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December 23, 2018

Administering an Oath to a psychic

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:45 pm

If you are administering an Oath to a psychic, should you have them swear on a stack of bibles, or a deck of tarot cards? If you use tarot cards, put the death card on top to make the Oath look more serious. Just my take.

If you want to know their intentions about the Oath, pick a card. If you get the devil card, you might not want this person to be a repeat customer. Or you might get the fool card in which case you might get paid more as fools and their money soon part. Watch out for the hang man card. You don’t want that if doing notary acts otherwise your payment might end up hanging.

One Notary always has his affiants sign on a deck of tarot cards. Some say he is not playing with a full deck. Personally, I just think he is missing a few signatures!

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October 22, 2018

Psycho people I find doing welcome calls

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 11:40 am

Thank God I have a new iphone is all I can say. When I do welcome calls, normally I get people who don’t answer their phone or who have trouble giving straight answers to questions.

ME: How many loans have you signed?

NOTARY: Well, I used to be a banker.

ME: Thanks, but I am filling in a form with room for numbers and not sentences. Once again, how many loans have you signed?

NOTARY: Hmm, I’ve been doing this for 15 years.

ME: Once again, I cannot use this information.

If you were hiring a Notary, would you want one who gives straight answers to questions or one who makes you ask the same thing four times and makes you drag the answer out of them?

But, once in a while I get some angry people or even psycho people. I once had a crazy black guy in Michican call me and text me with threatening messages for four days. He sent more than 200 texts or calls. I could not block him because I had old technology. The Michigan police said they would help me, but I had to contact Los Angeles police and get a report from them. LAPD was unwilling to help me as this was too petty for them. I was a victim of terrorism and the police couldn’t care less. Typical. I have to pay taxes to them but they don’t have to serve or protect me. When I did jury duty, the case was for LAPD, and the prosecuting attorney asked me if I had any prejudices against LAPD and I told them multiple examples of how useless LAPD was whenever I needed them.

But, this time I got a psycho lady from Miami who was trlingual in English, Spanish and insanity. She called me back twelve times to ask me why I had called her. I told her she was disrupting my outgoing calls and not to call me anymore, but she would not stop. With my new iPhone I was able to block her. I announce why I am calling people at the beginning of all calls, but some people don’t listen apparently.

In any case, part of why I do welcome calls is to identify the smart people from the mediocre from the insane, and I found a few of each in today’s call list.

.

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May 25, 2018

Psych episode — busting the Russian Mafia with help of a Notary.

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Sit-Coms — Tags: — admin @ 11:06 am

Psych Episode — custom’s agent is dead, but who is the killer?

SHAWN: We have a new assignment. But, we might need Lassie’s help.

GUS: I hate working with him, that arrogant prick.

SHAWN: But, we need him. We work well together. A custom’s agent is dead. It is up to us to find the killer. But, it’s still unclear how he died and who killed him if anyone.

(Shawn and Gus go to see Woody for the autopsy)

WOODY: Still working on it. Oh, wait.

SHAWN: Wait a second (putting finger to his head), I’m getting something. Yes, I’m definitely getting something. The spirits are telling me something. The custom’s agent did not die peacefully… he was injected with something, but what?

WOODY: Here it is. His inner thigh has needle marks. He could have been poisoned. I’ll have to send a sample to the lab.

GUS: Meanwhile, we need to investigate. We need to know who the last several people were to have seen Mike Williams, the custom’s agent.

(three hours later after seeing some police investigation files)

SHAWN: The last person to see the custom’s agent was Anatoly Kruscionov, a known mafia henchman. My senses are telling me he is the killer.

GUS: Don’t you mean Kruschevnov?

SHAWN: No, it’s Kruscionov.

GUS: Shawn, I’m pretty sure it’s Kruschevnov, I know the name..

SHAWN: What are you eating?

GUS: Cheeze bits.

SHAWN: They look more like Cheetos.

GUS: That’s because that’s what you want to eat right now. It’s psychosematic.

SHAWN: No, you’re psychosematic.

GUS: I am not!

SHAWN: Are too!

LASSITER: Gentlemen. May I disrupt your valuable dialogue here for a moment? Anatoly Kruscionov is leaving the country in three hours. We absolutely have to get to his office before his limo picks him up. We haven’t a minute to spare.

(all three get in the car and rush to Anatoly’s office)

NOTARY: Now, please sign my journal right here? Hey, why are you looking at the other entries?

