Most of us have seen the movie Home Alone, but have you seen Home a Loan? A ten year old kid’s parents foolishly signed a loan that would ruin them financially. The kid intuitively knew it would be a disaster, but his parents ignored his protests. The rates were too high, the APR made no sense, and the items (fees) on the closing disclosure were completely unreasonable.
One night, the child’s parents went out for dinner and left him all alone. Little did they know what would happen. There was a terrible earthquake that divided the city in half. They had no way to get home, and no way to call. Meanwhile on the home front, the creditors were trying to invade the house like zombies in a horror movie. Mr. Smith who worked for Fidelity National parked his SUV, and was walking towards the house with his arms held forward. The little boy was terrified, and locked the doors and windows. Then, Mrs. Finkle from Wells Investments came — also in a transe and her face was completely gray. After forty minutes, there were twelve vehicles parked in front of the house, all SUV’s, and all with zombie loan officers or lenders.
The little boy was very brave. He grabbed a samurai sword his parents had purchased during their trip to the East. He went after those crazy lenders and threatened to cut their heads off if they didn’t beat it. Luckily for the little boy, the lenders walked back to their SUV’s and drove off.
What actually happened was that a voodoo priestess had done a magic spell and put it in some ashes in her house not far away. The spell on the ashes was to bring terrible luck to any Lender who had acted in a corrupt manner, and that they would all be turned to zombies. After walking around town, the little boy heard a rumor about the magic spell. He went to the priestess’ house and begged her to reverse the spell or do something so that these zombies wouldn’t come back.
She said that the spell was irreversible. The boy panicked. But, on a brighter note she said that she could round up the zombies and put them in her basement. At this point, the zombies were wandering around in their SUV’s completely lost, and unable to get passed the broken roads that were damaged in the earthquake.
MOM: Wake up Brian
BRIAN: Mom, there was a terrible earthquake, and you couldn’t get back home and…
MOM: It was a small earthquake and we came right back home to make sure you are okay.
BRIAN: And what about the zombies?
MOM: You were just having a bad dream. You left the heater on and all that heat can cause nightmares.
BRIAN: So, your loan is okay?
MOM: We’re a month behind on payments, but we will be okay!
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