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March 11, 2019

Will & Grace — the mini notary seal

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , — admin @ 8:03 am

JACK: Will, can I ask you something?

WILL: What’s that?

JACK: Have you ever wanted to be a Notary?

WILL: Are there cute guys in that industry?

JACK: What does that have to do with anything. Get your mind out of the gutter. It doesn’t matter whose in the industry. You don’t hang around with other Notaries unless you go to those private Facebook groups. You meet clients and they might be cute.

WILL: How cute are we talking?

JACK: If I become a Notary, I’ll bring one of them to one of our favorite gay bars and you can find out.

WILL: What if they aren’t gay?

JACK: I don’t have to tell them it’s a gay bar.

GRACE: I think they’ll know…. duh. Remember you brought me to one of those places?

JACK: Yeah, but you said you wanted to go to a place where no man would give you any unwanted attention. You got what you asked for.

GRACE: What? (looking disgusted). That was NOT what I had in mind! I wanted to go to a lesbian bar. Oh well, next time.

JACK: If I were a Notary, I would want one of those tiny little seals and have a little tiny doggie to match… with an outfit.

WILL: An outfit for the dog or the seal?

JACK: Oh, now you’ve got me thinking. I could get a little seal cover designed just for my little seal.

GRACE: That’s so cute. You should become a Notary just for the little seal bag made out of yarn.

JACK: Yarn? I wasn’t thinking yarn. I was thinking leather!

WILL: Stick to yarn. It’s more cute. Plus you don’t want your customers to think you are into leather notarizations. That sort of thing has a stigma to it.

JACK: Good point. But, I don’t want people to think I’m grandma either.

WILL: Okay, I’m an Attorney, so I can give you an Oath.

JACK: Okay. Count me in.

WILL: Raise your right hand.

JACK: Okay (holding his hand parallel in a very gay way.)

WILL: Do you solemnly swear that you will uphold the laws for Notary Public for the state of New York and defend the constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic, so help you God?

JACK: What about imports, or is that what you meant by foreign, because I don’t drive, but if I did, I would only drive a Ford personally.

WILL: You’ll make a terrible Notary. If you want my advice. Don’t quit your day job.

JACK: Oh, you mean acting. Usually that’s what you say to people who won’t make it acting.

WILL: You’ll make it acting, you just won’t make it acting like a Notary.

JACK: Gee thanks. You’re so insensitive.

GRACE: I think he knows what he is talking about in the legal profession. That’s why I married him. My mother wanted me to marry an Attorney.

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February 26, 2019

Notary Public Seal

Most states require a Notary Public to have a Notary Seal or Notary Stamp. This is normally a rectangular shaped seal.

The seal should have the Notary’s name, commission number, expiration date, county, and state. It would also have some type of border such as a straight line, milled, or serrated. The seal should be used with ink. Some states allow for a secondary non-inked embosser that leaves a raised impression on pieces of paper for security reasons as these cannot be fraudulently photocopied.

Your notary seal’s impression should not be smudgy or the document could be rejected by the county recorder’s office. Please be sure to re-ink your seal as necessary so your notary seal’s (notary stamp’s) impression does not get too light.

You might also like:

Notary seal information from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8337

A forged document vs. a forged notary seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10391

My stolen identity and the fraudulent notary seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20753

Miami-Vice, a shipment of illegal notary seals
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19927

Two and a half Notaries — the intercontinental notary seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10432

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January 5, 2019

A forged Notary seal ends someone up with a prison sentence

A man from Glendale, CA earned himself a ten year prison sentence by forging a Notary seal in an attempted to conduct a 5.4 million dollar Mortgage fraud scheme. There were two co-conspirators who each served sentences themselves. One was for 6.5 years and the other for 4. years.

The fact that the criminal had altered an “authentication feature,” made the sentencing longer according to federal guidelines. The criminal used falsified documents using his false seal to fool county recorders.

Crimes like this involving Notaries engaging in fraud relating to real property (such as houses, etc.) are the worst crimes that a Notary can commit and normally end up in jail time. There are other things Notaries typically do wrong like falsifying dates on certificates which can also get you in a lot of trouble. Notaries typically do not administer Oaths correctly, or at all which can result in your commission being revoked. As a Notary, you really need to consider the fact that if you fool around with your commission, it can be taken away from you.

