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January 4, 2017

How Carmen dealt with some Alt-Right customers

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — admin @ 7:49 am

Many of you do not know this, but in addition to doing sales on 123notary.com, Carmen is also a Notary. Carmen was chosen to help us here at 123notary because she knows the Notary and signing business inside out and has great oral communication skills. Carmen normally picks and chooses which customers she takes to avoid the riff-raff. But, this last drama was out of the ordinary.

(ring-ring)

PAUL: (on phone) Hi, my name is Paul, and we will need some documents Notarized at Maggiano’s.

CARMEN: Fine, I charge $50 travel fee plus $10 per Notarized signatures. I give a discount if you have more than five signatures.

PAUL: Well, we only have one, and we have cash, so you are in luck.

(Carmen drives to the Maggiano’s location)

GROUP: Hail Trump!!! (raising right arm to do Nazi type salute)

MAGGIANO’S STAFF: Oh, my God, what an embarrassment. We gave them a Cesar salad, they should be hailing Caesar, not Trump! Besides, what will our politically correct left-wing customers who control all of our thoughts and actions say?

CARMEN: I’ll tell you what they’ll say. For starters you need to screen your groups just the way Notaries need to screen their signing companies. Otherwise, there’s no telling what type of bozos you’ll get. Second, you need to take a closer eye on people. That’s what I do. The minute I see someone doing a Nazi salute — that’s a warning sign right there! If you’re not watching, you’ll find out after the fact!

PAUL: Hi Carmen, thanks for coming.

CARMEN: What type of group is this? Are you Gestappo Trump supporters?

PAUL: We are just trying to protect our legacy and inheritance.

CARMEN: I understand exactly how you feel — I’m trying to do the same — in my own way.

PAUL: By voting against Trump?

CARMEN: That’s one of my methods. Checking people’s ID’s is another. Let’s see some ID please.

PAUL: Here it is. You might not realize that’s me, because I had the photo taken during my skinhead days. I hope you don’t take offense at that.

CARMEN: That will do. And by the way, the problem is not the skin on your head. The problem is what’s under the skin. So, this is an Affidavit of protection for the motherland. A document that makes you swear to protect your land against all enemies foreign and domestic and not to abandon your cause for light and transient causes. Okay. Sign here!

PAUL: Got it.

CARMEN: Now, raise your right arm and say hail! Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth and that you will protect the motherland to the best of your abilities come hell, fire, damnation, or hail-storms?

PAUL: Hail… I mean, yes I do.

CARMEN: Okay, I’m affixing my official seal courtesy of the State of California. You can consider yourself legally Notarized.

PAUL: Here’s $80.

CARMEN: You only owe me $60.

PAUL: I know, but you’ll need some extra on the boat going back to you know where!

CARMEN: You racist!!! I can’t believe you said that! By the way, I had a dream about that boat. It was the longest boat ride of my life, and the only doctor on board was Dr. Pepper. What a bunch of loons! I’m so upset, I’m calling Jeremy to tell him what happened.

JEREMY: Yes Carmen

CARMEN: You wouldn’t believe what happened. I did a Notarization for Alt-Right, and (blah blah blah, etc.) I just wish I could press a magic button and have these people disappear.

JEREMY: Well you can. Just go to your computer and say, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home — and then click the keys CTRL-ALT-RIGHT-DELETE three times.

CARMEN: Okay, I’ll do that.. There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…. click… click.. click… Where am I?

TIM: You were just having a bad dream mom. It must be that whole Trump election and everything that’s going on in the news.

CARMEN: From now on, I’m being careful about who I notarize!

———————————-

The next job Carmen took was from Black Lives Matter

DeSHEA: Hi Carmen, I need 200 documents notarized for the cause.

CARMEN: I’m with you brother!

DeSHEA: When can you be here?

CARMEN: I’m on my way. I have a package rate of $50 travel, $10 per signature, and $5 per signature after you are on your sixth. But, for you, I will work for a package rate of $300 for the whole stack!

DeSHEA: You’re my kind of sister!

CARMEN: Okay, here I am.

DeSHEA: There’s a problem

CARMEN: What problem is that?

