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January 6, 2020

The Notary Dating Show — notarized edition

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:16 pm

Welcome to the Notary Dating Show. I’m your host Jeremy! Tonight we have a fun crowd. Sam wants to meet a nice female Notary, and we have three choices for him tonight. We have Shelly, Vicky, and Cathy. All of these ladies are Notaries and have a lot of experience as well. Let’s introduce Sam!

JEREMY: Sam! Welcome to our show!

SAM: It’s great to be here. I have never been on TV before. I’m so nervous. I cannot meet a nice girl to date no matter what I do. I just have nothing in common with anyone.

JEREMY: Well you have come to the right place! Because the girls we are introducing you to are all (pause) Notaries!

SAM: I’ve always wanted to date a Notary. I’ve heard so many good things about Notaries.

JEREMY: You’re also a Notary, right?

SAM: Yes, but I never meet other Notaries, only signers. You know how it is.

JEREMY: Good point. Well anyway, here is our first contestant — Shelly!

SHELLY: Hi Sam, I have my first question for you. Have you ever notarized anyone in a helicopter?

SAM: No, but I’ve heard that the motion of the propellers would make the notarization a lot smoother.

SHELLY: Well if you go out with me, you can try notarizing me in a helicopter on our way to Catalina Island.

SAM: What county is that? I need to know for the venue.

SHELLY: That is still Los Angeles County — don’t let the buffalo fool you.

SAM: You can pay me back by buying me a buffalo burger after the show.

SHELLY: Deal. They are high in protein, just like me!

VICKY: Hi Sam, I am Vicky. I wanted to know if you have ever notarized an arsonist.

SAM: Funny you should mention that, although there is nothing funny about arson. I notarized a guy multiple times who blew up his apartment. Then I got a call from a young Asian couple. They said they had to serve on Jury duty for a guy who blew up his apartment. I said it wouldn’t happen to be Fred, would it? Their jaws dropped. Small world. I could count the number of times I notarized him on one hand — but, not one of my hands, one of his hands, because he is missing a few fingers.

VICKY: Wow! That is so messed up, but intriguing. I have never heard a story like that before. So, how did you thumbprint him?

SAM: I had to use an index finger and document that fact in my journal. Too bad we can’t do retinal scans, although I think he blew out the sight in one of his eyes as well.

VICKY: Good God. I guess mama was right when she told us not to play with matches.

SAM: My mama always said — don’t play with matches or Notary seals. You never know what the consequences might be.

CATHY: Hi Sam. I have a question for you. Have you ever notarized someone in the back seat of your car?

SAM: I think you could get arrested for that, especially if your windows are not tinted. I notarized a bunch of people on the trunk of my car. One was pissed off at me, but I couldn’t find a parking place, and was in a hurry. I said if you want it notarized, this is how it is going to get done.

JEREMY: Very good Sam. You did an excellent job answering everyone’s questions. Now you can pick your favorite girl and ask her a question.

SAM: I pick Shelly. Shelly, have you ever notarized someone on the floor?

SHELLY: I’m not that kind of a Notary! But, someone asked me once. I was not easy kneeling with the journal out on their dirty floor. I had to move the signing over to the kitchen counter which was even more filthy. Some people ain’t got no class. I mean really.

SAM: I had an experience like that once. Have you ever gone out on a blind notarization?

JEREMY: Sorry, Sam. It is one question per contestant in the second round. But, if you want to ask more questions, write down a list of questions and ask Shelly out on a date. That’s right, because your first non-blind date has been scheduled for May 15th at a restaurant called Affiant. They specialize in comedic French food that is a little tongue & cheek, and your first course will be Japanese inspired robata beef tongue (seasoned & grilled to perfection) with a side of pork cheek cooked in a wine sauce slowly for 24 hours since you both have a 24 hour Notary service. Hope you don’t get called for a last minute job in the middle of your cheek. Then, you will have a free pass to West Los Angeles’ rock climbing gym where you can both make fools of yourself and have lots of fun doing it. See if you can pass for spiderman — we can supply outfits upon request. Just don’t pull a tendon, if you lack experience that is a common injury — oh, and bring plenty of chalk.