There was another case where a Sacramento Notary was involved in a 19 million dollar fraud scheme by impersonating NNA’s 2007 Notary of the Year. The perpetrator fled to Lebanon and was arrested upon re-entering the United States. Sampson, the Notary whose name was fraudulently used protected herself by showing her journal to prove that she had not performed those notarizations.

Let this be a lesson to those who say, and often in a whiny voice, “My state doesn’t require journals.” Without that journal, you could be accused of conspiracy in a 19 million dollar fraud scheme or identity fraud, or worse…

You might also like:

See our string of posts about Notary fraud
http://blog.123notary.com/?s=notary+fraud

California man pleads guilty in stolen Notary ID case.
https://www.nationalnotary.org/notary-bulletin/blog/2012/01/california-guilty-notary-id-case

What is the burden of proof for Notary fraud?
https://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/what-is-a-burden-of-proof-for-a-notary-fraud-in-ca-2629309.html

Notary Public Seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21411

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What is the penalty for notary fraud?
Notary Fraud California
Notary Fraud New York
Notary Fraud Florida
Can a Notary be sued for fraud?
Fraudulent Notarization Pennsylvania
Fraudulent Notarization California
Fraudulent Notarization New York
What is the legal charge for witness and notary for fraudulent signatures
What is the punishment for an attorney notarizing a fraudulent document?
What to do about a fraudulent notary signature

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June 9, 2018

My stolen Identity and the fraudulent notary seal…

Filed under: Carmen Towles — Tags: — admin @ 8:03 am

A couple of months back I received a call from a very nice man in Florida who was calling me to verify a notarization that I had completed. Someone was trying to obtain a business loan for a VERY large sum of money and he wanted to verify my notarization as part of the vetting process. He said he had checked the online listings of current notary publics with the California Secretary of State and could not find me. I thought how odd. I am also starting to worry. I asked him for the customers information, such as date of the notarization, name and type of notarization. He gave me the information and none of it sounded familiar to me. It was a notarization that had supposedly been done only a couple of days prior to his call. I went and retrieved my journal and looked through all my entries for the date and name that he had given me and there no such entry for his client. I am thinking, my worst nightmare had finally came true. I am officially the victim of notary fraud and identity theft. The gentlemen went on to tell me that the notarization had looked suspicious (thus the reason for his call) and I asked him, “How so?”.

For starters, he tells me, that the seal was round and not rectangular. it was also an ‘electronic seal’ and had an electronic signature (a cursive font). With some relief, I told him that here in California we don’t use ‘electronic signatures’. We have to always wet sign (meaning wet ink, pen to paper). And I let him know for the record, I don’t have or use a electronic seal. So now at this point, it is time for me to see this notarization. I asked him, if he wouldn’t mind sending over a copy. He was happy to do so.He scanned the document and sent it right over and all I can say was that I was stunned. It was exactly how he had described it. However, after closer inspection, I saw that my name on the seal was crooked and they had spelled my last name incorrectly and the commission number was not mine. However, to be sure, I checked through all my previous commissions-no match, thankfully, not even close. So, I am going to assume that they just made up a number. Also, the name they used is not the name that I use on my commission. So I am pretty sure that I had been chosen at random and that no-one that actually had used my notarial services had tried to commit fraud at my expense. Needless to say, the loan was denied.

I thanked the gentlemen for calling and thanked him for his due diilgence. I was so pleased he had taken the time and picked up the phone to make sure that this notarization was authentic. Which brings me to this-I believe that EVERY notarization that is done (especially those that move property and/or money, think POA’s, and the like) from one hand to another should be verbally checked for it authenticity. This would protect the public as well as the notaries. With the rise of fraud and stolen identities, it only makes sense.

In the end, I let the proper authorities know. I am sure it wasn’t the first time and certainly wont be the last.

And as a side note: All these companies trying to push ‘electronic notarizations’ are out of their minds! This will be fraudsters dream come true!