ANATOLY: I was only staring at the page. (jotting something down)

NOTARY: Just out of curiosity, what’s your sign?

ANATOLY: Me, I am Leo.

NOTARY: That’s not what your ID says, It says you were born in January — busted!!!!

ANATOLY: Hey you try to trick me. But, now I know address of guy who cheated me, I learned from your Notary journal, you lousy backstabbing Notary.

LASSITER: We are from the Santa Barbara Police Department and have a few questions for you.

ANATOLY: First of all, get out of here you lousy Notary. No travel fee for you. Next, Mr. Lassiter, I would love to speak to you, but I want to speak to Mr. Shawn Spencer…. alone.

SHAWN: Sorry, I never go anywhere without my sidekick Mr. Spock.

GUS: I’m not Spock, for the last time, my name is… Oh… Actually, who are we dealing with here. Hi, I’m Nelson Spock, pleased to meet you.

ANATOLY: (sends Lassiter out of room and locks the door.) Why do you fools chase me? Do you not know I am dangerous man?

SHAWN: We know, that’s why we came to see you. Danger excites us. We know that after you had a confrontation with Mike Williams, he ended up dead. You know, the custom’s officer. Could it be that he knew something about your operation that you did not want him to know?

ANATOLY: What operation?

SHAWN: Could it be that the twenty kilograms of heroine that are to be delivered in three days were discovered by Mike?

ANATOLY: How do you know this? That’s not supposed to come in for a week. Who told you?

GUS: You just did!

SHAWN: Busted!!!!

ANATOLY: You guys are dead. You tricked me. You and that Notary. Ugh… Now we play a little game. Put this gun to your head and pull trigger, otherwise my boys kills you.

SHAWN: He, this guy wants us to play Russian Roulette.

GUS: It’s not Russian Roulette unless the gun is a six shooter with one bullet in it. You don’t know how many bullets are in the gun.

SHAWN: Well if you don’t know how many bullets are in the gun, then it is Ukranian Show Down.

GUS: There’s no such thing as Ukranian Show Down!

SHAWN: Yes there is, I was reading about this online.

GUS: But, it’s not the same thing if someone has a gun to your head. Technically it’s still Russian Roulette

SHAWN: Is not!

GUS: Is too, and that’s a far cry away from Siberian roulette which is a very different variation…

ANATOLY: ENOUGH!!!!!!! You two are idiots. But, you will be dead soon. Put gun to head… absolutnye idiot!!! Suca blatt!!!

(ring-ring)

SHAWN: Hey Woody, what’s up?

WOODY: It turns out that Mike was not murdered after all. He was a drug addict and he overdosed on regular morphene. There are no other drugs in his system. Unless the killer knew he took morphene and wanted to make it look like an overdose.

SHAWN: Woody, we’re being held at gunpoint here, now is not a good time to….

ANATOLY: Enough!!!

SHAWN: We just found out that you are not the killer.

ANATOLY: I kill you any way.

(meanwhile Carlton Lassiter called for back up)

(HUGE CRASH — SBPD busts in)

LASSITER: Put your hands in the air. We have the place surrounded.

JULIET: No not you Shawn. Get over here.

SHAWN: Sorry, just an instinctive reflex.

NOTARY: Oh my God, look at all of the commotion. I would like to report that man. He is a very bad man and has a fake ID.

SHAWN: Oh, can you notarize something for Woody? An Affidavit of Autopsy?

NOTARY: I would, but my journal is being confiscated by the Secretary of State. They want to know about the criminal I notarized earlier today and also they think I am not keeping proper records.

JULIET: Let me see this… Oh my God? You didn’t put the document date? Such sloppy work. No wonder you are in trouble.

SHAWN: Hey Juliet, you aren’t supposed to look at that. It is under the exclusive care of the notary and must be kept under lock and key.

GUS: How come you know so much about Notary work.

SHAWN: I read, plus it’s always been an interest of mine. I heard that Notaries get to do jobs for interesting characters, many of whom are criminals like Johnny that British bloke we visited in jail.

GUS: The one who you imitated who knows where you live.

SHAWN: Good point. Maybe I should just stick to what I’m doing. And a tip for the Notary. Don’t go immediately home after this.

NOTARY: Why not, are Anatoly’s guys following me?

GUS: I think they are following all of us.

.

