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March 6, 2015

Two & a half notaries – learning the ropes

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , — admin @ 6:32 am

2 and a half notaries – learning the ropes
Disclaimer: The content in this dialogue may not be suitable for children or people who have any semblance of values, morals, or decency.

Charlie goes to a hot notary

NOTARY #1: Is it your first time? I’ll go easy on you.

CHARLIE: I’ve been notarized before. It was just such a long time ago.

NOTARY #1: Some people say that getting notarized is like riding a bike. You never forget how!

CHARLIE: Wish I could forget that and remember why I had “I love you, Ellen” tattooed on my leg.

NOTARY #1: If I didn’t notarize it, you don’t officially have to love her.

Then, Charlie goes to another notary to pick up some technique so he could impress the first notary. But, it was someone Charlie had been with before.

CHARLIE: I didn’t recognize you in that outfit,…or any outfit.

NOTARY #2 : Is that an embosser in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

CHARLIE: Samantha? No — Julie.

NOTARY #2: Boy, you have the worst memory I’ve ever seen.

CHARLIE: Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t be having this problem. I’d just ask for ID.

JAKE: Just out of curiosity, do notarizations have climaxes? You know, when you get to the ape of the notarization?

ALAN: You mean the ape-x, right?

JAKE: Yeah, that too.

NOTARY #2: It kind of does. The most critical part of the notarization is when the signer signs the journal.

JAKE: You mean that signing the document isn’t the most important part?

NOTARY #2: It’s important, but that can be done before the notarization.

JAKE: Oh, so it’s kind of like what I do before I leave the house if I’m going out with Jillian.

CHARLIE: I’m sure it’s exactly like that. Well, I want to learn the ropes over here. How does a notarization start?

NOTARY #2: it all starts by someone coming to the notary and telling the notary what they want.

JAKE: Oh — and do they need to tell the notary how they want it too?

NOTARY #2: Something like that. For legal purposes, the notary is prohibited from deciding or recommending what type of notary act to do for a particular document or signature. That is entirely up to the signer and their Attorney.
ALAN: So, let’s say I need a notarization. How do I ask for what I want?

CHARLIE: With you, you’re notorious for not knowing how to ask for what you want, that’s why you’re where you are in life.

ALAN: I want you to take that back.

CHARLIE: Oh sure, NOW you ask for what you want.

NOTARY #2: A client could come and they want an acknowledgment for their signature.

JAKE: Oh, I acknowledge you. Do I ever!

CHARLIE: Don’t mind him — he came with the house.

NOTARY #2: I see. Well, a client could also ask for a Jurat which requires a sworn Oath and must be signed in the presence of the notary.

CHARLIE: Well, let’s practice. I’ll be the client, and you can be the Notary. Sounds like a bad porn scene. What am I saying? There are no bad porn scenes. Wait a second, I have some paper in my den.

(2 minutes later)

NOTARY #2: Okay, and you signed this document?

CHARLIE: Yeah, that’s my signature. You probably want to ID me too.

NOTARY #2: Funny you should ask. Hmmm. It seems that your demented signature actually matches the demented signature on the ID.

CHARLIE: I think of it as more of a doctors’ signature, without the hassle of med school.

NOTARY #2: I’ve seen doctors’ signatures hundreds of times, and this doesn’t look a bit like a doctor’s signature. It looks more like one I got doing a notarization at an AA meeting.

JAKE: Well, maybe it was a doctor who had a little too much to drink because he got stressed out in surgery.

NOTARY #2: Now, I’m going to need you to sign my book.

CHARLIE: Well, you can bring your book right over (patting the table lightly)

NOTARY #2: Okay, sign away… Hey wait a second. Your signature looks sober now. What happened?

CHARLIE: Don’t ask me (slurring…)

NOTARY #2: I’m going to fill in the wording and seal this certificate, staple it to this Affidavit of testing document.

JAKE: Who was taking a test?

