Phoebe has a guy who won’t take no for an answer… She’s trying to break up with him, but he always thinks she’s kidding.
Phoebe: It’s like nobody takes anything I say seriously. I could say the world is ending, locusts are swarming everywhere, hot lava is gushing and…
Phoebe: What’s so funny?
Joey: The way you said ‘gushing.’ Really comical.
Rachel: (to Phoebe) Honey, people take things you say seriously.
Pheobe: Then why won’t Leon believe me when I tell him I’m dumping him?
Monica: What did you tell him?
Pheobe: I’m dumping you.
Joey laughs again.
Monica: Maybe you should write him a Dear John letter.
Ross: Better yet. You should WRITE him a notarized Dear John letter. Then he’ll know you mean business and it’s official.
Pheobe: A notarized Dear John letter! I like it.
Chandler: If it’s notarized, and it’s official, wouldn’t it be a Dear Leon letter?
Ross: What good is a Dear Leon letter? If she’s calling Leon “dear,” he’ll never get the hint.
Pheobe: Let’s call 123Notary.com.
Notary: Do you have the document ready?
Pheobe: You mean we have to write a document?
Pheobe: Why did you just laugh?
Notary laughs again.
Pheobe: I’m hanging up now. (then) Who wants to help me write this thing?
Joey: Okay, I’ve got the beginning. “Dear John.” Whew! I’m spent.
Rachel: “Dear Leon: It’s just not working out between us. I wish you all the best. Pheobe.”
Chandler: No, don’t wish him all the best. Wish him none of the best. Better yet. Wish him all of the worst.
Monica: Chandler, you don’t want to be mean.
Chandler: It’ll have a seal on it. It’s like the notary’s being mean.
Pheobe: How’s this? ‘Dear Leon. Stop bothering me. Now. Forever more. In the next life, if there is one. And in the next life after that if there is one.”
Joey: What about the next life after that?
Pheobe: We’ll see.
LATER AT THE NOTARY…
Notary: I’m gonna need some I.D.
Pheobe: (re: driver’s license picture) Oh, don’t look at that.
Notary: I need to look at that.
Pheobe: But I look horrible in that picture. Can’t you look at this?
Notary: The tattoo of you on your thigh doesn’t constitute an official I.D.
Pheobe: (handing over driver’s license) Okay. But don’t laugh.
Pheobe: I told you not to laugh!
Notary: I’m not laughing at the picture. I’m laughing at the way you said ‘I told you not to laugh!’
Pheobe signs the journal. Leon gets the official boot. And Pheobe gets her freedom. At least until the life after the next life after the next life.
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