June 2014 - Notary Blog - Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice - 123notary.com
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June 23, 2014

Notary Cheers: Sammy gets a name change form notarized

CUSTOMER: “Bartender, I’ll have a Sam Adams Boston Lager, and a Certified John Hancock Pale Ale for my friend.”

SAM: “Ah, your friend must be a Notary.”

CLIFF: “Uh, y’know, Sammy, it’s a little known fact that he first got the name, John Hancock, after his notary public told him, ‘Put your John Hancock on that declaration!”

(song) “Sometimes you wanna go where everybody signs your name. And they’re always… kind of… glad you came… (as long as you show up on time and dress professionally.) You wanna be where you can see our documents are all the same. You wanna be where everyone signs your name.”

DIANE: “Sam, can you switch my shift tonight with Carla? The ballet is in town and Frasier and I are dying to attend their performance of Swan Lake.”

CARLA: “Too bad he can’t die before he gets there. Sammy, why do I always have to switch shifts with bleachbag? You know, I’ve got a life too!”

CLIFF: “Yeah, popping out papooses.”

CARLA: (getting into Cliff’s face) “You’ve got a life now, you wanna keep having one?”

SAM: (delivering the John Hancock) “Hey, listen man, you guys can witness name changes, right?”

NOTARY: “Well, you need a specific form for that from the County Clerk. Then, you sign it and get it notarized. But, I can only notarize it with you signing the old way, because that’s the way it will read on your driver’s license.”

CARLA: “Assuming he doesn’t have a DUI, and that his driver’s license hasn’t been revoked.”

NORM: “I heard that even if a driver’s license is revoked, if it’s still current, you can use it as a legal identification. Am I right on this one?”

NOTARY: “Hmm, actually, I had a case like that a year ago. I had to look it up in my Notary primer. It turned out that although the signer couldn’t use the ID to drive, he could still use it to be notarized.”

CLIFF: “Who’s changing their name, Sammy?”

SAM: “I am, when I take Veronica to the hotel on the Cape.”

NORM: “John Doe?”

SAM: “You’re looking at him.”

NORM & CLIFF: “Oooohh”

WOODY: “Is Veronica that married girl you’ve been telling us about, Sam?”

SAM: “Yeah, and if her husband ever finds out, my new name will be mud.”

DIANE: “Why you would disrupt the harmony of a marital relationship to satisfy your juvenile urges is a mark of immaturity for the likes of even you Sam.”

SAM: “Hey, first of all, her marriage is on the rocks.”

DIANE: “So, you are getting your rocks off.”

SAM: “Not exactly. But, John Doe will be, as soon as these papers get signed.”

WOODY: “Boy, Sam’s really something to watch… I mean… the future John is really something to watch.”

NORM: “But, I thought you didn’t have the paperwork yet.”

SAM: “It’s as good as in my hand. We’re only walking distance from the Suffolk County Clerk in downtown Boston.”

NOTARY: “Counting your chickens before they’ve hatched.”

NORM: “Trust me, Sammy’s chickens always hatch. Isn’t that right, Sam?”

SAM: “That’s right!”

WOODY: “Back on the farm in Indiana, our chickens always hatched. Or maybe it was the eggs that always hatched. I always get that mixed up.”

CLIFF: “But, the eggs come first, if you’re talking daylight savings time. And, above the equator.”

CARLA: “… when I throw’em at your car.”

DIANE: “Carla, if you switch shifts with me, I’ll be your best friend!”

CARLA: “You call that an incentive?”

DIANE: “I swear I’ll stay out of your hair for an entire month.”

CLIFF: “I was gonna make a crack about Carla’s hair, but, I’d rather live.”

CARLA: “All right. I’ll switch shifts with you. But, if you’re swearing you’ll stay out of my hair, I’m gonna need a notarized sworn Oath. Hurry before he leaves!”

NOTARY: “Can do.”

DIANE: “Fine, if you can’t find it in your… in what some people might refer to as a ‘heart’… to trust my word, I’ll assign my words to the proper forms as suggested by the lovely gentleman who ordered the John Hancock.”

NORM: “If you can find a form long enough.”

SAM: “Can we get a twofer here? Her Oath, my Name Change?”

NOTARY: “Sure, why not. Call me when your documents are all ready.”

DIANE: (raising her right hand) “I have one last question.”

NOTARY: “Should I raise my right hand too, while you ask that particular question? Sorry, Notary humor.”

