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April 10, 2013

Grandma’s notary service & Paralysis notary service

Here are some more notary services that you probably wouldn’t want to hire!

Grandma’s notary service
No signing is complete without home made milk and cookies. And I have the experience to get the job done. I’ve been a notary for 60 years. I’ve been a notary since before many of you whippersnappers were even born! I know my community well, as I have been living here since 1924. My family has owned the house here since the early 1800’s you know!

Cleanup notary service
Half of our new jobs start out as repair work. A less experienced notary would originally be hired, they would screw up the paperwork, and I would be called after the fact to clean up the mess. And that is one reason we are called Cleanup notary service. You will know the other reason when you see the kind of obsene profits that we make!

Comfort notary service
We always make the borrowers feel comfortable. But, please make us comfortable too by paying us on time!

Roxanne’s Naughty or nice notary service
If you have been nice, you will get a present this Christmas. But, if you have been naughty, then call us!

Paralysis notary service
Specializing in hospital signings. We are very familiar with the Signature by X procedure with signing or subscribing witnesses. We use this procedure almost daily — or so it seems. We can also notarize the signatures of dead drunks. Call us for late night bar notarization services. We will notarize what is left of your signature and give you a ride home too!

ARM & LEG Notary
Specializing in Adjustable Rate Mortgages. Give us an ARM, and we will charge you and arm and a leg. How much of an arm and leg? An adjustable arm and an adjustable leg! Just call Armen Kachaturian or email us at armen@arm&legnotary.com.

The Notary Nazi
When you call me, don’t tell me your life story — I don’t want to hear it. You must communicate with me exactly as follows:
(1) Tell me your name
(2) Tell me the name of the document you need notarized
(3) Tell me what type of notarization you required. Don’t ask me to make recommendations. I don’t give consultations — Notariations ONLY! — NO EXCEPTIONS!
(4) Tell me what time you need my service
Signings are $40 travel fee and $10 per signature — No Exceptions
Any failure to abide by my clearly laid out instructions will result in suspension of notary services.
No Notarizations For You — 2 months! You are banned from using my service!

I got in this business because Elaine from Seinfeld divulged my soup recipes to everyone. These soup recipes have been in my family for generations. How could she! So, after that I refused to make soup for anyone ever again. I used to be known as The Soup Nazi. Now, I am The Notary Nazi.

Want a notarization — follow the rules — or else NO NOTARIZATION FOR YOU.

Excon Notarizations
Have your notary work done by an ex-con! And my prices are rock bottom, so it will be very exconomical! But, don’t try to fool me, you can’t fool a con! I know all the tricks. I can spot a fake ID from a mile away too. Excon Notarizations — put a little shadiness into your signings!

Shelly’s Bad Notary Service
Why should you hire us if we are bad? We are not bad. We are the notary service you call if YOU have been bad. Shelly’s Bad Notary Service — so good… it’s bad!

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April 24, 2011

Business Licenses

Does your business have a business license?

Having a “real” business like a store or restaurant requires you to have a business license and perhaps some other permits.   Being a notary public is easier.  You don’t need a liquor license unless you want to offer unique wines from Mendoza that you stash in your trunk to your notary clients. It might help them get through a stressful signing, you never know.  But, most notaries do not have a business license, and legally, you should probably have one.

Company names?
Its good to have a notary company name / notary business name.  It gives the impression of professionalism.  Our notaries often put a company name on their listing, but many keep changing the name every several months.  I begin to think that they are not licensed, and they just improvise on the name as they please.  This can get you into a heap of trouble. We already had a threat of a law suit because one notary used someone else’s name (gulp).  Notaries with a company name get about 17% more clicks than those that don’t.  Removing your personal name to replace it with a company name can lose you some brand recognition in the short run though.

Business licenses
Its doesn’t require a degree in nuclear physics to ge ta business license. Just waltz down to your county clerk’s office with a check and register your business name.  You have to check to see if the name is already in use.  If not, then register your choice of name. Its good to think for a few weeks what you want to name your business, so you can start off with an auspicious name.  Registering your business on a lucky day will help your business for life too, so have a good astrologer pick a lucky day for you with some good constellations. Make sure Mars is in the right house.. or else!  You have to list your business name in one or more newspapers in your area, but the county clerk will take care of that for you.  You fill out a few quick forms and write them a check, and then you are done.

Name ideas
Its sometimes a good idea to have a unique name.  Many companies in our industry have a name so similar to someone else’s name, that when the “other” company does something wrong, the new company is effected by the bad reputation of the other company.  Unique names are good, and names with geographical terms are sometimes a good idea too.  Its best to pick a good name, and then keep it for life.  Many companies like to keep changing their company name, and this causes a lot of confusion for the customers.  There is a train station in Bombay that changed its name three times in the last several years.  I don’t know whether to call it “Fort”, “VT”, or “Victoria Station”, yikes.  I’ll have to call it, “The railway station formerly known as Victoria Station”.  That will not help me when I try to look it up on the internet.

Do names have energies?
The mystics think that names have powerful energies, and that if you pick a good name, that will help your business. Personal names have karma too, and if you want to change your karma, the first thing to do is to change your name.  Number combinations have energies too.  Names also make quite an impression, so if your name seems unique and also gives the client confidence in you, you are on the right track. Considerate Notary Services, Astute Notary, Meticulous Signing Services, Simi Valley Signatures…  These names may be a bit funny, but they are good names in my opinion because of the impression they give.

When you are ready!
Think hard about what type of notary company name / notary business name to get. Ask your friends and your cat or dog what they think too.  Meditate on it.  Then, when you are ready, register your business name!

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