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March 30, 2018

A dream about a Notary seal and a journal sandwich

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: — admin @ 10:11 am

I had a dream that I was in a Japanese restaurant and that I ordered a journal sandwich.

It was an Official journal of notarial acts. The cover was made of a cookie and the pages were made of rice paper. I asked the waitress why there were no thumbprints in my journal. The answer was, “Sorry, no Engrish!”

Oh well. My journal was a mini-journal that came with green tea ice cream. Next time I’ll get the mochi.

I had another dream.

This time there was a Notary seal sitting on the table. It was spitting out black noodles which became an octopus which ate an Affidavit. After that it raised it’s right tentacle and swore it was delicious. Then I work up and found myself naked at Macy’s looking at a stuffed octopus.

I actually got sick eating an octopus. My psychic said that it descended into the sand at the bottom when it was being caught and played dead. The same thing happened to me when I ate it. I wanted to crouch on the ground and die. I was having trouble breathing. I got some fresh air and felt better the next day. Bizarre. I guess my health could be improved.


January 12, 2017

#1 Notary Error

Filed under: Carmen Towles,Popular on Linked In — Tags: — admin @ 9:17 pm

This is a notary public service announcement…..:)

Please notaries DO NOT use your notary stamp where you see just the word ‘seal’. I have posted a couple of definitions of the term ‘seal’ from a couple of places below.

“Seal” after a signature is not just another word for signature. It is a remnant from the days when seals were actually used and impressed in wax. A document under seal in some jurisdictions has legal ramifications. It may extend the statute of limitations for legal actions taken under the document. It may eliminate the necessity for proving consideration on a contract. It may do both.”

“In the law, a seal affixed to a contract or other legal instrument has had special legal significance at various times in the jurisdictions that recognise it. In the courts of common law jurisdictions, a contract which was sealed (“made under seal”) was treated differently from other written contracts (which were “made under hand”), although this practice gradually fell out of favour in most of these jurisdictions in the 19th and early 20th century. The legal term seal arises from the wax seal used throughout history for authentication (among other purposes).
Originally, only a wax seal was accepted as a seal by the courts, but by the 19th century many jurisdictions had relaxed the definition to include an impression in the paper on which the instrument was printed, an embossed paper wafer affixed to an instrument, a scroll made with a pen, or the printed words “Seal” or “L.S.” (standing for the Latin term locus sigilli meaning “place of the seal”).”

So, it appears by these definitions this was something that was used in 19th and 20th century when folks used wax seals. But for some reason, new notaries seem to want to affix their notary seal on loan documents everywhere they see the term ’seal’. In my opinion, I believe that this is the number one mistake made by newly appointed notary public/signing agents. I get calls here about this at all the time. This is why it is so important to understand what is to be notarized and what is not. Notaries remember you ONLY affix your seal to places that the signer has SIGNED and there is ‘notarial wording’ (wording such as: appeared, sworn/affirmed before, along with the state, city, etc.) that is present below the signature. NEVER EVER affix your notary seal/stamp to anything that has just the world ‘seal’ and/or that has no notary wording. You always must have some sort of notarial wording present after the signature. Doing otherwise, will get into big trouble with the hiring party not to mention the Secretary of State. Also depending on the situation and the request you may need to attached a notarial certificate. You should keep both acknowledgments and juarts for your specific state handy. And also please remember that you are notarizing the SIGNATURE on the document not the document itself.

Regrettably, just recently, I advised 2 notaries to reprint and go back out to the signers to re-sign due to this error. Glad they called me so they could get it done correctly before they returned the documents. I often wonder why the lenders still use documents that are are outdated and confusing….


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Affirmations: Pleasing the politically correct while offending the traditional people.


September 29, 2016

Notary Aptitude Test 2

(1) Notary Stamp is to Notary Seal what Attest is to:
(a) A test and a verbal verification (b) swearing and stating (c) The 123notary signing agent online test and proof (d) Oath and affirmation.

(2) Document Date is to Signing Date what date is to:
(a) Ditching date (b) Marriage date (c) Engagement date (d) Backdate (e) No relation

(3) Backdating is to signing what _____________ is to lying about your age.
(a) profiles (b) rescission date (c) Notary Applications (if you’re under 18 or not a US citizen) (d) notarizing an acknowledgment an hour before your signing appointment.