DeSHEA: We’re concerned that although you black, you ain’t black…. eeee-nuff.

CARMEN: Not black enough? How black I gotta be brutha?

DeSHEA: We do blood tests here from ancestry.com, and if you are less than 87% of Sub-Saharan African ancestry, you can not be affiliated with our group, nor can you work for us. I’m afraid this is a policy.

CARMEN: So, if I’m more than 13% something else, I can’t work for you? Oh my God. This Trump election is making people more crazy all around the country!

——————————-

Finally, a job offer comes in from Mulatto Lives Matter.

KIM: Carmen, we need your help for the cause.

CARMEN: I’m with you sister. I just had a horrible experience with the, “Let’s make America white again” group as well as the Black lives matter group who disowns you the minute you are 13% or more something else according to ancestry.com. I’m with you sister.

KIM: We we’re more flexible here. You can be 13.1 to 87.3% black and we will accept you over here. We need ten documents notarized.

CARMEN: I’m there.

KIM: In the mean time while we wait for the signers, would you like a vanilla latte in a zebra cup? It’s symbolic of our movement.

CARMEN: A vanilla latte… what? Next thing you’re going to ask me is if I want the whole cup or just 50-50.

KIM: Hi Carmen. Thanks for coming. There are ten different signers and not all of them can come at the same time, so you’ll have to wait.

CARMEN: I charge waiting time by the way at the rate of $20 per twenty minutes payable up front as well as my $50 travel fee.

KIM: Oh. I didn’t know that up front.

CARMEN: I didn’t know you’d keep me waiting all day up front either. You could have warned me.

KIM: Well, I don’t think we’re a good fit.

————————————

CARMEN: Jeremy, these’ political groups are killing me. They’re either racists, or completely irresponsible or both. The Alt-Right wants to deport me, but they sure tip good. The Black LIves Matter openly discriminated against me and Mulatto Lives Matter wanted to keep me waiting all day without any guarantee of payment. I think I was better off with the Alt-Right — at least they were on time and gave me extra, but I deleted them!

JEREMY: Carmen, I know how you feel. I’ve been through similar things in my life. Sometimes everybody is bad in one way or another, and it’s hard to figure out who NOT to CTRL-ALT-DEL. But, I have a solution. I call it, “The final solution.”

CARMEN: That’s sounds Nazi, but lay it on me.

JEREMY: The final solution is not to work for any of those groups. Work for ALT-123. We are even handed, moderate, and judge you by the content of your merit, and NOT by the color of your ink.

CARMEN: I heard that! Dr. King would be proud.

JEREMY: And Dr. Pepper too.

CARMEN: Dr. Pepper? Oh. I must have told you about my dream. Anyway. I’m going to take a nap now.

———————————-

(snooze)

CARMEN: Oh, no. I must be dreaming again. I’m on the boat. But, this time it’s worse. They’re out of Dr. Pepper which I’ve heard has healing properties. What will I do. Oh, there’s some people drinking Snapple. Can I have some Snapple?

TYZONE: It’s 13.1% juice.

CARMEN: First of all, how did you get that name? Did your mama give birth you in the bathroom of a pizza parlor when her car broke down on the way to the hospital? And Second — 13.1%? Am I allowed to drink Snapple if it’s 13.1% juice, or does it have to be under 13% juice, or under 13% something other than juice. I’m confused. Let me go to my computer.

TYZONE: There’s no computer on this boat baby.

CARMEN: I brought my own. CTRL-ALT-RIGHT-DEL…… ALT-123… There’s no place like 123!!!! Oh, that was fun, I want to do that again!

(Meanwhile Carmen drifts off again and has another dream. This time David Duke was on a refugee boat filled with Alt-Right people on a one-way journey to Europe while Carmen was on land in America watching him drift by.)

DAVID DUKE: Hey Carmen, two things. Can you toss a Dr. Pepper on board? And one more thing. Can’t we all just get along?

CARMEN: That’s exactly what I’ve been wanting to ask you all of these decades!

