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January 26, 2013

The war between men and women notaries

When the 1940’s New Yorker artist and writer James Thurber came up with the idea of “The War Between Men and Women,” he wasn’t thinking of notaries. He was simply thinking of the way things are…sometimes. Well, let’s face it: the ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ idea isn’t new. Men and women are complementary…not always complimentary. So it should come as no surprise that notaries–male and female–appear to have slightly different ways of doing the job. The war between men and women continues…right in our own backyard.

http://www.lileks.com/bleats/archive/12/0812/0803art/welcome1.jpg Here is an original Thurber drawing that shows you Thurber’s idea of the war between men and women. When the man comes home, his wife’s role or tendency to dominate is grossly exaggerated: the whole house has become the woman. She has taken over, and is seen as a bully. As one joke goes (obviously created by a man who felt unfairly treated by women), “If a man is alone in the forest and he says something–and there is no woman to hear it–is he still wrong?” People (borrowers?) often see spouses as adversaries, and sometimes seem to have a dread of the opposite sex. Male borrowers or clients may feel more comfortable hiring a man…and the wife–if she is the one in charge–may want to hire a woman. Are men and women notaries competing for work? Do clients have a preference?

Eighty percent of the male notaries we talk to generally seem to be all about business. They don’t tend to go to signings on dirt roads at night…perhaps because they are not feeling as pressured to take on any and all assignments at the beginning to get paid. They find ways to get the borrowers to read the documents and understand them, but they don’t go overboard. They know how to make people feel comfortable, but they are not inclined to chat or stay longer than they have to. Yet they are great at figuring out and explaining the logistics and numbers so that title companies and borrowers and clients are served. Male notaries have less patience for signings that go on and on, and they run a tight ship. Still, they know a good deal or a bad deal when they see one, and are able to persuade clients when to call a loan officer or attorney. The male notaries don’t always see the value of reviews at first…but when they start getting reviews, they are unstoppable and no woman can compete with them. They get lots of work, lots of praise, and they close. That remaining 20%, though, already seem to have all the good qualities noted above, plus the compassion and patience and good humor of the women who are notaries. It’s a bird, it’s a plane–it’s Super Notary! Ladies, beware!

Of the hundreds of female notaries we’ve talked with, on the other hand, almost all have this amazing sense about people. They listen. They repair situations that are falling apart. Women who are notaries make friends easily. The paradox is they may not always make good choices at first about where to go for work or where to meet clients, and they don’t always stand firm and get people to sign; in a difficult situation, female notaries often leave. But women who are notaries get people to relax, feel good, and spend extra time (“time wasted,” grumbles one ferociously successful male notary) helping borrowers or clients, driving them places, or listening to their problems. For the most part, they are the opposite of the domineering image of a woman Thurber portrays in the cartoon above! People like their style and their compassion, and although female notaries seem to spend more time doing their jobs, the satisfaction, praise, and reviews they get in return keep them going…and going…and going. They, too, are good at numbers and details, and at explaining documents. As one male notary told me today, “Female notaries sometimes have trouble because there are some men [borrowers] who like to intimidate women. Period.” Yet although they know when to leave, the women often prefer to stay and make friends. “If you want a sympathetic notary, hire a woman,” one young male notary told us. “I am a contract closer, not a hair stylist who will embody compassion and discuss your most intimate secrets,” he quips. “Well,” says one successful woman who is a notary with agencies in several states, “they say, If you want it done, ask a man; if you want it done right, ask a woman.”

Which notary should I hire? Compassion is important to me; if both sexes displayed this trait, there would be no war between men and woman…and no war in general. But compassion is not what counts most in the notary business. The female notary who is organized and has mastered the journal and the no-nonsense “time is money” approach does well as a notary, and never fears going into any situation because, besides her can of pepper spray and years of experience and praise, she brings the confidence that she is the equal of any man, and any client. It also helps that this Super Notary (Woman) or Notary Woman is impeccably dressed, always on time, always patient yet never loses control of the situation and the time–and is trained in every kind of document and exception to every rule. She is not masculine in any way, and is, in fact, often so gorgeous or personable that she frequently gets asked out by the single males she does notary work for…and even sometimes by the married ones. However, Super Notary (Man) is also a force to be reckoned with, a mix of upbeat kind remarks, punctuality, courtesy, humor, and an ability to explain and present documents concisely in just the right way, firmly, and in record time. He knows when someone is being cheated, and knows how to steer that borrower to discover it for him-or-herself. Super Notary is strong yet laid back, personable but never unprofessional or suggestive…and everyone feels he really cares and would defend their interests to the death…because he’s “a good guy at heart,” the Christopher Reeve of the notary world. Aw gee.