CHARLIE: Jessica agreed to take a test to make sure she didn’t have… never mind.

ALAN: Pay no attention to him.

NOTARY #2: And we’re done.

Charlie starts seeing one of the notaries regularly, and then gets caught seeing another notary.

NOTARY #1: I just love being with you. I feel like we are soul mates. Do you believe in soul mates?

CHARLIE: If they look good in my jacuzzi, then yeah. I could believe in soul mates.

NOTARY #1: The way I look at it, your jacuzzi looks good around me.

CHARLIE: With you in the Jacuzzi, no wonder it’s hot.

NOTARY #1: By the way. I noticed you talking to that other notary.

CHARLIE: Oh her? I was just learning a little technique from her to impress you.

NOTARY #1: What kind of technique?

CHARLIE: Y’know. Notary stuff. Presiding over deeds.

NOTARY #1: Dirty deeds? Are you two-timing me?

CHARLIE: Two-timing you? Don’t be silly. One-timing you, absolutely. By the second time, I’m a little spent.

NOTARY #1: You know what I mean! You’re cheating on me.

CHARLIE: No no, it’s nothing like that. We were just notarizing a document. Nothing more.

NOTARY #1: Well, did she use her seal?

CHARLIE: Well, yeah.

NOTARY #1 slaps him.

CHARLIE: Would it help if I told you her commission expired?

NOTARY #1: You and I are expired.

She leaves. Charlie goes back to Notary #2.

CHARLIE: Hi, Samantha

NOTARY #2: So, you’ve finally figured out my name now. I go by Sam actually.

CHARLIE: Well, I go by Char. Just kidding. I wanted to learn more about notary work. I wanted to do some role play, and I could be the notary.

NOTARY #2: We can talk about that. But, you will have to create your own seal.

CHARLIE: You mean I can’t use your seal?

NOTARY #2: it would be illegal for you to use my seal.

CHARLIE: I could use notorial protection, to make sure we’re both safe.

NOTARY #2: Abstinence is the best protection.

CHARLIE: I know how to ask for a happy ending in 17 languages. But, can a notarization come with a happy ending?

NOTARY #2: No Charlie, it doesn’t. But, I think I know what you are asking me.

(2 months later… Charlie becomes a notary, but does some improper notarizations and faces the consequences.)

CHARLIE: Why does it hurt when I affix my stamp? Must be one of those notarial diseases. Next time I’ll require double identification to be safe? Hmmm, maybe that wouldn’t help. Maybe Samantha was right. Maybe notarial abstinence is the best policy. It must be because of those two blonds that I notarized. I knew it.

ALAN: What’s up?

CHARLIE: I’m just bummed out. Samantha, and Charlene who you might remember as Notary #1… well, neither of them will see me again. Not to mention the fact that I seem to have picked up a nasty case of the… I don’t even know what you call it.

ALAN: Oh, the Jurclap. I read about that. You can get that if you have unprotected notarizations. Well Charlie. All I can say is, don’t feel bad, there will be other notaries!

.

You might also like:

Two and a half Notaries — impaired judgement
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13207

Two and a half Notaries — intercontinental notary seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10432

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December 12, 2014

Two and a half notaries: Detering notary fraud

CHARLIE: You know something Jake, notary fraud is a huge problem affecting the quality of life in America

JAKE: Whoa, you make it sound so serious, like the world is going to come to an end.

ALAN: You know Jake, notary fraud is something you should take seriously. I have stories about it that would shock you.

JAKE: Like, okay… I don’t even know what a notary is…

CHARLIE: Remember Shelley? She was a notary!

JAKE: So?

ALAN: A notary public is a very sacred and meaningful profession. They are people of integrity who make sure that a document was signed by the person who was supposed to sign the document.

JAKE: Oh, I get it. So, if Valerie wanted to get permission from her doctor to cut class because she was sick, and she forged her doctor’s signature, a notary wouldn’t let her get notarized with the forged signature.

