A Notary went to see a Notary Psychic to learn how to do his job better and see what was in store for him. Here is what happened…
NOTARY: Hello. I want to know my future.
CLARA: Spoiler alert: You die.
NOTARY: My nearer future!
CLARA: I predict you are willing to pay $50 cash for this information.
NOTARY: Umm…. I’ll have to pay in you ones because I was planning on going to a strip club and then changed my mind at the last minute.
CLARA: Don’t expect me to give you a lap dance. I’ll reciprocate by stripping off the veil to your future.
NOTARY: Actually I think it’s more like a burka, but that’s fine. So, will I get many Notary clients?
CLARA: Hold on, I am looking into crystal ball. Actually I do not need ball for this one. You must to spend a few hundred to get top spot on 123notary in your local area plus have amazing notes section and many reviews from satisfied clients who tipped you with one dollar bills.
NOTARY: Okay, writing this down… Can you tell me what will happen to me this week?
CLARA: Okay, I use Notary tarot cards… Hold on… I must meditate on this. Okay… this first card has an upside down Notary seal. It indicates that something dubious will happen. Keep eyes open for fake ID from client, especially if he’s teenager asking you to buy him booze. Or is Russian client and I have many of those. But, if you have Russian client refer them to me — they spend mint on psychics.
NOTARY: Interesting. How did you get your name?
CLARA: I am Clara because I am Clara-Voyant.
NOTARY: I should have known. Then again, I’m not clairvoyant.
CLARA: I knew that. Now I get Notary Gypsy card. Notary Gypsy sees future and past, but cannot make sense of the present. This means you will be confused at present-day Notary job, who you did good work for in the past, but will give the client great advice for their future.
NOTARY: I had a client like that last week. As for my clients in the present, too confusing. What about next month?
CLARA: Let’s see. Oh… I got the commission expiration card. That means something in your career will end, but something new will begin. Maybe you’ll stop using SnapDocs and pass the 123notary certification test that you have been procrastinating about for the last several months.
NOTARY: Oh yeah, I keep procrastinating about meaning to do that. Can you look in your ball too?
CLARA: Yes. I think Coca-Cola stock will go up 2 points next week, but it’s not like I have a crystal ball… ooops, actually I do have a crystal ball — forgot! Okay, I am seeing an ancestor of yours who was a Notary in Slovakia. He wishes to guide you in your career. Ooops, it’s actually someone else’s ancestor. Damn this cheap crystal. That’s the last time I bid for a used crystal on ebay! Okay, I use my old crystal from Russia, it’s cracked, but Gypsies use it for generations. Just never mind crack on left. Okay! You will sign a Power of Attorney.
NOTARY: Duh, you don’t have to be a psychic to know that!
CLARA: I predicted you’d say that. You were a Notary in a past life in Japan. It’s the last time someone bowed to you… Wait… Wait… I’m seeing something else. You worked for the court of the emperor and pleased him. He made you to very high position. It is your destiny to rise to high position in this life too as a result of past life karma.
NOTARY: Oh! What kind of high position will I get?
CLARA: Hold on… I am seeing Attorneys… Yes… Attorneys with lots of money… and lots of power.. Wait a second, isn’t that what I just said. Power of Attorney.
NOTARY: No, you said Power of Attorney, but now you are saying Powerful Attorneys.
CLARA: What is difference?
NOTARY: Let me use your tarot card deck. Oh, what a surprise. I got the Notary card with a seal stamping a document that says, “It’s time to learn English, honey!”>