It seems the best notaries I’ve met on 123notary are those who exhibit the traits traditionally associated with both men and women. So how to decide? I have two in mind (you know who you are!) Which notary should I hire?

Which one would be most likely to assist me if anything went wrong? The notary with the best manner…or the best journal? I need to hire a notary. I’ve narrowed it down to two. Given a choice between two notaries I have in mind, one male and one female–I am totally baffled about which to choose. They both answer their phones, are sensible and savvy, have certifications and wonderful reviews, and solid lives that show that they themselves are financially sound and exemplify good decision-making. Which notary should I hire?

The one with the most experience who can also give the clearest and kindest explanation…no matter how long it takes…without pushing me or rushing me or getting angry.

No woman could be quite as fearsome as the woman pictured in the Thurber drawing above (I hope), or any man as dull or spineless as that tiny husband. But any pleasant, upbeat, reasonably competent male or female notary would easily win out over these–well–cartoon characters…because real people are compassionate as well as accurate and on-time, funny as well as serious, strong in some ways and weak in others…and all flawed in their own inimitable ways. Which notary should I hire? If it’s an important loan I really am not sure about, I want nothing less that the best in the business, and that has to be decided on the basis of references and quality and concrete evidence. After all, that’s how notaries get paid.

So tonight, I’m going to flip a coin.


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January 29, 2011

Notary Oscars

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , , — admin @ 10:30 pm

Notary Oscars

Welcome to this year’s Notary Oscars. For best picture…

“Trumbo” – About the black list – where notaries get blacklisted after doing something wrong… like making a profit which the signing companies don’t want them to do, putting them in the black. Not to be confused with the actors at this year’s Oscars – the white list.

“The Big Short” – about getting shorted out of your pay.

“Bridge of Spies” – about signing companies who spy on notaries who say bad things about them on forums.

“Spotlight” – Uncovering the discovery about having non-consensual notarizations with underage signers.

“The Hateful Eight” – About the current Supreme Court complaining about the Notary who doesn’t know how to give an oath to the yet to be appointed new guy.

“Steve Jobs” – About Apple’s refusal to let the government crack the cell phone information of the notary who was about to notarize a terrorist.

“Joy” – About what a notary feels when actually getting paid on time.

“Room” – About what you don’t have if your last name is too long to fit on the signature page.

“The Danish Girl” – About the first male notary who became a female notary, formerly “Robin Schneider” on his commission stamp, now changed to “Robin Schneider”.

“Inside Out” – About a notary who knows his notary law inside out, and to stay consistent, notarizes a document that’s inside out while wearing his shirt inside out.


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January 2, 2011

Commission Impossible…


Your commission, should you choose to accept it, is for an impossible mission that few notaries’ businesses live to tell about… The ones not worth commissioning…

Look out! The signer isn’t present! Right behind you! That document is incomplete! Not a good sign – The signer is the notary’s spouse! Watch out! The signer can’t produce acceptable identification! If their driver’s license picture is Waldo of “Where’s Waldo” fame, beware! Whether you can spot him in a crowd, or not, Waldo doesn’t really exist! Danger! The notary has a financial interest in the transaction! In that case, your interest must be in finding a commission impossible!

Oh no! The document doesn’t have a prepared notary certificate! Prepare yourself for disaster or no commission, whichever comes first! Danger! The notary thinks the signer is being coerced to sign! Coerce yourself out of that situation! What’s that, you say? The notary suspects the transaction is fake or deceptive? That’s as conducive to landing a commission as landing a punch in a fake wrestling match!

Look out!! The signer can’t pay the notary’s fee? Commission impossible! The signer’s a minor? Commission impossible! The signer seems drunk? Face this sober fact – Commission impossible!!

Don’t let the signer intimidate you into notarizing when the law prohibits it! If you use good judgment, you’ll get the commission the right way. Oh, and since this is “Commission Impossible,” at the end you’ll also get the girl, even if you’re not Tom Cruise. If you’re a female notary, you’ll get the guy. Even if he’s not Tom Cruise!

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