CHARLIE: You hit the nail on the head. Is this kid taking smart pills all of a sudden. He’s never been so lucid as long as I’ve known him.

ALAN: I have no idea. This is a first for me too.

JAKE: Well, maybe I’ve thought about the concept of notarization in depth over the years, even though I didn’t know exactly what a notary was. After all, if Valerie is going to cut school to hang out with me at the mall all day long, I need to have a fool-proof strategy.

CHARLIE: I’m beginning to see where the motivation for Jake’s new-found high aptitude is coming from.

JAKE: Which brings me to my next thought which is, how do you fake a notary seal on a letter from a doctor to give you permission to fake school?

ALAN: Now, that is just wrong!

CHARLIE: Remember that fishing trip we were going to go on. And you could only take time off work on a Thursday?

ALAN: Well, yeah.

CHARLIE: And remember, how the only way that all three of us could all go together was if Jake could also take time off school on Thursday without getting into trouble?

ALAN: So, where are you going with this?

CHARLIE: Don’t you see? If we can get a fake notary to notarize a doctor’s signature, Jake can take the day off, and we can go to Lopez Lake up in Santa Barbara County!

ALAN: I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this.

JAKE: Count me in!

CHARLIE: Monica said she would meet up with us there.

ALAN: Say no more!

CHARLIE: All we need to do is to take a refresher course on the difference between a genuine and a fraudulent notary seal’s impression.

JAKE: What’s genuine?

ALAN: Oh, thank God he’s back to his old self again!

CHARLIE: Now, look at all of these notary seals. Can you tell which ones are authentic?

JAKE: Hmmm. I’ve never done this before, but, I’ve done something similar… (muttering under his breath) on the beach yesterday.

(looking at the notary seal impressions in a book)

CHARLIE: How about this one?

JAKE: Real… Fake… Fake… Real… Those are so fake… Wow, look at the size of those! I didn’t know it was possible for a notary seal to be so big. What about these ones?

CHARLIE: I can’t tell if these ones are real or fake, but all I have to say is, they should be illegal!

ALAN: What about this one. It looks so smudgy.

CHARLIE: That one’s real. It’s just that the notary who used it didn’t know what he was doing.

ALAN: There’s nothing worse than a notary who doesn’t know how to handle his seal.

JAKE: Can a notary seals be round?

CHARLIE: I’m glad you asked. A notary embosser, is round, and leaves a raised impression.

JAKE: You mean like it’s three dimensional?

CHARLIE: That’s exactly what I mean.

JAKE: Cool.

CHARLIE: I knew you’d like it. Check this out. This is an embosser!

ALAN: Where did you get that?

CHARLIE: Never mind where, or how. This is our ticket to fishing on the lake!

Scene 2. County jail

JAKE: I guess our plan didn’t work too well.

CHARLIE: Tell me about it. They might let me out for good behavior if Sylvester will take his arm off of me: (To Sylvester:) And NO, I am not your girlfriend — get the thought out of your head.

ALAN: Well, we might as well go to the lake, just Jake and I. There is nothing else to do. We’ll bring back some pictures for you to see when we’re back.

CHARLIE: (muttering with his hand over his face) That’s exactly what I need.

JAKE: I have an idea. Maybe if we get a notarized letter, we can get you out of here.

CHARLIE: I don’t think that is a very good idea, especially not at this point. And besides, my embosser is not part of exhibit A

BERTA: I can get you out of here. I’ll just sweet talk the guards.

CHARLIE: Never mind the guards, I’m more worried about the judge

SYLVESTER: Are you worried about me? I’ll miss you so much once they let you out.

CHARLIE: Oh my God.

BERTA: Good news, they’re letting you out!

ALAN: They are? They are!!!

CHARLIE: Why? What did I do. What changed?