(4) Name on Title is to Name on a Document as name on Birth Certificate is to:
(a) Name on your ID (b) Your street aliases (c) Death Certificate (d) Mother’s maiden name

(5) Jurat is to Oath, what Oath is to:
(a) Quaker Oaths (b) Oath written text (c) Swearing (d) Attest

(6) Original document is to wet ink signature as commission paperwork is to:
(a) Secretary of State’s seal (b) name of your state (c) Felony conviction (d) Commission impossible

(7) Venue is to State what State is to:
(a) Secretary of State (b) City (c) County (d) Zip code

(8) Witness is to bank robbery what Notary act is to:
(a) Acknowledgment (b) Jurat (c) Protest (d) Unmarked Bills

(9) Subpoena is to testify what credible witness is to:
(a) Busy-body (b) Bank Robber (c) Subscribing Witness (d) Identify

(10) Middle initial is to document what ___________ is to identification
(a) Name (b) Middle Name (c) Matching or longer (d) Name on Title

(11) Digital signature is to an eSigning what a/an ________________ is to the future of the Notary profession.
(a) eDocuments (b) Notary (c) eNotary (d) 123notary

(12) SnapDocs is to the Notary Profession what Walmart is to:
(a) eBay (b) Retail (c) Amazon (d) Life


1. Note to readers, seal has two meanings. It could mean a stamp, or a signature). Answer (a) is correct even though it is part joke and part true.

2. (e) is the correct answer as the document date is arbitrary and could be any date, and has no relation to the signing date although it is commonly the same date as the signing date by convention.

3. (a) profiles typically have women who lie about their age and roll back the years about five to ten years. But, do men also backdate their age?

4. The name on Title is your official name that the property is registered to which carries a certain amount of official merit to it and permenance just like the name on your birth certificate. However, people do change their names after the fact that could lead to different names on the document or ID. Correct answer is (a).

5. (c) Swearing is a part of the Oath just like an Oath is a part of the Jurat process.

6-12 Figure it out on your own! That was fun!


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September 28, 2016

Notary Airport

NOTARY: One day there will be a Notary Airport

SAM: When pigs can fly.

NOTARY: Well actually, it will be seals flying. The airplanes will look like giant seals, whiskers and all.

SAM: Maybe they should make a Notary submarine that looks like a seal instead of a flying seal.

NOTARY: The good part is that when Notarizations are done on the plane, the prices will be sky high!

SAM: Yeah, and if you notarize in the air, you can join the Notary mile high club.

NOTARY: Yes, but wait until you find out what the airport layout will look like….

The terminals will be shaped like Notary seals. Each terminal will have a coffee house and bar with a Notary bartender. The newpaper store will sell NNA’s newsletter in addition to the Wall Street Journal. The parking lot will have a special section for Notaries that is closest to where the shuttle picks you up. And when you go to check in your bags, they make you sign the journal and thumbprint. How cool is that?

Scene from aiport security.

OFFICER: Sir, please remove any metal objects from your pockets and step forward slowly.

SAM: Okay… should I take off my belt too?

OFFICER: Just wait for us to put on the saxophone music before you do that please sir.

SAM: Got it.

OFFICER: Our scanner found a metal object in your bag that resembles an embosser?

SAM: Is that a problem, officer?

OFFICER: Well, not necessarily. Is this a registered embosser?

SAM: Does it need to be?

OFFICER: Step to the side sir.

SAM: Uh-oh.

OFFICER: I’m going to need to pat you down. Please stand still.

SAM: Wow, you’re good at that.

OFFICER: I know… I get that a lot. I used to be a Priest for 30 years, a ballet teacher for 3 years, plus I worked in the airport for 4 years.

SAM: Oh, it all adds up now. Now I know why that comes so naturally to you. The embosser was authorized by my state. I have the paperwork at home.

OFFICER: Great. Let me just check your commission number on our computer system… Uh huh. Okay, no unauthorized used on our database. The waiting areas are in front of you or have a drink at the flying embosser. Just don’t use your embosser under the influence of alcohol or heavy medication per airport regulations. If you get bored in the waiting room, you can read Notary Handbooks from all 50 states plus DC.

SAM: I’ll get bored, but not that bored. Thanks.

OFFICER: And may God bless you — if there is a God.

SAM: Some Priest you are/were.

OFFICER: Well, I stopped being a Priest because I stopped believing in God.

SAM: Hmm. Well, I stopped being a Mortgage Broker in 2009 because I lost interest.

OFFICER: Forgive me father for I have rescinded — that was a good one! I’m just kidding, I still believe in God, I quit the church to run for the senate because things at the church got too — political.

