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March 31, 2017

Secretary of State hacked by Russians!

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts — Tags: , , — admin @ 8:06 am

Some of the Russian mischief-makers who allegedly hacked the election were fresh out of school and hacked the California Secretary of State’s Notary Division by accident, because their English not incredible good. These hackers deleted the files of a handful of prominent Notaries statewide making them “ghost Notaries.” Their commissions were real, but there were no database records anymore. Fortunately, the Sec of State keeps backup records in paper for every Notary in the state, so with much labor, they were able to recreate their records.

On a more humorous note, Hillary Trump became a commissioned California Notary when she is not even a resident here. Considering California gave her a huge popular vote win, she thought it was the least she could do, then realized deleting her acknowledgment certificates was the least she could do. Ivanka Trump became an eNotary due to the hacking attack. She was sorry the Russians didn’t hack off the “k” in her name while they were at it, but has learned to live with a weird one like “Ivanka.” If you call living in tacky gold overpriced real estate “living.” And Vladimir Putin got the control panels to approve residents with felonies to get commissioned as Notaries in exchange for some spying favors — and only if they say he looks buff with his shirt off riding a horse . What started out as a failed hacking attempt became a travesty of justice!

The official new rates for California Notarizations are:

Acknowledgments — 1 pint of vodka
Jurats — 2 pints, but you have to swear that it’s the best vodka in town.
Sworn Oaths — Just swear you can walk in a straight line — or sign in a straight line.
Depositions — You can’t drink in court, so we’ll stick to the $20, but payable in the equivalent amount of rubles.

Even the titles of common documents were renamed
Deed of Mistrust
Affidavit of non-Compliance
The Note
The Right to make people think you canceled
The affidavit of alleged shortage of available capital.

Additionally, the Russians thought they would help Trump by fraudulently changing the venue for the Great Wall of China to be on the U.S. / Mexico border and make Mexico pay for it.

That’s all for tonight. And remember that it is hip to be Red Square.

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