SAM: That sounds like a wonderful plan Jeremy. I think that unlike my previous relationships, it is better to start my relationship on the rocks, and then work it out from there rather than ending up on the rocks after a smooth beginning.

SHELLY: My thoughts exactly. I challenge you to a 5.11

SAM: A what?

JEREMY: That’s a particular level of climb. You’re not going to make it buddy, but enjoy it. Don’t worry, she’ll show you the ropes!

You might also like:

Notary dating & romance from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17451

Will & Grace – the mini notary seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21165

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May 21, 2019

A lady Notary gets a request for backdating. Hear this brilliant solution

Filed under: Technical & Legal — admin @ 11:05 am

This is a tip from one of our most seasoned Notaries that we’ve ever had. What season? Hmmm. Autumn! She got a request for backdating. She says it is hard to get the request in writing.

If it were me I would tell them — just put the job specifications in writing and I will deal with it accordingly.

That way I am not incriminating myself, but I sure as hell will report their (&*#) to the Sec of State once I get that instruction sheet telling me what date to put in my journal and on the documents. That is fraud central.

So, yet another great tip from one of our great Notaries relayed to you by me… the messenger!

You might also like:

Backdating from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2424

She lost an account because she didn’t want to backdate
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22229

123notary index of popular notary articles
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20282

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October 2, 2016

Notary Dating & Romance from A to Z (Compilation)

Filed under: Compilations,Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , , — admin @ 10:02 pm

Over the years, we’ve written many comedy posts on the subject of Notary dating. Here is a compilation of our best romantic Notary posts.

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Affiant — a social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410
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But, I’m still a virgin!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14915
.

Jane the Virgin Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14899
.

How Notary work is similar to online dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763
.

My date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473
.

My 2nd date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=7074
.

My big phat geek wedding
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17053

Notarization on the Steve Harvey Show
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13704
.

Notary Pick Up Lines Part 1
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9851
.

Two and a half Notaries — learning the ropes (string)
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=twoandahalfmen
.

Yes, it’s the Notary dating show
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15312

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January 12, 2012

Backdating from A to Z

Backdating from A to Z for Notaries 

Backdating is the act of putting a fraudulent date on a notarial certificate such as an Acknowledgment Certificate or Jurat Certificate, etc. Backdating is illegal and you can lose your commission, and perhaps face fines or even jail time if your crime is serious enough.
 
It is common for Lenders, or people who work in Title offices to have to close a loan by a particular date, or they will lose their lock and lose the interest rate that was agreed upon.  If the loan MUST be signed by the 5th, but there was a delay in getting the paperwork ready, or the notary couldn’t come until the 6th, then the notary might be asked to backdate!  Gulp!  You will feel pressured to do it to keep the client happy. You will/might lose your pay, and the client if you don’t do what they want — but, if you comply, you could get into legal trouble which could ruin your career or life, and perhaps your afterlife as well.  So, what are your priorities?  Do you want to oben the law and lose a client, or risk it all for a bunch of nitwits who don’t have their act together?
 
If a loan is signed on the 6th, and the journal entries for the signatures on notarized documents are on the 6th, then the date that goes in the journal and the 6th, and the date that goes on the notary certificate wording is also the 6th.  If the signing is close to midnight of the 6th, then you might be able to legally date it the 7th if part of the notary procedures went past midnight.  

Please keep in mind that the document date might be the date of the signing or earlier. The document date can be whatever the document drafter chooses, and it serves little purpose other than to identify the document and distinguish it from other similar documents.

You might also like:

Notarization Dates, Document Dates & Signature Dates!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2421

Seal Forgery — it happened to me!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=724

She lost a great account because she didn’t want to backdate
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22229

What is a document date?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21431

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January 14, 2011

NotaryMatch.com — a dating site for notaries!

