You’ve heard of Mafia housewives, Mid-Western houswives, well now there’s Notary housewives.
WIFE #1: Honey, I thought we talked about that before.
NOTARY #1: I know, I know, I know. I was supposed to do this a month ago. Get an inkless thumbprinter so I don’t come home with ink all over my hands.
WIFE #1: The NNA sells them for only about $16. Just do it. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to take out the garbage — it’s stacking up.
NOTARY #1: So, are you still mad at me?
WIFE #1: About taking late night jobs? It’s not that. I just want to know where you are. It makes me feel uncomfortable that you’re with strange women at all hours of the night.
NOTARY #1: For your information, they’re not strange. And there are men too who I notarize.
WIFE #1: You notarize men too?
NOTARY #1: Of course I do. Men have notarial needs too. Didn’t you know that?
WIFE #1: Well, I’d just be more comfortable if you would call and let me know where you are and what you’re doing.
INTERVIEWER: I’d like to ask the other wives what type of issues they’ve had with their husbands. How about you Samantha. Tell us your story.
SAMANTHA: I met him five years ago. I thought he was the best guy on earth. I wasn’t bothered by the fact that he was a Notary. I didn’t know that had a stigma to it. It took me a year to find out why. We were at this party. They had a BBQ, kids, families. We were just hanging around mingling. It was nice. I liked it. That is the way weekends should be. Then, Bob got a call. I couldn’t believe it. And he actually answered it. It’s Saturday — how can you answer a business call on a Saturday? He told me the whole deal about how he had bills to pay. I said, your bills can wait. Enjoy yourself. They offered him $100 to come out and sign a few documents. So, he asked if I wanted to come with him. I foolishly said yes. It was horrible sitting there watching the entire family there fight while he signed some contract documents for them. I don’t see how he can handle that type of life. So, after we finished driving and doing the job, it was too late to go back to the BBQ. I wanted to make new friends. But, instead, I drove around town with my mobile notary boyfriend who I later married. Since then, it has only gotten worse.
INTERVIEWER: I’d love to learn how it got worse. But, we’re running out of time. I want to hear Gwen’s story. Gwen, tell us what happened last week with your Notary husband.
GWEN: You wouldn’t believe what happened to me yesterday. I told my husband that I wasn’t feeling like myself. I asked him if he had any suggestions. He recommended that I check my ID to see who my ID said I was. So, I did — and sure enough, I was myself. Then, he said perhaps I should have a separate ID for when I don’t feel like myself to reflect that person. What a nut! Then, I said to him — I feel like I don’t really know you anymore. He told me that I can be either personally known, or proven on the basis of satisfactory evidence. What’s that all about?
INTERVIEWER: It sounds like you’re growing apart. It’s normal for the excitement in a relationship to wear off — especially if that relationship is with a Notary.
GWEN: Tell me about it.
INTERVIEWER: Well, we’re out of time. Tune in next week for another episode of Notary Housewives called Housewives without Mortgages!
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