January 2011 - Notary Blog - Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice - 123notary.com
123Notary

Notary Blog – Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice – 123notary.com Control Panel

January 31, 2011

Welcome to the Notary Hotel

Welcome to the Notary Hotel.

Borrower: “Hello, I’d like to file a formal complaint. The notary didn’t come with a complimentary continental breakfast!”
Clerk: “Sorry about that, but breakfast is only from 6am to 9am weekdays and from 7am to 10am on weekends.”
Borrower: “Also, the notary didn’t sanitize my thumb after thumb printing me!”
Clerk: “Oh, really, I’ll have to write that notary up!”
Borrower: “Aren’t I supposed to get a mint on the top of my loan document stack?”
Clerk: “Hmm, that is part of the Notary Hotel’s branding. I’m really sorry about that.”
Borrower: “Also, the Notary didn’t observe the don’t disturb sign while I was reading the Settlement Statement!”
Clerk: “Oh brother, it’s time we fire that Notary!”
Borrower: “I asked the Notary to give my wife a wake up call when the signing was finished. She fell asleep halfway through the Affidavit of Occupancy.”
Clerk: “It is safe to assume that the Notary failed to give you your complimentary wake up call. Tell me, was there anything good about your signing?”
Borrower: “Well, the Notary gave me some lemongrass moisturizer and a shower cap! I enjoyed those.”
Clerk: “So, there is a silver lining on the cloud next to every shower-head!”
Borrower: “The Notary wanted to kick us out three minutes before check out time while I was reading the automatic payment transfer authorization.”
Clerk: “I’ll add that comment to your file.”
Borrower: “At least I was given two hours of free wi-fi during my stay!”

Clerk: “Did you try out our unique cable T.V. system? You can get 328 complimentary channels including — the signing channel!”
Borrower: “You make me feel like I really missed out!”
Clerk: “Next week we’re having a special. Sign a line of credit while you’re in line for Belgian waffles.”
Borrower: “Oh, you’re going to make waffles for us?”
Clerk: “Not exactly, you stand in line so you can make them yourself. When you think about it, we should be paying you to stay here and stand in line so many times. You stand in line to check in, check out, use the shower for the “equity pool,” and also to make waffles! We’re going to have to do something about those lines!”
Borrower: “You’ve got a point there!”
Clerk: “I’m sorry you had a negative experience. To make it up to you, next time you stay with us, we’ll let you upgrade at no cost to one of our signature rooms, if one is available at the time of your stay!”
Borrower: “If a signature room is not available, I’ll assume that you’ll give me an upgrade to an ‘initial’ room, a condensed version of the same thing?”
Clerk: “Actually, I never thought of that, but we do have digital signature rooms that are also often available. Instead of having a key to the room, you get a password. The welcome mat is a huge signature scanning pad — you’ll love it. Digital Signature rooms come with virtual windows with views of anyplace in the world. The cable T.V. is also very different. Instead of paper-view, it comes with paperless-view because it’s digital.

Borrower: “The other thing that I didn’t understand is that my room key was in the shape of a stamp. Instead of swiping it in a reader like other hotels, I had to affix a digital stamp of my seal on what looked like a scanner. Very perplexing. My notary seal digital key also had commission room number 314 an expiration date of 11am the next morning. I guess that is check out time.”
Clerk: “Well, we like to maintain a notary theme at all times. After all, this is the Notary Hotel. Just thank god we don’t have eight digit commission room numbers on the digital seal!”

For those of you who want to visit the Notary Hotel, we have all the amenities. Swimming “equity pools”, business centers, tennis, movies, and of course an endless supply of complimentary blue pens. All you have to do is fax us an order confirmation and sign in once you arrive! Some people stay here their entire commissions!