Have you ever noticed that the happiest notaries are the ones who are part of a tag team combo? They wife or husband is often a notary too. They tend to be happier and more successful too. The question is, did they become notaries after marriage, or was it a pre-existing condition? Maybe their wife was a vampire Notary, and after they were bitten, they became a notary too. I’m not sure if it works that way. I’ll have to ask the secretary of state’s office.

Either you find someone compatible and make them a notary, or you could find someone to marry who is already a notary. I’m not sure which way is better, so try both! To find a single notary, just go to notarymatch.com or notarymingle.com. Find thousands of single notaries who are looking for that special someone!

One notary used this site, but had mixed results. They met someone to go out with, but they didn’t go out on a “date.” They had a “date and time” and had to record that in some sort of journal.

The girl recorded:
Date & Time: April 17th, 2012 6:23pm.
Type of Act: Eating (Casual dinner)
Document: Not Applicable
Document date: N/A
Name: John Doe — as reads on driver’s license
Address: 1777 Laurel Street. Brick, NJ 08888
Type of ID: Passed online screening. Not a murderer or sex offender. Driver’s license
Additional Notes: Will record after the “Date & Time”
Signature: Refuses to sign on the first date (men!!!)
Fee: “Barter” — He will pay for dinner
Thumbprint — hoping for more than a thumbprint if he’s cute

So, they had a fun date & time. But, after the date & time the girl asked the guy:
Girl: “Can you sign my journal?”
Guy: “Sorry, I don’t usually sign notary journals on the first date!”
Girl: “Oh…. you’re exactly the type of guy I want to marry!”
Guy: “Let’s just see if we make it through the second date, and then we can start thinking about marriage. One step at a time please!”

All I can say is, thank god it wasn’t a “backdate.”

Tweets:
(1) Find a notary to date on notarymatch.com AND notarymingle.com! Find his/her/your(s) special someone
(2) “Sorry, I don’t normally sign a girls journal on the first date!”

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January 6, 2011

Yes, it’s the Notary Dating Show!

Welcome to the Notary Dating Show. I’m your host Jeremy! Tonight we have a fun crowd. Tony wants to meet a nice Notary from the female gender, and boy do we have some choices for him. We have Tammy, Mandy, and Wendy, all of whom are interesting young ladies who are not only fun — but, they’re experienced! I know if Jimmi Hendrix dated a Notary, he would want an experienced one, but let’s see how Tony feels. Now, let’s introduce Tony!

JEREMY: Tony! Welcome to the show.

TONY: It’s great to be here. I just can’t believe this is happening. I’ve been finding all the wrong girls. I just can’t relate to them.

JEREMY: Do you think — that it’s because they’re not Notaries?

TONY: That might very well be Jeremy. It is a distinct possibility.

JEREMY: Okay… Now, we have three young ladies from the female gender on the other side of that curtain. You can each ask each other a few questions, and then decide who you want to meet.

TONY: Well, how do I know if they’re hot if I only get to see them after the questions?

JEREMY: We do it this way to reduce the element of distraction.

TONY: Oh, got it….

TAMMY: Hi Tony. I’m Tammy. I just wanted to know, have you ever notarized a paraplegic?

TONY: Hmm, I can’t say that I have. That sounds a bit hair raising.

TAMMY: Well, his hair was the only thing he could raise. He couldn’t move his arms and had to sign by putting a pen in his mouth.

TONY: Oh my God. That must have been a very memorable signing. I feel sorry for the guy.

TAMMY: Me too. I just wish I could do something to make it up to him.

TONY: Well, it’s not your fault that he has that problem.

MANDY: Hi, I’m Mandy. So, have you ever done it in an airplane? I mean notarized someone at an altitude of a mile high or higher?

TONY: Actually, I met someone in an airport for a signing. We met at the airport Starbucks. He was so high on caffeine that he was about to fly away before the plane even docked.