DIANE: “Oh, I was just trying to get your attention. Can you come around 8 pm tomorrow? I’ll have the Oath written by then. I need this done at night because I’ll be working nights this week.”

CARLA: “Yeah, unless you switch shifts again!”

TO BE CONTINUED…

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Bond. Notary Bond.

Filed under: Movie Themes — Tags: , , , — admin @ 12:47 am

How come there is a James Bond, but no Notary Bond!
Okay, there is a Notary Surety Bond, but that is a contractual agreement, not a person. I’m talking about a dude!

Notary Bond — spy, assassin, and Notary Public at large!

Notary Bond: “This is 007 reporting for active duty, I’m awaiting my instructions.”
Boss: “Just hold tight for the moment. We have a signing in San Diego coming up.”
Notary Bond: “Is it near a ski lift? I enjoy the drama of running for my life on and near ski lifts.”
Boss: “How about being chased on a surf board and then having Mexican lobster bits in Old Town?”
Notary Bond: “I have no objections!”

In the mean time, with absolute Surety — Notary Bond or “Notary Surety Bond” goes for a drink in Rancho Santa Fe, where the local multi-millionaires live!

Bar Tender: “Welcome, what can I do you in for?”
Notary Bond: “I’d like my signature drink — a Notarial Martini — shaken, not stirred”
Bar Tender: “May I see your license and E&O insurance please?”
Notary Bond: “Not a problem – here it is…”
Bar Tender: “Oh, (pause) you’re…”
Notary Bond: “Yes, I’m… well, I prefer not to discuss that in mixed company.”
Bond Girl: “Hi I’m Jessica”
Notary bond: “You’re irresistible Jessica!”
Bond Girl: “Thanks. I notice those two men at the other end of the bar staring at you. There are two other men wearing black in a car staring at them. What’s this all about?”
Notary Bond: “Not to worry. I’ll take care of it after a quick trip to the rest room. By the way, you are as beautiful as Trump’s 2nd wife!”
Bond Girl: “You mean first wife”
Notary Bond: “My mistake. Luckily that type of mistake will not be my last.”
Bond Girl: “Well, if it was, it would be short lived!”
Notary Bond: “Finish this for me!”
———- (he dives over the bar… gunshots ring out.. next thing you know you see the black BMW driving off and the two scary looking guts with their throats slit squirming on the side walk)———-

The two guys watching Bond from their table were looking in the bathroom for Bond while Bond had slipped out the kitchen back door and to the car which he stole after resolving the problem of the two passengers. Notary Bond swerved and turned through the twisty and hilly San Diego County roads on his way to Encinitas beach to go surfing to his underwater hideout — equipped with oxygen tanks.

2 Guys: “We’ve got his girl kidnapped. Let’s find him. Luckily for us, we have GPS tracking for the car he stole.”
Notary bond: “Off to go surfing. And I can’t think of a more perfect day. I hope my wet suit is ready!”
2 Guys: “There he is! He’s running towards the water in his wet suit.”
Notary Bond: “I need to get 200 feet out and then I’m good.”

Meanwhile the bad guys have a motor boat waiting for them and beat Bond to the sea level coordinates of his underwater hideout. But, Bond disappears!!!

2 Guys: “He was here two seconds ago, what happened? His surfboard is still here? He didn’t have tanks! How long can he hold his breath?”
Notary Bond: “I couldn’t help but overhear that someone was looking for me!”
2 Guys: “Drop the gun or the girl dies!”
Notary Bond: “She means nothing to me!”
2 Guys: “Why does he always say that? Then you don’t mind if we throw her into our shark tank down below?”
Notary Bond: “Yes, I do mind, because I want to throw that double-crosser in myself!”

Notary Bond drags the girl by her hair to the shark tank. Bang Bang. Bond’s accomplice secretly boarded the boat from his underwater compound, kills the bad guys. Now it is off to Mexico for a little R&R.

Notary Bond: “All in a day’s work — actually, that only took 22 minutes! Hello, this is 007 reporting to base. Mission accomplished, but next time can you send me a blonde? I’m tired of brunettes…”

Tweets:
(1) Notary Bond: “This is 007 reporting for active duty, I’m awaiting my instructions.”
(2) Hello, this is 007: Mission accomplished, but next time can you send me a blonde? I’m tired of brunettes…”

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June 18, 2014

The Towles Booth (pronounced “tolls”)

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — admin @ 7:14 am

What happens when you come “The Towles booth?” Do you come to pay your Towles, or do you come to get directions?

