DO YOUR JOB OR YOU COULD SEE THIS ON SHARK TANK!
First into the tank is a notary who plans to eliminate the competition.
CONTESTANT: Hello, sharks. My name is Jesse and I’m seeking $200,000 for 10% of my company, Self-Notary! Imagine eliminating the hassle of human beings showing up late for signings. Of making fun of your driver’s license picture ID. Well imagine no more! Self-Notary brings the future of automated transportation to your doorstep! So sharks, who’s ready to sign… on the dotted line?
MR. WONDERFUL: You’re talking about putting your fellow workers out of business. I’m sure they’ll want to sign all right. Your death certificate! How does this job-robbing invention of yours work?
CONTESTANT: A self-driving notary vehicle shows up at the client’s door. The signer puts his ID in the slot, scans his document, signs the online journal, puts his money in the dollar feed, and the machine sends the document.
DAYMOND: How does it get an oil change if it’s driverless?
CONTESTANT: An automated mechanic drives out to change it.
MR. WONDERFUL: You’re valuing your company at two million dollars. I assume there are SALES to report about. At least there better be.
CONTESTANT: We’re in pre-launch.
MARK: Oh. brother. And you expect us to pre-pay before we even know if it works?
LORI: What does it cost you to make, and what does it cost the client?
CONTESTANT: $100,000 a unit. And it costs the client a fee per signature plus a travel fee.
MR. WONDERFUL: That’s terrible. That’s a big nothing-burger. The day I get my money back on a deal like this is the day I need a haircut – which I haven’t needed since I became BALD! I’m out.
DAYMOND: After the notarization is finished, does the driverless car give the client a flourless cake as a thank you gift?
CONTESTANT: No, but that’s a great idea! My wife is a terrible gardener. We could eat the cake in her flower-less garden.
DAYMOND: It was MY great idea! I’m out.
BARBARA: I’ve been watching your presentation, and I think you’re a lousy salesman.
CONTESTANT: Would you swear to that?
BARBARA: Yes. But you wouldn’t be a credible witness.
LORI: So are you in, Barbara, or are you out?
BARBARA: I’m gonna make him an offer.
MR. WONDERFUL: You’re insane. I forbid you from murdering innocent money like that.
BARBARA: I’ll give you half the money you want, but you’re gonna need a lot of my help. I want 20% and I want another shark to go in on the deal.
LORI: I’ll go in on that deal with you, Barbara. 20% each. I deal with notaries who show up late all the time. I think there’s a market for automated notaries. And the human ones they put out of business can learn from the embarrassment of it and beat the automated notaries at their own game by signing up with the best of them on 123notary.com.
MR. WONDERFUL: What is this, product placement?
LORI: I get a few extra bucks for it. They don’t call me a shark for nothing. You better sign up on 123notary.com before the automated notaries do.
MR. WONDERFUL: You did it again?
Just then, the shark’s worst nightmare rolled in before their eyes!
MR. WONDERFUL: What is that monstrosity?
CONTESTANT: Oh, that’s the other product I’m working on. That’s automated you, Mr. Wonderful! Self-driving Shark!
BARBARA: Looks just like him. Especially the chrome dome.
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