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September 15, 2017

Psych Notary Episode

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (very),Popular Overall,Sit-Coms — Tags: — admin @ 11:54 pm

There is a sit-com on Ion television that you can sometimes get on other cable stations called Psych. It’s about a psychic Shawn Spencer and his sidekick Burton Guster. In any case, the psychic is a fake half the time who sees real clues that nobody else saw him see and then pretends to have a vision.

In this episode, a Notary is found dead and his stamp is found missing. The detectives arrive on the scene.

LASSITER: The body is dead — and it’s cold. It could have been lying here for a good seven to ten hours in my estimate. The cause of death seems unclear.

JULES: Let’s take the body to the lab and see if there is any sign of food poisoning. The victim seems to be a Notary Public, and you know how those type of people are — you know — eating on the road on the run.

SHAWN: You’re right. He might have eaten a poisoned fish filet or….wait a second, I’m getting something… (puts his right two fingers to his head) This MAN, did not die from accidental food poisoning (pause)… he was murdered.

LASSITER: You and your unsubstantiated hunches. I just can’t stand it. And what’s worse is that you’re right more than half the time.

SHAWN: Some people say that I’m talented. Oh, and I’m sorry about your tragic breakup.

LASSITER: Yeah… so am I. I really fell for her.

SHAWN: Don’t despair Lassie, there are other fish in the sea… and coral, particularly Staghorn coral.. and sometimes Pillar coral, and it really sucks when that filmy type of algae gets stuck on the coral.. hmmm. I wonder how that happens. But, I digress. My point is that I’m sure you’ll find someone else.

GUS: Yeah… You’ll find someone. Algae on coral? Ain’t no algae on coral.

SHAWN: I’ve seen it. At least half a dozen times.

GUS: Where?

SHAWN: Snorkeling

GUS: Since when do you snorkel?

SHAWN: I snorkel… Why, you didn’t think I snorkeled? I’m a snorkeler. And I can communicate with fish too. Watch this (puts face near the fish tank and blows bubbles in the air) bubble bubble bubble… See. I told you. I am all about the sea.

JULES: Well, we’ll have to inspect the scene thoroughly and then round up some suspects. Hmm. It seems that this man is a Notary, yet his Notary seal seems to be missing. Perhaps this Notary was murdered to cover up a botched notarization.

LASSITER: Or perhaps the Notary had an exclusive contract with his boss, and his boss found out….

SHAWN: That the Notary was cheating on him… I think you’re projecting, Lassie. Your ex-girlfriend.

LASSITER: She never cheated on me! She was arrested for conspiracy.

SHAWN: Sure she didn’t. I understand. We need to know who the last one who was in the room was — and that man (or woman) will be… the killer.

GUS: What if there were two of them.

SHAWN: Okay… I’m getting something. (puts right fingers to side of head). I know who the killer is… or should I say… “Killizz”

LASSITER: According to this security footage, a well known gangster named Tommy Walker was the last man to come here.

SHAWN: Wait a second, I recognize those finger tattoos. Put them all together, one one hand is says love, and on the other hand’s fingers it says hate. And mom told me not to use four letter words. The killer had a document missing a page and the Notary refused to sign it. So, the killer murdered the Notary, stole the Notary’s stamp and backdated the notarization so that it would APPEAR to have been done long before the murder even though it would not be recorded until after because of some last minute travel arrangements gone bad.

JULES: How do you come up with this?

SHAWN: I have a natural gift.

(Meanwhile the main suspect Tommy Walker, a hardened criminal is at home eating fruit loops and watching the muffets when our dynamic team of sleuths barges in)

LASSITER: (pointing gun) You’re under arrest for the Murder of John Q Smith, Notary Public at large.

TOMMY: I didn’t kill him. He just died shortly after our Notary appointment.

SHAWN: Ah-ha, but your Notary appointment yielded no actual notarization. Or did it. Wait a second… I”m getting something (see’s notarized form in the bag) I see a … win a trip for two to Disney Land…

GUS: Shawn!

SHAWN: Oh, sorry, no… check right behind the Disneyland document and you will find the incriminating document. Yes… A falsified Power of Attorney with a classic missing page… The NNA warns people about that type of situation.

JULES: Oh my God Shawn. You’re right. This Notarization was dated several days ago, but the ink is still fresh.

