June 2019 - Notary Blog - Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice - 123notary.com
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June 30, 2019

Notarizing a pinata

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 12:12 pm

Elbert was assigned a job notarizing a pinata. He didn’t take one of those “Just say no” NNA courses with the Q&A sections apparently.

Can you notarize a photo?
Just say no.

Can you notarize a pinata?
Just say no.

But, it was too late now. He was at the location. The children were there. There was cake, there was music, there was mom, and there was the Notary — they thought he would never come. Mom asked him to notarize the pinata. The kids were there standing with their sticks and blindfolds all ready.

The Notary asked to see the Pinata’s ID. Mom said, “What??” loudly and the birthday boy’s facial expression went from confused to suddenly hostile giving the notary… the look.

NOTARY: Did that boy just give me — the look?

MOM: What look?

NOTARY: You know… the look.
MOM: I have no idea what look you are talking about.

NOTARY: Well take a look to the right and you will know ex (pause for emphasis) zactly what kind of look I’m talking about.

MOM: Oh my God, he is giving you his — I wanna kill you look.

NOTARY: Is there anything we can do to work this out?

MOM: Just stand near the pinata to show you are a good sport and smile a lot. Making a false show of positive emotion is how we resolve problems in our country… well, at least when we can’t find our machetes.

NOTARY: Excuse me?

MOM: It is either or, and one wrong move could cause yet another revolution.

NOTARY: Okay, and another thing. I can only notarize a document not a Pinata.

MOM: Oh, so you did take one of those sorry no can do courses? I am somewhat impressed. ‘But, I would be more if ju espoke espanish.’

NOTARY: got it. Let’s attach the document to the Pinata, and let’s figure out who the signer is. Who here is 18 and of sound mind.

MOM: I am exactly 18 and have been so for as long as I can remember. When you check my ID, promise not to reveal my real age to anyone, not even my cat Alexandria.. hi sweety… meao…

NOTARY: Okay. Document signed, attached to pinata. Ready.

The boys proceeded to wander aimlessly around with a stick drawn almost whacking all of his friends, family, the Notary and a few neighbors. After a near miss with a delivery truck the Notary decided to assist him in getting a little closer to the pinata. After the boys pulverized the pinata, the notary decided that it would be better if the document had been inside the pinata. The mother said that next time she would ask the pinata manufacturers to put an affidavit inside. The notary concluded his job, notarized a tattered affidavit (which made it more authentic considering the subject matter) and went home with some cash (and a whole lot of candies) in his pocket. The End.

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June 29, 2019

Good humor is hard to find

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 12:13 pm

One commenter on my blog said that good humor is hard to find and to be nice to my writer. I’m not sure which writer she is talking about. I write most of my own material, and then there is Ken, and Andy, and sometimes Carmen. Hmmm.

But, some of our commenters are good too. But, here’s some more food for thought:

BTW: Are you a commenter or a commentator? What’s the difference? I think it has to do with whether or not you are professional at it.

But, I digress. Even at local comedy clubs, the humor is raunchy. If they have a professional, it is generally good although not always not my type. But, the up and coming people are awful. Even I, with all of my amateurish tendencies have classier humor than them, and that is on a raunchy crass day. But, as a child, I knew people who would come up with very funny things to say where I broke out laughing.

And sometimes humor is spontaneous. I went to the juice bar today. To have celery juice, you should ideally have it on an empty stomach to get maximum benefit for your liver and colon. So, I went to Whole Foods with the spirit of poetry. I said, “My stomach is empty but my…. my blank is full.” But, what is blank. I had to think about it. As I was walking home I got it. “My stomach is empty, but my heart (pause) is full.” “What about your liver?” “Honey, you can leave my liver out of this.”

When you sum it up, good humor is hard to find. And if you want a good joke to be written, sometimes its easier to just write it yourself.

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June 28, 2019

If you have an argument with a signing company…

Filed under: Marketing Articles — admin @ 12:13 pm

If you have an argument with a signing company, send them a demand letter. But, don’t let the argument drag you down. Drop it like a FedEx, drop it like a FedEx, drop it like a FedEx, so you won’t need the medics… Haven’t you heard that song? The moral of the story here is to keep focused on what keeps you moving ahead and not your gripes. We all have gripes. But don’t dry over sour gripes.

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June 27, 2019

Old enough to vote, but not old enough to accompany mom to a signing?

Filed under: Drama & Tragedy — admin @ 12:14 pm

I’m sure you have read the blog article about bringing your three year old or twelve year old to the signing. Well, after reading some commentary on my blog, I heard about a lady who brought a twenty-one year old to a signing and lived to regret it.

She brought her 21 year old son to the door. She asked permission to the home-owners if the young man could come in, sit and watch television. The son was very mature, quiet, well behaved and did not disturb the signing in any way. The Notary completed the signing, left, and then the signers proceeded to call the signing company and complain.

FYI. Borrowers have the same psychology as women. They say, “Oh, that’s okay” when you ask if it would be okay for you to do some particular thing which you are not sure about. And then after the fact they say, “How could you do that?” Being civil and asking permission and getting approval works in the corporate world and with men, but not with borrowers. So, get that through your head. But, it’s not their fault. Borrowers have chromosomes that are a little different which cause them to react to things differently. you understand, right?

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June 26, 2019

Spelling mistakes in blog comments and what Jeremy thinketh…

Filed under: Marketing Articles — admin @ 12:17 pm

You can always tell a notary. You see them at a bar and you know right away. They are always broke, always give themselves compliments, pats on the backs, try to appear to be a lot more than what they are, and then complain bitterly about how unfair the world is.

ME: How’s it going?