Tweets:
(1) The Notary Hotel: Does my notarization come w/a wake up call?
(2) The Notary Hotel is so comfortable, some notaries stay there their entire commission.
(3) Their signing took place at The Notary Hotel & the wife requested a wakeup call after the signing was done.
(4) At The Notary Hotel: they didn’t observe the don’t disturb sign while I was reading the Settlement Statement!
(5) At The Notary Hotel, Showtime & HBO are free, but the Signing Channel costs $40 (not including fax backs)
(6) Check out the digital signature rooms at The Notary Hotel

You might also like:

The sleezy Notary Motel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16118

Notary RV Park
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16121

Notary Hotel 2 — the sequel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9887

Share
>

Jeremy’s visit to hell

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:08 am

I asked my guru if I could see heaven.
He said that a person’s spiritual condition dictates whether or not they can be let into heaven. After 25 years of meditation, that is not enough. So, for the rest of you who do not engage in regular tything and devoted prayer multiple times a day, heaven is definitely out of the question. But, you will likely end up in Notary Purgatory where your commission will never expire. I wanted to see the mansions, the halls of records, or at least something that looks like heaven. Sylvia Brown and Jesus hyped the place up and got me all curious. Hmm.

Is there Starbucks in heaven?
If I could live in heaven I would want a mansion to share with some nice people in a huge network of gardens where I could get my divine Starbucks without getting in a car. I would want lots of hiking and things to do. My last request for heaven would be Notaries who administer Oaths, and administer them correctly. However, in heaven, people are honest which defeats the whole purpose of having Notaries in the first place. Hmm once again.

The evil spirits
An angel named Michael recruited me and taught me how to fight evil spirits. Every time I go to Arizona, the evil spirits harass me and do damage to my psychological state, my nervous system, and try to intimidate me as well using their methods. Unfortunately I am able to sense these evil entities and have been since about 2005. The evil spirits did some temporary brain damage to me in 2009 which resulted in severe paranoia, but did not affect my work. In 2016 I started receiving training on how to fight evil spirits. Since I am able to see when nobody else can that is 80% of the battle right there. It is called astral vision (look it up in your astral dictionary.) In late 2017 after a trip to central Eastern Arizona which is littered with BBQ joints and evil spirits who would love to make burnt ends out of me, I was marked. Being marked by evil spirits involves them dumping a bucket of astral matter on your head and body. This subtle matter makes you visible to spirits from far away like a homing beacon. These spirits would otherwise not notice me. In any case, I was being bombarded with spirits night and day. I was waking up in the middle of the night in terror. It is hard to fight back when you are so out of it that you see blurry and are not at all on the ball. In any case, the angels decided that the attacks were good for my learning to fight back, but they would end this by disguising me astrally which worked for the most part. But, before I was disguised, the angels had to escort me to a place that I had never been.

Hell
Hell is a place that Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus and Buddhists all believe in. Their ideas about hell might vary, and Buddhists believe in multiple heavens and hells. I think that the Buddhist version is still overly simplified as humans don’t really know how many realms of existence there are in the astral plains.

In any case, I was expecting to see the bosses of corrupt signing companies having a party with all the money they saved from not paying people. This was not the case. There must be a separate hell for them. In any case, during my sleep, some angels decided that I needed a quick visit to hell. So, I went in my spirit body and descended down by floating while being escorted by the protection of angels. Here is what I saw.

There were 50 foot tall conical trellises that got wider as they got higher. These conical structures were made of poles that were covered with embers and littered with human souls that were confined to this inferno. The trellises were open on the top and you could float in, but attached to the ember ridden ground at the bottom. The ground was covered with reddish-black embers and hills as far as I could see into the horizon.

The purpose of the visit was to get “marked” with some of the astral smell or vibration by the boss of the evil spirits who were bothering me. This boss lived on the other side in hell, but had command of spirits on earth. Sounds scary. It is similar to gang bosses who are in jail yet call the shots as to who gets hit.

Afterwards
After I woke up the following morning I had to call the psychic to figure out what had happened and the angels explained it to me. Being marked with a subtle impression of the most evil entities sent a message out to the other evil spirits not to mess with me. It’s a little like wearing gang colors, or spending enough time in a bad neighborhood until you have their vibration and callousness. The spirits bothered me a lot less after my visit to hell which was only about half a minute. I have not been back since, and hope I never see the place again. Since them, the angels tried a much more reliable strategy of shielding me from the evil spirits by cloaking me astrally which was 99% effective (until I visited Riverside, CA for Mexican food.)