SHAWN: Caught… in the act. And… we happen to have access to this Notary’s Notary journal which has no record of your transaction on May 5th, “el cinco de Mayo” of the Power of Attorney in question. Which proves that either the Notary kept lousy records, or that you faked the notarization. We’ll have to take the form to the lab so that Woody can inspect the ink for aging.

TOMMY: Okay, I did it. I stole the Notary’s seal, but I didn’t kill him. The killer

SHAWN: Or “Killizz”

TOMMY: is STILL at large. We’ll have to wait for the autopsy. In the mean time… hello travelocity.

JULES: Not so fast. We have the right to detain you until we resolve this.

GUS: Good thing this Notary kept good records because many Notaries on 123notary don’t think they need to keep a journal since their state doesn’t require it. And the ones in California who are required, don’t understand that each document and signature require their own journal entry. You can’t just put them all on the same line and expect that to be a legal record.

SHAWN: How do you know all this?

GUS: Because I used to be a commissioned Notary Public for the state of California, County of Santa Barbara — thank you very much for asking.

SHAWN: Oh cool, so can you notarize my stuffed penguin I’ve had since childhood?

GUS: You never had a stuffed penguin.

SHAWN : Did too, you just never saw it.

GUS: Where did you keep it?

LASSITER: Gentlemen, let’s be done with this inconsequential rambling and get to the task at hand. We need to take Tommy into custody and then question him. Meanwhile, we need to see Woody to see what the autopsy reveals.

WOODY: Hmmm, I’ve checked the body thoroughly and it seems that the Notary was administered a tiny amount of poison that would make him drowsy for just the amount of time it would take Tommy to borrow the Notary’s seal, stamp a document, return the seal and then leave. Tommy probably figured the Notary wouldn’t suspect a thing. HOWEVER, since the Notary had an allergy to some of the chemicals in the poison, the Notary died on the spot. Although the death was accidental, the poisoning was not.

LASSITER: Involuntary manslaughter. Tommy will get a much shorter sentence. A petty crime gone wrong.

SHAWN: Couldn’t the Notary die on an x, or on a dotted line instead of on the spot. Wouldn’t that be cooler.

GUS: Shawn! A notary can’t die on an x marks the spot. That’s ridiculous. He could die on a chair.

SHAWN: Or a gezebo. Or … wait a second, or a pagoda. But, that would probably only be a Japanese Notary.

GUS: Unless it was an American tourist Notary who was on vacation in a place where there are pagodas.

SHAWN: True, but would the American Notary carry their seal with them to Osaka to a pagoda and then just die there?

GUS: I don’t know. But, the Notary seal might drop out of his bag while he was bowing. When Americans bow, they bow too low. Japanese bow just a little bit — just the right amount.

SHAWN: How do you know so much about bowing?

GUS: I studied Hokkaido style karate — that is how I know. And if you studied that too, the knowledge would come from within you.

SHAWN: Right now the only thing coming from within me is an intense desire to eat a pineapple. Wanna share one?

GUS: Okay!

LASSITER: You guys are both insane. But, we cracked the case and we can all go home now, except for Tommy who’s going to do some real time.

SHAWN: Yes, unless he also finds a way to backdate his prison sentence!

.

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April 15, 2015

A psycho client goes nuts on me today!

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 12:51 pm

When new clients sign up on 123notary.com, I give them a welcome call. Part of the reason I do this is to make people feel that they are being taken care of and helped. The other reason is to figure out if there are any dysfunctional phone numbers or psychotic people.

It was a routine call. I started by welcoming the Tennessee Notary aboard our site. She was all happy because this was her Christmas present. I had no idea what she was talking about. Then, I learned that her sister had purchased this notary listing for her as a gift. In any case, after asking her a few routine questions, I learned that she did not have a laser printer. I tried to tell her that having a laser printer and studying loan signing from one of the agencies that offers courses would help her do loan signing.

She said I was putting words in her mouth and didn’t need to do loan signing because she was making tons of money doing other types of notarizations and got all hostile towards me. She happened to be listed twice, and I called her a second time by accident. This time she was even more hostile. She demanded her money back and I asked her to have the person who purchased the listing email me about a refund. I had to remove her from our site since she is a menace to the public. Then she called me twice and left messages. What a nut.

I very rarely have to remove people from 123notary for being hostile or crazy. This only happens once per year. But, boy am I glad that I can protect the public from crazy people. In any case, the call after hers was to an ex-CIA agent turned notary. I had to ask him about the whole “The Interview” scandal and Kim Jong-Un. He didn’t like how cowardly the cinemas were acting and neither did I.

