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June 11, 2019

A Los Angeles detective seizes two journals and complains about a blurry thumbprint

Filed under: Notary Mistakes — admin @ 10:14 pm

Yes people, it really happened. A Los Angeles Notary notarized the wrong person. That person was committing some type of fraud. The next thing you know, some detectives were banging on her door. She had to let them have two of her journals. But, that was not good enough for the detectives. They went through a long whining session.

One of the thumbprints taken by the Notary was blurry. How can you do forensics on a blurry thumbprint? Why was that Notary so lazy that they could not take a proper thumbprint? It’s not rocket science — you just push down — and that’s it. Take thumb, press down in ink pad, rise thumb, press straight down on journal thumbprint designated space, feel good, that’s all.

Then on another journal entry, there was no thumbprint, and trust me, the detectives complained a whole lot about that.

So, if you are Notaries and say, “You’re being too picky Jeremy, and besides, my state doesn’t require that.” There are real reasons why I make the recommendations that I do, and it is not just to give you a hard time. You can get in real trouble without thumbprints and proper journal work. Don’t let it happen to you.

You might also like:

Why keep a journal? Don’t wait until you get a call from the FBI.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19377

All Mortgage fraud is investigated by the FBI
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20995

Scenarios – the FBI is at your door and wants your journal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20013

Do you keep a journal to please the NNA, the FBI, or yourself?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19483

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October 29, 2017

Multiple title companies told notaries NOT to thumbprint?

Filed under: Popular on Linked In,Technical & Legal — admin @ 1:00 am

When I ask Notaries to thumbprint, they tell me that title companies don’t want them to. I don’t want anyone to get fired. However, I don’t want the Notary to be named as a conspirator defendant in an identity theft case either. Most Notaries don’t want to do anything they are not forced to do, especially if the people who pay them do not want them to. The only solution is for 123notary to contact Title companies and explain why it is so critical to take thumbprints.

Thumbprints are the only way to catch identity thieves. And Lenders can lose thousands of dollars should an identity thief slip through the cracks and they do from time to time on loans. So, why would a title company want to prevent the FBI from catching the bad guys.

Should 123notary write to title companies and explain why this is so important? Maybe that is the only way they will listen. The Notary industry is screwed up, so it is up to us to turn it around, right?

You might also like:

Notice to title companies about thumbprinting
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19453

Must a thumbprint accompany a notarized document?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2289

Notary Public 101’s guide to Notary Journals
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19511

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October 14, 2017

Notice to Title Companies from 123notary about Thumbprinting

Filed under: Best Practices,Popular on Linked In — admin @ 12:56 am

Dear Title Companies,
It has come to our attention that many title companies are asking Notaries outside of California NOT to take journal thumbprints as it seems invasive or offends borrowers. However, we have had many incidents of identity fraud involving our Notaries as unwilling and unknowing accomplices. Here are some benefits of thumbprinting.

1. A journal thumbprint is often the only way for the FBI to be able to catch a Ponzi scheme practitioner, identity thief or fraud. Without the thumbprint, the investigators would be like a boat without a paddle. Why leave such critical members of society helpless when society is the one who ultimately pays the price?

2. Identity theft is not common at loan signings, but a few slip through the cracks and can cost lenders tens of thousands to clean up the mess. A journal thumbprint is often the only way you can find out the true identity of a signer who uses a falsified ID, or, one whose name is identical to someone else and impersonates that someone else and steals the equity in that someone else’s home.

3. A journal thumbprint safeguards the Notary from being named as a defendent in an identity theft case to a particular degree. If the Notary is concealing the true identity of a fraud, a prosecutor could claim that the Notary was a willing accomplice in an identity theft scheme and covered his tracks by not leaving thumb-tracks as the case may be. One of the Notaries listed with us went to jail for fraud which I assume was intentional. Let’s not have that happen to Notaries who are just plain negligent or too stupid to keep a thumbprint!

4. A journal thumbprint deters frauds. If you were a fraud, would you want some anal Notary fingerprinting you? No! That will come back to you in court. It would be safer to be notarized by some other Notary who doesn’t have such high requirements.

Basically, rather than forbidding or discouraging thumbprints, I am asking (pleading) with you to require thumbprints as that is the only way to safeguard your Lenders, Notaries and society at large from the heinous damages that result from identity fraud. I was a victim of identity fraud several times, the first time being really horrible. It is devastating, and I hope you do everything to prevent it rather than entice it.

