, it doesn’t look like the husband will live much longer. Perhaps he needs to take some Q10 and take care of his heart better.


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June 26, 2015

George Lopez Gets Notarized

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , — admin @ 11:36 pm

ANGIE: Now, you know the notarization is due at work in two days. We need to get a Notary here.

GEORGE: Okay, okay, okay. I’ll do it. Call someone from They’ll send someone. And have them send someone who speaks Spanish.

ANGIE: But, you speak perfectly good English.

GEORGE: I know, I know, but if I offer them some chips and salsa de chile arbol after the notarization, if they speak Spanish, they won’t give me funny looks.

CARMEN: Everybody gives you funny looks.

GEORGE: Now, you watch your mouth Carmen. You remember who put you here on this planet.

VIC (Angie’s father) : It is so ironic, that he could put you here…. on this planet… when he himself is from an entirely different planet…

ANGIE: Where are you going in such a hurry?

VIC: I have a hot date with my 27 year old girlfriend. We are going to a five star buffet. Don’t tell her anything. She thinks I’m not a day over fifty-five…

ERNIE: I brought my mobile internet. Look, you can get right on my iphone. You never know when you need a Notary.

GEORGE: Funny you should mention that. I need a notarized affidavit, contract, and deposition tambien!

ERNIE: All of that? I hope they give you a package deal and throw in some tickets to the Lakers game too for what they are going to charge.

CARMEN: Do they have notaries who are cute?

BENNY: Yeah, I’ll settle for a younger guy, maybe around forty… who doesn’t drink too much, and doesn’t have any neck tattoos. Or at least not too many.

(the next day…)

NOTARY: Boy, the traffic here is terrible. George, you have all the documents we talked about right?

GEORGE: (shows up in white beard and looking 80 years old) Yes, I’m ready to notarize my son’s permission to go on a trip form.

NOTARY: I thought I was notarizing George.

GEORGE: Just kidding. Here I am and here is my ID.

NOTARY: You really had me there George!

GEORGE: That’s nothing. Check out what I got from one of the guys at Whole Foods. It’s the new thing in fashion for those in the food industry. A beard net!

NOTARY: Tan Loco George! But, I like it!


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