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October 7, 2016

Notary Funeral — When the Commission Expired

Filed under: Andy Cowan — Tags: , — admin @ 12:03 pm

NOTARY FUNERAL – WHEN THE COMMISSION EXPIRED

We’re gathered here today to celebrate the life and times of a man who made the world a better place. Since he’s no longer here, I don’t have to swear to that. He first knew he wanted to make a mark on the world when he asked to witness others making marks on pieces of paper. Other kids learned the three Rs. Our friend who we miss so learned the three-kinda-looks-like-Rs-but-better-make-sure-they’re-legible-before-he-definitely-calls-them-Rs. He was accepted as a Navy Seal, but chose to join the Notary Seals. His most dangerous mission – asking for Edward Scissorhands’ signature. He switched from pre-med to pre-notary in college, because he wanted to witness legible handwriting instead of his own horrendous handwriting had he stayed a doctor.

He was a good man who never backdated. He met his dear wife on the notary dating site, affiant.com. His wife tried to get his death certificate notarized, not realizing you can’t notarize vital records. We don’t measure his life in years, but the number of commissions he held, ever since he was of legal age. He signed, sealed, and now he shall be delivered.

Instead of being cremated, he requested to be shredded.

In lieu of flowers, his family requests pens. He never had enough pens.

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Notary Hell — Yeah, but it’s a dry heat
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Witnessing intake forms for Notary heaven
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September 28, 2016

Notary Airport

NOTARY: One day there will be a Notary Airport

SAM: When pigs can fly.

NOTARY: Well actually, it will be seals flying. The airplanes will look like giant seals, whiskers and all.

SAM: Maybe they should make a Notary submarine that looks like a seal instead of a flying seal.

NOTARY: The good part is that when Notarizations are done on the plane, the prices will be sky high!

SAM: Yeah, and if you notarize in the air, you can join the Notary mile high club.

NOTARY: Yes, but wait until you find out what the airport layout will look like….

The terminals will be shaped like Notary seals. Each terminal will have a coffee house and bar with a Notary bartender. The newpaper store will sell NNA’s newsletter in addition to the Wall Street Journal. The parking lot will have a special section for Notaries that is closest to where the shuttle picks you up. And when you go to check in your bags, they make you sign the journal and thumbprint. How cool is that?

Scene from aiport security.

OFFICER: Sir, please remove any metal objects from your pockets and step forward slowly.

SAM: Okay… should I take off my belt too?

OFFICER: Just wait for us to put on the saxophone music before you do that please sir.

SAM: Got it.

OFFICER: Our scanner found a metal object in your bag that resembles an embosser?

SAM: Is that a problem, officer?

OFFICER: Well, not necessarily. Is this a registered embosser?

SAM: Does it need to be?

OFFICER: Step to the side sir.

SAM: Uh-oh.

OFFICER: I’m going to need to pat you down. Please stand still.

SAM: Wow, you’re good at that.

OFFICER: I know… I get that a lot. I used to be a Priest for 30 years, a ballet teacher for 3 years, plus I worked in the airport for 4 years.

SAM: Oh, it all adds up now. Now I know why that comes so naturally to you. The embosser was authorized by my state. I have the paperwork at home.

OFFICER: Great. Let me just check your commission number on our computer system… Uh huh. Okay, no unauthorized used on our database. The waiting areas are in front of you or have a drink at the flying embosser. Just don’t use your embosser under the influence of alcohol or heavy medication per airport regulations. If you get bored in the waiting room, you can read Notary Handbooks from all 50 states plus DC.

SAM: I’ll get bored, but not that bored. Thanks.

OFFICER: And may God bless you — if there is a God.

SAM: Some Priest you are/were.

OFFICER: Well, I stopped being a Priest because I stopped believing in God.

SAM: Hmm. Well, I stopped being a Mortgage Broker in 2009 because I lost interest.

OFFICER: Forgive me father for I have rescinded — that was a good one! I’m just kidding, I still believe in God, I quit the church to run for the senate because things at the church got too — political.

SAM: Gotcha!

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August 24, 2016

Trump — Making American Notaries Great Again

Trump – Making American Notaries Great Again

We’ve heard a lot about Trump wanting to make America great again. But can he make your notary practice great again if it isn’t already? Or have you hit the wall? Or does he have to build the wall and then make Mexico pay for it? He says America doesn’t win anymore. Are you winning? Thanks to NAFTA, Mexican notaries are allowed to enter the United States and perform work as notaries. But because they charge so little, the only way Americans could survive was to build a wall made of used notary seals.