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December 11, 2016

Notary Cemetery

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — admin @ 6:14 am

The engraving on the tombstones at this cemetery use verbiage approved and prescribed by the Secretary of State and must be registered with the County Clerk. All ghosts visiting this cemetery must register at the front.

The gravestones at this cemetery are in order of expiration date as well as County where commissioned unless the Notary left their County postmortum in which case they have 30 days to notify the Secretary of State unless they’re Jewish in which case they have 40 days and 40 nights.

All mourning is officially witnessed beyond the grave. Just shop around at this cemetery to find a deceased Notary who will give you a good price on witnessing. After all, what’s the point of mourning if no one saw you do it.

If a Notary falls in the cemetery and nobody is around to hear it, did he/she/they really fall?

If you fill in your Notarial wording incorrectly here, you might hear someone rolling over in their grave.

One guy named Julius dug up one of the Notaries. In the casket all he found was a bunch of bones and a photo-ID (with a physical description.)

Notaries at this cemetery who work for postmortum low-ball signing companies are concerned about what they will “urn.” The good news is that dead Notaries don’t have to pay taxes. Death & taxes don’t apply to the Notaries in this joint because they’re already dead.

If you were a good Notary you’ll be reincarnated into… anything but a Notary.
But, if you were a bad Notary you’ll be reincarnated into a Mortgage Broker who never gets his documents back on time.
And if you were a really bad Notary, you’ll be reincarnated as a Notary who stars in a reality show.

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December 9, 2016

Disney Notary World

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , — admin @ 11:55 pm

If there were more Notaries in the United States, in addition to having lower rates due to increased competition, there would be a market for Disney Notary World!

Welcome to Disney Notary World
Start your tour by entering the park — get your ticket notarized. You could take the Notarial tram whose path is very twisty and turny as it is an exact giant replica of Mickey Mouse’s signature! Next, go to the haunted house for a signing. The problem is that the signers — are dead, or at least — they will be, and so will you!

Welcome to the Future
In the futuristic section there is a Robot that can notarize documents. He is trained to spot a fake ID faster than a human Notary. Warning, this means you might all be out of work, or have to carry a robot with you in your car.

Pirates of Pen Zance
Next, on to see the Pirates of Pen Zance. These pirates stole a gold pen from a very prominent Attorney Notary from the 1600’s and hid it in a cave in an island. But, everybody who came to find this pen ended up dead because of a curse. Can you find this pen?

Hyperspace Mountain
After that, get into a floating Notary seal, and go down hyperspace mountain until you go straight down into a pool of ink. Please leave all cellphones in a secure dry area.

War of Balloons
Fulfill your wildest fantasy. At this attraction you get to throw a water balloon at someone who works at a signing company who didn’t pay you. They will say, “The check is in the mail.” Then you throw a balloon. If you hit your target, you win a Daffy Duck doll and a giant check.

The Secretary of State
Bring your kids to this realistic Sec of State building. Wait in line (what else is new) and get your kids an official Disney Notary Commission and Notary Seal. They can get notarizing today! Just make sure they get proper ID and use the Disney Notary Journal,

Hall of Notaries
See photos and paintings of famous Notaries from history. You will find Notaries from Italy during the Renaissance, China, England, and other countries as well. You might even find yourself there. Don’t be surprised if you find Mickey Mouse in the hall of records as he was a Notary before he became a famous star. You have to start somewhere.

The Gift Store
For all of your unhappy customers who wrote a bad review about you claiming that if your tired of “Mickey Mouse Notarizations,” then don’t hire this Notary. You can get a Mickey Mouse doll with a notary seal, where you can get real Mickey Mouse Notarizations.

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November 11, 2016

The Notary Asylum

The Notary Asylum

We all know what the process is to become a notary — filling out the forms, applying to our Secretary of State, getting our seal, etc. But, what the State Notary Handbook doesn’t tell you is what becomes of Notaries who become crazy as a result of being a Notary.

