Santa became a Notary Public because quite frankly, business was slow at the North Pole most of the year. When the present business was fast in December, signings were slow, and when signings were fast, Christmas business was slow – so it all worked out.
Santa had to become a California resident to get his notary commission here. But, he liked the weather. Plus he could come to Los Angeles and work at the Grove in the little Santa house in the middle of the outdoor mall. While Santa was at the mall, he spent a lot of his time off at the Apple store and learned about higher tech ways to keep track of who was good, and who had been bad. He created a very sophisticated algorithm to keep track of this and changed the algorithm without notice on a regular basis — he learned that trick from his tour of Google in Northern California. Needless to say, the signing companies who didn’t pay on time wouldn’t get any nice presents.
One day when Santa was on duty at the Grove (mall) a little kid sat on his lap and said, “Santa — I want a notary seal for Christmas.” Instead of telling the kid he was too young or giving the kid a simple “no”, he handed the kid a long form and then another form for a request for background screening and then started to fingerprint the poor kid. Santa said, “Fill in all of these forms, send this one to the FBI, and then get back to me when you hear from them.” The little kid never followed through, but to his surprise, the kid got a pretend notary seal that Christmas.
And then there were the Notaries who said no to any illegal requests for backdating. If they went easy on the eggnog, Santa would reward them generously.
Santa played a joke on a Notary in Orange county. Santa brought some ornaments for their tree. When the Notary and his wife woke up, they found their tree completely adorned with Notary seal ornaments.
A Notary in San Bernardino County left Santa some cookies which was a welcomed surprise because Santa was mistaken for a burglar and had to run for his life. That kind of running makes fat people very hungry.
A Mexican family in San Francisco had a terrible Christmas Eve. Their children were scheduled to go to Oaxaca with their uncle the next day, but, their travel documents had still not been notarized and they didn’t know what to do. They were so worried they couldn’t sleep. So, they were awake when Santa came. To their surprise Santa was able to notarize their travel document and all was well after that. The words, “Thanks Santa” echoed through the neighborhood — even the little squirrels knew that something magical had happened.
So, that is the story of Santa the Notary. A good night to all, And to all — a good night.