Disclaimer – This article is purely for comedic purposes and I very much doubt that SnapDocs wants to sell its shares to Shark Tank.
CONTESTANT: Hello sharks. I would like to sell 50% of my business SnapDocs to you. We are an innovative platform where someone can hire a Notary, pay the notary, download documents, and look up reliability stats all using our convenient platform. We charge a fee that changes over time for using our services and looking up Notary information. We make “x” amount of money per transaction with a yearly profit of “y” dollars. We have been in business several years, so we are not brand new, but we are growing and are going to attempt to take 123notary’s market share as they are the leader of the notary advertising industry — so far…
Mr. WONDERFUL: Can you show us a little about how your features work?
CONTESTANT: Yes, you see you can share snapdocs with friends by using this feature here, We can get hard to get information on title companies which is valuable for attracting notaries using this other feature, and our best feature is the “Beat 123notary” feature.
LORI: How does the beat 123notary feature work, because I’m interested?
CONTESTANT: Umm. Awkward. That feature doesn’t seem to be working now, but programming is on it. We get more clicks than 123notary now, but only from people who don’t pay their notaries that well. 123notary keeps getting the good jobs.
Mr. WONDERUL: Maybe that is because they have better Notaries than you.
BARBARA: What good is having the best technology if you have the worst Notaries?
CONTESTANT: We’re trying to talk the best Notaries into working for the fees offered from those who use our site.
Mr. WONDERFUL: And how low are those fees?
CONTESTANT: (awkward pause) Um… Someone made $125 the other day.
LORI: The other day? How about in general?
CONTESTANT: Hmm. Let’s change the topic of the conversation. I would like to sell 20% for One Million.
MARK: Since you’re making money from this, and it is unclear whether 123notary will take your market share or whether or not you will take theirs, I will offer $100,000 for 20%.
CONTESTANT: $100,000? That is what we pay programming in several months.
LORI: I’m out, because it is too unpredictable, and it is not exciting enough.
BARBARA: I’d rather buy part of 123notary. They really scrutinize their Notaries which results in a better quality site, even though the Notaries are always complaining about being scrutinized.
LORI: 123notary is not for sale. Jeremy says it is his baby and he will never sell unless he is unable to care for it anymore.
Mr. WONDERFUL: Or runs out of baby formula. I’m out.>