UNKNOWN PERSON: Oh okay. I worked so hard for the last seven years, and I’m a professional, and an expert in my field. I’m so much more knowledgeable than the other people in my industry. I have “x” amount of years of experience. But, I never seem to get paid on time.

WAITER: Here’s your bill.

UNKNOWN PERSON: $20 for two mocktails? I’m going to have to negotiate the bill. The menu said $7. I’m going to have a financial problem. Oh God.

ME: Have you considered supplementing your Notary work with some other specialties, and consider the idea of saving a particular percent of your income every month no matter what so that maybe one day you can retire without starving to death?

UNKNOWN PERSON: That’s a great idea but (pause… jaw drops) How did you know I was a Notary Public?

ME: You made it so obvious. You have all the tell-tale traits. Notaries brag all day long about how they are an expert at their field, complain how they never get paid, and yet when they perform an Acknowledgment, they don’t even know who is acknowledging what.

UNKNOWN PERSON: That’s a no-brainer, the Notary is acknowledging that the signature is genuine… duh…

ME: (oral buzzing sound) Wrong! Time to go back and restudy Notary Public 101 on our blog.

But, that is only the beginning. When you read Notary commentary on forums, blogs, and in their notes sections in their bio, there are normally plethoras of spelling mistakes, capitalization mistakes, punctuation mistakes (not to mention punctuality mistakes, but that’s a topic for another article). What do you think the readers think when you constantly write illiterate sounding English? They will think — if you are that sloppy in how you write, you will undoubtedly make endless mistakes facilitating the signing of our loans. This is why people generally micromanage you. It is not that they want to, they have to. Think about it.

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June 25, 2019

What is so critical about crossing out the he/she/they?

Filed under: Technical & Legal — admin @ 12:17 pm

FAQ of the day

The he-she-they being filled out is important because if someone fraudulently adds a name to the certificate making the people involved a they and no longer a he or a she, then it makes it a lot easier to make sense of the “he said/she said/they said” that will ensue.

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June 24, 2019

A lot of info I knew but forgot about says one 123notary client

Filed under: Marketing Articles — admin @ 12:18 pm

One Notary was reading one of my instructional tutorials on 123notary. He claimed that there was a lot of information that he used to know but had forgotten about. He was very happy that I had published Notary Public 101 as that was a great opportunity for him to review his Notary knowledge. Personally, my brain is not good at acquiring new information. I have to read over information again and again and again, and then review it periodically over time for the information to solidify and sink in. I very rarely forget Notary information that I have learned unless it is very technical, and California notary law can get very technical.

But, other people are not like this. Other people learn their stuff and then forget most of what they have learned slowly over time. This is why I think it is critical to maintain your knowledge and keep studying and reviewing your technical knowledge. So, the minute you think you know it all, that’s the same minute you need to review!

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June 23, 2019

Delayed because of a bunch of escaped cows

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:19 pm

She was on her way to a Notary signing. All was going well. She made that left turn into the pasture and then, whammo! She couldn’t move forward due to a herd of escaped cows. Don’t you hate it when that happens? So, like a good and patient Notary, she waited for the cows to drift on. But, that is not how I would have handled the situation.

First of all, when God deals you a cow problem, you need a cow solution, and that generally implicates tuning into cow consciousness. Let’s close our eyes and meditate. Instead of saying ohm, we will say moooooooo.

I would go up to the cows and have a conversation with them about what’s going on and don’t they have a home somewhere? Then, I would use my shamanic mental powers and convince them that they want to travel in a particular direction.

If the spiritual mumbo jumbo didn’t work, I would resort to linguistic methodologies.

mmmmmmmmmmm-oooooove over please. Please mooove over. And by the way, is it true that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence? Mooooooooooooo!

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June 22, 2019

She lost a great account because she didn’t want to backdate

Filed under: Marketing Articles — admin @ 12:20 pm

This type of story is not something we hear about much. Companies will not typically ask you to backdate. They only ask when there is some huge financial loss that they will incur if they don’t. What these companies don’t seem to understand is that the consequences of getting caught are far worse than the small commission or few thousand you lose if you have to redraw the loan or lose the loan entirely.

This particular Notary had a nice client for years. She did many jobs for them month after month. Then one day they were in a jam and asked her to backdate for them. The Notary said no, and the company never used her again. Hmmm. With friends like them who needs enemies!

I have never heard a story exactly like this before. The moral of the story is that people who hire Notaries are typically people lacking any sort of scruples, so don’t expect anything from them. And if they ask for illegal things, don’t do it. And if you get fired as a result, just make sure you have a large compilation of other clients because you’ll be needing them.

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June 21, 2019

Demographics and who is reading my blog

Filed under: Social Media — admin @ 12:21 pm

I used to think that most of my readers were women over fifty. And maybe the readers who comment and are listed with us meet that profile. But, the people who read my blog are all types. What surprised me is that most are male (and males are a gender minority in the notary industry) and that most people reading our blog were under 45 which was another huge surprise.

So, I’m going to have to make my blog more hip to keep these young hipsters more interested. Maybe I need to talk more about young people things. I don’t even know who the pop stars are these days other than Ariana Grande and Miley Cyrus. Sounds like I need to get more with the times.

By the way, I just learned that Miley and her hubby Liam Hemsworth cannot stop fighting and that their marriage is at risk. Why not just date?

The largest age segment reading my blog is 26-35. Who would have guessed. And it is not because of the Notary profession. Young people in general seem to spend more time on the net, particularly men with poor social skills. Women prefer to spend time with real people — and so do I. So I finally agree with women about something but still can’t figure out why they like shoes so much.

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