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October 9, 2015

The Big Bang Theory: Feeling in control Notarizing

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: — admin @ 11:16 am

RAJ: You know. That entire notary experience was exhilerating.

LEON: I could go either way on that one.

PENNY: I liked it.

SHELDON: I don’t care how it makes me feel. But, can it make us sexy?

LEON: I guess it could. I would feel more in “control” if I could manipulate an inked seal type object with ease.

RAJ: Yes, that is the height of manliness. I agree. We should do this.

SHELDON: Do what?

RAJ: We should take notary lessons. I’m so awkward. We all are. But, who will teach us?

SHELDON: I know… Dora. Have you ever met Dora?

RAJ: I can’t remember

SHELDON: If you can’t remember, you’ve never met Dora. If you meet her once, you’ll never forget.

(Dora comes to teach them about notarization. She is tall, smooth, sexy, and has long flowing hair and very high heels)

RAJ: Hi D.d.d.d.dora!

DORA: Hi, what was your name again?

RAJ: You can call me Roger… or Raj, whiever you can pronounce. Not that you couldn’t pronounce either one, but if you prefer one over the other, you know you can…

DORA: I get the picture. I’ll stick to Raj. It has a sort of a ring to it.

SHELDON: Hi, Dora. We were wondering if becoming notaries, or learning about it would make us smoother around women? As you can see, we are a little bit awkward.

DORA: It couldn’t hurt. Personally, I feel that getting out of this cramped lab, and mingling with the world around you might be a better idea. But, as you wish.

LEON: So, what do we do first? Do you ID us?

DORA: Yes, but I was more interested in showing you how to use my stamp. That’s illegal of course, but not if we cross out the impression afterwards.

SHELDON: Oh, I’m very good at crossing things out. I made a career of that in high school.

DORA: Okay, now grab that seal like you mean it.

LEON: Uh, okay.

DORA: Now press down with it…. no.. not that hard. Do it with confidence. Just the right amount of pressure. Oh my God that looks Terr…iffic! It’s okay to smudge. It doesn’t detract from the meaning of the stamp (pause) so, long as the county recorder never sees it. Now, give me your thumb Sheldon.

SHELDON: What are you going to do with my thumb?

DORA: You’ll see. That’s good. Your thumb isn’t shaking like I thought it would (Sheldon’s entire body is shaking)

SHELDON: Will you give it back when you are done?

DORA: I’m going to ink you up

SHELDON: Oh, that sounds exciting. Ouch. What was that for?

DORA: I just affixed your thumb’s impression to a journal entry.

SHELDON: Oh. Very interesting. You can compare that to police records. Detectives do that a lot.

DORA: Somehow I don’t think that the police will have any records on you. Just a hunch.

LEON: You don’t know him too well. He has a record.

DORA: For unpaid parking tickets or something more serious like a broken tail-light

LEON: Should I tell her about the time that you failed to report a stolen electron?

DORA: Stolen electrons? Wow, you guys are regular felons! Now Leon, come over here, and we are going to fill out this Jurat wording.

LEON: Here.

DORA: No, a little closer… Now, what’s today’s date?

LEON: A date?

DORA: Today’s date.

LEON: January

DORA: It’s Feburary. Where have you been for the last week.

LEON: In this lab, honestly.

DORA: Okay, look on your i-phone.

LEON: (bashfully takes i-phone out of his pocket) It’s February 13th

DORA: You just put that date, right in here.

(30 minutes later)

DORA: I don’t think this notary stuff is going to make you smoother with women. But, I know a good therapist named Venus. Maybe she can help you.

SHELDON: With a name like Venus, how can we go wrong? How did you know we like people named after astronomical objects?

DORA: Just a hunch! See you guys!

.

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August 21, 2015

Big Bang Theory: Notarizing a discovery about string theory

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , — admin @ 11:06 am

RAJ: We have to get our latest discovery notarized.

SHELDON: How can you notarize a discovery?

LEONARD: Well, perhaps we should patent it at least. To be on the safe side.

RAJ: Yeah, there are people out there who steal inventions all the time.

SHELDON: Our’s hasn’t even been thoroughly tested. And it is so complicated that even we don’t understand it. So, how is a patent thief supposed to understand it?

RAJ: I was so paranoid I didn’t think that part over. But, our “lost electron syndrome” discovery is so critical, maybe to be safe.

PENNY: Oh, I’m sure your electron will show up somewhere. They always do.

SHELDON: Penny, I don’t know if you realize how important our discovery is. We’ve been reading for decades about how Newtonian Physics has been questioned, and how matter can really be created and destroyed. However, very few physicists have actually seen actual matter disappear, especially under the circumstances that we did. We added emotion to our physics experiment. We played happy music and started dancing around the room all joyfully. And an electron disappeared. I counted them — I know.

PENNY: You counted electrons? I should try that!

RAJ: Yeah, I think she should. It’s a good idea. I do that sometimes when I’m bored, or want to practice my powers of observation. I’m calling the Notary… (ring ring)

NOTARY: Arnie’s Notary, Arnie speaking, may I help you?

RAJ: Hello Arnie. You see, we have this discovery we need notarized. How do we exactly get this done?

NOTARY: You need a statement and an ID. The statement is up to you. It must be written up, and include the name of the signer in it if you require an Acknowledged signature. Or you can do a sworn Oath with a Jurat statement. It’s up to you.

RAJ: Either way. I’ll type one up now.

(10 minutes later)

RAJ: Hello Mr. Arnie. Yes, I typed up the document about the discovery. I would like us all to sign it, so I included all of our three names in the text of the document and also in the signature area. And, yes, we all have ID’s, although we seem to be missing an electron.

NOTARY: Oh, no wonder. The funniest thing happened to me yesterday. After a busy day of notarizing, I was watching TV, and you’d never believe what happened?

RAJ: So tell me?

NOTARY: An electron just showed up out of nowhere.

RAJ: Nowhere? An electron. Hold on. Let me get Sheldon. He says he was watching TV and an electron appeared out of nowhere.

SHELDON: Well, do you think it was our electron?

RAJ: How can you tell one electron from another?

NOTARY: Well, I asked the electron for identication just like I do with everyone else. But, it just whizzed around. To me they all look the same.

LEON: Fascinating. That might be our electron.

RAJ: Maybe we should put up a flyer in the halls saying, “Lost electron. Reward if found.”

NOTARY: Before you do that, I’ll be down at your lab to notarize your statement. $30 travel fee and $10 per signature. Cash only! Pay the travel fee up front just in case your ID’s are missing just like your marble.. I mean your electrons.

SHELDON: Oh, one more thing. We’ll have to put you in a bio-hazard suit before entering the lab.

NOTARY: My fee schedule specifically mentions that I charge $5 extra for each time I put on a bio-hazard outfit, but removal is at no cost as a courtesy to the client.

SHELDON: Deal.

PENNY: Oh, this is so exciting. Can I put on a bio-hazard suit too?

LEON: I don’t think they come in matching colors.

PENNY: Then never mind.

.

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