SAM: Gotcha!

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September 22, 2016

A Notary country

I wrote a piece about a Notary planet, but what about a Notary country? A Notary country would need to have border crossings. That would be the highlight of a Notary country as you would be forced to show your ID and give a digital signature every time you crossed. There would have to be a Notary president, congress, and representatives. But, how would the country function and what would be unique about it?

Roads & Dining
Roads would be a lot better in a Notary country since everybody would be a traveling Notary and would need to get around. To fund the better roads, there might be toll booths, or if Carmen Towles (pronounced “tolls” were running them then “Towles” booths. You would have to pay at Towles booths, but also sign a digital signature. To go to a restaurant, you would have to book a seat by signing a digital signature as well. Every action of every day would revolve around digital signatures to the point that you would have to sign a digital signature to get a digital signature.

The Capitol
The capitol of the country would have a capitol building shaped like a giant Notary seal. Inside instead of an oval office, there would be the oval embosser office. Perhaps they might use gold plating on the dome of the top of the Notary seal. Then, next to the capitol building, the next most important bulding would be the national clerk where all notarial records would be held. It would be a building the size of several football fields. Airport terminals would be the shape of Notary seals.

Armed Forces
The military would have special weapons of mass destruction — instead of stink bombs, ink bombs! Instead of Atom bombs, Affiant bombs. Instead of Navy Seals — okay, bad example, we’ll keep the Navy Seals, and have Air Seals (air-tight air seals) as well.

Rail would be the primary form of transportation around the Notary Country. You’d have to swear an Oath to get on the train though. Each car of the train would look like a giant Notary stamp.

Children would go to school to learn to read and write. There would be some music and physical education as well. But, the most important task they would learn would be learning how to notarize documents and identify people. Of course in a country dedicated to Notary work, the identification process would be much more evolved and probably involve retinal scans, checking ID serial numbers in Federal databases, thumbprint scanning and more.

After the residents of this great nation died, they would be buried in a notary cemetery with Notary stamp shaped gravestones that would have their commission number and two expiration dates — one for their commission and the other for their life!

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July 15, 2016

UFO Notary Seal

UFO – A beautiful blonde notary is walking through an Iowan cornfield. Aliens abduct her into their spaceship, a huge UFO that looks like a gigantic notary seal. They came to earth to study our notary seals, but were disappointed to discover our technology was 900,000 years more primitive than theirs.

The next thing the beautiful blonde remembers, she’s in the operating room inside the UFO with five humanoid creatures staring at her.

Aliens: “May I see your notary seal?” They start doing experiments on her notary seal. Aliens: “Do you have implants?” Woman: “Aren’t we being a little forward?” Aliens: “No, not you. Your notary seal.” Woman: “What do you mean?” Aliens: “On our planet, we have microchips in our notary seal. We have two ways of notarizing the documents. Either we infuse the document with a watermark and serial number for the notarization. Or we insert a microchip into the fibers of the document in the upper right hand corner, which would have the details of the transaction, and in the cyber journal, what the record number of the cyber journal is. There’s something wrong with our anti-gravitation device in the ink section of our notary seal. No pun intended, but we hope you understand the gravity of the situation.”

Woman: “I don’t even understand what a cyber journal is.” Aliens: “Maybe we should have abducted a brunette.” Woman: “Was that a dumb blonde joke?” Aliens: “No, that was a good blonde joke.” Woman: “Dumb blonde! Not dumb joke. And I thought I was dumb.”

Woman: Let me see your intergallactic Notary seal now. Oh, interesting, it’s the size of a business card, it’s flat and has some sort of laser beam device. I think I know what your problem is with the anti-gravitation device.

Aliens: What’s that?

Woman: The safety’s on.

Aliens: Oh, so much for our theory about blonde Notaries.

Woman: Can I go back to earth now?

Aliens: Considering you’re a blonde, I find you very down to earth. But, yes, one small thing. In the twenty minutes you have been visiting with us, twenty-five years have past. All of your friends will be twenty-five years older.

Woman: Including my boyfriend? Good. I like older men.

Aliens: BTW, when we said twenty-five years, we meant Gorkon years. In your years it would be about an hour and forty-three minutes.

Woman: My boyfriend would probably have moved on by then anyway.


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July 1, 2016

Fly JurAtlantic Air

The waiting room at the gate was filled with Notaries. But, who would get called to board first?

JURATLANTIC: To get on the plane, you need to show your ID

NOTARY#1: Okay, here’s my ID. It’s current too. Like my signature?