My message to Notaries is that heaven and hell are real. you might never see them in your physical incarnations, but they exist. And if you don’t do a good job as a Notary you might end up in Notary hell where demons burn you alive every day for all the sins you committed as Notaries Public. I’m not sure what happens to bad Secretaries of State who let Notaries run wild doing illegal things, but they might join you in Notary Hell.

.

You might also like:

Notary Hell… “Yeah, but its’ a dry heat.”

Notary Hell – “Yeah, but it’s a dry heat”

Compilation of posts about Notary heaven, hell and purgatory

Notary comedy articles about Heaven & Hell

What are Jeremy’s favorite Blog entries?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18837

Share
>

Have you ever broken down on a busy street with no shoulder?

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 12:21 am

This is a tip for mobile Notaries, pizza delivery people, and others who are on the road a lot. I am no longer a Notary Public, but I still drive a fair amount. I drove to the beach at night to enjoy the relaxing environment at Pacific Palisades. I do this once a week unless I am out of town or busy. The negative ions from the Pacific ocean are really theraputic and I always feel much better afterwards.

My plans were ruined
But, this time, I was going to rush to a bar to hang out with people and enjoy some root beer (sorry, no alcohol folks). I took Sunset Blvd to drive to West Hollywood to hang out at Genghis Cohen Chinse Restaurant & Bar in hopes of seeing old acquaintances. So, as I was driving down Sunset, my car lots all connection to the transmission and started making horrible noises when in gear. I pulled over in thick traffic and tried to figure out what was wrong. The engine sounded super in neutral. But, when in any gear I heard this noise that sounded like gears treading on gears making a drill type noise. Ugh. In any case, it sounded like I broke a timing belt or some other belt, or perhaps snapped a gear if that is possible. I am not a mechanic, so I am just making reasonable guesses based on the conditions.

Sunset Blvd goes far too fast
Sunset Blvd. is a street where people are going 30-50 miles per hour on a street with two lanes on each side, generally no shoulder, and lots of curves that impede visibility. It is easy to have a head on collision going around curves if there is another car next to you going the same direction and someone drunk on the other side coming at you. People in that area are always impatient and in a huge hurry. It is not uncommon to see deadly accidents in that part of town on hilly or windy roads because people go far too fast. Although the local houses are all worth more than a million, you are in a lot of danger in that area due to the culturally ingrained road rage.

No breakdown lane or shoulder
So, I was broken down. I tried to get into the right lane weaving through other cars with my blinkers on. I managed to get to the curb, but since the car stopped moving, I could not get as close as I wanted. My rear was about two feet from the curb and my front was six inches. Cars were whizzing around and came within inches of my car. The cars in the right land could not get into the left lane if there were other cars in it which made the situation very dangerous. I felt terrified as I decided to get out of the car and call AAA. The lady at AAA was very nice to me. They called the police and a tow truck. But, neither came for the longest time. The AAA lady said she would stay on the phone with me as long as I liked which was comforting.

Directing traffic.
I stood in the middle of the right lane pointing cars to slow down or stop and get in the other lane. But, they ignored me and almost ran me down and still almost crashed into my 2004 Corolla which I love. I didn’t want to get a new car because the transmission in the older cars is more agreeable than the seven speed in the newer Corollas which changes gears every three seconds which is really annoying. Then, I got a better idea. I got my military flashlight from the car. That way cars would see me from further away. But, since they were coming around a curve and then hitting a light before they saw me, they still ignored me. They still were coming within inches of hitting my precious old car that I love so dearly. Maybe I should have shined the light directly in their faces like some obnoxious lady cop was doing at the airport. It is the only way to get people to stop ignoring you. Great idea!

Security finally showed up
A security car that looked like a police car finally showed up. He had bright orange lights on the top of his vehicle that made my break down more visible. Ten minutes later my tow truck came. He was very experienced and got me loaded up within thirty seconds and sped away at break neck speeds. He got me into my parking spot at home beautifully as well. I told him how impressed I was, because backing up with a trailer is a skill.

Precautions
To all of you people who are on the road a lot, it might make sense to practice dealing with dangerous situations ahead of time so you don’t freak out. Here are some suggestions.