JAKE: The principal of my school just called and dropped the charges. Since no malicious harm was meant, they decided to just let you out on a warning. But, they warn that impersonating a notary seal, or a notary is a Felony and can result in jail time.

CHARLIE: Oh boy, no more house in Malibu. I guess I got lucky this time.

SYLVESTER: But, I sure didn’t. Will you think of me when you’re back in your cushy house on the beach?

CHARLIE: You can bet I will. (shaking his head and rolling his eyes)

.

You might also like:

Notary Oscars
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16540

Two and a Half Notaries — learning the ropes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13707

Two and a Half Notaries — imparied judgement
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13207

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January 30, 2011

Two and a half notaries: impaired judgement

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , — admin @ 11:43 am

DISCLAIMER: This skit has references which many people might find inappropriate. Readers should be at least thirteen years of age and of unsound mind to read this article!

ALAN: I’m doing a notarization this evening!

BERTA: You’re still doing that? But, you have a career, why do you need to do that?

ALAN: Well, maybe I like notarizing things. I find it therapeutic.

CHARLIE: Well, if you think that’s therapeutic, then you’re nuts — so that should work out quite nicely

ALAN: I enjoy the art of affixing my seal; somehow makes me feel in control over the universe.

CHARLIE: You’re drinking vodka? You shouldn’t drink before a notarization because that could impair your judgement.

ALAN: Oh, its not for me, it’s for the signers.

CHARLIE: Oh, well in that case, even I would feel that it was therapeutic, assuming I had any feeling in my fingers after ingesting all of that vodka.

BERTA: Well, how much extra do you get by having these signers sign something that they shouldn’t after their judgement has been impaired?

ALAN: This signing is actually for a lesbian couple. I’m hoping that the vodka will impair their judgement after the signing. Since I drove my wife to lesbianism, I’m kind of hoping that I can do the same thing with these signers — but, in reverse.

JAKE: (grabbing the bottle of vodka and looking at it) Can you teach me how to be a notary too?

ALAN: You were not intended to hear this conversation

JAKE: Oh, I didn’t hear much. But, I was just thinking. Today in school, we learned about a financial product called a reverse mortgage. And to sign that type of loan, it is called a reverse signing. That might come in handy with those two chicks you’re working on.

CHARLIE: Why don’t you reverse yourself out of here. (to Alan) That kid’s a pain, but he’s right!

BERTA: After half a bottle of that Stolichnaya, maybe they’ll think they’re signing a double mortgage — at least they’ll be seeing double!

JAKE: (comes back in the room) Maybe they’ll pay you double

CHARLIE: Or maybe they’ll give you double trouble — until they pass out!

(Alan drives to the signing)

ROBIN: Thanks for coming. I have my Affidavit of Domicile right here.

ALAN: Oh, I thought we were doing a loan signing.

ROBIN: No, we’re going to do that next week. We just wanted to get this one done as soon as we could.

ALAN: Okay. I brought a little vodka.

CHRIS: Oh, thanks. You can just put that in the cabinet up there.

ALAN: Oh. Okay.

ROBIN: Do we sign here?

ALAN: Yeah… but, I was thinking. You don’t want to toast to your domicile bliss?

ROBIN: Oh no, we’re just living with each other for tax purposes.

BOYFRIEND: Oh, you brought vodka? Oh, that ‘s an expensive brand. Thanks dude, that was so cool and considerate of you!

ALAN: Oh, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend. I thought you guys were…

CHRIS: You thought we were lesbian? Oh!

BOYFRIEND: That’s what I thought at first too. Ironically, that’s what attracted me to them.

ALAN: (taking notes) So, how’d you get them to switch? Did you buy them a bottle of vodka.

BOYFRIEND: Kind of. But, I bought them a cheap Smirnoff. To me, I took is as kind of a challenge. I didn’t find out until afterwards that they were straight. I poured them some vodka and said — straight or on the rocks. She said she was straight, but that her relationship was on the rocks.