.

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January 28, 2011

Notary Psychic Tarot Card Reading

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 8:18 am

A Notary went to see a Notary Psychic to learn how to do his job better and see what was in store for him. Here is what happened…

NOTARY: Hello. I want to know my future.

CLARA: Spoiler alert: You die.

NOTARY: My nearer future!

CLARA: I predict you are willing to pay $50 cash for this information.

NOTARY: Umm…. I’ll have to pay in you ones because I was planning on going to a strip club and then changed my mind at the last minute.

CLARA: Don’t expect me to give you a lap dance. I’ll reciprocate by stripping off the veil to your future.

NOTARY: Actually I think it’s more like a burka, but that’s fine. So, will I get many Notary clients?

CLARA: Hold on, I am looking into crystal ball. Actually I do not need ball for this one. You must to spend a few hundred to get top spot on 123notary in your local area plus have amazing notes section and many reviews from satisfied clients who tipped you with one dollar bills.

NOTARY: Okay, writing this down… Can you tell me what will happen to me this week?

CLARA: Okay, I use Notary tarot cards… Hold on… I must meditate on this. Okay… this first card has an upside down Notary seal. It indicates that something dubious will happen. Keep eyes open for fake ID from client, especially if he’s teenager asking you to buy him booze. Or is Russian client and I have many of those. But, if you have Russian client refer them to me — they spend mint on psychics.

NOTARY: Interesting. How did you get your name?

CLARA: I am Clara because I am Clara-Voyant.

NOTARY: I should have known. Then again, I’m not clairvoyant.

CLARA: I knew that. Now I get Notary Gypsy card. Notary Gypsy sees future and past, but cannot make sense of the present. This means you will be confused at present-day Notary job, who you did good work for in the past, but will give the client great advice for their future.

NOTARY: I had a client like that last week. As for my clients in the present, too confusing. What about next month?

CLARA: Let’s see. Oh… I got the commission expiration card. That means something in your career will end, but something new will begin. Maybe you’ll stop using SnapDocs and pass the 123notary certification test that you have been procrastinating about for the last several months.

NOTARY: Oh yeah, I keep procrastinating about meaning to do that. Can you look in your ball too?

CLARA: Yes. I think Coca-Cola stock will go up 2 points next week, but it’s not like I have a crystal ball… ooops, actually I do have a crystal ball — forgot! Okay, I am seeing an ancestor of yours who was a Notary in Slovakia. He wishes to guide you in your career. Ooops, it’s actually someone else’s ancestor. Damn this cheap crystal. That’s the last time I bid for a used crystal on ebay! Okay, I use my old crystal from Russia, it’s cracked, but Gypsies use it for generations. Just never mind crack on left. Okay! You will sign a Power of Attorney.

NOTARY: Duh, you don’t have to be a psychic to know that!

CLARA: I predicted you’d say that. You were a Notary in a past life in Japan. It’s the last time someone bowed to you… Wait… Wait… I’m seeing something else. You worked for the court of the emperor and pleased him. He made you to very high position. It is your destiny to rise to high position in this life too as a result of past life karma.

NOTARY: Oh! What kind of high position will I get?

CLARA: Hold on… I am seeing Attorneys… Yes… Attorneys with lots of money… and lots of power.. Wait a second, isn’t that what I just said. Power of Attorney.

NOTARY: No, you said Power of Attorney, but now you are saying Powerful Attorneys.

CLARA: What is difference?

NOTARY: Let me use your tarot card deck. Oh, what a surprise. I got the Notary card with a seal stamping a document that says, “It’s time to learn English, honey!”

.

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January 5, 2011

Psychically channeling Putin for Notary advice

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , — admin @ 10:15 am

I run a Notary directory, but I also know how to channel spirits and living entities. I might not be great at it, but get great business advice from doing exactly that. But, I decided to channel Putin as he is a very strategic guy. Here is how the channeling interview went.

JEREMY: Hello, Mr. Putin, how are things?

PUTIN: eh.. okay!

JEREMY: I wanted to ask you a few things about the Notary industry. You see, in America which seems intent on disintegrating into a third world country as fast as possible, we have some backwards things going on in the Notary industry.

