Frazier & Dianne need to rewrite a letter and get it notarized to make sure their love is legitimate. Frazier suspects that Dianne still has feelings for Sam.
FRAZIER: Dianne, I’ve been thinking. I know we love each other, but I want to make it more official.
DIANNE: How can love be official? Isn’t love just a feeling? A lasting feeling that can endure the worst setback and torment and tribulation.
CARLA: Oh, give it a break! You go over one too many bumps in the road and anyone’s love will break. It’s just human nature.
SAM: I think love can last, if you give it a chance, and are committed.
NORM: That’s not what happened with any of your relationships Sam.
SAM: Well, I tried, okay?
WOODY: I think that’s nice that Frazier and Dianne want to get a notarized statement about their love. I think that shows that they take it real seriously.
CLIFF: They can give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen? Besides, Dianne falling in love with the Notary. Like that’s gonna happen. Did you see the last Notary who came in here?
DIANNE: Enough Cliff. The Notary who came last time was very nice… especially after he had his beer — well, during the beer he was nice too.
FRAZIER: So, are we going to do it? I can write something up. Or better, we can write it together. Isn’t that how it should be?
DIANNE: Oh Frazier!
CARLA: If you want to know if your love is really legitimate, install a hidden camera in Frazier’s house. You’ll see what’s legitimate then.
NORM: So, Frazier, speaking of legitimate, have you ever had any accidental children with anyone you were dating?
FRAZIER: I find your question highly inappropriate actually.
CLIFF: I’m sure he didn’t mean it in a bad way.
DIANNE: Okay, I’m thinking. You don’t suspect that I still have feelings for Sam, do you?
FRAZIER: Well, the thought did cross my mind.
DIANNE: Oh, how can you even think that?
FRAZIER: Well, when you’ve been with someone that long, even after it’s over, there are always lingering feelings. Plus, I notice the way you sometimes look at him.
CLIFF: Yeah, I notice that too. She has that… je ne sais quoi when she looks at him.
FRAZIER: So, it’s been determined that I’m not the only one who has noticed this, or who suspects the same.
DIANNE: I’m over him. I know that my relationship with Sam couldn’t last. We’re just too different. Sure, occassionally, some latent feelings will bubble up, but intellectually I know that it wasn’t meant to be.
FRAZIER: Ah-ha, I knew I was right.
CARLA: You don’t need a PhD to figure that one out Einstein.
FRAZIER: So, can you verify what you said in writing, so we can have it notarized?
DIANNE: Yes… I mean I think I can… I can. I will.
(a few days later)
NOTARY: Yeah, I’ll have another Sam Adams. But, keep it cold for me while I do this Notary job. What is this, a vow renewal?
FRAZIER: Of a sort. We’re not married you see. We’re just madly in love with each other.
NOTARY: Got it. Well, I just need to check the signer’s ID. And I’ll take a thumbprint just to be sure that the signer isn’t an imposter. Would you like me to use my embosser as a secondary notary seal? It leaves a raised impression and looks very thorough and professional.
DIANNE: Yes, we’d like that.
FRAZIER: Does this mean you will have to hold her hand while thumbprinting her? I can’t bear the thought.
NOTARY: You can do it. Just don’t make too much of a mess. I’ll train you. Just hold her thumb like this, and press straight down like this. Let’s practice on a napkin… no not that one. A clean napkin.
FRAZIER: I feel it is more romantic this way. My love for thee. I hereby take thy hand as my thumbprint-worthy object of affection and everlasting love for the purpose of thumbprinting.
DIANNE: Oh Frazier!
(Frazier depresses Dianne’s thumb in the ink pad and then down in the journal’s section for the thumbprint. Then she hugs him)
FRAZIER: I’m sorry to interrupt our love, but you didn’t happen to wipe your thumb clean of the ink, now did you?
NOTARY: Not to worry, It is an inkless thumbprint pad from the NNA. No ink — no mess.
FRAZIER: Brilliant. So, my $700 jacket is saved… and so is my love! Where do I sign?
NOTARY: I just need Dianne to sign, and then I need to write down the particulars in her ID.
CARLA: Don’t you still have her ID information from the last time you came. Remember, when we found out how old she really is?
NOTARY: Well, I like to get a fresh look at the ID every time.
DIANNE: Please don’t remind me of that time.
FRAZIER: Age my dear is just a number. And so long as that number is 21 or older you have permission to have a drink. Shall we toast?
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