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You might also like:

Compilation of posts about Notary fraud
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21527

Attorneys bullying Notaries — when does it end?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19383

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April 27, 2018

Miami Vice — a shipment of illegal notary seals

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Sit-Coms — admin @ 10:37 am

CHIEF: Sonny, you need to take care of this. There’s a shipment of illegal Notary seals coming in, but we have no intel on it. Can you handle it?

SONNY: I’m on it. But, I don’t have any reliable sources.

RICO: We’ll use any sources we can get. But, we do have something. Remember Nuggie?

SONNY: Oh God, him again? I’m on it.

(Rico and Sonny travel downtown)

RICO: Let’s get a Cuban cafe first and then find out guy.

SONNY: Deal. I just hope our Ferrari is safe. We’ll keep it in eye distance. Besides it has an alarm.

RICO: Dos cafes cubanos por favor. Y rapido tambien. (Two Cuban coffes, and make it fast!)

(gunshots ring out)

SONNY: Get down….. (pause) I think our plan has a hole in it. Make that a coffee cup with a hole in it. I’ll call it in. (ring ring) Hey, there were gun shots on Sunset BLVD. We have no idea what it was about, but the car sped off and they’re gone now.

GINA: Okay. You can finish your coffee now.

SONNY: How did you know we were having coffee?

GINA: Oh, just a hunch. Call it women’s intuition.

NUGGIE: Hey man, how are my boys doing. The Nug-man has arrived, and arrived in style. Check out my new shades. My new wife bought me these. Ha ha!!! Don’t keep me long because the Nuggie has to Boogie, you dig?

SONNY: We dig. Listen. Do you know anything about a shipment of illegal Notary seals coming into Miami harbor on a freighter in the next few days.

NUGGIE: That all depends on who and how much is asking.

SONNY: Rico, do you have a hundred?

RICO: Here’s two Ben Franklins. This one’s important.

NUGGIE: Oh, allright. Benjamin is doing the asking in repetition. All I know if that a guy named Sanchez is moving some heavy cargo from the Dominican Republic. Word on the street is that they have a seal forging plant over there and the action is hot and humid. You dig?

RICO: Do you know anything about where and when? Or a last name?

NUGGIE: He’s in his late 40’s, Cuban and had a mustache last time I checked. His organization prefers to use fishing boats, but they switch things up quite a bit to keep the authorities guessing.

RICO: Thanks Nuggie, you’ve been a huge help.

SONNY: (ring ring) Gina, do you have any intel on a guy named Sanchez who smuggles using fishing boats?

GINA: Last I heard, he was smuggling fishing boats. What a great cover.

SONNY: Very funny. Do you have anything?

GINA: We have a profile on the guy I think you are talking about. We have names, addresses, and rap sheets.

SONNY: Great, we’ll get the bug van and see if we can pick up some knowledge tapping some phones.

(3 hours later)

VAN GUY: We got the van set up. Sanchez’s crew are in the address we are in front of. They are talking about all types of things. But, they have only mentioned stampers once. I guess by that they mean Notary Seal.

SONNY: Anything about a time or place?

VAN GUY: Nothing yet.

(six hours later)

VAN GUY: (ring ring) We got a time. Noon tomorrow, there’s going to be a transfer from one fishing boat to several inflatable motor boats. Real little ones. They will be carrying the merchandise underwater in bags. If there is any trouble, the seals will sink to the bottom and there will be no evidence unless you have frog guys.

RICO: I know how to dive. I’ll handle this.

VAN GUY: They put a big rock in the bag, so we will have to bring a decompression suit just in case you dive too deep.

TRUDY: Don’t we need a Navy Seal for this, instead of a Notary Seal. It sounds too dangerous for Rico. And where will he hang his suit when he’s diving?

RICO: I’m not worried about that because my wet suit comes with a wet tie, and matching spear gun just in case I need it.

GINA: Hey Sonny, remember that shooting when you were having Cuban coffee? I just found out that was not just a random shooting. That was a competitor of the guy you are chasing named Rubio. They have their own channels for selling fake Notary seals, and are moving in on the supplier.