THE DONALD: The notaries love me. And by the way, the notaries love me. I repeat myself a lot. And by the way, I repeat myself a lot.

NOTARY: I’m undecided about who to vote for. Why should I vote for you?

THE DONALD: Our leaders don’t know what they’re doing. I will make American notaries great again. I’m gonna bring notary jobs back to America. I will be the greatest notary jobs president God ever created.

NOTARY: Would you swear to that under oath?

THE DONALD: I will swear to Justice Roberts on a bible on January 20th. Until then, I’ll swear at my campaign rallies.

NOTARY: Well, you have been married three times. You know a lot about witnessing signatures on divorce papers.

THE DONALD: More than Hillary! She’s a disaster. She could have at least left Bill during MonicaGate, but no. She stuck by his side. Pathetic.

NOTARY: Why shouldn’t I vote for Ted Cruz?

THE DONALD: Lyin’ Ted? He wants to shred Iran’s nuclear deal on day one. Shredding signed documents takes away notary jobs. He’d be a disaster as president.

NOTARY: Wouldn’t you need to hire more notaries to witness the signatures on the deal that replaced it?

THE DONALD: Absolutely. And I’m fine with that.

NOTARY: Hold on. A minute ago you said you were against it.

THE DONALD: I’ve evolved. Which is more than I can say for Cro-Magnon Man Cruze. Have you seen his wife? Compared to mine, she looks like a Gargoyle.

NOTARY: Well, I’m still not convinced you’re good for notaries. What about Bernie?

THE DONALD: The Communist? The only time I “feel the bern” is when I pee. Elect him and all the notaries will be getting free health care.

NOTARY: What’s wrong with that?

THE DONALD: Living longer means fewer wills to witness. When I’m elected president, believe me, half the country will jump off buildings. And if they’re lucky, one of mine. You’ll be witnessing will signings till the cows come home. Speaking of which, did you see Lyin’ Ted’s wife?

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August 26, 2015

Do you use a Notary embosser?

Filed under: Technical & Legal — Tags: , , — admin @ 11:07 am

I read a discussion on Linked In about using an embosser for Notary work. I realize that I used to write about this a lot long time ago. Perhaps it has been since 2010 or 2011 since I have written about using an embosser. Here is what you need to know.

(1) Each state has its own rules about using seals and embossers. Some states don’t even require using a Notary Seal. I personally feel that it is not professional for a notary not to use a Seal and a Journal for all transactions regardless of what their state’s standards are. I have not heard of a state prohibiting the use of seals and or journals, although many make it optional. If you need to query a critical record for a Deed for a million dollar property, that will be impossible if you don’t keep a sequential journal!

Some states allow the use of a secondary non-inked embosser. Ask your state notary division if your state allows this. California allowed the use of an inked seal, and supplemental use of a non-inked embosser when I was a California Notary Public. As a general rule, if you are allowed to use an embosser as a primary seal, it must be inked. However, I recommend using it as a secondary seal because it doesn’t fit in small places, the text is round and hence harder to read, etc.

(2) Embossers help to deter fraud.
The correct use of an embosser as a secondary notary seal is to emboss each page of every document you notarize. That way frauds will think twice about switching pages after the fact which is a common crime.

(3) Embossers help to identify fraud
If someone is stupid and decides to commit fraud by Xeroxing a notarized document, the embosser’s three dimensional raised impression will not show up in the photocopy. Additionally, if a page is swapped, you can easily identify that page by its lack of an embossed impression

(4) Embossers don’t deter fraud unless you use them on every page of every document you notarize. If you get an embosser later in your career, make a notation in your journal of the date when you started using it, and keep notes in subsequent journals of when you started using it. The notes go in the COVER of the journal where you can’t miss it. That way, if any of your notarizations are investigated, you will have easy to query records of when you were using an embosser and when you weren’t. And remember, if you only use it on some documents, if a fraud is committed, you won’t remember if you used your embosser or not, so use it on every document and on all pages, no matter how many pages.

(5) Some people like to put the embosser through all the pages of a document all at once at a particular part of the document. This technique would make it obvious if someone used a forged embosser after the fact. The location and nature of the impression of the embosser would be different and lighter on each page that it went through. I didn’t use this technique because the impression would not be legible if it went through more than several pages. I did each page separately. Some notaries even put the embosser at the edge of the paperwork so only half of the embosser’s seal goes through the paper and the other half goes through air.

(6) The NNA and other notary supply companies can help you purchase an embosser. They cost around $30 when I was a Notary. They might be more now. You might need a letter of authorization from your state notary division to purchase one. Good luck!

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