Disclaimer: This post may not be appropriate for those of you who have lost their virginity, or their sense of humor!
Jane goes to her first signing for the Owens. They are going to sign a Refinance and get a better rate.
Mr. OWENS: Welcome Jane. So, you are going be our Notary tonight.
JANE: This is my first time.
Mr. OWENS: Gee that’s interesting. When the last Notary showed up, I asked, “Are you experienced?”
JANE: Wow, you have quite a record collection over there. I bet you have a lot of Hendrix.
Mrs. OWENS: Just make sure he doesn’t call you foxy lady.
JANE: So, I’ve never done this before.
Mr. OWENS: Oh, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ll be gentle.
JANE: Okay, so here’s the Deed of Trust. Just initial here, and sign here.
Mr. OWENS: So you haven’t done the Deed or the dirty Deed yet.
JANE: I can attest to the fact that I haven’t, and bear witness to the fact that I’ve never been with a bare witness.
Mrs. OWENS: But, he’s not bare!
Mr. OWENS: Is that the naked truth?
JANE: I’m going to affix my seal now. Brace yourselves.
Mr. OWENS: Oh, that looks very therapeutic, just like… well, you know…
JANE: Well, I wouldn’t know. I’m not only a virgin as a signing agent, but I’m also still a virgin in real life.
Mrs. OWENS: Well knock us over with a feather. If you dropped any more hints, I would have gotten out my chastity belt. Can we affix you up with someone? I know a nice Notary who lives not far from here. He’ll understand all of that mumbo jumbo you folks talk about at signings that confuses us like scilicit which is an archaic Latin term.
JANE: Oh, I thought you were talking about soliciting which I’ve never done because I’m a … well, you know.
Mr. OWENS: If you did that with another Notary whose term hasn’t expired, you’d be doing it in the commissionary position.
JANE: I don’t even know what that is.
Mr. OWENS: Don’t worry honey, after a few more signings, you’ll really be on top of things… unless of course you prefer to have the signers on top.
Mrs. OWENS: So, what comes next?
JANE: I thought you’ve done this before. We just need to sign these last three documents, and then we’re done.
Mrs. OWENS: Okay, we’re done. That felt good.
Mr. OWENS: Was it good for you?
Mrs. OWENS: I think this was our best signing honey. I really liked how you signed the HUD. Wow Jane, you look completely different. Look George, she’s glowing!
JANE: Wow, I feel completely different now.
Mr. OWENS: Does it bother anyone if I smoke?
Mrs. OWENS: Since when do you smoke?
Mr. OWENS: I always smoke after a signing, or after a book burning if the book is 50 shades of gray.
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