ALAN: Oh well, let’s get this notarization over. Here’s my card in case you need anything notarized in the future.

BOYFRIEND: Thanks dude, and no hard feelings.

CHRIS: Why don’t you give him his bottle back. It’s the least we can do for leading him on.

ROBIN: I think it was my inadvertent comment about the three-way notarization. I shouldn’t have said that, but I was tipsy. See what alcohol can do?

BOYFRIEND: Here’s your vodka dude, and thanks for everything.

ALAN: Thanks, I guess.

(Alan drives back — a squad car pulls him over)

ALAN: Hello officer, was I speeding?

OFFICER: No, but there is a “Have Seal Will Travel” sticker blocking your left turn signal.

ALAN: Oh brother.. I think my kid Jake must have been trying to help me out with my business. I didn’t see it on there. I asked him to put it on the side of my car.

OFFICER: Maybe you should pay more attention to what you’re doing, and what your son is doing. Is that an open bottle of Vodka on the front passenger mat?

ALAN: Oh boy. It was a gift for my client, but they didn’t want it. So, I’m taking it home.

OFFICER: You’re under a rest.

(Meanwhile in the slammer. The police have mercy on Alan. They figure he’ll get pulverized in the men’s holding cell, so they put him in with the women. Two four-hundred pound biker-chicks have pity on him, and the rest is history.)

BUTTERCUP: I heard all about your little tragedy from the guards, and all I can say is that I am so sorry.

HARLEY: Me too. So, what’s a notarization?

BUTTERCUP: And do you happen to have any more vodka on you?

ALAN: As a matter of fact, I have several mini-bottles in my coat pocket right here.

(We’ll leave the rest to your imagination)

(Four hours later)

CHARLIE: I’m here to bail you out

ALAN: It was incredible.

CHARLIE: What have you been smoking?

ALAN: That was the best signing I ever had.

CHARLIE: (looking at the mini-bottles) Wow, I need to start drinking this stuff.

ALAN: Robin and Chris were great. I’m going to call them when I (passes out)

(Charlie carries him home)

.

You might also like:

Two and a half Notaries: learning the ropes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13707

Two and a half Notaries: Imparied judgement
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13207

Two and a half Notaries: Intercontinental Notary Seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10432

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>

January 17, 2011

Two and a half notaries! A Notarization Experience

This is a story about a happy notary in Malibu named Charlie. He lived with his brother Sam and his brother’s son Kevin.

Charlie: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Kevin: A Notary of course — ANYTHING BUT!
Charlie: Don’t knock until you try it
Kevin: All you guys do is stamp your dumb stamp on dumb documents.
Charlie: True, but it has its perks. That’s how I met Monica!
Kevin: Good point! Charlie notarizes Monica — Ooooh!

Sam: Hey, wait a second, I was dating Monica. I REFERRED her to you!
Charlie: Correct — you WERE dating Monica. And by the time we finished the Oath verbiage, she had forgotten all about you, so help you God!
Sam: Hey, that’s not fair, I’m never referring another of my friends to you ever again.
Charlie: Relax, it was all over within days. I gave her a 3-day right to rescind our relationship, and then I didn’t call her back.
Sam: That is JUST like you.

Kevin: Hey, what’s the difference between a Notarization, and a Notarization experience?
Charlie: Oh, about $1500

Maid: Keep your ink off the counters. By the way, I’m taking three days off this week. Tell Monica I said hi.
Sam: What? I thought you said it was over?
Charlie: I never said it wasn’t. For me it’s over. For her I don’t know. By the way, who is that person who keeps calling and then keeps hanging up?
Maid: I had the number traced. It seems to be coming from Topanga. Isn’t that where Monica was from?
Charlie: Oh brother.