Discouraging taking thumbprints is analogous to discouraging someone from wearing a seatbelt or discouraging someone from using a condom. The results can be ruin lives!

.

You might also like:

Comparing journal entries to Fedex signatures
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19375

Must a thumbprint accompany a notarized document?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2289

10 risks to being a notary public
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19459

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February 3, 2012

Must a thumbprint accompany a notarized document?

Filed under: Legal Issues,SEO,Technical & Legal — Tags: , — admin @ 9:38 am

Must a thumbprint accompany a notarized document? 

To deter fraud in notarizing, thumbprints are sometimes required by law in certain states, but are always a good idea.  California notary law stipulates that the notary must take a journal thumbprint when notarizing signatures on powers of attorney or deeds effecting real property such as Grant Deeds, Quit Claim Deeds, Mortgages, Subordination Agreements, etc.   Other states have their own rules.  Texas has some rules restricting the use of thumbprints, but I don’t know enough about those restrictions to comment.
 
Prevent fraud
As a general rule, if the notary public you use takes a journal thumbprint (many do not bother with this or even own a thumbprinting pad), you have more security.  The thumbprint is proof that nobody faked an ID and pretended to be you, or forged your signature.
 
Serious documents should have a thumbprint
If you are having a serious document notarized, you might ask ahead of time if the notary carries a thumbprinting pad.  They are two inches in diameter and weigh about half an ounce, so it is not a burden to the notary, assuming he/she is prudent about notarizing (that is assuming a lot).
 
Does the thumbprint go on the actual document?
I have never heard of a procedure which requires a thumbprint on an actual document, but it is not a bad idea. You could neatly put it to the right of a signature and document which thumb was used from which individual.  If you are missing a thumb, you can use the other thumb or a finger, just document it somewhere.

You might also like:

Notary Public 101 – identification
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19507

Notice to title companies about thumbprinting
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19453

Identification and thumbprint requirements for notarizations
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4299

Signing agent best practices
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4315

Notary thumbprints can save your neck
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4939

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November 16, 2011

Thumbprint Taking – Step by Step

Thumbprint taking and fingerprinting – step by step
The art of fingerprinting or thumbprint taking is not rocket science, and anyone can perform this art.  The older way of doing fingerprinting or taking thumbprints was to use a form of ink and take a person’s fingers, one by one, and press them into the ink pad, and then make either a FLAT or ROLLED impression on a piece of paper.  Standardized fingerprint cards are what is/was acceptable to the FBI and DOJ (Department of Justice).  However, these days, live scan is the medium of choice for many. Fingerprint cards generally require rolled impressions, while journal entries require a flat thumb impression.
 
Livescan Fingerprinting
The beauty of live scan is that you can take each individual fingerprint as many times as you like, until you get a good, clear impression.  With fingerprint cards, if you goof just once, you have to start all over again with a new card.  Elderly people have unbelievably stiff arms and grab on for dear life when you try to roll their wrist around to take prints.  They apply such a force of resistance due to their terror about nothing, that you might have to take their fingerprints several times to get readable prints.  Live scan solves this problem.  The bigger question is that the organization you are submitting the fingerprints to is the one that gets to choose what medium they prefer for fingerprinting, and every organization has their own standards.
 
Journal Thumbprint Taking
In the old days, a type of ink that is hard to wash off was used for any type of thumbprinting ranging from booking criminals to taking journal thumbprints.  Now, an inkless substance can be used which leaves the appearance of ink on a piece of paper, but is easy to wash off a person’s hands. 

How to take a thumbprint
Taking a journal thumbprint is easy (unless someone has a stiff arm, and many people do), just take the right thumb, and hold it by it’s sides with your thumb and middle finger… then take your index finger and press down into your ink pad, and then press down onto the notary journal making a flat impression. It is easiest to have their thumb next to the edge of the table so the rest of their hand can go lower.  If the signer’s right thumb is not available, use their left thumb, and if the left thumb is not available, you can use a right finger. Just document whichever finger you used.  I had a client who’s hobby was experimenting with explosives in his apartment.  I had to use whichever finger was remaining in his case. There were not many choices by the way.