SONNY: Change of plans guys. We are going to set up a rendevous between Rubio and Sanchez. Either they kill each other, or we can arrest all of them all in one meet. Rico, you pretend to be one of Rubio’s guys and set up the meet. In the ocean. The dress code is wet suits.

RICO: I’m on it.

(nine hours later — at the meet in the ocean. Rubio’s guys try to hijack the merchandise. There is a shoot out. Half of Rubio’s guys are killed and retreat at high speed far away. Sanchez’s guys do not follow. After Rubio’s guys move out, Miami Vice moves in.)

RICO: Freeze, Miami Vice!

(Sanchez’s guys drop the Notary seals into the water. Rico jumps into the water with his spear gun)

VICTOR: Bubble bubble bubble

RICO: You don’t really bubble bubble mean that bubble?

(A secret deal was going on under water. There were five guys in wet suits with underwater guns. But, the Notary seals they were selling were underwater notary seals used by Jacque Cousteau.)

RICO: I’m going to need bubble up, I mean back bubble up. There are fbub-bub-bub-ive of them and only one of me.

SONNY: Damn it. I never thought of that. Ugh!!!!

RICO: But, I brought an underwater charge. I come prepared for this kind of thing mon.

(boom… meanwhile Sanchez’s guys bubble to the surface all disoriented after the underwater blast. Miami Vice has them at gun point. Sanchez puts a gun to his own head because he doesn’t want to go back to jail.

SONNY: Don’t do it. Just put the gun down.

SANCHEZ: I am never going back to jail again. I have had enough. (bang)

SONNY: No!!!!!!!!

After that, the seals were returned to the Florida Notary commission who did not want the seals because they said, “State of Florida, County of Underwater.”

(meanwhile back on Sonny’s boat)

RICO: That was quite a bust. I’ve never seen anything like it. Not in New York, not here. What’s up with your alligator, he is trying to eat his chain.

SONNY: I call it a classic case of “areptile disfunction.”

RICO: Ha ha ha ha ha. Good one.

.

You might also like:

A Notary travels from Florida to India.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19636

Psych Notary Episode. Did the body die of food poisoning or was he murdered?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19397

Notaries in cars getting coffee.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18945

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December 16, 2014

A forged document vs. a forged notary seal?

What if the document was forged.
Imagine that you are a notary public who just got in huge trouble for notarizing a forged document. It is not your responsibility to know that the document was forged. It is only your responsibility to know that the person who was documented as signing the document appeared before you, proved their identity, and signed the document before you notarized it.

Forged Identification
Or what if the ID used for the notarization was forged? You can still take journal thumbprints and that can get you off the legal hook a lot faster if you keep a record of those thumbprints. But, what about a forged notary seal?

E&O won’t help unless you made an error.
Some notaries think that since they have Errors & Omissions insurance that they will be covered. But, does E&O cover legal expenses? The real problem is that E&O will probably say that the notary didn’t make any errors — it was someone else who forged their seal. Therefore it is a criminal matter, and the notary in question is not at fault — providing you can prove that the notary seal indeed was forged.

If your notary seal was forged, how would you prove it?
My notary seal’s impression was copied onto an Acknowledgment form. The notary’s handwriting on the form didn’t match mine at all and they didn’t cross out the his/her/their or the (s) on the certificate either proving that they were not me, and most likely not a notary (at least not a good notary.) If the borders on the seal don’t match yours, that is another clue. If you don’t have a journal entry of the transaction, that might void the notarization entirely in certain states — not sure what the law says about that one. But, it could constitute proof that you didn’t do the notarization in question if there is no journal entry, assuming that you always keep a sequential journal entry of all notarial transactions.

What if you are sued?
Unfortunately, as a notary, if you are sued for fraud, or being involved with fraud, you could lose $20,000 in legal expenses only to be proven innocent. You lose, even if you win. E&O insurance won’t protect you if you are not at fault. So, if you are falsely accused because someone else did fraud including a seal forger, a corrupt Title Officer, or someone else, you can get in big trouble. It is best to try to reason with the plaintiff and prove to them through whatever evidence that you have that you are not one of the parties to be blamed. You can also tell them that you will counter sue for legal expenses and time lost if proven not guilty.