PUTIN: Yes, tell me…

JEREMY: Well, you know during the cold war in Russia, you would hire someone to clean the gutter, and someone else to watch the guy cleaning the gutter, and a third guy to watch the guy watching the guy who was cleaning the gutter, etc. The problem was that the government pretended to pay, and the workers pretended to work. Communism might function better as an economic model if people had a reason to get up in the morning.

PUTIN: Have you tried Russian coffee?

JEREMY: No, is that a reason to get up in the morning?

PUTIN: No, it is a reason to not get up in the morning. It’s horrible. Stick with Starbucks double shots. Yummy.

JEREMY: I think you should drink one while riding a horse without a shirt on. That image works for you.

PUTIN: Thanks. I take pride in being shirtless, among other things.

JEREMY: Yes, it looks good, plus you rack up a lot less of a laundry bill.

PUTIN: Oh, I don’t have to worry about that. The government pays mine.

JEREMY: Oh, well in that case, maybe you should wear two shirts simultaneously. Or wear one, and then immediately change into another.

PUTIN: Yes, I tried that. That reminds me of a line from Coming To America, where the African king said, “I once tied my own shoes… I assure you that the experience is over-rated.”

JEREMY: Good point. In any case, The Notary divisions are not watching the Notaries, except a little in California. And nobody is watching the Notary divisions. If we had an effective set of checks and balances, who should watch the Notary divisions which are state run?

PUTIN: The Feds.

JEREMY: And who should watch the Feds?

PUTIN: We should.

JEREMY: So, if there is a problem in a Notary division, will you write a letter to your pal Donald?

PUTIN: Actually, we did, but we did not get paid due to budget cuts. I blame it on the Republican party.

JEREMY: So our government pretends to pay you and you pretend to watch them?

PUTIN: No, we watch them, we just don’t provide services with the information we get when we watch them. But, we try to learn military secrets and find out who is cheating on their wives.

JEREMY: What a comforting thought — not. But, last month, I had a dream that someone in the CIA was concerned that you were not spying on them enough. Fred at the CIA got so concerned in fact that he wrote you a letter asking you if something was wrong.

PUTIN: Oh, yes, well , um, we do our best. You cannot ask for more than that.

JEREMY: Good point. In any case, my opinion on your idea to slowly grow your empire is as follows. Taking over Ukraine will cause tremendous unrest. And what’s the point? It is just another place just like the seemingly infinite land you already have. It might better to save your money and just buy a Greek island. They are broke and could use the money, and you guys could use a place that is warm.

PUTIN: Yes, but that would not involve a show of force, so where is the pleasure in that?

JEREMY: Well maybe you could have some other type of controversy with the Greeks about their debts where you could strong-arm them and show your superiority without any actual violence.

PUTIN: Actually, I like that. I will think about that. I am a little distracted. My friend is teaching some Shostakovich to his child in the next room. He keeps saying, “No, no, even though it sounds wrong, it’s still not right.”

.

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January 18, 2019

Notary Etiquette 104 — Miscellaneous

Filed under: Etiquette — Tags: — admin @ 10:32 pm

MISCELLANEOUS NOTARY ETIQUETTE TIPS
Return to Table of Contents for – Notary Etiquette 104

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1. Don’t sell people’s signatures or personal information.
It is bad manners and possibly illegal, and definitely unethical to sell or distribute anyone’s private information.

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2. Don’t second guess family relationships.
I once thought the wife was the guy’s mother. Oops!

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3. Handling criticism
Notaries can get very rude or defensive if criticized. The psychology of a Notary is one who claims they know everything when in reality they typically know about 30% of what they need to know and manage to get by with this sub-minimal knowledge. If you make a mistake and someone calls you out on it, don’t argue, just try to understand what you did wrong or allegedly did wrong and learn from that experience. I sometimes quiz Notaries by phone and they get very hostile when I tell them they made a mistake. You won’t learn to be smarter or impress your clients by getting belligerent when criticized — treat it like a learning experience and it might just better you.

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4. When to call the Lender
Some Notaries will call the lender if they don’t know if they should sneeze or not. Calling the lender can end up in a forty minute phone call. You will have trouble getting out of the house where the signing takes place if you call the lender. So, only call if you absolutely have to. In the 30 point course on our blog we have a chapter all about when to call the lender and when not to.