Fingerprinting step by step

I only know the old-school technique.  Take the person’s left hand, and roll each finger in the ink pad, one by one.  Then roll each finger on the fingerprint card.  Then, take the person’s right hand, and repeat the process.  Some cards require additional flat impressions of the thumbs.  For flat impressions, you can roll the thumb in the ink pad, but do not roll the thumb when printing — just hold the thumb above the card, and then press down quickly and firmly.  If you move too slowly, the person’s right or left hand might start to shake and blur your impression.
 
When you you need to be fingerprinted or have thumbprints taken?
If you are being notarized, then it is a good idea for security to have a thumbprint in the notary’s journal as evidence that the signer was really you (and not just pretending to be you).  Some states require journal thumbprints for particular documents.  Applications for professional licenses often require fingerprints.  To become a notary in California, you need to be fingerprinted.  Criminals generally need to be fingerprinted when they get booked or tagged for being a gang member.

You might also like:

Journal thumbprinting in a nutshell

Notary journal thumbprints, they can save your neck!

Signing Agent Best Practices

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November 12, 2011

Texas Notary Law and Journal Thumbprints

Notary Public Texas: Texas Notary Public Law and Journal Thumbprints
 
I am a person who likes to take precautions. Life is more fun when you have less disasters, right? Disasters are more likely to happen when you don’t take precautions, right?  Today, I was visiting our Facebook profile, which I generally do every day or two.  I notice an interesting response to one of my posts about how essential journal thumbprints are for your safety as a notary public in any state!  However, one lady wrote that the National Notary Association now counsels Texas Notary Public members (Texas notaries who are clients of the National Notary Association) NOT to take journal thumbprints due to house bill 3186.  This notary claims that the mentioned bill states that a biometric identifier (such as thumbprints captured for a commercial purpose may be disclosed only under certain circumstances and must destroyed within a certain amount of time.
 
I am not sure if I agree with the National Notary Association on this one.  But, on the other hand I am not an attorney and don’t give legal advice. I will say this though:
 
(1) If you are a notary in Texas, or any other state, and one of your signers is accused of identity fraud or forging a signature, without a thumbprint, you can not prove that they were the one that really appeared before you.  Picture identification is really easy to fake.  China has many experts who will sell you a professionally made fake for US$200.  You might end up in court for a week because you didn’t have a journal thumbprint.
 
(2) Thumbprints in journals are NOT taken for commercial purposes, but are part of a notary public’s official job in their official capacity. Notaries are offering a service which they may or may not be charging for, and the thumbprint is only a security measure used in conjunction with the service. Nobody is “Selling” a thumbprint in the notary public business. 
 
(3) A notary journal is the EXCLUSIVE property of the notary in Texas and in any other state that allows Journals.  Only people making inquiries about particular notarizations may  have access to a particular journal entry and this qualifies as disclosure only under certain circumstances.
 
(4) As far as destroying journal thumbprints, that is up to the county recorder who receives your journals at the end of your term. It is THEIR property when you end your term, and up to them what to do with the thumbprints.  Keeping thumbprint records during your term seems legal unless a specific law says you can’t keep them this long.  The thumbprints are to protect the public from fraud and are not used frivolously or shared with the public in any way.
 
In any case, if you are a Texas notary public, you need to be familiar with the notary laws of Texas, and that is your responsibility. Please take my commentary as opinions, because that is exactly what they are.

You might also like:

Multiple title companies told notaries NOT to thumbprint?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19461

Thumbprint taking state by state
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1689

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November 11, 2011

Notary Journal Thumbprints – they can save your neck!

Notary Journal Thumbprints
 
How adamant are you about taking journal thumbprints?  As a California notary public, you are required to take notary journal thumbprints for deeds effecting real property and power of attorney documents.  Notary thumbprint taking is a serious business and can keep you out of court.
 
Taking precautions as a notary
I have written other blog posts about precautions that notaries can take.  Notaries can use an inkless embosser in addition to an inked seal.  They can emboss every page of every document they ever notarize as a precaution against page switching which is a common crime that takes place after multi-page documents have been notarized. Taking a precaution of taking journal thumbprints is smart also, and can keep you out of court.
 
Suspicion of identity fraud
Let’s say that you notarized a signature on a document and that someone involved in the transaction suspects identity fraud.  The first thing they will do is to track down the notary who notarized the signature on the document and start asking questions about the signer. You will not remember the signer well, unless you took notes in your journal about what they looked like, how they acted, how old they were, etc.  But, if you have a thumbprint, that is absolute proof of the signer’s identity.  No two thumbprints are identical, and you can’t fake a thumbprint (forge a thumbprint) in front of a notary.
 