Identifying the fraud
One of the issues in catching a fraudulent impostor notary is that they are hard to catch. The only people who have seen them would be notary customers. Those customers would have found the person’s number online or in the yellow pages or through a referral. Notary clients very rarely check the ID of the notary, so the notary could be an impostor and get away with it for a while without being caught. But, why would an impostor notarize many people. Chances are that the impostor notary would be well acquainted with the individual who forged loan documents, or could be the same person which means that nobody would see him or catch him. If he forged the signature of the borrower as well, then it gets very complicated. Three forgeries in one! If they forge a notary seal, the forged seal might have the name of a real notary on it. In such a case, the real notary would be able to prove through his journal that he never notarized that forged document. Additionally, the forger would have to not only forge the signature of the borrower, but also of that particular notary which would require quite some skill. I always used an embosser that left a raised seal in the document. A fraud would have to be pretty clever to forge my seal and my embosser and use it like I did — and in the one case where my seal was forged, they didn’t have the brains to do it correctly and got caught (but, not necessarily prosecuted – or at least I was not informed of what happened after the fact.)

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You might also like:

Fraud & Forgery related to the Notary Profession
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2294

An absurd forgery of MY notarization
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19974

Facial recognition techniques can help you spot fake ID
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20242

Penalties for notary misconduct and fraud
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21315

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November 3, 2013

Notary Seal Information from A to Z

Filed under: Become a Notary,Comprehensive Guides — admin @ 1:43 am

Notary Seal Information

Some states require a commissioned notary public to have a notary seal / notary stamp while other states do not. Each state has rigid requirements for the exact dimensions of the seal, the color of ink, the border of the seal, as well as what wording is on the seal.

The notary name on the seal
Typically, the name of the notary as it appears on their notary commission should be identical to the name on the seal. Some notaries have nicknames or name variations. Female notaries often get married and change their names as well. This is a source of confusion. If you change your name, you might be required to get a new notary commission and seal in many states. Please contact your state’s notary division if you are planning on changing your name.

Information on the seal
Most states require the notary’s name, the words Notary Public, the words State of ____, the Notary commission number, and the commission expiration date.

Embosser or regular seal?
Some states allow the use of an embosser which looks like a metal clamp. Some embossers are used without ink as a secondary seal (allowed in many states — ask your notary division for details)

Storage of your notary seal
Rules vary from state to state, but it is required in some states that your current journal and notary seal be kept under lock and key.

Types of seal borders
Seals might have a serrated or milled edge border. Some states might allow a rectangle made of four straight lines to be the border.

Seal Maintenance
Be careful with your notary seal as they can be damaged from misuse. Keep replacement ink in stock just in case your seal needs to be re-inked. It is common for an active notary to add replacement ink to their seal once a year or so. Many states require the destruction of a notary seal at the end of a notary’s term so that it will not be used fraudulently.

Seal Impressions
The notary public should take care to leave a clear seal impression when doing notary work. If the seal is too light, smudgy, or has missing corners, the notarization could be rejected by a county recorder, bank, lender, or other agency.

Do all notary acts require a seal?
Most notary acts do, such as Acknowledgments and Jurats. But, sometimes you will need to do an Oath with no accompanying paperwork. Make a note in your journal that you are administering an Oath. Have the Affiant (Oath-Taker) sign your journal, and administer the Oath. There is no seal required for an Oath by itsself. However, if the Oath is part of some other notary procedure such as a Jurat, or swearing in credible witnesses, then the notary paperwork being used would need to be stamped.

States that require a notary seal
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Maryland, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming.

States that do not require a notary seal
Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan., New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont These states have specific requirements if you choose to use a seal anyway.

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April 17, 2011

Seal Forgery – it happened to me!

Seal Forgery – it happened to me
I notarized a set of loan documents for a company back in 2003. It was a regular signing and nothing went wrong. You know how companies sometimes request that you send them another “Jurat” if the stamp isn’t clear on the initial one? California notary law requires that certificates be attached to the original document for security reasons. This means stapled. But, the loan companies protest whenever you ask them to send you back the document and ask why you are being so difficult. For many signing companies, the idea of obeying laws means you are being difficult. The company that forged my stamp did not ask for a loose Jurat, they were in a hurry and pulled a fast one.