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5. Is it rude to ask for a thumbprint?
This is a topic of debate and even hostility with the Notaries. For your safety you need to take thumbprints. But, many Notaries think that it is not only unnecessary but bad to take a thumbprint because what if you offend someone? I am more concerned with what happens if an imposter drains the equity in someone’s house, the Notary ends up in court for two months without pay, and someone goes to jail. To me that scenario weights a lot more heavily than if someone is offended because you ask them for a journal thumbprint. If the FBI is investigating you because you notarized an identity thief, the falsified information, fake name, fake ID, and fake serial number from the ID will lead the FBI nowhere and they can name you as a suspect in a conspiracy and you could end up in huge trouble. A thumbprint could save your life, so take it seriously.

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6. The document is not in English
You need to refer to your state’s notary laws. Many states will allow you to notarize a document in a foreign language providing the signer understands what they are signing. If you are going to upset someone by saying no to a transaction, make sure you have the right to turn down the transaction before you ruin their day.

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7. Notarizing the elderly
If you are notarizing people who are very old, or in a hospital, ask them some polite questions about current events. Make sure they know who they are, what the document means, and if they know who is in the White House these days. Some people are out of it, so find a nice way to drill them a little bit.

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8. Rude posts on social media
If you think that nobody is reading your social media posts, think again. There are a lot of very hostile and psychotic Notaries out there who are bashing all types of Notary companies including our own. This is rude and belligerent behavior. Many title companies will not hire Notaries who are involved in this type of behavior.

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9. Being obstinate about answering questions.
When companies ask Notaries Notary questions, many Notaries do not want to answer. They feel they are professionals and therefore should not be questioned. The sad reality is that most Notaries do not have a solid notary knowledge and that is why those questions are a necessity. So, be polite and just answer a few questions without trying to wiggle out of it.

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10. Answer emails and phone messages fast.
Keeping people waiting is very rude. Try to get back to people as soon as possible.

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October 31, 2018

Jeremy’s visit to hell

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:08 am

I asked my guru if I could see heaven.
He said that a person’s spiritual condition dictates whether or not they can be let into heaven. After 25 years of meditation, that is not enough. So, for the rest of you who do not engage in regular tything and devoted prayer multiple times a day, heaven is definitely out of the question. But, you will likely end up in Notary Purgatory where your commission will never expire. I wanted to see the mansions, the halls of records, or at least something that looks like heaven. Sylvia Brown and Jesus hyped the place up and got me all curious. Hmm.

Is there Starbucks in heaven?
If I could live in heaven I would want a mansion to share with some nice people in a huge network of gardens where I could get my divine Starbucks without getting in a car. I would want lots of hiking and things to do. My last request for heaven would be Notaries who administer Oaths, and administer them correctly. However, in heaven, people are honest which defeats the whole purpose of having Notaries in the first place. Hmm once again.

The evil spirits
An angel named Michael recruited me and taught me how to fight evil spirits. Every time I go to Arizona, the evil spirits harass me and do damage to my psychological state, my nervous system, and try to intimidate me as well using their methods. Unfortunately I am able to sense these evil entities and have been since about 2005. The evil spirits did some temporary brain damage to me in 2009 which resulted in severe paranoia, but did not affect my work. In 2016 I started receiving training on how to fight evil spirits. Since I am able to see when nobody else can that is 80% of the battle right there. It is called astral vision (look it up in your astral dictionary.) In late 2017 after a trip to central Eastern Arizona which is littered with BBQ joints and evil spirits who would love to make burnt ends out of me, I was marked. Being marked by evil spirits involves them dumping a bucket of astral matter on your head and body. This subtle matter makes you visible to spirits from far away like a homing beacon. These spirits would otherwise not notice me. In any case, I was being bombarded with spirits night and day. I was waking up in the middle of the night in terror. It is hard to fight back when you are so out of it that you see blurry and are not at all on the ball. In any case, the angels decided that the attacks were good for my learning to fight back, but they would end this by disguising me astrally which worked for the most part. But, before I was disguised, the angels had to escort me to a place that I had never been.

Hell
Hell is a place that Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus and Buddhists all believe in. Their ideas about hell might vary, and Buddhists believe in multiple heavens and hells. I think that the Buddhist version is still overly simplified as humans don’t really know how many realms of existence there are in the astral plains.