There are lots of stress-inducers in this business. There are signing companies that don’t pay. Others like to micromanage. Constantly ringing phones, constant excuses for why the money hasn’t arrived when it was supposed to already. These are ingredients for frustration in the sanest of people. Borrowers who want to comb over every page when you’re already late for your next appointment! If our Founding Fathers had dilly-dallied over the signing of the Declaration of Independence as long, they would have told more people than Benjamin Franklin to go fly a kite! Some mistreat their Notaries. Call it Notary Abuse. Some send late eDocuments or send you to borrowers that aren’t even home and didn’t know they had a signing after they instructed you — “don’t call the borrowers.” Inaccurate or missing information is another recipe for frustration. Rates are often different from what was quoted. So no wonder an increasing rate of Notaries are developing varying signs of insanity. There needs to be a place for Notaries who have lost their documents… and minds. So, we decided to create one. It’s called — The Notary Asylum!

NOTARY #1: I run SnapDocs

NOTARY #2: No I run SnapDocs

DOCTOR: I think that both of you have a share in SnapDocs.

NOTARY #1: No, he doesn’t — I run SnapDocs

DOCTOR: Last week you said you ran 123notary

NOTARY #1: Well that was last week. This week I run SnapDocs

DOCTOR: You seem agitated. That’s not a good sign.

NOTARY #2: Ahhhhhhhhh!

DOCTOR: What’s the matter?

NOTARY #2: You said “sign.”

NOTARY #1: Ahhhhhhhhh!

DOCTOR: Sorry. Forget about your work. You don’t need me to… the s word… any document. You needn’t get all fired up about it.

NOTARY #2: Speaking of fired, last week I ran the NNA. I fired a lot of people too.

DOCTOR: Well, what does your paperwork say? Do you have documents proving your ownership?

NOTARY #1: I don’t need to.

NOTARY #2: I didn’t get paid; I didn’t get paid; I didn’t get paid. Shoot Docs never paid me.

DOCTOR: There is no Shoot Docs.

NOTARY #2: Are you going to not pay me as well? You never pay me.

DOCTOR: I am a psychiatric analyst. It is not my job to pay you. The state pays me.

NOTARY #2: Well at least somebody pays somebody around here.

DOCTOR: You’re both fine looking patients.

NOTARY #1: I don’t call paying us compliments paying us.

DOCTOR: I was just giving you my seal of approval.

NOTARY #1 and #2: Ahhhhhhhhh!

DOCTOR: “Seal.” Sorry, I give you my oath…

NOTARY #1 and #2: Ahhhhhhhhh!

DOCTOR: … that I’ll be more careful next time. As for now, I recommend that both of you take a break from… you know. Enjoy something that doesn’t remind you of your… you know.

NOTARY #1: That sounds wonderful.

DOCTOR: I’m releasing the both of you. Fill these prescriptions at your pharmacy. It’ll help you relax.

NOTARY #2: (reading) You forgot to sign it.

DOCTOR and NOTARY #1 and NOTARY #2: Ahhhhhhhhh!

One way to restore your sanity in the notary world: Know that you’re not alone if frustrations sometimes get the better of you. Being aware of what can go wrong can sometimes prepare you to ride out the frustrations when they occur. If you develop a Zen-like attitude and let at least some of it roll off your back, the next time a vendor doesn’t have yours (back, that is) you’ll commit yourself to moving on, not the notary asylum!

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Notarizing a voice
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2653

Woody Allen gets Notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14709

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November 4, 2016

Comedy Central Notary Roast

Filed under: Andy Cowan,Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , — admin @ 10:29 pm

JEREMY: Welcome to the first Comedy Central Notary Roast. World class comedians are about to “pay tribute to” our Notary of the hour, Alex!

Welcome an old hand at roasting, and I do mean old, ladies and gentlemen, the mouth that roared, but never bored, Don Rickles.

DON RICKLES: Thank you for that incredible honor. A sign your career is in the dumper – when you’re trashing a notary instead of what you usually do – ignoring one. “Sign”. That’s Alex’s idea of a good time. Dreamt big, huh, Alex? What’s the matter – being a lawn jockey was already taken? But no, without notaries, where would this country be? Beating the Chinese, that’s where we’d be. A lot of help you’ve been, you dumb hocky puck. I kid Alex, but all kidding aside, the next time I need something certified, I’ll be sure to give you a call. Am I allowed to certify that you’re boring, or do I need my seal for that? (BARKING LIKE A SEAL)

JEREMY: Thank you, Don RIckles! That man always makes me laugh. But then again, so does diphtheria. And now, speaking of diseases, please welcome the woman who’s been sanitized for our protection, except when it comes to her mouth… Amy Schumer!

