CHARLIE: You know something Jake, notary fraud is a huge problem affecting the quality of life in America
JAKE: Whoa, you make it sound so serious, like the world is going to come to an end.
ALAN: You know Jake, notary fraud is something you should take seriously. I have stories about it that would shock you.
JAKE: Like, okay… I don’t even know what a notary is…
CHARLIE: Remember Shelley? She was a notary!
ALAN: A notary public is a very sacred and meaningful profession. They are people of integrity who make sure that a document was signed by the person who was supposed to sign the document.
JAKE: Oh, I get it. So, if Valerie wanted to get permission from her doctor to cut class because she was sick, and she forged her doctor’s signature, a notary wouldn’t let her get notarized with the forged signature.
CHARLIE: You hit the nail on the head. Is this kid taking smart pills all of a sudden. He’s never been so lucid as long as I’ve known him.
ALAN: I have no idea. This is a first for me too.
JAKE: Well, maybe I’ve thought about the concept of notarization in depth over the years, even though I didn’t know exactly what a notary was. After all, if Valerie is going to cut school to hang out with me at the mall all day long, I need to have a fool-proof strategy.
CHARLIE: I’m beginning to see where the motivation for Jake’s new-found high aptitude is coming from.
JAKE: Which brings me to my next thought which is, how do you fake a notary seal on a letter from a doctor to give you permission to fake school?
ALAN: Now, that is just wrong!
CHARLIE: Remember that fishing trip we were going to go on. And you could only take time off work on a Thursday?
ALAN: Well, yeah.
CHARLIE: And remember, how the only way that all three of us could all go together was if Jake could also take time off school on Thursday without getting into trouble?
ALAN: So, where are you going with this?
CHARLIE: Don’t you see? If we can get a fake notary to notarize a doctor’s signature, Jake can take the day off, and we can go to Lopez Lake up in Santa Barbara County!
ALAN: I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this.
JAKE: Count me in!
CHARLIE: Monica said she would meet up with us there.
ALAN: Say no more!
CHARLIE: All we need to do is to take a refresher course on the difference between a genuine and a fraudulent notary seal’s impression.
JAKE: What’s genuine?
ALAN: Oh, thank God he’s back to his old self again!
CHARLIE: Now, look at all of these notary seals. Can you tell which ones are authentic?
JAKE: Hmmm. I’ve never done this before, but, I’ve done something similar… (muttering under his breath) on the beach yesterday.
(looking at the notary seal impressions in a book)
CHARLIE: How about this one?
JAKE: Real… Fake… Fake… Real… Those are so fake… Wow, look at the size of those! I didn’t know it was possible for a notary seal to be so big. What about these ones?
CHARLIE: I can’t tell if these ones are real or fake, but all I have to say is, they should be illegal!
ALAN: What about this one. It looks so smudgy.
CHARLIE: That one’s real. It’s just that the notary who used it didn’t know what he was doing.
ALAN: There’s nothing worse than a notary who doesn’t know how to handle his seal.
JAKE: Can a notary seals be round?
CHARLIE: I’m glad you asked. A notary embosser, is round, and leaves a raised impression.
JAKE: You mean like it’s three dimensional?
CHARLIE: That’s exactly what I mean.
CHARLIE: I knew you’d like it. Check this out. This is an embosser!
ALAN: Where did you get that?
CHARLIE: Never mind where, or how. This is our ticket to fishing on the lake!
Scene 2. County jail
JAKE: I guess our plan didn’t work too well.
CHARLIE: Tell me about it. They might let me out for good behavior if Sylvester will take his arm off of me: (To Sylvester:) And NO, I am not your girlfriend — get the thought out of your head.
ALAN: Well, we might as well go to the lake, just Jake and I. There is nothing else to do. We’ll bring back some pictures for you to see when we’re back.
CHARLIE: (muttering with his hand over his face) That’s exactly what I need.
JAKE: I have an idea. Maybe if we get a notarized letter, we can get you out of here.
CHARLIE: I don’t think that is a very good idea, especially not at this point. And besides, my embosser is not part of exhibit A
BERTA: I can get you out of here. I’ll just sweet talk the guards.
CHARLIE: Never mind the guards, I’m more worried about the judge
SYLVESTER: Are you worried about me? I’ll miss you so much once they let you out.
CHARLIE: Oh my God.
BERTA: Good news, they’re letting you out!
ALAN: They are? They are!!!
CHARLIE: Why? What did I do. What changed?
JAKE: The principal of my school just called and dropped the charges. Since no malicious harm was meant, they decided to just let you out on a warning. But, they warn that impersonating a notary seal, or a notary is a Felony and can result in jail time.
CHARLIE: Oh boy, no more house in Malibu. I guess I got lucky this time.
SYLVESTER: But, I sure didn’t. Will you think of me when you’re back in your cushy house on the beach?
CHARLIE: You can bet I will. (shaking his head and rolling his eyes)
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Two and a Half Notaries — learning the ropes
Two and a Half Notaries — imparied judgement