1. Practice changing a tire, and make sure your spare has air in it after sitting in your trunk for years. Inspect it regularly.

2. Know where your flares are. A flare can save you from getting hit.

3. Have a few flashlights in the car, and perhaps some batteries that fit them. I have a hiking head flashlight (miner style) and a military flashlight and a regular flashlight.

4. If you break down on a busy road, stand 200 feet behind the vehicle on the curb and tell the drivers to slow down and use a flashlight if you have one. Rehearse this in your mind ahead of time so you will be ready when you are frazzled.

5. Know where your AAA card is. If you don’t have Triple A, consider getting it because they are life savers and also you can get discounts on hotels, maps, and other services with AAA.

6. Know the schedule of your reliable repair people. I prefer Toyota, but I had bad luck with the new owners of downtown Toyota, so I will have to try a new branch. They are not normally open on Sundays, so that creates an issue because today is Sunday and I am broken down in my parking spot at home. Hmmm.

7. If you are in an unsafe or remote area, having a gun is not a bad idea. I would never carry one until the world goes to hell, but you might consider it.

8. Make sure your cell phone is charged up at all times because you never know when you are going to need it.

Share
>

January 30, 2011

A Tough Act to Follow

Filed under: Andy Cowan — Tags: , — admin @ 11:05 pm

1923 was a year that made history. President Warren G. Harding unexpectedly died in office, and Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the thirtieth president by his father, John Calvin Coolidge, Sr.

The public hadn’t exactly been in love with Harding’s scandalous administration. And “Silent Cal,” as the new Prez came to be called, wasn’t exactly Mr. Excitement. But Cal’s old man? Now there was a significant figure. The first and last notary public to swear in the leader of the free world!

Notice I said last. Toss aside the fact there was concern over whether a state notary public had the power to administer the presidential oath of office, which is why Cal repeated the oath after he returned to Washington. For a “silent” guy, he sure liked to take oaths.

No, the real reason John Calvin Coolidge was the last of his kind: His ego exploded.

Recently released transcripts (not authenticated by a notary public, but don’t hold that against me) indicate John Calvin rubbed the noses of his fellow notary publics in his rarified accomplishment.

JCC: “How’s work treating you?”

Fellow notary public: “Fine.”

JCC: “That doesn’t sound too ‘fine’.”

Fellow notary public: “I certified a transaction today.”

JCC: “I swore in the President.”

Fellow notary public: “I swore in the shower. It involved your name and a blunt instrument.”

JCC: “Come again?”

Fellow notary public: “I know you swore in the President. You won’t let anyone forget you swore in the President!”

JCC: “How could anyone forget? It was unforgettable. I put my stamp on the book of history. You put yours on, what was it again?”

Fellow notary public: (mumbling) “A transaction.”

JCC: “Sorry, I forgot.”

Fellow notary public: “Why don’t you take a page from your silent son I’ll gladly certify, and shut your trap?”

JCC: “I don’t need your seal of approval, my little man. The President I raised and whose right hand I raised gave me his, or I wouldn’t have been chosen to raise it!”

KABOOM!

That wasn’t the fellow notary public’s weapon silencing his detractor. It was the sound of an exploding ego.

Andy Cowan is an award-winning writer, producer and performer, whose credits include “Cheers,” “Seinfeld” and “3rd Rock From the Sun.” He can be reached through his website, http://upanddownguys.com

You might also like:

Notary accidentally gets arrested for robbing a bank?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6541

Compilation of Notary Stories
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21898

Share
>

I have a dream — Notary version

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 10:52 pm

I have a dream that this industry will rise up and live out the true meaning of its purpose: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Notaries are created equal”… except for military Notaries who can only notarize at military bases and Louisiana Notaries who only have jurisdiction in their home parish and reciprocal parishes.

I have a dream that one day in the lobbies of Escrow offices in California, that the sons of former Notaries and the sons of former Loan Officers and Signing Companies will be able to sit down at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that Notaries will live in a nation where they are not judged by the color of their ink, but by the content of the documents they notarize… and whether or not they did well on the 123notary certification exam.