I heard about it from a third party
A third party contacted me asking if I had notarized a loan package for a particular borrower. I couldn’t find the information in my journal for the specified dates, or even for the specified month. We figured that it must be a company that I had worked for before that had an impression of my seal on one of their loan documents, since I didn’t notarize that particular borrower’s loan that was in question. We had to be detectives to figure out what had happened.

Copying my seal
This company copied an impression of my seal that was on someone else’s loan, and copied it onto an Acknowledgment certificate for an entirely different loan that I had never had anything to do with. It was hard to tell since photocopiers are so good. I asked the third party to send me the notarized document and its Acknowledgment certificate. The forging job was so pathetic, it was funny when I saw it. The seal looked legitimate to my eyes, since I couldn’t tell it was copied. However, there were tell tell signs that I had not notarized this document.

(1) I always used an embosser on every page of every document. Embossers leave a raised impression in the paper. This document had no raised seal on it.
(2) The signature was a very girly signature which didn’t match mine even slightly. The lines of the signature were very curly and the i’s were dotted with cute little circles that only a girl would make like that.
(3) The acknowledgment certificate wording didn’t have the he/she/them and (s) verbiage crossed out where appropriate indicating that the person who fudged this job couldn’t have been a notary, or at least was a really pathetic notary.

I told them:
After I saw this pathetic attempt at something which is not even good enough to qualitfy as forgery, I told the third party that I had definately not notarized this and that it was fraud. Additionally, there was no journal entry to back up this job, and I took journal entries for all transactions in all cases.

My advice
If you always use an embosser on all pages of all documents, you deter the switching of pages after the fact on documents you notarized. You make it almost impossible for someone to get away with forging your notarizations. Additionally, you impress your clients with how thorough you are which can gain you more business. An embosser is less than $40, so get one today! Some states will require a government issued authentication of permission to get an embosser, so apply now!

You might also like:

Notarizing a kidnapper

Do you like your job?

Fraud and Forgery related to the notary profession

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January 12, 2011

JJ Draws a Notary Seal on Good Times

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , , — admin @ 11:32 pm

JJ: Check out my new Notary Seal

FLORIDA: JJ, you aren’t a Notary

JJ: No, this is for an art project

JAMES: That doesn’t look like a Notary Seal, that looks like an explosion at a paint factory.

JJ: For your information, this is a highly desireable designer Notary Seal. We are going to market it to the most successful Notaries in Maryland and DC, if I can get out of this neighborhood without bumping into Charlie.

FLORIDA: Now, who’s Charlie?

JJ: He’s a guy who says I owe him $10

FLORIDA: Now, why would he say a thing like that?

JJ: Because I owe him $10

JAMES: Boy, how many times have I told you not to go around borrowing money from people. It’s better just to not have what you want than to have some bully chasing you around town threatening to beat you up all the time.

JJ: Oh no, I think you misunderstood. He isn’t threatening to beat me up.

FLORIDA: You see? There isn’t a problem after all.

JJ: Well at least not a problem for me. He didn’t threaten to beat me up. He threatened to be my family up.

JAMES: What? You come here now. You are going to find a way to pay that boy back if it kills you. Or I’ll kill you! You hear? I don’t want anything happening to Thelma or your mom.

JJ: Neither do I, but I think he is more interested… in you!

JAMES: In me? Is this guy crazy?

JJ: It depends how you define crazy. But, worry not. Check out the impression of this notary seal. Each word is a different color. Yellow, blue, red, green, with a black perimeter… I bet I could sell these on the street for a dollar each. They’re beautiful.

THELMA: And illegal. You can’t impersonate a Notary and give away copies of their seal impression. Everybody knows that.

JJ: What is this now, have you graduated from the academy of Notary Science now?

THELMA: I took a course. I know something.

JJ: Well worry not, because the notary seal is 200x as big as the real one, and is obviously a work of art. Besides, the Notary’s name is George Washington.