The investigation ended once I produced a thumbprint
If someone questions you about a particular notarization, and you say you have a journal thumbprint, the investigation might just end right there.  It happened to me as a California notary public during my first four year term. I saved myself from a potentially long visit to court.  I got a phone call from someone investigating fraud.  Someone had cheated some elderly people whom I had notarized.  One of the documents used to allegedly cheat them had been notarized by myself in my capacity as a California notary public. Since I had a journal thumbprint, the identity of the signers was no longer in question.  The person said they had no further questions the minute I told them I had a thumbprint. They didn’t even want a copy of the journal entry with the thumbprint.
 
Weak thumbprints with the elderly
The flaw of thumbprints are that elderly people often lose the tread on their fingers.  I am talking about really old people, perhaps in their eighties or nineties.  There is nothing you can do in that case, but at least you have a print, no matter how featureless it is. Personally, with signers over eighty, I recommend a retinal scan, which is not possible for a notary to take in 2011, but maybe in 2015… we can always hope.
 
Regardless of your state of commission
Whether you are a Florida notary public, a California notary, or notary in another state, if you are notarizing signatures on a power of attorney or real estate deeds, get a journal thumbprint whether it is required by law or not. That thumbprint could save your neck.  It is not a bad idea to require signers to give thumbprints for all documents and even oaths or affirmations.  It keeps them honest.  The minute they start making excuses why they shouldn’t have to be thumbprinted, that is suspicious behavior, and you might want to refuse service to them.
 
Bring wipes!
Don’t forget to bring wet naps or wipes of some sort.  It is polite to have something for the signer to wipe their hands off with.  Even with the NNA’s inkless thumbprinter which is a product I always had several backups in stock of, you should offer a wipe.  I strongly recommend having at least one inkless thumbprinter in your notary carry all bag!

Please visit our notary search page to see our notary public California page and notary public Florida page!

.

You might also like:

Thumbprinting in Texas
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19672

Multiple title companies told Notaries NOT to thumbprint?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19461

Notary Public 101’s guide to Notary Journals
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19511

Thumbprint taking step by step
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1689

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October 10, 2019

Stand up routine at a signing

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:23 pm

It started out being just a normal signing. But, the Notary was no ordinary Notary.

NOTARY: Hi, my name is Charles and I will be your signing agent this evening. If you have any questions during the signing process, please feel free to address those to me.

BORROWER: Sounds like a deal, Charles. We’ll conduct the signing in the dining room.

NOTARY: Great.

BORROWER: Would you like to sit down?

NOTARY: Oh, you see, my style of signings is more of a stand up signing.

BORROWER: Oh, yeah, I read in your reviews that you are a stand up guy. Now, I think I know what they meant.

NOTARY: Good one. I didn’t know my reviews said that. I thought it said that I showed up on time;

BORROWER: That was only for one signing, the one where you set your clocks back an hour in November. No wonder you were on time for the first time in your life.

NOTARY: That was low, but it works. Anyway. Let’s begin with the Deed of Trust. We need to initial each page.

BORROWER: Have you done this before, or do you consider this to be improv?

NOTARY: I did my routine once, but on a reverse mortgage, so I have to turn my jokes around for this type of signing.

BORROWER: Do you need to go back into the driveway and turn your car around too?

NOTARY: Not until the signing is over.

BORROWER: Good one! Okay, look. This is my initial initial.

NOTARY: Hey, not fair, you are funnier than me. Oh look, your APR is 6.2% — what a joke!

BORROWER: Uh oh, I could have you reported for kibbitzing on my loan. No commentary aloud — allowed.

NOTARY: Did you just make a word play? You are right, I have no place commenting on your loan, especially not satirically.

BORROWER: I didn’t shop around for this.

NOTARY: It’s okay. The 30 years you are paying 6.2% instead of 6.1% will probably only cost you $40,000 and I’m sure the ten hours you saved by not shopping around is worth more than $40,000, right?

BORROWER: Grumble. You are so fired, but thanks.

NOTARY : On the other hand, rates just went up, so you probably lost your lock, and the financial institution you borrowed from is one of the best and gives competitive rates, so you did okay. I just said what I said in jest.

BORROWER: Hey, you just made a word play with the just and the jest. Was that a soliloquy?

NOTARY: No, you are just being silly-oquy. Now, let’s look at the HUD or the Closing Disclosure. Hmm, it says the Notary fee is $300. Guess how much of that I get?