WENDY: Hi, I’m Wendy. The other day, I notarized an accomplice to a murder. I got such a rush out of that. I was wondering what the most hair raising notarization you have ever done was.

TONY: Hmmm, I’ll have to think about that…. I notarized a cartel boss at Men’s Central. He was the silent type. Very unnerving.

WENDY: So, he didn’t offer you a coupon for his “products?”

TONY: Very funny. I stay clear of that type of thing.

JEREMY: So, Tony, which girl did you like the most?

TONY: Hmm, I kind of like Tammy. She takes a lot of concern for others who she doesn’t even know. I just wonder if she is as nice to people who she does know, even when they become the same old thing after half a year of dating.

TAMMY: You’ll find out!

JEREMY: That’s right, you will find out because your first date has been scheduled for Le Jurat — enjoy notarial foods including certified angus beef, soup du jurat, and embossed giant oreo cookies a la mode. The valet will need your parking stub to be notarized, and don’t forget to ask the waiter when your 1st payment is due –that is a tradition to ask at this restaurant where almost all of the clients are loan signing agents! After six months of dating Tammy you will find out how she treats people who are no longer new and exciting, but let’s just start with the first date!

.

You might also like:

How Notary work is similar to online dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

NotaryMatch.com — a dating site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8706

My date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

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January 3, 2011

How Notary work is similar to online dating

I read some material on how Aziz Ansari was talking about online dating and comparing it to applying for jobs. After reading his commentary, I feel that online dating can be similar to Notary work as well. Here are some scenarios.

After the Signing
After you finish the signing, should you call the borrower to tell them how much you liked the signing or should you text them? This depends on the age of the borrower. If the borrower is in their twenties, definately text them. But, if they are forty or over, don’t text them as they’ll probably prefer a call.

NOTARY: “luved the signing, tx”

On the other hand, if you are going to use broken English in your text, the borrower might get the wrong impression. It might be more professional to say,

NOTARY: “I had a wonderful time at the signing. Would it be possible to sign with you again?”

SIGNER: “I’ll think about it. But, I’m signing with other people these days.”

NOTARY: “Is it anything serious? Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I’m prying.”

Having Too Many Choices
One researcher who Aziz commented on learned that having more choices doesn’t make you happier. Life is sometimes easier when we only have a few choices. As a Notary, this is too true. Notaries who are wanted by hundreds of signing companies can never decide if they want to accept the job. What if a better offer comes in? It’s comparable to a beautiful girl at a dance hall. She has so many choices, she not only can’t decide, but takes them for granted. But, from a Notary point of view, it would be easier if all of the offers for signings came in at once, perhaps five at a time. You could pick two that you liked best based on their profile, and forget the rest. I think this business would be much more interesting if you could view an online profile of each borrower — their likes and dislikes, signing preferences, and interests.

NOTARY: So, what do you like to do on the first signing?

SIGNER: I like to sign on the table. Actually sitting on the table. What about you?

NOTARY: I prefer the sofa. If you have a clip board, it is much more relaxing. But, I hate it when you sit on the floor and use the coffee table.

SIGNER: I know… So, what are you doing after the signing?

NOTARY: Not much. Your place or mine? BTW, what’s your place like?

SIGNER: Well, we’re already at my place, so look around. But, since we’re already here, let’s do more sitting on the table. Cool. That’s my thing!

Opening Up
Some Notaries are just too serious at the signing. If you want the signers to open up, you need to be less serious. Instead of discussing the prepayment penalty. Get to know them a little better by discussing your last trip to the circus, or what happened on your last date. Or tell them about funny things that happened on your way to the signing. It’s always awkward on a first signing. So, learn the techniques of making your first signing less awkward.