FLORIDA: Why not Abraham Lincoln. If it weren’t for him, you’d be drawing pictures of cotton on your day off.

JAMES: That’s a good point. Listen JJ, you find a way to get that $10 back to Charlie in the next 48 hours, or else you’ll be hearing from me, and my belt strap.

FLORIDA: Now, James.

JAMES: Don’t argue with me.

(the next day)

JJ: Uh huh… Excuse me. But, there is something I need to tell you all.

FLORIDA: We’re listening. I hope this is good. Are our lives in danger?

JJ: Not exactly. It seems that there was a terrible accident. I read about it in the paper, and heard about it from some friends down the block. Our friend Charlie was the victim in a hit and run accident. It seems that the perpatrator was a mobile notary who was mad because he couldn’t find a parking spot for more than an hour. He started driving irratically, and ran over Charlie.

THELMA: Does this mean you don’t have to pay back Charlie the $10?

JJ: I guess not. But, I have only one regret.

JAMES: What’s that? This better be good.

JJ: I thoroughly regret that I was not given an opportunity to sell the mobile notary one of my pictures of a notary seal impression before he was arrested.

THELMA: Well, there will be other notaries. Just you wait!

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January 7, 2011

Two and a half notaries: The intercontinental notary seal

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , — admin @ 7:49 am

WARNING: This skit may have a few inappropriate references that could be considered slightly offensive to people with morals, people who don’t have morals, as well as people who are just not sure.

ALAN: I have an idea

CHARLIE: What is it this time? Are we going to all dress in green and walk down the street signing Gaelic songs?

ALAN: No, it’s even better than that, although I do love Gaelic music.

BERTA: Spit it out! Tell us what you want to do.

ALAN: I thought it would be great if we all became notaries! It is a service everybody needs. And then we would have something in common. You know — to talk about.

CHARLIE: Notary? I don’t really think anyone will need my services as a Notary. Nobody has ever asked me about that before.

JAKE: What’s a notary?

ALAN: Well, you see, a notary is a profession, where they check people’s ID, verify that they are the correct signer, witness them signing a document, and then they affix their notary stamp or seal to the document. Sometimes they even swear under Oath.

JAKE: Sounds cool, I think you should do it. (yawning and patting his mouth)

CHARLIE: I don’t know if I want to invest my precious time doing all the procedures to become a notary, especially not during the superbowl.

BERTA: I heard that Monica needed a Notary…

CHARLIE: Where do I sign up?

ALAN: We can all go down to the County Clerk, and fill out the forms. Then, we get our notary seals.

CHARLIE: Deal.

JAKE: Can I become a notary too?

ALAN: I think you need to be a little older.

CHARLIE: Yeah, and not be a felon.

JAKE: I’m not a felon… Wait! What’s a felon?

BERTA: Someone who was convicted of a serious crime, like my uncle Sam. He robbed a liquor store. But, it was an accident. I swear!

JAKE: Never mind, I don’t want to be a dumb notary anyway.

ALAN: Maybe we can get you a training stamp.

JAKE: Oh, kind of like a training bra, except for notaries

CHARLIE: This kid needs a lot more than just training.

ALAN: Maybe it will be good for him. You never know. Sometimes, hands on knowledge sticks with you more than stuff you learned in school.

JAKE: I’m asleep or daydreaming half the time in school anyway.

CHARLIE: Exactly!

(Charlie, Alan, and their friend Samantha go down to the County Clerk. Fill out the forms. A few weeks later, they get their notary commissions and then they go to purchase their official notary seals)

ALAN: I’d like to purchase a notary seal

CLERK: Sorry buddy. We’re all out of seals, and our next order won’t come in for another three weeks.

ALAN: Three weeks? Do you have anything left?

CLERK: I just got this one. It’s a store sample, so it’s been used before so people can see how the seal comes out on paper.

ALAN: Looks like I don’t have much choice. I’ll take it. How much is it?

CLERK: $25 even.

ALAN: But, it is so small. I’ve never seen a notary seal so small before.

CLERK: Sorry kid, it’s all we’ve got.

ALAN: I’ll take it!