AMY SCHUMER: Thank you! Don, I don’t care how old you are, I’d still do you. Then again, I’d do a banana. So nice to be here honoring Alex. Notaries are so hot! But don’t make me swear to that under penalty of perjury. Then again I &$%!! swear all the time. Alex, show me your seal, and I’ll show you my seal of approval. Oh no, Alex is having a heart attack! I guess the excitement of hearing the first woman in history come on to a notary was too much for him. Oh, never mind. It’s not a heart attack after all. He’s clutching the pen in his pocket protector, not his heart. Alex, let your hair down and leave the work at your office! Your office – that’s your car, right? Oh, it’s his home. Well, at least you can afford a car/home. It’s a rental? Sorry Alex. I’ll stick with the banana.

JEREMY: Thank you, Amy Schumer! You remind me of Times Square on New Year’s Eve… trashy. And now let’s give it up for… Chris Rock!

CHRIS ROCK: I’m not surprised to see that Alex ain’t black. I don’t know too many brothers who are notaries. We’re great at having people sign stuff if it’s graffiti on a honkey’s wall. Whereas Alex here, he’s the real deal. Who was your idol growing up? Mine was Richard Pryor, Johnny Carson, Bill Cosby. Two out of three ain’t bad. Alex’s was the credible witness who provides a way to positively identify a signer who lacks satisfactory identification documents. Alex, you’re livin’ the dream. If you’re lucky, one day, you’ll get to watch paint dry. What do you learn at notary public school anyway? Can you learn how to whup somebody’s ass? If not, what good is it?

JEREMY: Thank you, Chris Rock. And last but not least, let’s welcome him while he isn’t in a car getting coffee… Jerry Seinfeld!

JERRY SEINFELD: Who better than I, Jerry Seinfeld, to close this roast? My show was about nothing. And this man, Alex, is clearly… about nothing. Some parents want their kids to grow up to be doctors… lawyers…entrepreneurs. Alex’s parents wanted him to show him a sign of wanting to grow up to be a doctor… a lawyer… an entrepreneur. And Alex, a man who clearly thinks inside, not outside, of the box, took his parents literally. I’ll show you a sign… Here’s a sign, or signing. There’s a signing. Mom, dad, I want to be a notary public! Of course, his folks said, “Can’t you be a notary private? We’d rather not have the neighbors find out.”

JEREMY: Ladies and gentleman… the notary of the hour… welcome… Alex!

ALEX, THE NOTARY: Wow, this has been unbelievable. Jerry, your signature is the funniest one I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of funny signatures. Chris, I know plenty of black notaries. Or maybe they’re white guys covered up with ink. Amy, I’m thrilled you were flirting with me. Then again, no one ever has before, so I don’t actually know what flirting looks like. And Don Rickles, you are my hero. I’m a notary, so that’s not saying much. Thanks everybody… SIGNING off!

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State of the Notary Industry Union Address
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A Notary runs for president
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October 16, 2016

Best Virtual Notary Comedy Compilation 2016 Version

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 1:47 am

Back in 2015, I created a list of the most popular virtiaul notary comedy blog entries written so far. I decided to create an updated list with some of the more popular older entries and a few newer entries that were in the top 20% of popularity in their category. Enjoy!

The Flo-tary and the name your price tool
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16194

Notary Aptitude Test
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15853

The Steve Jobs Notary Smart-Seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16522

The 2016 Notary Public Debate
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16006

Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous Signing Companies
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16715

How Notary work is similar to online dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

Are you a Yes-tery or a No-tary?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16626

Barack’s Notary-Care, are you covered?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16055

You know you’re a notary when…
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

The Sleezy Notary Motel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16118

Tony Soprano Gets Notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14897

———————————–
OLDER POSTS
———————————-

Welcome to the Notary Hotel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

Welcome to the Notary Zoo
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15994

Notary Hell — Yeah, but it’s a dry heat!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13196

New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 you’ve never dreamed of!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10977

Notary Suicide Hotline
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6995

The Towles Booth
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9456

Affiant — a social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

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Best Virtual notary Comedy Compilation 2015
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15957

Compilation of best Notary sit-com episodes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15949

.