Everyone boarded the plane, and now it was time for announcements.

JURATLANTIC: Please stow all embossers and Notary carry all bags in the overhead bins. Please stow all embossers in the overhead bins. Please watch the safety demonstration in front of you. Please put your seat in an upright position during take off. If there is a sudden drop in cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop down from above you. Just breath normally into it.

MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Let me show how to inflate your self-inflating notary seal. (Accidentally inflates inflatable woman) Whoops, wrong one!

FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT: There are emergency exits to the sides of the plane, and to the rear of the aircraft.
If your name doesn’t match between the documents and the I.D., please use the rear emergency exit…right now!

CAPTAIN: Welcome aboard JurAtlantic flight to Newark, New Jersey.
During takeoff, feel free to do a takeoff on Notary work, signing companies, or Notary airlines. After we reach a suitable altitude, we will be having refreshments.

ANNOUNCEMENT: The captain has turned off the no-notarizing sign. Please feel free to notarize throughout the cabin.

CAPTAIN: Lovely day for signatures. Look outside your windows, you’ll notice a huge crop circle shaped like a notary embosser. If you should experience turbulence while signing, be sure you don’t wind up getting pen marks on your leg. If you should experience turbulence between the husband and wife at a signing, simply attach your seatbelt and remain calm.

MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT: I once notarized at 30,000 feet. I’m an official member of the mile high notarization club now!

FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Now it is time for our mid-flight entertainment. Notarizing. For an additional $3.25, we can offer you a disposable Notary seal. To use your Notary seal, simply pick up the Notary seal like so. Take the document with your other hand, and press using moderate pressure — then release. Additionally, we will be serving refreshments now. We are serving Signa-Cola, the drink that makes you feel that you can sign anything. Just remove the protective seal from the container and enjoy. Also enjoy some Prepayment Peanuts too. For those who want to relax a bit, we have Piggy Back Cabernet. They had to get a double mortgage to keep the vinyard going, hence the name…

CAPTAIN: If you look to the right, you will see a very oddly shaped cloud. It looks almost identical to my doctor’s signature. No… wait.. I guess it changed its shape. Now it looks more like my signature! Talk about freaky! We will be landing soon. Please extinguish all notary materials. Please do not try to use your Notary seal during landing as we might experience turbulance and there might be some bumps during landing. Oh, look, a Notary seal from Chuck Smith slid into the cockpit. Hmm, must be from last landing. I guess the clean up crew didn’t get that. Am I still on the air? Ooops. Disregard!

FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Thank you for flying JurAtlantic. We have landed now. We hope you have a pleasant trip to wherever your final destination is and remember — all of the notarizations you did on the plane are void because they were not within your state of commission. Have a nice day — bu-bye, bu-bye… bu-bye….


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June 24, 2016

The Steve Jobs Notary Smart-Seal

If Steve Jobs created a hi-tech Notary Seal, what would it be like?
I can imagine several scenarios. There could be a seal that looks like a regular Notary seal, but with a touch screen. The seal could tell you when your last ink fill up was and when the next time you will need to fill the ink would be. Or the seal could affix itself to make sure the seal’s impression was perfect every time. The real genious of Steve Jobs is that he made his inventions easy to use, cool, and personalized. His creations became an inseperable part of our lives. If only his spirit could guide some living people on creating that ideal Notary seal…

Additionally, the seal could have a smart feature that could sort through your emails and identify any emails pertaining to recent or current jobs, and even interface with your GPS to make sure that you get to your next job on time.

But, what about a more futuristic Notary Seal?
In my blog about UFO Notarizations, their notarizations were done with microchips that were inserted within the fibers of documents, or watermarks with identifying traits. I was picturing a business card shaped notary seal that could insert coding into the document using laser beams. But, also scan the name, date and other features of the document and keep an electronic record of the notarization. The device could be touch sensitive so that anyone who “borrowed” the seal from the Notary wouldn’t be able to use it. To use this futuristic seal, you would just lie it down in the seal area, press a button, and it would do it’s affixing itself.

Additionally, the Notary Seal could be used to scan ID’s and check them against records from the DMV, Dept of State, or even foreign governments. In the future, we might all be connected. Thumbprints could also be used with this tiny device. Best of all, if you lost your seal, you could call it with your cell phone and it would start beeping. With even better technology, the device would be able to identify signers purely based on their thumbprints or even have voice recognition.

Taking it a step forward, what if the Notary Seal device could have a Siri type character that would answer Notary questions.