In a sense, we’ve come to our nation’s Secretary of State to cash a check from a signing company (that arrived sixty days late with lots of promises that the check was in the mail.) The check from the signing company was to buy our unalienable rights of a commission with a life of four years, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that the signing company’s check has bounced. America has given American Notaries a bad check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.”

We cannot notarize alone
And as we notarize, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead
We cannot turn to backdate either

Those who ask the devotees of civil Notary rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Notary is victim to the unspeakable horrors of low-balling, micromanaging, fax-backs, or no pay. We can never be satisfied as our intellectual integrity as Notaries is questioned every year by Notary organizations who wish to subject us to the indignity of retesting us. We cannot be satisfied as we have to continually be background screened and treated like potential criminals. We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like rolled fingerprints, and righteousness like a mighty stream of ink.

And when this happens, freedom will ring. We will speed up the day when every Notary that uses black ink or blue ink, every Loan Officer, Escrow Officers and Loan Originators, signing company clerks, and agnostics who refuse to use the word God in their Oath wording will be able to join hands and sing the words of the old Negro spiritual — wait a minute, don’t you mean… “African-American?”

$15 per signature at last! $15 per Acknowledgment at last!
Thank God Almighty, we Notaries are free at last!

Disclaimer: (Conditions and terms my vary by state. Notaries who are not licensed Attorneys may not give legal advice. For more information, please call your state’s Notary division)

Share
>

Notarize JUST the Name

Notarize JUST the Name
We are all familiar with the two most common notary actions. The Jurat: “Sworn to and Subscribed…….”, and the Acknowledgement: “This instrument was Acknowledged before me…..”. I’m not going to cover the not so subtle differences between the two of them. What will be discussed is the expansion of the notary statement to include virtually anything.

I just shipped off an Edoc. I had to redact (no changes were made, no replacement text, just a thin line thru with my initials at the end of the line) some superfluous verbiage. Before I get into the details let me credit the source of “my” opinions. The office of the New York County Clerk has told me, quite strongly: “You notarize just the name as proven on the ID, nothing more”. What they are referring to are what I call “name attributes” and there are many. Not to be confused with name components (Jr. Sr. III, etc.) which were on the birth certificate. Name attributes, and there are many include: MD, PhD, DDS, etc.

Those name attributes are rarely a problem and they are usually not added to the name in the notary section. What is a problem are what I will call “name descriptors”, and they are becoming a growing problem. A Jurat in the edoc included “a resident of ”. How would I know where the person signing resides? It’s not for me to say (I know, that’s a song title too). This was in the (usually) simple Sample Signature document. Why? I can’t figure out any rationale for inclusion of residency information on that document.

The same package included, after the name, the phrase “a capable person”. Capable of what? Such a phrase could keep lawyers in discussion forever. This particular bit of foolishness was on the AKA statement. Of course no discussion of name descriptors would be complete with mention of the classic and most common one: the marital status. Before me appeared Suzy Snowflake, a single woman. Says who? Suzy of course. So why is it in MY statement? If Ms Snowflake wishes to make a statement that she is not married, I would be happy to notarize it. But, I certainly will not include her marital status in my statement.

Even if I were to be absolutely sure of her marital status it is improper for me to include it in my statement. But, one cannot prove their marital status – it’s impossible; think about it. The problem stems from some shoddy computer programming taking the “vesting name” from the mortgage (where marital status makes sense) and propagating it into other areas.

I have discussed the issue of name descriptors many times with foggy headed drones who feel that because it is preprinted I must live with it. Not so. The notary section IS the statement of the Notary Public and IS subject to change and or deletion. My licensing officials don’t allow it, and I am certainly not able to state someone is capable, married or where they reside. Sometimes it’s a tough judgment call. If the descriptor is “of legal age” I would have to know exactly where that phrase is applied. If they are under 21, it “might” matter in some states; and could also be document specific.

We want to process the document with little conflict, as raising “issues” often sours the client. To me it’s better to lose a client than receive a summons; and become a party to litigation. As a public official my words have, “authority”; and with that comes responsibility for accuracy.

.