In real life, the ‘Towles’ booth is not a Kiosk on the side of the highway that you pay to get into the fast lane. It is a phone call to reach Carmen Towles of 123notary to pay your membership.dues and get helpful notary/signing agent tips to get into the notary fast track. I guess that the experience has many parallels to a real toll booth. You pay a toll, and get some travel tips in the notary world!

If you want a good laugh, try to picture Carmen working in a real toll booth, with real notaries driving through, paying her cash, getting change, and getting tips and maps to their destination. There would be a huge backup, because Carmen has a lot to say. She has about thirteen years of experience in the mobile notary industry, and she has seen it all: the good, the bad, and the criminally insane as well.

The thing is that some notaries just think she is some broad who collects their dues. Other notaries see her as a source of very valuable knowledge, experience, and information. I think that the way a Notary sees Carmen says a lot about the type of notary they are. Most notaries do not want to be all they can be, this is just some gig they try to get into to make a few extra bucks. The notaries who really want to excel realize what an irreplaceable asset Carmen is, and are willing to pay our high fees, partly because of the assistance they get when they are in a pinch, or need help making a complicated strategic decision about their business.

Carmen has helped people pass their notary exam, helped with signing agent questions, and she helps people figure out what to do with their advertising on 123notary as well. Some people call to complain, others to buy something, and a few to upgrade. But, the smart people call the Towles booth to get valuable information that no other notary agency offers. But, don’t believe me. Call the NNA, Notary Rotary, Notary Cafe, and see if they can offer the same type of practical help with signing agent and marketing issues that Carmen and I offer at 123notary.com.

Note to self: Purchase a ticket to be in the carpool lane!

Tweets:
(1) Need notary info in a hurry? It’s time to visit the “Towles Booth” (pronounced “tolls”)
(2) Some come to pay a toll, others call for notary tips: We call it the Towles Booth!
(3) If you want a good laugh, try to picture Carmen working in a real toll booth on the notary highway!
(4) Carmen has 15 years exp. in the notary industry & has seen it all.

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June 14, 2014

NotaryMatch.com — a dating site for notaries!

Have you ever noticed that the happiest notaries are the ones who are part of a tag team combo? They wife or husband is often a notary too. They tend to be happier and more successful too. The question is, did they become notaries after marriage, or was it a pre-existing condition? Maybe their wife was a vampire Notary, and after they were bitten, they became a notary too. I’m not sure if it works that way. I’ll have to ask the secretary of state’s office.

Either you find someone compatible and make them a notary, or you could find someone to marry who is already a notary. I’m not sure which way is better, so try both! To find a single notary, just go to notarymatch.com or notarymingle.com. Find thousands of single notaries who are looking for that special someone!

One notary used this site, but had mixed results. They met someone to go out with, but they didn’t go out on a “date.” They had a “date and time” and had to record that in some sort of journal.

The girl recorded:
Date & Time: April 17th, 2012 6:23pm.
Type of Act: Eating (Casual dinner)
Document: Not Applicable
Document date: N/A
Name: John Doe — as reads on driver’s license
Address: 1777 Laurel Street. Brick, NJ 08888
Type of ID: Passed online screening. Not a murderer or sex offender. Driver’s license
Additional Notes: Will record after the “Date & Time”
Signature: Refuses to sign on the first date (men!!!)
Fee: “Barter” — He will pay for dinner
Thumbprint — hoping for more than a thumbprint if he’s cute

So, they had a fun date & time. But, after the date & time the girl asked the guy:
Girl: “Can you sign my journal?”
Guy: “Sorry, I don’t usually sign notary journals on the first date!”
Girl: “Oh…. you’re exactly the type of guy I want to marry!”
Guy: “Let’s just see if we make it through the second date, and then we can start thinking about marriage. One step at a time please!”

All I can say is, thank god it wasn’t a “backdate.”

Tweets:
(1) Find a notary to date on notarymatch.com AND notarymingle.com! Find his/her/your(s) special someone
(2) “Sorry, I don’t normally sign a girls journal on the first date!”

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June 12, 2014

When you goof

Any Vulcans or Androids reading this? As these characters on Startrek embody perfection; they have no need to read further. Oh? You’re human – then read on because as certain as death and taxes you will make a mistake when you notarize on a regular basis. Only do one notarization a year? Chances are that if you are reading blogs here on 123notary.com you will get those rare events perfect. But, for the rest of us; the many thousand details annually virtually guarantee some errors.