NOTARY#1 “Siri, can I use a Military ID as identification?”

NOTARY #2 “Siri, if a California ID is expired, but it has not been five years since its issue date, can I still use it?

SIRI: Can’t you see I’m having lunch? Ask me later after I’m fully recharged… Humans!!!!


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May 12, 2016

Put a dent in the NotaryVerse

Can you imagine if Steve Jobs designed the Notary industry? It would be a lot different. Putting aside our hi-tech notary gadgets, there would be a very different system with the secretary of state to bring us into the 23rd century.

The State Notary Divisions would have only interactive training materials. You wouldn’t need to leave your house. You could review the materials until testing time. The state would decide if you were fit to be a Notary and they could background check you at the click of a button — except it would all be automated.

The Steve Jobs type Notary seal would have a laserbeam or fancy equipment to put a watermark in the actual fibers of the document’s paper. You could buy the equipment anywhere just like you would buy an iPhone. However, it would only be activated by plugging it into your computer with a USB port and then logging into the Secretary of State’s website.

Additionally, you could scan your notary certificates so the state could inspect your work — that would also be automated. If you were making mistakes, omissions, or committing fraud with your certificates, the government would find out fast. And yes, your flat, business card shaped Notary seal would be able to do all of this.

Last, your Notary seal would be able to query Notary Oath wording suggestions for particular types of documents directly from your state — assuming they had a clue what Oath wording should be (which most states might not.)

It would be a new system where the Notary divisions and Notary seals were completely computerized, sophisticated, and interconnected. You wouldn’t need Apostilles anymore since the state would be able to verify authenticity requests automatedly and online.

There’s just one last thing. The Notary seal would have a dent in the side. After all, Steve Jobs is the type of guy who would put a dent in the NotaryVerse!


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April 29, 2016

Notary Amusement Park

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 7:36 am

Have you ever been to Notary Land, or ever wanted to? Well, now is your chance to know all about it without leaving home, and without having to purchase a ticket.

The Stamp Room
The stamp room is a room filled with all types of stamps. Large stamps, small ones, microscopic stamps, and more. There are even stamp robots that walk around the room answering notorial questions. If they can’t answer a particular question, they are trained to call Siri.

The Embosser Wheel
Spin the embosser wheel and win a prize. The problem is that you have to sign for your prize and get that signature notarized. You can also throw a ball and knock over one of the stuffed notary seals. For Mexican Notaries with kids, you can get a Notary seal shaped pinata. When you bust the pinata open, you’ll get notary shaped chocolates falling out.

The jRobot
This robot is a Notary Public. It can do any Notary act better than most humans do. The problem is that it wasn’t programmed to laugh at jokes.

“You know a funny thing happened to me on the way over here today. I ran a yellow light and the guy right in front of me one lane over stopped next to me at the red light. He asked me why I didn’t run this red light too. I said I was saving this one for you”

“I find that statement highly illogical” (in a monotone)

The Hall of Notaries
Then enter the hall of notaries where you can see famous notaries from different states who lived throughout the ages. You can see their achievements, and see where a few of them went wrong. Learn about the Virginia Notary who was investigated by the FBI for notarizing a terrorist with a stolen or fake ID here. Also, you can learn about the first American Notaries who helped the founding fathers get the Declaration of Independence notarized. You might not know this, but the notary for that signing was actually late to his appointment because he double booked, and then got stuck in traffic behind a really wide ox-cart.

Mickey Mouse Notarizations
Tired of dealing with Mickey Mouse Notaries who don’t know what they are doing? Well, at our amusement park, you can get a Mickey Mouse Notary from someone who does know what they are doing — and in a high pitched voice too. He will check your ID, make you sign a fur coated journal, and stamp your document. Just don’t be upset when you find out his fur boots are shaped like Notary seals.

The Gift Shop
Get Notary T-shirts at the Notary gift shop. Some shirts have notary seals, others say, “I love 123notary.” There is another that says, “At 123notary, you’re more than just a number, but we’re not.” For women they have a t-shirt that says, “I love being a Notary.” And another that says, “I’m not your husband’s mistress, I’m the Notary.” You can also get Notary seal souvenirs, Notary chocolates with huckleberry filling, and Notary magnets for your fridge.

Finish it off with some funnel cake
Most amusement parks have funnel cake. But, can they make the cake look like a signature? At the Notary amusement park they can! You can get it with bananas, blueberries, strawberries, whipped cream and cinnamon.

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