You might also like:

Notarizing John W Smith
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16048

If the lender has the Notary change a date on the Acknowledgment
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16045

Share
>

Two and a half notaries: impaired judgement

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , — admin @ 11:43 am

DISCLAIMER: This skit has references which many people might find inappropriate. Readers should be at least thirteen years of age and of unsound mind to read this article!

ALAN: I’m doing a notarization this evening!

BERTA: You’re still doing that? But, you have a career, why do you need to do that?

ALAN: Well, maybe I like notarizing things. I find it therapeutic.

CHARLIE: Well, if you think that’s therapeutic, then you’re nuts — so that should work out quite nicely

ALAN: I enjoy the art of affixing my seal; somehow makes me feel in control over the universe.

CHARLIE: You’re drinking vodka? You shouldn’t drink before a notarization because that could impair your judgement.

ALAN: Oh, its not for me, it’s for the signers.

CHARLIE: Oh, well in that case, even I would feel that it was therapeutic, assuming I had any feeling in my fingers after ingesting all of that vodka.

BERTA: Well, how much extra do you get by having these signers sign something that they shouldn’t after their judgement has been impaired?

ALAN: This signing is actually for a lesbian couple. I’m hoping that the vodka will impair their judgement after the signing. Since I drove my wife to lesbianism, I’m kind of hoping that I can do the same thing with these signers — but, in reverse.

JAKE: (grabbing the bottle of vodka and looking at it) Can you teach me how to be a notary too?

ALAN: You were not intended to hear this conversation

JAKE: Oh, I didn’t hear much. But, I was just thinking. Today in school, we learned about a financial product called a reverse mortgage. And to sign that type of loan, it is called a reverse signing. That might come in handy with those two chicks you’re working on.

CHARLIE: Why don’t you reverse yourself out of here. (to Alan) That kid’s a pain, but he’s right!

BERTA: After half a bottle of that Stolichnaya, maybe they’ll think they’re signing a double mortgage — at least they’ll be seeing double!

JAKE: (comes back in the room) Maybe they’ll pay you double

CHARLIE: Or maybe they’ll give you double trouble — until they pass out!

(Alan drives to the signing)

ROBIN: Thanks for coming. I have my Affidavit of Domicile right here.

ALAN: Oh, I thought we were doing a loan signing.

ROBIN: No, we’re going to do that next week. We just wanted to get this one done as soon as we could.

ALAN: Okay. I brought a little vodka.

CHRIS: Oh, thanks. You can just put that in the cabinet up there.

ALAN: Oh. Okay.

ROBIN: Do we sign here?

ALAN: Yeah… but, I was thinking. You don’t want to toast to your domicile bliss?

ROBIN: Oh no, we’re just living with each other for tax purposes.

BOYFRIEND: Oh, you brought vodka? Oh, that ‘s an expensive brand. Thanks dude, that was so cool and considerate of you!

ALAN: Oh, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend. I thought you guys were…

CHRIS: You thought we were lesbian? Oh!

BOYFRIEND: That’s what I thought at first too. Ironically, that’s what attracted me to them.

ALAN: (taking notes) So, how’d you get them to switch? Did you buy them a bottle of vodka.

BOYFRIEND: Kind of. But, I bought them a cheap Smirnoff. To me, I took is as kind of a challenge. I didn’t find out until afterwards that they were straight. I poured them some vodka and said — straight or on the rocks. She said she was straight, but that her relationship was on the rocks.

ALAN: Oh well, let’s get this notarization over. Here’s my card in case you need anything notarized in the future.

BOYFRIEND: Thanks dude, and no hard feelings.

CHRIS: Why don’t you give him his bottle back. It’s the least we can do for leading him on.

ROBIN: I think it was my inadvertent comment about the three-way notarization. I shouldn’t have said that, but I was tipsy. See what alcohol can do?

BOYFRIEND: Here’s your vodka dude, and thanks for everything.

ALAN: Thanks, I guess.

(Alan drives back — a squad car pulls him over)

ALAN: Hello officer, was I speeding?

OFFICER: No, but there is a “Have Seal Will Travel” sticker blocking your left turn signal.