(ring ring)
Maid: Hey Charlie, it’s for you. It’s a customer. Natalia. She sounds nice, you better take it.
Charlie: Hey Natalia. Are you up for another notarization with Vodka?
Natalia: Am I ever. Bring your notary stamp and your notary bond with you darling.
Charlie: I’ll be right over. Oh, but this time, let’s have the vodka AFTER the signing.
Natalia: Anything you like, just as long as — you — are there!
Charlie: I figure if we can remember to do the signing first, then after we have the vodka it won’t matter what we remember, because we won’t remember!
Natalia: 8 — sharp. don’t be late!

Tweets:
(1) 2 & a half notaries: What’s the difference between a notarization and a notarization experience?
(2) 2 & a half notaries: Find out what happens when Charlie notarizes Natalia and then have vodka afterwards!

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January 7, 2011

Two and a half notaries: The intercontinental notary seal

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , — admin @ 7:49 am

WARNING: This skit may have a few inappropriate references that could be considered slightly offensive to people with morals, people who don’t have morals, as well as people who are just not sure.

ALAN: I have an idea

CHARLIE: What is it this time? Are we going to all dress in green and walk down the street signing Gaelic songs?

ALAN: No, it’s even better than that, although I do love Gaelic music.

BERTA: Spit it out! Tell us what you want to do.

ALAN: I thought it would be great if we all became notaries! It is a service everybody needs. And then we would have something in common. You know — to talk about.

CHARLIE: Notary? I don’t really think anyone will need my services as a Notary. Nobody has ever asked me about that before.

JAKE: What’s a notary?

ALAN: Well, you see, a notary is a profession, where they check people’s ID, verify that they are the correct signer, witness them signing a document, and then they affix their notary stamp or seal to the document. Sometimes they even swear under Oath.

JAKE: Sounds cool, I think you should do it. (yawning and patting his mouth)

CHARLIE: I don’t know if I want to invest my precious time doing all the procedures to become a notary, especially not during the superbowl.

BERTA: I heard that Monica needed a Notary…

CHARLIE: Where do I sign up?

ALAN: We can all go down to the County Clerk, and fill out the forms. Then, we get our notary seals.

CHARLIE: Deal.

JAKE: Can I become a notary too?

ALAN: I think you need to be a little older.

CHARLIE: Yeah, and not be a felon.

JAKE: I’m not a felon… Wait! What’s a felon?

BERTA: Someone who was convicted of a serious crime, like my uncle Sam. He robbed a liquor store. But, it was an accident. I swear!

JAKE: Never mind, I don’t want to be a dumb notary anyway.

ALAN: Maybe we can get you a training stamp.

JAKE: Oh, kind of like a training bra, except for notaries

CHARLIE: This kid needs a lot more than just training.

ALAN: Maybe it will be good for him. You never know. Sometimes, hands on knowledge sticks with you more than stuff you learned in school.

JAKE: I’m asleep or daydreaming half the time in school anyway.

CHARLIE: Exactly!

(Charlie, Alan, and their friend Samantha go down to the County Clerk. Fill out the forms. A few weeks later, they get their notary commissions and then they go to purchase their official notary seals)

ALAN: I’d like to purchase a notary seal

CLERK: Sorry buddy. We’re all out of seals, and our next order won’t come in for another three weeks.

ALAN: Three weeks? Do you have anything left?

CLERK: I just got this one. It’s a store sample, so it’s been used before so people can see how the seal comes out on paper.

ALAN: Looks like I don’t have much choice. I’ll take it. How much is it?

CLERK: $25 even.

ALAN: But, it is so small. I’ve never seen a notary seal so small before.

CLERK: Sorry kid, it’s all we’ve got.

ALAN: I’ll take it!

(meanwhile, all three newly commissioned notaries return to Charlie’s Malibu house)

CHARLIE: Check out my new notary seal. It’s gold plated, and comes in a velvet lined case! Pretty snazzy!

SAMANTHA: I love it. It’s beautiful, just like the things you used to buy me when we were dating.

ALAN: How long ago was that?