Put yourself in the Notary’s shoes
Sometimes it might be easier if the borrower put themselves in the Notary’s shoes. They should realize that it is his first time signing with you. He doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know how he’ll react to you. Sure, he read your profile and knows how much you like borrower and signing pieces of paper. Also, try to understand all the different houses the Notary needs to go to and how demanding the job is.

What not to do on the first signing
One Notary did a signing for a borrower who was a little bit forward.

SIGNER: Would you like a Hershey’s kiss at the end of the signing.

NOTARY: “Sorry, I don’t accept Hershey’s kisses on the first signing — I’m not that kind of Notary!”

.

You might also like:

Yes, it’s the Notary Dating Show!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15312

NotaryMatch.com — a dating site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8706

.

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February 9, 2020

2012 complication of best posts

Filed under: Compilations — admin @ 9:50 am

Here are some of our best posts from 2012.

TECHNICAL

What is signature by X?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2278

Information about various notary procedures
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2268

Rules for notarizing a bedridden person
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2243

Backdating from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2424

All you need to know about notary work
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2354

Can a notary notarize a birth certificate?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2300

Fraud and forgery in the notary profession
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2294

Do I notarize every page of the document?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2280

Notary boiler plate wording
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2432

Notarization dates, Document dates & Signature dates!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2421

Sending loose certificates is illegal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2470

Can a notary sign on a different day?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2457

Don’t drop the Fedex in the drop box!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2831

Protecting yourself with a contract
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2593

Tips for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3360

STORIES

Borrowers and their filthy homes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2214

Power of Attorney at a nursing home
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2305

123notary behind the scenes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2499

20 stories about animals at signings
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3074

5 books every notary should own (and read)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3668

3 notaries walk into a bar
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3660

I make mistakes too
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3639

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February 4, 2020

Cleaning up common mistakes in your profile’s notes section

Filed under: Your Notes Section — admin @ 10:56 pm

When I look over notes sections of our higher level members, I like to make suggestions that can help them appear in a more positive light to the users. There are a bunch of common mistakes people make. I want to go over those mistakes.

1. Real Estate Experience
It is common for those with Real Estate experience to claim that they have real estate experience the therefor they understand the documents. In real life, people who I quiz with Real Estate experience do not know their documents that well. If you want to prove knowledge, then please pass our certification test which is really hard. Another mistake people make is to put lots of information about their Real Estate career in the top of their notes section. This is a Notary directory, so please put notary achievements at the top of your listing and mention your Real Estate experience in the middle or bottom of your notes section as an additional point.

2. Mortgage Experience
Many of our members have some type of Mortgage experience. If you are a current Mortgage Broker, you might be seen as competition and people might not want to hire you. However, the mistake many Notaries name is to claim that they have “x” amount of years in the “Mortgage Industry.” They often do not disclose what job titles they had in the industry or what their tasks were. People who use our site reward those who give specifics and give you a clear idea of who you are, what you have done, and what you know how to do. Additionally, using the “x” number of years is a bad idea, because you might have a listing with us for ten or twenty years and you have to keep updating your # of years every year. It is easier to say, “Notary since 1986.” or “Mortgage Appraiser since 2009.” You could say, “I was a Mortgage Broker from 2004 to 2015.” which clears up when you did it, how long, and that you no longer do it which might com as a relief.

3. Business Experience
Many Notaries have run a business before. They put, “Former business owner.” In their notes. This is horrible. It doesn’t say what type of business you ran, what position you had, what your responsibilities were, or what time period you did it. Be specific and understand that the reader doesn’t know if you had a business collecting hub caps or if you ran a fortune 500 company. You need to specify!

4. Types of Loans
It is common for Notaries to say, “I know how to sign every type of loan.” This is bad, because there are so many types of financial packages that few notaries have signed them all. Just make a detailed list of the loans you have signed, i.e.: I have signed purchases, sales, refinances, FHA, VA, conventional, unconventional, conforming, modification, reverse mortgages, and debt consolidations. I suggest having another list of common documents that you have signed. If the user has one of the types of loans on your list, he is more likely to hire you than some other character who makes vague claims or no claims about their loan experience.