ALAN: Oh brother.. I think my kid Jake must have been trying to help me out with my business. I didn’t see it on there. I asked him to put it on the side of my car.

OFFICER: Maybe you should pay more attention to what you’re doing, and what your son is doing. Is that an open bottle of Vodka on the front passenger mat?

ALAN: Oh boy. It was a gift for my client, but they didn’t want it. So, I’m taking it home.

OFFICER: You’re under a rest.

(Meanwhile in the slammer. The police have mercy on Alan. They figure he’ll get pulverized in the men’s holding cell, so they put him in with the women. Two four-hundred pound biker-chicks have pity on him, and the rest is history.)

BUTTERCUP: I heard all about your little tragedy from the guards, and all I can say is that I am so sorry.

HARLEY: Me too. So, what’s a notarization?

BUTTERCUP: And do you happen to have any more vodka on you?

ALAN: As a matter of fact, I have several mini-bottles in my coat pocket right here.

(We’ll leave the rest to your imagination)

(Four hours later)

CHARLIE: I’m here to bail you out

ALAN: It was incredible.

CHARLIE: What have you been smoking?

ALAN: That was the best signing I ever had.

CHARLIE: (looking at the mini-bottles) Wow, I need to start drinking this stuff.

ALAN: Robin and Chris were great. I’m going to call them when I (passes out)

(Charlie carries him home)

.

You might also like:

Two and a half Notaries: learning the ropes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13707

Two and a half Notaries: Imparied judgement
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13207

Two and a half Notaries: Intercontinental Notary Seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10432

Share
>

Decline Profitable Junk Work

Decline Profitable Junk Work
Some may feel “work is work” and take all they can get. Mobile notaries are not hobbyists; we do the work for the money. Some are able to charge more, for the same work, some less. Without a scheduling conflict, we want to “book” that work. Of course it has to be legal. But not all legal work is useful to our callers. Sometimes we know the end product, though legal, will be junk.

Case in point to illustrate: my late night caller has an emergency. They have an appointment with the Immigration folks in downtown Manhattan at Federal Plaza. They just noticed the requirement that their documents must be notarized. Routine so far, but a little probing uncovered the real facts. One of the documents is a birth certificate from China. The other is a divorce certificate, also from China. NY State law regarding “vital records” permits me to notarize as long as those types of documents did not originate in NY State. There are slightly different procedures for processing a photocopy; different from processing an original document.

I learn the birth certificate is in the Chinese language, and is original. Some specific wording is required, but it’s perfectly proper to notarize the signature of the person named on the document. But, will it be useful for their intended purpose? Frankly, I really don’t know. I suspect they will have to have the document translated by a licensed translator. The translator’s signature will be notarized, attesting to training and accuracy of translation. Atop that would go the caller’s statement as to being the rightful possessor of the document. But, I’m not sure. I explain this to the caller and suggest they contact the authorities as to specific requirements. I could have accepted the assignment; but I feel they would be walking in with notarized junk without the translation.

The divorce decree was even worse. Again, it was in Chinese; but this time the document was not an original, only a photocopy. Similarly, I could legally notarize the photocopy; again using NY State mandated verbiage for photocopies. But the acceptability for purpose is, IMHO, unlikely.

As practicing professionals we know a lot more about notary law than the general public. We also know a bit about bureaucratic processing requirements. Of course we don’t know “everything” but we should know the limits of our knowledge. When I am sure, or almost sure, the work product will meet the client needs it’s a go. But, as is often the case, I am unsure. When I express my doubts they usually ask “what do you think”. That’s calling for my opinion, or to phrase it a bit more honestly – for me to guess. I don’t like to guess, preferring to refer them to the proper authorities to ask their “how should I proceed” question. Also, answering “how should I proceed” comes very close to “playing lawyer”. That must be totally avoided.

Would it matter if the caller told me they were affluent, and wanted to “try” using my notary work; not caring if it was rejected? Sure, if they, knowing my concerns, wanted to “throw money at the project” – I would be happy to oblige. It has to be their informed decision based on whatever knowledge I can provide as to the likelihood of success. I’ve done many “let’s try it and see what happens” jobs. Rarely do I learn the outcome. I don’t know if my caller was pent house or poor house; nor does it matter to me. Ethical notaries will Decline Profitable Junk Work. But, will allow the client to overrule the notary when clients are making an informed decision.