The gotchas come from far and wide. I always look at my watch to verify the date; every time. And, my watch is right “most of the time”. The date changes every 24 hours to the next number ranging from 1 to 31. But, alas, my watch does not know which months have less than 31 days. It’s not too hard to imagine an entry on a loose ack of Sept 31! Some names are lengthy and to many, difficult to spell. Even when copying directly from the driver license it’s easy to transpose a letter or two. Magicians use “misdirection” to direct your attention away from what they are really doing. In an “attention diverted” situation; resuming what you were doing requires extreme care.

You can defend against virtually all errors by learning how to double check your work. It’s not as easy as it sounds. An error made the first time; will probably look “just as correct” the second time. When it comes to double checking, the safety expression “Speed Kills” sums it up perfectly. You cannot really do that verification of your work if you go “more quickly” than when you did it the first time. Actually, because you tend to “see what you want to see” – you really have to go much slower to check your work, compared to the time it took you to do the work.

Let’s assume that one slipped past your most diligent double check, what now? It’s a widely known fact that the “fix it” fairy exists, and with pixie dust plus a stroke of the pen; often “makes it right”. Many “up the food chain” don’t want to go through the proper procedures to redo. Those un-named processors just fix it. Illegal? Sure. But as the kids often say “do do do happen”. You will never know if you submitted perfect work or had an “assist”.

However, eventually you will get the call. “There is a problem with what you sent us”. If you have a high speed scanner and bothered to make a complete copy of the file, you can take a look and see if it was indeed your error. There is a good chance they are referring to the page they forgot to send to you. To prove this you need to be able to look at the file that arrived in your in box. Hmmmm, no such document was sent to you –and- you can prove it. Perhaps they claim you did not notarize the Mortgage. For that you need to look at the complete scan of the file you shipped back. There is a good chance that someone on the receiving end just lost the page. Thus, you need records of your input and your output to determine if you actually did goof.

Looking at the file you submitted, it is clear you missed the initials on one page. True it was a subtle miss, as the field was in the middle of the page; a spot easily overlooked. You now can defend your actions by being silly, claiming that they did not highlight the unusual but required location. Or, you can show professionalism and offer to do whatever is necessary to make amends. The policy of http://kenneth-a-edelstein.com is to make a “fix” my highest priority. It’s rare but when it happens I fix it very fast, and ship priority with a charge to my personal FedEx account.

It is times like this that many notaries truly “show their “tail feathers”” by making various lame excuses. They don’t want to hear anything other than how you plan to “make it right”. Telling them about the distractions from the howling dog, the bad lighting, or the cramped table is foolishness; and makes you look like a buffoon. Taking ownership of the problem and vowing to do whatever is necessary to make amends is the only correct response. If you have to take a taxi to the affiant, print at a Kinkos, and wait 2 hours for the signer who is in a meeting prior to going home; that’s exactly what you must do. And do it cheerfully; knowing your reputation is on the line.

Those who depended on you know that all errors cannot be avoided. Now it’s your attitude and zeal to make amends that will determine whether you keep or lose a client. Turn that “goof” into a “nice recovery” and be a hero.

Tweets:
(1) Chances are: if you’re reading blogs here on 123notary.com you will do your notarizations perfectly!
(2) You can defend against virtually all notary errors by learning how to double check your work
(3) When you scan your work to double check, do you know what to look for?
(4) You need to keep meticulous records to determine whose at fault if there’s a mistake!
(5) Everyone makes mistakes, it’s how willing you are to make amends for them that determine your success w/clients.

You might also like:

I have completed 2000 error-free signings
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4596

Common Signing Agent Mistakes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4553

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June 8, 2014

If a pizza can get there in 30 minutes or less, why not a notary?

Hiring a mobile notary is not always easy. They are not always available when you need them. Plus, they might have an appointment right after they see you for an Acknowledged signature in another part of town. That means, if you are running late, your appointment could get cut short!

Domino’s Pizza has delivery guys who wait for you. They line up at the store waiting for pizzas to come out of the oven. They spend their idle time putting pizza boxes together, and the minute it comes out of the oven — they sprint for the front door. They can get there in 30 minutes or less because they are waiting like a Lexington Minuteman by the oven.

But, notaries are not always ready to run. And if they are, they might be in another town far away from you. Maybe the world needs a notary company with dozens of notaries just waiting by the door so the dispatcher can just blow his trumpet, key in his credit card processing system and say, “Charge!”

Maybe one day. In the mean time, we have many decades to go before you see a commercial on TV that says,

“The notary will be there in 30 minutes or less or your Jurat is free — Oath not included…
restrictions apply — offer not valid in Alaska or Hawaii, applies to participating stores only! Side effects may include dizziness, confusion, stress, and a loss of appetite. As with any other legal service, consult your Attorney before you get a prescription for our services.”