BORROWER: Umm, the whole thing?

NOTARY: You missed your calling in life — you should have been a comedian. No, I get $60 which covers my gas, printing, other auto expenses, and a happy meal.

BORROWER: Reminds me of the time I went on a rick-shaw ride in India. The guy wanted 70 rupees and I offered him 60. He said, “Hey buddy, the price if imported whiskey is not going down — 70, no discounts.”

NOTARY: How comforting. That reminds me of the Arabian signer I had who told me all about his harem. He had four Saudi girls, two African girls, but wanted a blonde. So, he went to all types of trouble to coerce a blonde to live with him in his palace. He finally got a girl named Christina to be part of his harem. He said, “Once I had a blonde blue eyed lady as part of my harem — Christina. She always used to talk back to me… I found it so (pause) refreshing. After three months I had to send her back to the states. I will never forget my little Christina.”

BORROWER: You know how it is for people in third world countries. I think there is an expression about white girls (or guys) — Once you’ve had vanilla, you’ll love like a chinchilla, sipping sarsparilla, on a beach on the coast of Manila.

NOTARY: That must be a come back to — once you’ve had black, ain’t no turning back.

BORROWER: Something like that, although yours is more imaginative especially with the chinchilla. Do they have chinchillas in the Philippines?

NOTARY: Not sure, I think they are cute little creatures who live in the Andes. Okay, now to the Right to Rescind. Forgive me father, for I have rescinded.

BORROWER: Oh, that’s an old one. I’ve heard that many times from all of the past Notaries I’ve met.

NOTARY: I know, sounds like something they would say on late night television on Craig Ferguson’s show. Okay, you can cancel by email, fax, or in writing.

BORROWER: I don’t have a fax.

NOTARY: Well then better make sure you really want this loan!

BORROWER: I think I want it. But, I do have email.

NOTARY: Better print out the email and the send date so you have proof that you sent it. You know how these banks are.

BORROWER: Okay, I signed here. Are you going to acknowledge my signature.

NOTARY: No, you are.

BORROWER: So, let me get this straight. I acknowledge my own signature, and then you are the one who gets paid.

NOTARY: As I said before — you’re in the wrong profession.

BORROWER: I’m beginning to think you are right.

NOTARY: Now, on to the signature affidavit. You have to swear that you signed it.

BORROWER: Okay, (raising his right hand) I swear.

NOTARY: But, you haven’t signed it yet.

BORROWER: Oh yeah.

NOTARY: Thank God you’re not a Notary, missing a signature like that — otherwise you’d really be in the wrong profession! That’s not only careless what you did, but illegal — 5 years.

BORROWER: Five years for a little joke?

NOTARY: That was under Oath with a public official — me.

BORROWER: Good God, I’ll stick to jokes about the APR from now on. Did you hear about the APR that wanted to go onto the next stage in life? He became a BPR.

NOTARY: Bad one. Boo. I got one. How do you define the APR to a non-borrowing spouse?

BORROWER: You mention it deducts many of the fees and closing costs before doing the calculation? That’s not funny.

NOTARY: It is with your loan. Have you seen the appraisal fee — that’s insane!

BORROWER: You’re fired… again. Except I can’t fire you because you have something on me — that damn Oath I took. My pre-signature Oath.

NOTARY: Those pre-signature Oaths will get you every time. I call them pre-sigs. Happens all the time. Borrowers will swear to anything, they think it’s cool.

BORROWER: Now to do the Jurat. You need to watch me sign in your presence for one of these according to what I read in Jeremy’s course. Are you watching? I’m signing now, keep looking…. I saw you look away… Keep looking.

NOTARY: Are you even watching what you are signing, or are you just watching me?

BORROWER: Oh, you are … what a scribble. I signed that? I should have been paying attention.

NOTARY: Correction, you should have been witnessing your own signature instead of trying to witness me witnessing your signature.

BORROWER: Once again, I’m in the wrong profession, but thank God I’m not a Notary.

NOTARY: Exactly. Jokes aside — yes! Okay.. got one. What did the Notary say to the borrower?

BORROWER: Umm. Sign here?

NOTARY: No, he said, “Sign exactly as your name appears on title.”

BORROWER: That sounds about right, but isn’t funny. What if the borrower is irate about their APR?