.

You might also like:

The art of the decline to new notary jobs
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15783

The right to decline notarization
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14664

Share
>

Taqueria El Notario — a Notary Taco Joint

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 3:13 am

We wrote some other fun blog articles about The Notary Hotel, Notary Fast Food, Notary haute cuisine, and others. But, this one is about a notarial taco place. Hope you like it. Just don’t over do it with the hot sauce. It is very potent here.

Dot your eyes, and cross your tortillas!
Welcome to Notary Taco, or as we call it Taqueria El Notario. Please make sure you have errors and “emissions” insurance if you eat the three bean burrito for the sake of our other patrons. Since we had a few Notary wannabe gangsta’s, instead of a drive through window, we have a drive by window. The window is extra low in case you are driving a low rider. I guess I’m a few decades behind the times, but in Los Angeles, we still have a few of those around.

Before you read our menu, please read the following disclosure:

Notice of Right to Carnitas
As a customer of Taqueria El Notario, you have the right to eat carnitas at any time during business hours. There is no limit to how many carnitas tacos you may consume. Please sign and date to indicate that you have read this document and are aware of your right to carnitas… and pastor!

Here are a few of our choice items:

Habanero Rescission Sauce
If you still alive 3 days after consuming this, you have the right to rescind.

Personally Known Pico de Gallo
Eat this regularly with our home-made chips, and you will feel like you know us.

Pollo of Attorney
I know it sounds a bit loco, but our pollo is so good, we got it patented by an Attorney, hence the name!

Backdated Burrito
The freshness of the ingredients is up to date, it is just that we put yesterday’s date on the burrito.

Salsa Verde Venue
State of California; County of Los Angeles! — The salsa is green at this venue

Avocado Affidavit
This chunky guacamole is so good you’ll swear by it!

Tequilla Lime Testimonium Ice Cream
Just be-clause…

Revoked Refried Beans
Eat these and your commission will be suspended, revoked or terminated — if you have gas.

Notary Commission Carnitas
One of our customers has been eating this dish his entire notary commission — hence the name.

Lengua Tacos
Enjoy one of these before you take an Oath.

Quit Claim Quesadillas
One customer liked these so much she sold her house to be able to afford them every day!

Many notaries come here daily. We hope you like our sauces, dishes and desserts. We hope you liked it, and we hope you come again.

You might also like:

Welcome to The Notary Hotel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

A date with a notary at “Le Jurat”
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

Share
>

January 29, 2011

Notary Oscars

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , , — admin @ 10:30 pm

Notary Oscars

Welcome to this year’s Notary Oscars. For best picture…

“Trumbo” – About the black list – where notaries get blacklisted after doing something wrong… like making a profit which the signing companies don’t want them to do, putting them in the black. Not to be confused with the actors at this year’s Oscars – the white list.

“The Big Short” – about getting shorted out of your pay.

“Bridge of Spies” – about signing companies who spy on notaries who say bad things about them on forums.

“Spotlight” – Uncovering the discovery about having non-consensual notarizations with underage signers.

“The Hateful Eight” – About the current Supreme Court complaining about the Notary who doesn’t know how to give an oath to the yet to be appointed new guy.

“Steve Jobs” – About Apple’s refusal to let the government crack the cell phone information of the notary who was about to notarize a terrorist.

“Joy” – About what a notary feels when actually getting paid on time.

“Room” – About what you don’t have if your last name is too long to fit on the signature page.

“The Danish Girl” – About the first male notary who became a female notary, formerly “Robin Schneider” on his commission stamp, now changed to “Robin Schneider”.

“Inside Out” – About a notary who knows his notary law inside out, and to stay consistent, notarizes a document that’s inside out while wearing his shirt inside out.

.

You might also like:

Wheel of Fortune — Notary Edition
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15314

Notaries Without Makeup
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15405

A Notary Public Cures Lying
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6872

Share
>
Older Posts »