It is common for people to go to other people’s homes and steal Oxy-codene. However, this is a new one. There was a rash in what I call spice-jacking in the Orange County area of California. It turned out to be just one guy, and a notary. But, the authorities caught on and published some public awareness materials about the subject…

You may not know if you have been spice-jacked. Answer this questionaire, and if you said yes to five or more items on this list — contact the authorities immediately — you have been spice jacked…

Have you been notarized in the last six months?
Did the notary ask you to swear on your mother’s cooking instead of a bible? Or did he substitute the bible for a Julia Child’s encyclopedia of cooking?

Has your cumin come out?
Has your coriander meandered?
Has your rose-mary been annulled?
Is your mint no longer in mint condition?
Is your tarragon just gon?
Are you no longer on the same page with your sage? (or is it showing age?)
Has your card-amom been declined (or expired)?
Have your bay leave(s) become bay left(s)?
Has your garam masala (Indian spice mix) lost its kick?
Has your turmeric’s turm expired?
Has your oregano become ore-went-and-did-not-come-back?
Has your aleppo pepper been receiving funds from Putin?
Has your haba-near-o become haba-far-away-o?
Have your c-loves turned to c-hates?
Has your ginger disappeared and then reappeared on a deserted island with Gilligan?

If so, you may have been spice jacked. Please call 888-888-8888 for immediate assistance.

The notary who committed these crimes had a last minute call for an airport notarization. Someone needed one of those permission to travel forms to have their uncle take their kid to Zacatecas in Mexico. These forms typically need to be notarized if going to Mexico. So, the notary did the notarization, got paid cash, and then proceeded to the airport restaurant. At the next table over some TSA personel were having lunch. Then some other TSA people came over with their K-9. The K-9 started sniffing the Notary’s bag. The officer was sure that they would find drugs, but all they found were remains of… you guessed it… oregano and some exotic imported red pepper powder from Egypt. The authorities then had the Notary bring them to his car where they found a huge stash of stolen spices which the Notary had obtained from his various Notary appointments. He loved Notarizing Indians specifically for this reason. The authorities contacted Orange County police and the Notary got busted.

To be safe, from now on, keep your spices under lock and key just in case some other culinarily inspired Notaries get the wrong idea about your marjoram or herbs du provence.

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