Tweets:
(1) Hiring a mobile notary isn’t easy. They are not always available when you need them.
(2) The notary will be there in 30 minutes or less or your Jurat is free (Oath not included)
(3) There’s plenty of fast food, but not enough fast notaries!

You might also like:

Zen and the Art of Being a Notary in Los Angeles
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4764

I get paid enough to get something on the value menu at McDonalds
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4625

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June 6, 2014

Poo Picking – getting the best notary jobs

Poo Picking
You are probably much more used to the phrase “cherry picking”. It’s a phrase that pays homage to the selection of the best fruit. Without belaboring the point; there is an analogy to picking the best notary assignments. But what about the rest of the assignments? Clearly there is a broad range. The cherries are close by, easy to do; and pay a high fee. The majority of the assignments offered to us are not cherries; they are average. Average, in that we work hard to earn a fair wage. However, there are also the “Poo” assignments. Difficult, far, time consuming, and with a bunch of special added requirements; often at bottom dollar.

How do you get the cherries and avoid the Poo? As the First Lady said “Just Say No”. It’s very bad business to accept every offer made to you. Some say it’s necessary to take the bad with the good. Why? I take the cherries and the average and reject the Poo. If you have been a mobile notary for any length of time you should have developed a good sense of what is a Poo situation. One classic warning sign is that the situation takes a large amount of your time, prior to actually doing the assignment. Do you have time to spare? Probably not.
Quote by Abraham Lincoln: “A Lawyer’s Time and Advice are His Stock in Trade.”. Swap Lawyer’s for Notary’s and that is reality. You have only so much time to devote. Any task that takes an unreasonable amount of your time needs to be abandoned. Sometimes you have to just “let go” – as what starts time-consuming will probably become more so. There are no exact guidelines for me to give you. If you feel you are descending into a pit, climb out!

Now to the real “meat” of this entry. Your calendar is the single most important time management tool. Do you guard it carefully, aware the entries represent the commitment of a slice of your time; unusable for other matters. Some feel anything is better than nothing. If you accept a “Poo” assignment you will be forced to decline all others. Thus, you are, if you are really managing your business; forced to determine the quality and “worth” of the offer. It is in this aspect of time management that so many fail miserably.

“Shields Up” shouts the First Officer on the Enterprise, the Star Trek Starship. It’s the duty of the First Officer, first to protect the ship; second to protect the Captain. You are the Captain of your business, and your experience and judgment must serve as the first officer. But what of the Starship? That’s your “bottom line” – does your business model protect both yourself (from legal action, danger, etc.) and protect your income flow? Assuming you don’t want to fire the Captain (you) then you might have to rethink how you apply your experience and judgment.

“Let me try to have that fee approved” a/k/a “as soon as I hang up I will be looking for someone cheaper, but if I can’t find one; only then will I call back”. One possible response is “fine, but I cannot make a calendar entry until we have an agreement; the time slot might not be available when you call back”. Some are a bit more “pushy’ – “pencil me in for that time” they ask. Sure, I reply but be aware that the next caller who wants that time will cause me to use the other end of the pencil and erase your entry.

Back to Poo, your time; and now add commitment. Today a Poo caller, this one an Escrow Co. (or so they said); made a solid commitment to having both payment and assignment sheet to me by noon for a 3PM assignment. As I write this it’s now 12:30 – nothing received. What to do? For http://kenneth-a-edelstein.com “it never happened”. No, I’m not going to call them; they were able to call me, and have chosen to just ignore their agreement with me. It’s not worth my time to call them. They never had a calendar entry, so there is nothing to erase. It’s unlikely, but if they suddenly resurrect themselves and call at 1:30; and I am “open” – perhaps I will be able to accommodate them. But it’s my rules that govern.

The key to Poo management is establishing deadlines for events; and mutually understanding what will happen when the deadline passes. Then stick to it. Nobody owns you, or manages you; unless you let them.

Tweets:
(1) Re: Notary Assignments; Do you know how to pick the cherries and leave out the undesirable jobs?
(2) Any task that takes an unreasonable amount of your time needs to be abandoned. Sometimes you have to just “let go”
(3) Nobody owns you or manages you unless you let them! When it comes to the worst notary jobs, “just say no”

You might also like:

$10,000 a month on a bad month
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3891

Interview with a Title Company
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3724

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