GEORGE: Hey Angie, I think we need a Notary for Carmen’s report card.
ANGIE: Okay, I can call one. Can you use the online yellow pages.
GEORGE: I prefer the paginas amarillos, but I’ll settle for whatever I can get.
ANGIE: If you use the paginas amarillos, you will get a Notario Publico. I’m not sure if that’s even legal.
GEORGE: Just as long as it’s barely legal. You know what I mean. Like that swim suit you wore last year.
ANGIE: Hey, I like that swim suit.
GEORGE: Me too!
ERNIE: Hey guys. I overheard you need a Notary to notarize a swim suit? That’s going to be one very small notarization in two pieces.
ANGIE: You can’t notarize a swim suit.
GEORGE: I know, there would be hardly anything to notarize, in your case.
ERNIE: You know, I just had lunch. I saw some old ladies eating potatoes. How pathetic, you know?
GEORGE: I know. You saw mamas eating papas.
CARMEN: Very funny. Like cannibalism. Like the time I went to have Japanese food at a cannibalistic restaurant where the first item on the menu was Raw Men.
GEORGE: Hey Carmen, you are too young to be eating raw men. At least cook them first and get some frijoles tambien!
CARMEN: For your information, my report card cannot be notarized. We need your signature on a document saying that you saw my report card.
ANGIE: Oh, so now we are getting technical.
CARMEN: If you don’t get technical, the notarization will not be honored or even possible.
GEORGE: Good point. Which of my ID’s should I use?
ANGIE: The one that’s not expired!
GEORGE: Oh, I better check. But, don’t we need to draft a document?
BENNY: I can draft the document. I have plenty of experience with this getting my ex-boyfriends out of jail and getting their vehicles out of impound. What does the document need to say?
ANGIE: It says right here?
GEORGE: Can I write it in Spanish and then get a certified translator?
BENNY: That’s gonna cost you, and there’s no guarantee the translation will be correct.
GEORGE: Well, what if I pretend I can’t speak English, then can the Notary still Notarize my signature?
ANGIE: I think that direct communication is required for notarizing a person’s signature in most states according to the 123notary.com blog.
GEORGE: 123notary? Well why use the paginas amarillos when we can use uno dos tres notary punto com!
VIC: It sounds more like a Cuban radio station the way you say it. It makes me want to get my congas out of the closet because they are collecting dust.
ANGIE: But, if you play them you will be raising the dust, and we wouldn’t want that!
VIC: Silence, and let the master take part in his trade…. Rumba… my boriquen rumba… ay mi dios my rumba, sumba y catumba… felices!!!!
ANGIE: What happened to ritmo cubano?
VIC: This one is Puerto Rican, just like the Notary who’s coming in five minutes. I already arranged the meeting and drafted the document. You see. I am a step ahead of you. All I ask, is that you let him lead. Notaries from San Juan are like that.
NOTARY: I’m here! Which one of you is Vic.
VIC: Me, of course, the good looking one papi.
GEORGE: I’m good looking too… most of the time, at least when I’ve had my hair done. I’m the signer, so here is my ID.
NOTARY: You don’t look like the guy in the photo.
GEORGE: Oh that’s because I had my hair done for the photo, but didn’t today. But, the eyebrows should match. See???
NOTARY: Hmm. Okay. Sign here, and then sign my journal.
GEORGE: Journal? Nobody told me anything about a journal.
NOTARY: Su firma aqui por favor!
GEORGE: Okay… ahorita!
NOTARY: Stamps the form. Here you are. Your daughter is off the hook. Your DJ, that’s another story. I know a good conga teacher not far from here.
VIC: Hey, I am practically a professional, what are you talking about? Hey, doesn’t George have to swear under Oath?
NOTARY: Not today. Maybe next time if you are lucky. Just keep your arm flexible just in case I ask you to raise your right hand.
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