I just met a very charismatic waiter from a restaurant up in the hills of Beverly Glen. He was so interesting and full of energy! But, he told me about what he does when he is not waiting on tables. He creates movies! I guess this is Los Angeles, what do you expect? Everyone here who works at a cafe or restaurant either directs, produces, acts, or dies trying. But, his movie was very interesting.
The movie was about an Italian guy who moves to the U.S. in his early twenties. He goes on every single dating site that exists and dates 150 women. It is a pseudo-documentary — part based on his real life, plus a substantial amount of embellishments. I like the part where he wears a Rabbi outfit and dates a girl from a Jewish dating site. He sprinkles a little Kosher salt on his food and says, “I’m adding a little Kosher!” He dated a girl from Farmen’s only, Cupid, Match.com, and even a site for people with fetishes. Online dating is so popular these days, yet I’ve never seen a movie about it — especially not a movie like this.
So, I asked him if he could learn Chinese and show a clip of him dating a Chinese girl while speaking Chinese with all of the Italian hand gestures. That would be a sight to see. We talked for almost an hour. But, at the end of our talk, there was just one more thing that I needed to ask him.
Can you modify your movie just a little bit? I have two dating sites for Notaries — and you could date some of the women from these sites. One is called Jurat and the other is called Affiant. We were going to start NotaryMatch too, but the programming bills got too out of hand. I wonder what the script would be like.
NOTARY: So, it is so fun to date you. You are so interesting.
LONELY ITALIAN: Yes, I like to broaden my horizons-a here. Just to make the date more interesting. I brought-a the document. Can you show me your particular style of notarizing it?
NOTARY: Oh, well I don’t notarize off hours. I don’t have my equipment with me.
LONELY ITALIAN: Oh, you use-a equipment? That sounds-a so interesting.
NOTARY: Well, I left it in my car.
LONELY ITALIAN: Well, let’s-a go back and-a get it. I like-a to see what a woman is really about on the first date. No secrets.
NOTARY: Okay… well here it is. Let’s find a table.
LONELY ITALIAN: Okay, let’s notarize-a sitting-a right-a here. But, one-a more-a question. Is it-a possible to use that Notary equipment and-a procedure — you know, in a romantic way?
NOTARY: What??????? This is too much! I’ll have to think about that… (pause) Okay. I thought about it. And the answer is — NOT ON THE FIRST DATE!
LONELY ITALIAN: One more question. Can-a we backdate?
NOTARY: Ha ha ha. You are funny. You are too cute, that is why I’m letting you get away with all of your premature suggestions.
LONELY ITALIAN: Hey. If you can’t be mature, you can be premature — it’s the next-a best-a thing!
(two hours later)
NOTARY: That was the best conversation of my life. You are a very interesting guy. And yes, we can go out on a second date. But, that date will be at Cafe Jurat. A restaurant exclusively for Notaries. That way you’ll see what our people eat.
LONELY ITALIAN: Is that the place where you have-a certified Angus beef, embossed oreo cookies, and-a you notarized the stamp on the parking validation?
NOTARY: Very good! You have definitely been reading up on the ways of our people. See you next Friday. Don’t be late otherwise I’ll have to change the date & time section in my journal.
LONELY ITALIAN: Got it.
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Notary Italian Restaurant