SHARK TANKS, NO TANKS
ANNOUNCER: First in the Shark Tank… a signing company that makes sure the notary is paid!
CONTESTANT: Hi, Sharks, My name is Ernest Jones. And I’m here seeking $100,000 for 20% of my company, “Notary Escrow Pal” How many times have you asked yourselves, “Why is it so hard for a notary to get paid on time?”
MR. WONDERFUL: All the time – NOT.
ROBERT: Kevin, let the man speak.
CONTESTANT: Notary Escrow Pal pays you ahead of time before you do anything…
ROBERT: It’s basically a notary escrow account?
CONTESTANT: It makes the signing company put the money in an escrow account, but the funds won’t be released till the signing agent has inputted the Fed Ex tracking number of the return package into the Fed Ex computer system.
MARK CUBAN: Can you tell us about your sales?
CONTESTANT: Five hundred signings a day. Two dollars commission each signing. Ten thousand dollars a day. In a year, we’re projecting two million a year.
MARK CUBAN: Good for you.
MR. WONDERFUL: Now that we can return to planet earth… Nobody’s gonna use your stupid system. It’s much easier for the signing companies to just keep ripping notaries off like they’ve always done.
CONTESTANT: If the notaries know they’ll get paid, they’ll willingly work for less. So you can actually save a lot of money.
LAURIE: I like this idea. So here’s my offer: I’ll offer you the 100 K, but it’s gonna take a lot of effort on my part. And I want 40% of the company.
MR. WONDERFUL: Ouch.
CONTESTANT: Can you put it in Escrow Pal, pal?
ROBERT: Very funny! Ernest, I’ll clear the field here. I’m not a big notary guy. The only thing I’m signing is… out. Sorry.
CONTESTANT: Thanks, Robert.
MR. WONDERFUL: What are you thanking him for?
ROBERT: He’s courteous, Kevin. Try it sometime.
CONTESTANT: Laurie, thank you for your offer. Would you be willing to go down to… 30%?
BARBARA: I would.
MR. WONDERFUL: Wwoh.
BARBARA: But I’d only do it on this contingency – you change the name. Escrow Pal, to me, sounds a little too cute.
MR. WONDERFUL: Something you’ll never be.
BARBARA: Same goes for that cue ball you call your head.
MR. WONDERFUL: Here’s my advice, Ernest… You take your idea outside behind the barn, shoot it and put it out of its misery. I’m out.
CONTESTANT: Barbara, would you be willing to join up with Laurie?
MARK: You haven’t heard my offer yet!
CONTESTANT: I’m sorry, Mark.
MARK: Same deal. I’ll do twenty-five percent. Under one condition…
MARK: Next time I sign a Dallas Maverick, will you certify the paperwork?
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