Improv; or could be like a class; hecklers
HOST: To get a spot at the Notary comedy club you have to sign up to do a spot and have a Notary witness your signature!
JOHNNIE: Well, do you have a witness protection program?
SALLY: Why, did you witness the wrong Will and get into trouble?
JOHNNIE: I was just thinking. What if an evil son of a Billionaire, had an older guy forge the signature of his father at a Will signing, and you were the witness? You might be oblivious to the entire situation until the rest of the family comes after you. Then, you’ll need a witness protection program.
SALLY: Oh, so you’re not joking. I thought this was a comedy club!
HECKLER: That’s not funny, you should be entered into the witless protection program.
HOST: Welcome to Scribbles, how’s everyone doing? I can attest to the fact that you are going to have a great time tonight, but don’t make me swear under Oath by it. At Scribbles, you won’t see us kill a joke, but we will execute a document! This next performer has won approval in Notary comedy clubs across the country.
SALLY: Hi, my name is Sally. I am proud to say that I come pre-approved, but they claim that they still need to run my credit. And I pre-disapprove of that. I strongly believe in the concept of joke recycling. You know, my seal doesn’t have an expiration date, it just says, “better if used by Feb 17th, 2014.”
HECKLER: Hey I heard that before!
SALLY: Yes, that is because I recycled that joke. I think it’s such a shame to let a perfectly good joke end up in the trash when you could recycle or reuse it. That makes such a difference for the environment, at least in comedic circles. There’s just one thing. How come nobody recycles my jokes?
HECKLER: Because your jokes aren’t funny!
JAKE: Hi, I’m Jake. I’m also a Notarial comic. Hey you in the front.
GUY IN FRONT: Who me?
JAKE: Yeah you! Is that an Affidavit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
GUY IN FRONT: It must be an Affidavit because I’m not happy to see you!
JAKE: Hey, I’m not exactly doing cartwheels looking at your ugly face either, buddy! Speaking of barely credible witnesses, I had a signing company tell me that they would be paying me on Tuesday the 29th. Unfortunately, when I looked at my calendar this year, there is no February 29th.
This a great crowd! So, has anyone done any good Oaths recently?
GUY IN FRONT: Funny you should mention that.
HECKLER: That’s the first time he was funny all night!
GUY IN FRONT: I have a lot of Vietnamese clients. You know if you have a guy name Tan, you can say Tan the man. But, I recently had a client named Tran the Dan/Ann who was swearing that he was a man.
HECKLER: Well, I bet Tran was happy to see you.
HOST: It’s time for our next Notary who will think he’s not getting any respect unless you fulfill your 2 drink minimum.
RODNEY: You know, I think you should change that to a two Jurat minimum. A Jurat sounds a lot more credible than a drink, plus you can’t spill it no matter how hard you try. I just went to a Notary comedy club where they don’t charge a fixed fee at the door, but they charge by the laugh. $2 per laugh with a five laugh minimum. Putting laugh minimums aside, I just did a Notary act that didn’t get me any respect. No respect at all! An 80 year old woman asked me to do a Deed… It was the dirty Deed!
RODNEY: I just did a loan signing that doesn’t get me any respect. The credible witnesses didn’t look believable, the signer was two hours late, and the hostess didn’t offer me any cool-aid. Then the signer’s kid told me he couldn’t wait until my commission expired. What a family! No respect. No respect at all!
My wife’s idea of a civil action is telling me that I’m only “kind of” ugly!
I had to put my last property into Escrow. It wasn’t until the next day that Title’s in my wife’s name… as she calls herself, my much better half. And all these years I thought she had Subpoena envy.
HOST: Thanks a bunch. You’ve been a great crowd. Next week, make sure to attend our all you can laugh comedy buffet.
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