(meanwhile, all three newly commissioned notaries return to Charlie’s Malibu house)

CHARLIE: Check out my new notary seal. It’s gold plated, and comes in a velvet lined case! Pretty snazzy!

SAMANTHA: I love it. It’s beautiful, just like the things you used to buy me when we were dating.

ALAN: How long ago was that?

CHARLIE: It was off and on. More off than on. But, that’s okay.

ALAN: So, where did you get that seal? It’s amazing!

CHARLIE: I know this place in Beverly Hills. They do customized work over there. For the right price, they can do anything for you — I mean anything. They had to special order this seal, but it was fast because they had a courier bring it down from Sacramento.

SAMANTHA: Check out my seal. It’s pink, but the ink is black. You know — for legal purposes. What about your seal Alan?

ALAN: You probably don’t want to see it. It’s just a seal.

CHARLIE: It was your idea for us all to become notaries, so yes, we do want to see it.

ALAN: It’s in the car. I’ll get it.

(Alan returns from the car)

ALAN: Here it is!

SAMANTHA: Oh, it’s tiny. I’ve never seen a notary seal so small.

ALAN: It might be small, but I know how to use it!

CHARLIE: (rolling his eyes)

JAKE: Check out my seal. I made it myself.

ALAN: How did you figure out how to make it?

JAKE: Easy, I just got some plastic housing for the outside and pit in a customized rubber seal on the inside. It says, “In Training.” I call it my intercontinental notary seal.

CHARLIE: Hey buddy, watch it with that. It’s leaking ink!

JAKE: I know, that’s why I call it an intercontinental notary seal.

ALAN: I think you mean “incontinent.”

JAKE: Same difference

CHARLIE: Well, keep it away from the carpets. The last thing I need is permanent black ink in my Persian rugs. That will cost a fortune to remove it if’s even possible.

JAKE: Not to worry, my ink is invisible ink.

ALAN: Now, there’s an idea.

BERTA: I once had something notarized in invisible ink. It didn’t hold up too well in court until I got the judge that special light, so he could read the ink. If it weren’t for that light, I’d still be in jail.

ALAN: So, Charlie, just out of curiosity. What do you do if your notary seal runs out of ink.

CHARLIE: I can guarantee that’s not going to happen if Monica’s around.

JAKE: I might have the problem if I can’t figure out how to stop that leak. The book I learned about seals from… well. I skipped the chapter on leaks.

(meanwhile two beach girls come to the house)

GIRLS: We heard you were notaries.

ALAN: Speak no further. What do you need done?

GIRLS: We need this waterproof document notarized?

CHARLIE: Are your ID’s waterproof too?

GIRL #1: Oh, I have my ID… right…. here…

(Jake’s eyes are bulging out staring intently directly at where Girl #1’s ID is coming out from)

JAKE: Can I touch it?

GIRL #1: You creep!

CHARLIE: Not you, the ID… He’s a notary in training you know.

GIRL #1: Oh… Okay. Here it is.

JAKE: (caresses the ID with a broad smile on his face, puts it to his chest, and to the side of his head.)

GIRL #2: Is this part of notary procedure?

ALAN: For Jake it is. He studied from a different book than we studied from.

CHARLIE: I think I’ll handle this case. Please sign my journal right here.

GIRL #1: Okay

(30 minutes later)

JAKE: He guess what uncle Charlie

CHARLIE: Dare I ask?

JAKE: Remember those girls who came over.

CHARLIE: Yes.

JAKE: Well, I notarized her. Not her document… her!

CHARLIE: No you didn’t! I’m going to my game. He’s about to do a touchdown.

JAKE: No really. Look out the window. (Girl #1 has her back to the house and is looking at a passing boat)

CHARLIE: I don’t see a notary seal on her.

JAKE: (pointing the ultra-violet invisible ink light at the girl) Look again!

CHARLIE: Oh!!! (shaking his head) Got it…

JAKE: One more thing

CHARLIE: Tell me?

JAKE: Ummm, you don’t need to tell Alan about this.

BERTA: I won’t tell him a thing! Mum’s the word!

.

You might also like:

Two and a Half Notaries — Learning the ropes
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=twoandahalfmen

You know you’re a Notary when…
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

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