Trumps desire to seek vengeance on the Chinese for taking advantage of liberal trade laws has come back to haunt the Notary industry. Now, documents that originate in China will have a 25% tariff on the Notary fee nationwide. (This is fiction by the way for comedic purposes, so please do not charge more than your state allows.) Now, you have to charge your state appointed fee, and then another 25% Federal tax, keep accounting of the tax money you kept, and fill out a statement at the end of your year with your 1040 to account for what you charged. For Notaries doing more than $1000 in tax, they might also need a special license.
Then, you have to fill out the Chinese “Bao-Shui-Biao” form that gets sent back to President Xi (sounds like “she”, but she is a he.) so he can see the effects of the trade imbalance. I wonder what Paul Revere would say about that. He spend his career fighting tariffs.
The next hard hit sector of the Notary industry are the Title companies that use outsourced Mortgage Process Outsourcing companies to assist in the Mortgage paperwork. They will also be charged a whopping 25%. Of course, they pay their workers so poorly in China (just barely enough for xiao-long-bao and man-tou) that the 25% won’t amount to anything, but it still hurts. We interview Xi He-Li in China.
NEWSLADY: So Mr. Xi (prounounced she)
Mr. XI: Please, just call me he, not she. Okay, he or she, but not it, although in Chinese, those three words are all homonyms, so if you said it in Chinese, I would not know the difference.
NEWSLADY: Boy, this is confusing.
Mr. XI: Don’t call me boy. He or she, but not boy or it.
NEWSLADY: Is boy a homonym for anything?
Mr. XI: The word for boy is “er-zi” and thank God nothing else has the same pronunciation or tone as that word. It is the only word in Chinese that doesn’t have a double, triple quadruple, or quintuple meaning. Sometimes I wonder how we communicate. Thank God for understanding based on context.
NEWSLADY: Well, the context here is the tariff. How has the tariff affected your life?
Mr. XI: I get paid so poorly at my job. By the way, I love my government — hi government… kisses. I had to suffer a 15% pay cut due to the 25% tariffs, but there was a 10% discount in the price of “guo-tie” dumplings. So, I think I am netting a loss of about 5% after expenses. It could be a lot worse. There is a lot of unemployment in China these days due to economic instability.
NEWSLADY: So, you work for an MPO, Mortgage Process Outsourcing company?
Mr. XI: Yes. We are relocating to India soon where the other MPO’s are. I am trying to find the best deal on medicines for indigestion before I go there. I have heard stories about Bombay. And no good Chinese food there. I think I will die. I will have to get used to dating Indian girls. Not sure what that will be like, but they dance well on television.
NEWSLADY: I think the ladies who work at an MPO will be better at paperwork than dancing.
Mr. XI: Yes, but some of them take dance lessons after work after their two hour train ride squashed like a sardine in the second class compartment or a Bombay train.
NEWSLADY: Well, that pretty much wraps it up. Mr. Xi is being paid almost nothing due to Trump, and will soon be transferred to Mumbai where there is no decent Chinese food unless you pay for Chinese food in a five star hotel. In a word you’re screwed.
Mr. XI: You can say that again.
NEWSLADY: Okay… Ni Bei Pian La… Zhu Ni Hao Yun! For those English speakers that means that you’ve been screwed, but wishing you good luck. Reporting from Shanghai which is a homonym for “been hurt” if you say it with the wrong tonation — Sandra Smith, CNC news.
You might also like:
Letter to Trump about the sad condition of American Notaries
Is Trump to blame for the Notary slowdown?
If Trump hired you as a Notary, would you get fired?