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October 9, 2016

Notary Restaurant Posts Compilation

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , — admin @ 9:33 pm

We keep writing more comedy posts about restaurants with a Notary theme. Here are the one’s we’ve done so far and there are more coming soon!

Notary Italian Restaurant
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16493

Sam’s Notary BBQ
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16490

Notary Nook – a fast food restaurant for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9693

Notary Indian Tandoori Restaurant
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16497

Notary Sushi Bar
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15093

Taqueria El Notario
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9890

Notary Starbucks
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17026

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Wine country Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16623

Notary Cheers: Sammy gets a name change form notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10016

Notarizing a girl’s phone number at a bar
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8781

Three Notaries go into a bar
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3660

Notary Happy Days goes to China & has Chinese food
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16536

The Notary Dating Show
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15312

You know you’re a Notary when…
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

NotaryMingle.com — a dating site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8772

My date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

Welcome to the Notary zoo
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15994

Intergallactic Notary Luke Skywalker has Chinese Food
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6715

.

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October 5, 2016

Notary Casino 2

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , — admin @ 11:59 am

Welcome to the Notary Casino where your dreams can come true. There are many Notaries here as guests, and also working here in various capacities. Notaries were hired to witness players counting cards to see if they are cheating. Just don’t mess with the big boss (they call him the embosser) of the casino otherwise he’ll make sure your term expires.

Entertainment
For entertainment, there was a Notary doing Notary tricks.
They had a Notary would could make a signature disappear. It was written in time released invisible ink. Then, they had an Elvis impersonator who could make signers disappear. The henchmen of “the embosser” could make people who didn’t pay their gambling debts disappear, but that’s a different story. The third Notary specialized in doing card tricks with ID’s and could make an ID appear out of nowhere with a little help from some friends in China (who didn’t get caught… yet…)

Dining
Drinks at the Casino were all commissioned by their local county clerk. There was Rum from The Domincan Republic; County of Santa Maria; Issueation Date Feb 02, 2004. Instead of expiration dates, the alcohol had issueation dates so you would know how aged it was as 12 to 21 years is considered perfect. For dinner they offered a seal steak and Apostille cut oatmeal for breakfast. The squid ink pasta was a huge hit with Notaries as they loved the fact that they could finally eat ink and brag about it to their friends.

Staff
The staff is very attentive and they acknowledge all people who walk into the casino. They also witness all of the guests, and their movements (creepy.) Notaries were hired to witness witnesses — if that makes sense. (sounds like Russia during the cold-war)

Games
The most popular slot machine is called Signing Company. This game is a real gamble because if you win, you don’t know if it will pay you, or how long it will take to get paid. One Notary was glued to this machine for sixty days and only left to go to the bathroom. To win this game, instead of getting three cherries, you need to get signatures, all with middle initials.

The Wheel
Finally, this casino wanted visitors to spin the wheel, but only when they were about to depart. Each section on the wheel had a different prize or lack of a prize. You could win a contract with signing companies that actually paid if you hit 10. 11 was a dud. 12 was a date with Jeremy from 123notary. 13 was “spin again”. 14 was nothing. 15 was win $100. But, the grand prize was a top spot on 123notary and a collection agency that would pay you all of the money owed to you by signing companies (after their collection fee was deducted) and then they would sue the companies to get their money.

The Fedex Box
All visits to the Notary Casino end at the Fedex box. Any money you won will be Fedexed to you in the form of a cashier’s check sent to your residence. Don’t lose the tracking number! And remember, what happens in the Notary Casino stays at the Notary Casino.

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Welcome to the Notary Casino
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Welcome to the Notary Zoo
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Welcome to the Notary Hotel
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.

