I’m tired of seeing all of these late night shows about people who can’t keep their pants on. Then, someone gets pregnant, and they don’t know who the father is. What is the future of our country if we can’t even bear children with two sane parents who are married I ask?
In any case. There is a new show call Noternity Court. There are some states that don’t require the use of a notary seal. The problem is, that if the notary’s handwriting is bad enough, you won’t be able to tell after the fact who notarized the document.
JEFF SIMONS: Your honor, it was 20 years ago. I can’t possibly remember if I notarized that document.
SAM (client) : It’s him… I swear it. If you overlook the balding head, the wrinkles around his eyes, and the extra 50 pounds he gained, that’s the same guy.
JEFF SIMONS: How can you be so sure?
JEFF SIMERS: Yeah, I have almost the exact same name and our signatures are so similar, how can you tell the difference.
JUDGE: You’re speaking out of order. Now, I’ve submitted your notary commission signatures and identification to a signature analysis crew. If necessary I’ll also have you take a lie detector test. Since the analysis is late. Let’s start with teh lie detector.
TECHNICIAN: Now, that we have you all wired, up I’m going to ask you a few questions.
JEFF SIMONS: Okay
TECHNICIAN: Is your name Jeff Simons.
JEFF SIMONS: Yes
TECHNICIAN: Were you a notary public in the year 1995
JEFF SIMONS: To the best of my knowledge.
TECHNICIAN: A simple yes or no will do. Our records show you were. Now, did you notarize with anyone else during the period when you were notarizing for Sam.
JEFF SIMONS: No, he was the only one.
TECHNICIAN: (pause) He’s telling the truth.
JUDGE: Okay, we have the signature analytics back. The analysis shows that … (pause)
We adjurn this court session for a special announcement.
There is a sale on journals at the ANS — Antiquated Notary Supplies. Don’t do a notary entry without a journal! Otherwise you might end up in Noternity Court.
JUDGE: Now, since your state doesn’t require you to use a notary seal or notary journal, it is very difficult to qeury a particular notary transaction. Do you know how critical these transactions are? What if you were signing off a Deed to a five million dollar property, and your handwriting was so bad they coudn’t tell who the notary was. I think you need to take your jobs a whole lot more seriously. Now, we got the DNA results back, and the handwriting analysis. Jeff Simons…. you are NOT, the notary!
JEFF SIMONS: I’m not? I can’t believe it. That’s fantastic, because I’m broke and can’t make any notary support payments.
JUDGE: Jeff Simers, you have a similar name to the other Jeff, but you are also not…. the notary!
JEFF SIMERS: I’m not? Well, who is?
JUDGE: The notary’s name is Jeff Somors, and he died in Nebraska many years ago. So, we can’t summon him
MEDIUM: Speak for yourself, we can do a seyonce.
JUDGE: Now, you’re talking, but that is not permissable in court. After all, how could we prove the identity of the spirit?
MEDIUM: The way we prove anyone else’s identity. Just have the spirit sign something, and ask your handwriting analyst!
JUDGE: I think we’re on to something!
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