In any case, I was expecting to see the bosses of corrupt signing companies having a party with all the money they saved from not paying people. This was not the case. There must be a separate hell for them. In any case, during my sleep, some angels decided that I needed a quick visit to hell. So, I went in my spirit body and descended down by floating while being escorted by the protection of angels. Here is what I saw.

There were 50 foot tall conical trellises that got wider as they got higher. These conical structures were made of poles that were covered with embers and littered with human souls that were confined to this inferno. The trellises were open on the top and you could float in, but attached to the ember ridden ground at the bottom. The ground was covered with reddish-black embers and hills as far as I could see into the horizon.

The purpose of the visit was to get “marked” with some of the astral smell or vibration by the boss of the evil spirits who were bothering me. This boss lived on the other side in hell, but had command of spirits on earth. Sounds scary. It is similar to gang bosses who are in jail yet call the shots as to who gets hit.

Afterwards
After I woke up the following morning I had to call the psychic to figure out what had happened and the angels explained it to me. Being marked with a subtle impression of the most evil entities sent a message out to the other evil spirits not to mess with me. It’s a little like wearing gang colors, or spending enough time in a bad neighborhood until you have their vibration and callousness. The spirits bothered me a lot less after my visit to hell which was only about half a minute. I have not been back since, and hope I never see the place again. Since them, the angels tried a much more reliable strategy of shielding me from the evil spirits by cloaking me astrally which was 99% effective (until I visited Riverside, CA for Mexican food.)

My message to Notaries is that heaven and hell are real. you might never see them in your physical incarnations, but they exist. And if you don’t do a good job as a Notary you might end up in Notary hell where demons burn you alive every day for all the sins you committed as Notaries Public. I’m not sure what happens to bad Secretaries of State who let Notaries run wild doing illegal things, but they might join you in Notary Hell.

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You might also like:

Notary Hell… “Yeah, but its’ a dry heat.”

Notary Hell – “Yeah, but it’s a dry heat”

Compilation of posts about Notary heaven, hell and purgatory

Notary comedy articles about Heaven & Hell

What are Jeremy’s favorite Blog entries?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18837

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October 21, 2018

Index of best comedy posts from 2015 to present.

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts — admin @ 11:49 pm

THESE POSTS ARE IN ORDER OF QUALITY AND POPULARITY

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COMPILATION

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Best Virtual Notary Comedy Compliation!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15957

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NEW

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George Lopez Notary Public
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19889

Psych Notary Episode
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19397

Heard of PC? What about Notarily Correct?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19463

Vietnam War Notaries — A POA for a POW.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19445

Notary guest speaker gets harrassed by students
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19700

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POPULAR

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Notaries in cars getting coffee
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18945

Disney Notary World
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18880
Jane the Virgin Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14899

Trump – Making American Notaries Great Again
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17023

Black Notaries vs. White Notaries: The Notary Manual (link a string)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19322

How Carmen dealt with some Alt-Right customers
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19092

Notary with Tourettes Syndrome
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18999

The Noterator
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19116

Sharktank — self driving Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19104

Notarization on the Steve Harvey Show
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13704

Notary Hell — yeah, but it’s a dry heat
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13196

Notary aptitude test 2
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17065

A Notary from Florida travels to India
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19636

Shark Tank — 123notary wants to sell 10% of its shares
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16021

Notary speaker offends college students
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19395

Are you a Yes-tary or a No-tary?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16626

Shark Tank — Notary Escrow Pal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16009

Can I bring my 12 year old to a signing?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15885

How Notary work is similar to online dating!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

Welcome to the Notary Zoo!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15994

You know you’re a Notary when…
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

Notarization in The Trang
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19652

Your highness or my highness? Notaries in the age of pot
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19256

Notary Ed similar to Driver’s Education
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19132

Notary Psychic Tarot Card Reading
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19126

What’s your sign? Notary horoscopes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19001

Notarizing Jeff Sessions on Torture
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19296

Byron Allen Notary Hot Chocolate!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19343

The Mafia Notary with the violin case and wine
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19280

Flashpoint — Notary job for a hostage with a multimillion dollar contract
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18798

Noternity Court
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14091

Notary space station — in space, nobody can hear you sign!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18920

The Notary Train
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18928

Honey, you can kiss my app!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14902

Can you sign in your sleep? What would that be like?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18874

When someone doesn’t have ID — new approaches
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15284

The Mayan rescission calendar
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15096

A new acknowledgment form for transgender people
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19658

Pulling the plug — a Notary story
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13722

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