CHARLIE: It was off and on. More off than on. But, that’s okay.

ALAN: So, where did you get that seal? It’s amazing!

CHARLIE: I know this place in Beverly Hills. They do customized work over there. For the right price, they can do anything for you — I mean anything. They had to special order this seal, but it was fast because they had a courier bring it down from Sacramento.

SAMANTHA: Check out my seal. It’s pink, but the ink is black. You know — for legal purposes. What about your seal Alan?

ALAN: You probably don’t want to see it. It’s just a seal.

CHARLIE: It was your idea for us all to become notaries, so yes, we do want to see it.

ALAN: It’s in the car. I’ll get it.

(Alan returns from the car)

ALAN: Here it is!

SAMANTHA: Oh, it’s tiny. I’ve never seen a notary seal so small.

ALAN: It might be small, but I know how to use it!

CHARLIE: (rolling his eyes)

JAKE: Check out my seal. I made it myself.

ALAN: How did you figure out how to make it?

JAKE: Easy, I just got some plastic housing for the outside and pit in a customized rubber seal on the inside. It says, “In Training.” I call it my intercontinental notary seal.

CHARLIE: Hey buddy, watch it with that. It’s leaking ink!

JAKE: I know, that’s why I call it an intercontinental notary seal.

ALAN: I think you mean “incontinent.”

JAKE: Same difference

CHARLIE: Well, keep it away from the carpets. The last thing I need is permanent black ink in my Persian rugs. That will cost a fortune to remove it if’s even possible.

JAKE: Not to worry, my ink is invisible ink.

ALAN: Now, there’s an idea.

BERTA: I once had something notarized in invisible ink. It didn’t hold up too well in court until I got the judge that special light, so he could read the ink. If it weren’t for that light, I’d still be in jail.

ALAN: So, Charlie, just out of curiosity. What do you do if your notary seal runs out of ink.

CHARLIE: I can guarantee that’s not going to happen if Monica’s around.

JAKE: I might have the problem if I can’t figure out how to stop that leak. The book I learned about seals from… well. I skipped the chapter on leaks.

(meanwhile two beach girls come to the house)

GIRLS: We heard you were notaries.

ALAN: Speak no further. What do you need done?

GIRLS: We need this waterproof document notarized?

CHARLIE: Are your ID’s waterproof too?

GIRL #1: Oh, I have my ID… right…. here…

(Jake’s eyes are bulging out staring intently directly at where Girl #1’s ID is coming out from)

JAKE: Can I touch it?

GIRL #1: You creep!

CHARLIE: Not you, the ID… He’s a notary in training you know.

GIRL #1: Oh… Okay. Here it is.

JAKE: (caresses the ID with a broad smile on his face, puts it to his chest, and to the side of his head.)

GIRL #2: Is this part of notary procedure?

ALAN: For Jake it is. He studied from a different book than we studied from.

CHARLIE: I think I’ll handle this case. Please sign my journal right here.

GIRL #1: Okay

(30 minutes later)

JAKE: He guess what uncle Charlie

CHARLIE: Dare I ask?

JAKE: Remember those girls who came over.

CHARLIE: Yes.

JAKE: Well, I notarized her. Not her document… her!

CHARLIE: No you didn’t! I’m going to my game. He’s about to do a touchdown.

JAKE: No really. Look out the window. (Girl #1 has her back to the house and is looking at a passing boat)

CHARLIE: I don’t see a notary seal on her.

JAKE: (pointing the ultra-violet invisible ink light at the girl) Look again!

CHARLIE: Oh!!! (shaking his head) Got it…

JAKE: One more thing

CHARLIE: Tell me?

JAKE: Ummm, you don’t need to tell Alan about this.

BERTA: I won’t tell him a thing! Mum’s the word!

.

You might also like:

Two and a Half Notaries — Learning the ropes
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=twoandahalfmen

You know you’re a Notary when…
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

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