NOTARY FUNERAL – WHEN THE COMMISSION EXPIRED

We’re gathered here today to celebrate the life and times of a man who made the world a better place. Since he’s no longer here, I don’t have to swear to that. He first knew he wanted to make a mark on the world when he asked to witness others making marks on pieces of paper. Other kids learned the three Rs. Our friend who we miss so learned the three-kinda-looks-like-Rs-but-better-make-sure-they’re-legible-before-he-definitely-calls-them-Rs. He was accepted as a Navy Seal, but chose to join the Notary Seals. His most dangerous mission – asking for Edward Scissorhands’ signature. He switched from pre-med to pre-notary in college, because he wanted to witness legible handwriting instead of his own horrendous handwriting had he stayed a doctor.

He was a good man who never backdated. He met his dear wife on the notary dating site, affiant.com. His wife tried to get his death certificate notarized, not realizing you can’t notarize vital records. We don’t measure his life in years, but the number of commissions he held, ever since he was of legal age. He signed, sealed, and now he shall be delivered.

Instead of being cremated, he requested to be shredded.

In lieu of flowers, his family requests pens. He never had enough pens.

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