NOTARY: That’s more along the lines of where you get to the punch line. Or getting thrown down a flight of stairs.

BORROWER: Ouch. Did that really happen?

NOTARY: It’s all documented in Jeremy’s blog — real story, and that’s no joke. Now let’s look at the 1003.

BORROWER: Page three says, “This page intentionally left blank.” sounds like a Seinfeld situation. It’s more like a joke than a real loan document.

NOTARY: That’s the irony. It looks like a joke, but it actually isn’t a joke.

BORROWER: That’s kind of like most of your jokes in reverse. They sound like jokes, but they aren’t funny.

NOTARY: You laughed, so they are funny, at least to you.

BORROWER: You got me on that one just like my Lender got me on the APR.

NOTARY: Now it is time to do journal thumbprints. I need three thumbprints, one here, one here, and one here — one for each entry.

BORROWER: Here you go.

NOTARY: So, how would you rate the signing overall — jokes aside?

BORROWER: I would give it three thumbs, but not three thumbs up. Three thumbs horizontally.

NOTARY: Not sure if that constitutes an official rating, but it will have to do.

You might also like:

Index of best comedy posts from 2015
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20295

The Mayan rescission calendar
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15096

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October 7, 2019

How often do you do a clean up job because Notary #1 botched the signing?

Filed under: Business Tips — admin @ 11:21 pm

Most of the more experienced Notaries out there have done clean up signings. It is amazing to see what types of errors the initial Notaries made. Forgetting to have borrowers sign, forgetting to have acknowledgment wording, or forgetting to cross out the pronouns. Sometimes it is missing initials, or missing pages. Many Notaries do not know how to date a Right to Rescind, and I find this out when I test them.

No wonder so many companies want you to fax every page to them. There are so many careless and sloppy Notaries out there. Notaries used to do better on my testing 15 years ago. Things have gone downhill and so have fees. This gives more work for people I call, “The cleaners” — sounds mafia.

What are the sloppiest errors you have seen while doing a clean up job?

You might also like

A Los Angeles detective seizes two journals and complains about a thumbprint
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22237

13 ways to get sued as a notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19614

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August 30, 2019

The notary apologizing game

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 10:54 pm

A Notary notarized a couple in Venice, CA. The husband was signing an Affidavit and the wife was signing a Power of Attorney. The Power of Attorney notarization required a thumbprint by law, but the wife (who was a politically correct person) mistook this for sexism.

WIFE: Ah-ha! You want a thumbprint from me, but don’t require it from my husband because he is a man!

NOTARY: With that attitude it is a wonder that you can even attract or keep a man. You regard yourself as our enemy!

WIFE: I resent that. I am on the enemy of sexist, misogynist, guys who are the enemies of womankind.

NOTARY: You mean guys who don’t let you walk all over them?

WIFE: Exactly… Hey No. You tricked me into saying that. In any case. I demand an apology for being a sexist Notary.

HUSBAND: According to the state of California…

WIFE: Stay out of this.

HUSBAND: (shrugs shoulders) okay.

NOTARY: Typical beta-male. You just love those submissive males who are just so happy to have a woman they’ll say anything.

WIFE: That’s the way men should be. They should know who the superior gender is.

NOTARY: Ah-ha! I demand an apology. You just said something sexist towards male Notaries. Okay, it was not notary-specific, but towards males.

HUSBAND: He kind of has a point.

WIFE: Stay out of this — once again…

NOTARY: Okay husband who doesn’t wear the pants in the family….

HUSBAND: Ouch… you kind of have a point here though.

NOTARY: Do you solemnly swear or affirm that the contents of this document are true and correct?

HUSBAND: I demand an apology. You asked me to swear when I don’t believe in swearing.

NOTARY: Oh boy, another one of those.

WIFE: He’s just kidding. He doesn’t stand for any ideology except for cow-towing to my every request which is exactly how it should be.

NOTARY: Well it looks like we live in an ideal world, so how come you are so angry now that you have everything your way?

WIFE: Everything? You call this everything? I still didn’t get my apology.

NOTARY: I apologize for not explaining notary law to you before the signing. Everything I am doing is consistent with Notary law.

WIFE: Well then notary law is sexist and part of the patriarchy since it involves swearing to God.

NOTARY: That is an issue for the secretary of state’s office.

HUSBAND: Do you know any good men’s rights organizations?

NOTARY: After today I will definitely Google a few. And if I don’t find any, then I will owe you an apology.

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