5. Number of Loans
Some Notaries who are smart keep their number of loans signed statistics up to date regularly. Others say that they have signed two hundred plus loans. Two hundred plus is not a number by the way. Two hundred is a number. Since the information is not date stamped, (hmm, perhaps I should add that as a feature to my directory) there is no way to know how accurate the information still is. Number of loans signed is a good indication of how much experience you have, and is much more helpful than how many years of experience you have. You might have one month of experience and have signed 200 loans, or you might have twenty years of experience only having signed one loan per year which would be 20 loans. Think about it.

6. Omitting to read through our thorough guides
123notary has published many point by point tutorials on how to write a good notes section, what buzzwords to add, which to omit, what to say and how to say it. By not spending at least two hours reading our comprehensive guides, taking notes, and writing a well organized and thorough notes section – you are losing business. We will even clean up your notes for free upon request, but we get very few requests.

7. Unique catchy phrases
It is hard to teach someone how to write a catchy phrase. I created some articles with the best phrases I could find. It takes time and thought to create a one liner. However, readers are so bored reading through notes sections that if you can write something spicy, they might like it, and they might call you first. So, put some time into thinking up something catchy to say, and see how people react. You might need to modify what you put at a later date.

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December 14, 2019

Notaries and the City

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:38 pm

Four single girls are out on the town looking for Notaries to date.

KARRIE: It’s just not easy to find the right Notary in this city. Where are all the good Notaries?

CHARLOTTE: I can’t find any Notary in this city.

SAMANTHA: You didn’t even look. You should try 123notary.com

MIRANDA: Yeah, but are the Notaries on that site cute?

KARRIE: After I broke up with Mr. Big, I felt so stranded. I never met anyone else who measured up.

CHARLOTTE: Well, how well did he measure?

SAMANTHA: Oh please. Hey look! A Notary is coming out of that bar.

KARRIE: How do you know he is a Notary?

MIRANDA: He has a shirt with his commission number on it, that’s how she knows, right?

SAMANTHA: Aren’t you supposed to notarize sober?

CHARLOTTE: You’re one to talk. Haven’t you been with every notary in town yet?

SAMANTHA: Only the ones that were authenticated and had a good venue.

MIRANDA: And were well sealed, right? Hint hing?

SAMANTHA: Oh, and if they had a nice instrument.

KARRIE: An instrument is a document. They notarize documents, they don’t have documents.

SAMANTHA: That’s not the type of instrument we were talking about. Hey, Mr. Notary, over here!

NOTARY: Hi, ladies. I just finished a signing and wanted to get a drink.

SAMANTHA: Can you sign my breasts Mr. Notary?

NOTARY: Umm, I can’t do that if I’m sober.

KARRIE: I’ll drink to that. But, why don’t we just say that you aren’t sober?

NOTARY: I’m not. I just has two pints. I’ll do anything now.

SAMANTHA: Anything?

NOTARY: Just about. I might even get a tattoo of my notary seal on some special part of my body.

KARRIE: How about signing, sealing and delivering us?

MIRANDA: Would the tattoo be done using Notary ink?

NOTARY: I never thought about that? I’ll have to ask. That would make it more authentic.

CHARLOTTE: Can you introduce us to your notary friends?

NOTARY: I am a notary, I have no friends. Only signing companies who pay late.

MIRANDA: At least they pay you. I’m out of work right now. And out of a boyfriend too.

NOTARY: Looks like I will have to satisfy you all. How would you like to be part of my harem.

CHARLOTTE: Well you know what they say, two’s company, three’s a
crowd, but five’s a harem.

NOTARY: Well why don’t we all go to my house? And if you want any other Notaries, use 123notary.com, and use the cute filter.

MIRANDA: Cool.

You might also like:

Compilation of posts about notary dating & romance
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17451

How to effectively pick up notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22580

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