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October 2, 2016

Notary Dating & Romance from A to Z (Compilation)

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , , — admin @ 10:02 pm

Over the years, we’ve written many comedy posts on the subject of Notary dating. Here is a compilation of our best romantic Notary posts.

NotaryMingle.com — a dating site for Notaries!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8772

Affiant — a social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

NotaryMatch.com — a dating site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8706

Jane the Virgin Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14899

Yes, it’s the Notary dating show
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15312

Notarization on the Steve Harvey Show
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13704

How Notary work is similar to online dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

Notary Pick Up Lines Part 1
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9851

Speed Notarizing vs. Speed Dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=7007

But, I’m still a virgin!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14915

Notarizing skywriting in purple ink
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14836

Two and a half Notaries — learning the ropes (string)
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=twoandahalfmen

My date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

My 2nd date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=7074

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September 30, 2016

Notary Jury Duty 2

The original dated January 6th ended up in a mistrial.

A group of Notaries was subpoened to be on the jury of a heavy duty murder case. The actual details of the murder were very peculiar though.

An actual Notary was hired to witness the murder. But, the Notary needed to reschedule the murder so it could be on the same date as the document which the Attorney needed another day to draft. So, the murderer said,

MURDERER: Okay, no problem, I can come back tomorrow. I’m available the whole day as a matter of fact. I’m good at killing time too as a matter of fact.

MURDER VICTIM: Gee, I’m not sure that tomorrow’s convenient for me. And by the way, you’re really killing my schedule by moving the murder to tomorrow.

NOTARY: My Attorney says the murder documents will be ready by 1pm.

MURDERER: Now, wait a second. If I’m going to commit a murder, wouldn’t it be better if there were no witnesses?

NOTARY: Well, technically yes, but since being a witness is an integral part of my profession, I’d kind of prefer to be involved in watching the prodeedings.

MURDER VICTIM: You know, I’d be a whole lot more comfortable with that too. Considering that after the fact, there would be some testimony on my behalf.

MURDERER: After the fact? There ain’t after the fact, at least not for you’s.

During Jury Selection
The prosecuting Attorney originally wanted to remove any Notaries from the Jury due to the fact that they might be biased for the Notary — or against the Notary since the Notary made some technical mistakes. But, then he changed his mind as only a Notary would be familiar enough with the circumstances of the crime to be a good juror. So, he and the defending Attorney both agreed to pick only Notaries in the jury.

In the actual murder, the murderer signed a pre-confession affidavit in front of the Notary admitting to being about to kill the victim. The victim also signed and dated the form using his own blood in a fountain pen. Fortunately, the victim showed in a timely manner for the murder, otherwise the murder date would not have coincided with the date of the freshly drafted document. Since the victim was chained to the toilet in the bathroom, so he had no choice other than to be on time. The Notary found it suitable for the victim to be chained to the toilet as the victim was a “regular” client.

The murderer, however, used a fake ID during the signing and did not thumbprint the journal, and then proceeded to murder the victim as well as the Notary. That’ll teach him to notarize at murders! Since the documents had fake names on them, the only way to identify the murderer was with DNA samples.

Trial Introduction
The judge informed the Notaries that it would be a 17 day trial involving professional witnesses, DNA experts, and neighbors who were witnesses as well as a clairvoyant who would interview the deceased Notary who was the primary witness even though that evidence was not admissable in court. The Notaries asked if they could have walk-in clients come during the trial so they could make a little extra money above and beyond the 31 cents per mile travel allowance. The judge said yes if he got 50% of the proceeds.

The Trial
The trial ended because another Notary waiting by the door. Aparantly the signing company double booked the appointment, and Notary #2 was just waiting by the door and heard everything. Additionally, Notary #2 saw the murderer come down the stairs and out the door with blood on his hands and was able to positively identify the perpetrator. So, the trial ended after 8 days due to this Notarial witness who appeared out of nowhere.

The Ending
Although the Notaries all agreed that the murderer was guilty, the murderer became a huge celebrity and posts about him went viral. Suddenly everybody in America wanted his autograph. But, did the autograph need to be notarized?

You might also like:

Notary Jury Duty (origional)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15838

Noternity Court
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14091

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